(In a beautiful green park, a man with glasses on sits underneath a tree sipping on his "Mudheiser" beer, beside his cooler filled with cans, when a man with an afro walks up.)
Man w/ Afro: Whaaazzup?!
Man w/ Glasses: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: *takes beer out of cooler and begins to drink*
(A man with braids "corn rows" walks up.)
Man w/ Braids: Whaazzup!?
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B: Whaazzup!? *gets a beer and drinks*
(A man with a football shows up and greets his friends.)
Man w/football: Whazzup!?
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A:Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B:Whaazzup!?
Mw/F: Whazzup!? *takes beer out of cooler and begns to drink*
(A beautiful woman walks by with big boobs covered in a tight white tank top. She has on red fingerless gloves and short black mini skirt and long brown hair pulled back from her face by a clip resting at the end of her hair.)
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B: Whaazzup!?
Mw/F: Whazzup!?
Woman: *sticks up an offending finger* Assholes. *walks away*
(A young blonde man with a preppy air about him walks up to our group.)
Preppy Man: What is up? *holds up hand for a high-five*
All: *glare*
P-Man: What is up, my boys? *tries to reach into cooler*
Mw/G: *slams cooler's lid down on P-Man's fingers* Whaaaazzup?
P-Man: *snatches back swolen fingers* ….heh…..heh… *leaves*
Mw/F: Whazzup?
Mw/B: *looks skyward* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzup!!!!!!!!!
(A cloaked figure with a large gleaming sword drops out of nowhere and stabs Man with Football through.)
Cloaked Man: Shut up! If you say that one more time…..
Mw/G: Whaaaazz--
Cloaked Man: *chops off Man with Glasses's head and proceeds to kill the rest of our men* I SAID, SHUT UP!!!!
(A small group of chocobos walks up to the cloaked man.)
Chocobo 1: Mud…..mud……mud….
Chocobo 2: beise…..beise…
Chocobo 3: er…..er…..
Chocobo 1: Mud..
Chocobo 2: beise…
Chocobo 3: er.
Cloaked Man: *glares* Don't you even start!!
(Fade to black.)
Announcer: Alright %$&#heads, sit down and shut the f*@% up! The show is starting and the annoying motha' on the front row better sit his pointy little ass down before I beat the s#%& outta him. Thank you. Now welcome back to this friggin' fic the Reunion Show: Round Three: The Knockout.
(Lights come up. Acire is seen sitting in a huge armchair, petting a small gray kitten, with a fiendish look on her face.)
Acire: Clap for the new announcer, Traylalanay "Punkin" Jones, the one relation between Cid Highwind and Barret Wallace. (Btw his nickname is pumpkin pronounced "Punkin")
(Audience claps.)
Author/Director: *still from off stage* I wanted to get Cid or Barret to be the announcer but I cannot own them so I found something better, their long lost cousin.
Punkin: Damn straight.
Acire: Exactly how are Barret and Cid related?
A/D & Punkin: You don't wanna know!
Acire: Ok…. Well, let's get down to business. Welcome my Master for a third and final time, Sephiroth, God and Lord of the Planet.
(Sephiroth enters looking nervous.)
Sephiroth: *sits next to Acire* What is it now? Not Cloud I hope.
Acire: No, Master. Please feel at ease…..or as at ease as you can with Cloud still in the studio doing who knows what to Yuffie…
Seph: *hyperventilates & begins to pass out*
Acire: Here *hands Seph the kitty* take Angel. She always seems to make you feel better.
Seph: *pats Angel the kitten* That is soothing. Thank you, young underling.
Acire: I knew that a kitten was a good present for an evil overlord. But anywho, Sephiroth, your parents were backstage arguing about your true father. So guess what time it is?
Audience: Time for…..the Wheel of Paternity!!!!!
(Hojo, Vincent, Lucretia, and Jenova enter bringing in a large wheel of fortune type wheel, mounted vertically on a roll out wall. The panels say: "Hojo/Lucretia," "Hojo/Jenova," "Vincent/Lucretia," "Vincent/Jenova," "Jenova," "Lucretia," and "Hojo.")
Hojo: Here Son, give her a spin!
Seph: NO!! NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!! *tries to run off stage but is stopped by two very big "men" dressed in all black* *they throw Seph back on stage*
Acire: Sorry, Master. I guess I didn't warn you about the security guards the Author/Director installed. Meet the twins, Randy and Brandy.
All: Brandy?!!
Acire: Yeah, she's really buff.
All: *sweatdrop*
Acire: I know….misplaced testosterone but just spin the wheel, Sephiroth.
Seph: *slowly approaches the wheel* Hey! *stops* Why aren't some people paired up?
Vincent: Well, you could have been cloned completely. Lucretia, also could have gone through a complete virgin birth.
Acire: *snickers* *giggles* *guffaws* *and finally bursts out laughing* Virgin, yeah right!!
Vincent: *sighs* Would you stop talking about my lovely Lucretia?
Acire: Need I remind you that one of those panels says "Hojo/Lucretia?"
Vincent: Um…no. I'm rooting for the virgin birth theory.
Jenova: *waves tentacles* Spin the wheel, puppet!
(Acire, Seph, Lucretia, and Vincent all hear the high pitched whine and fall to the ground clutching their heads in pain.)
A/D: Would you NOT hypnotize or mesmerize my guests into submission?! That's my job!
Jenova: Fine…*stops*
(All return back to normal….or as normal as they can be…..)
Acire: Spin the damn wheel!
Seph: *like a two-year old* Alright, just let me do it! *spins wheel*
(Wheel spins for a few second and lands directly between "Hojo/Jenova" and "Vincent/Lucretia.")
All: *sweatdrop*
Seph: What in the hell?! *spins the wheel again*
(Same thing happens. It lands between "Hojo/Jenova" and "Vincent/Lucretia.")
Acire: WTF!?
All: *look to Lucretia*
Lucretia: What did I do?!
Jenova: You are a super slut aren't you?
Lucretia: *tears up* I didn't do anything…*cries to Vincent*
Vincent: *pulls away* Just don't touch me…. You have touched enough THINGS in your lifetime…
Lucretia: *cries to Hojo*
Hojo: *pulls away* Um….no.
Lucretia: *cries to Seph*
Seph: Don't touch me, WOMAN!! *pulls away* I don't know where you have been!
Lucretia: *cries to Acire*
Acire: *pulls away* I know where you have been and that's the problem!
Lucretia: *turns to Jenova*
Jenova: *waves tentacles*
Lucretia: I'm not that desperate…*sobs*
Jenova: Bitch…
Acire: Well, at least that settled one thing: Lucretia IS a whore…
Lucretia: That is so cruel.
Acire: *bows* Thank you.
Seph: *whines like a 2-yr old* But I still don't know who my mommy and daddy are!! *sucks thumb*
Acire: *whispers to Vincent* I think that he blew a fuse…
Vincent: *whispers* After Nibleheim, I thought that there was nothing left to blow.
Acire: *snickers*
Jenova: *whispers* I thought that he was screwed up before I got to him…
Hojo: *whispers* Don't blame all of that on me!
Lucretia: *whispers* Why in the hell are we whispering?
Acire: *glares* I guess that it is time for our next and last segment: The Shin-Ra Water Cooler. Brandy, Randy, please escort Lucretia, Vincent, Jenova and my master out of here. I'm sorry to say it but: Hojo you can stay. *shudders*
Hojo: Yes! I am popular at last!
Acire: No, you just work at Shin-Ra and the A/D made me do it.
Hojo: That is good enough for me.
(Randy & Brandy come out and grab Lucretia and Vincent. Seph runs and hides behind Acire's recliner.)
Seph: NO!! I wanna stay out here and play with the kitty! *pets Angel*
Acire: *sigh* Fine, Master. You may stay…..
Jenova: *slithers away* Thank God, that this is over.
Lucretia: Why must I go?! I was in Shin-Ra and so was Vincent!
Vincent: This nightmare must end at one time or another…and now is as good a time as any. Goodbye.
(Vincent, Lucretia, and Jenova are carted off stage.)
Acire: Now that the trash has been sent to the recycle bin….welcome Rufus Shin-Ra, Scarlet Rouge, Heidegger Hardihar, Reeve Smith, Palmer Dumass, and the Turks: Tseng, Reno, Rude, and Elena. And I'll apologize for the A/D's lack of creativity on the last names.
A/D: Hey!! I thought that Heidegger's was funny….
(The Shin-Ra gang come out on stage. Sitting order is Rufus, Scarlet, Heidegger, Reeve, Hojo, and Palmer. The Turks: Tseng, Rude, Reno, and Elena are standing behind their superiors as Reno leans drunkenly on Rude.)
Rufus: *looks at audience and does the hair flick*
Audience: *swoons*
Rufus: I love fan girls….
Scarlet: I am your fan girl…*cuddles up to him*
Rufus: Get off me, whore….
Heidegger: Gyh ha ha ha ha!
Rufus: Stop that dammed horse laugh, you fat bastard! *shakes head* Why did my father hire such idiots?
Palmer: *looking around* I thought that someone said that there would be food out here…..Where is the food?
Rufus: *points at Palmer* See what I mean?
Acire: There must have been some kind of workers shortage that year….
Rufus: It seems more like an intelligence shortage to me.
Hojo: Obviously you cannot be referring to the greatest scientific mind of this century…..
Rufus: Yes….the greatest scientific mind that mistook an evil alien for an Ancient, killed off most of his experiments, and threw away his most viable project, that oversexed fool, Cloud.
Hojo: Well……I….uh….
Rufus: Just don't say anything, you moron.
Hojo: *mutters* Well at least I am a brilliant moron…
Acire: I have a feeling that you people could go on forever with the insults so I guess I'd better stop you and start the segment. Ok…since we were on secret crushes in the earlier segment….we have a few to reveal here.
Rufus: *hair flick & fan girls swoon* I already know that Scarlet wants me. Let's now move on.
Acire: Well you ruined that but she's not the only one.
Rufus: Elena too? *hair flick & swoon* I am hot.
Acire: One more…..
Rufus: @_@ One more?! But all of the rest are……*looks at his employees*…..men……
Acire: Yep.
Rufus: *sweatdrop* Let us just move on please.
Acire: Ok. I'll just tell you.
Rufus: NO! *covers his ears*
Acire: I'll spell it…..T……
Rufus: *singsong* La-la-la-la-la! I can't hear you!
Acire: …..S….E…..N….G! Tseng!!
Tseng: *turns beet red*
Rude: *takes a few steps to the side*
Elena: *sniff* No wonder he never showed up for our date…..
Tseng: Elena…..I was dead. And it wasn't a date. I was going to ask you if you thought Rufus and I would make a cute couple and if you wanted to go shopping with me. I took Rude one time but he has no fashion sense. I mean who balds their head nowadays. Long hair is in! Uh…nevermind. *blushes again*
Rufus: *uncovers ears* Is the gayness over?
Acire: I think so….
Reno: *sings drunkenly* 100 bottles of beer on the wall. 100 bottles of beer. When I came in the bar I drank them all….now there are no bottles of beer on the wall! *falls down*
Scarlet: That was surprisingly painless…..
Hojo: ……and accurate.
Reeve: *raises his hand, timidly* Can I reveal my crush now?
Rufus: Is it directed towards me?
Reeve: No, sir.
Rufus: Is it homosexual in anyway?
Reeve: No…contrary to popular belief.
Rufus: Then continue. *hair flick*
Tseng: *swoons*
Rufus: *shudders*
Scarlet: It is not me, is it? I told you that I was just doing you a favor…..for gil….only once….
Hojo: Oh, yes! Haven't you ever heard never fall in love with a whore! Muwah ha ha ha!!
Heidegger: She already has the red dress and I gave her the red light for her office on her birthday. Gyha ha ha ha!
Reeve: But….I like Elena…..
Rufus: The ditz?
Elena: I graduated first in my class thank you very much!
Reeve: I just knew that you were smart like me! *blushing* So…..do you wanna…..maybe…..
Scarlet: Spank me like the naughty little boy I am!!! Kya ha ha ha ha!
Reeve: *blushes profusely* You promised never to tell!! *runs off stage crying*
Rufus: Pansy….
Tseng: You rang, gorgeous?
Rufus: *face vault*
Acire: *shakes head and sighs* Anything else?
Rufus: God, I hope not… *gets back up slowly*
(A small gray kitten AKA Angel comes running across the stage being chased by Sephiroth.)
Sephy: *child-like voice* Come back, kitty!
(Kitten runs and hides under Scarlet's chair.)
Scarlet: *screams* Get that little thing away from me?!! *jumps on top of chair*
Hojo: What, Scarlet? You afraid that the little helpless feline will have a sudden craving for fish?
Kitten: Mew?!
Sephy: *gets on hands and knees and reaches for the kitten but gets distracted by the view from above*
Scarlet: *snatches skirt down and closes her legs* Stop that!
Rufus: You aren't giving out freebies? *snickers*
Sephy: You know your hair is the same color as Angel's….
All: *sweatdrop*
Heidegger: Gray pubes…..Gyha ha ha ha!
(A shot rings out and Heidegger falls out dead.)
Rufus: *blows smoke off of gun* I told you to stop that damned horse laugh….
All: *multiple sweatdrop*
Acire: Nice shot. Point blank though the temples. Wanna go out for a drink?
Rufus: My pleasure. *offers hand*
Acire: *takes it* But you're buying.
Rufus: *laughs* Not your favors, I hope?
Acire: I don't look like Scarlet do I?
Both: *laugh and walk off stage*
A/D: Hey! You can't do that! Who's gonna end the show?!
(Suddenly crashing and scuffling is heard backstage and Cloud come running out…..absolutely naked with the rod-shaped horny materia.)
Tseng: Now there's and end for you….a tight end…..*smiles and winks*
Cloud: *censored sign covers…um…parts* Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk…..materia….*strokes it* My precioussssss…..
A/D: Oh god….*sighs*
Sephy: *looks at Cloud and snaps out of it* YOU!!! *takes out Masamune and begins to chase Cloud offstage again* Come back here, puppet!!
A/D: Now that this thing is FINALLY over get the hell off my stage!!
All: *look dejected and file off quietly*
A/D: Now…that that is done…merry talk shows to all-
Sephy: *heard offstage* Oh no Cloud! I didn't mean it! Watch it with that materia you fool! That is an exit not an entrance!!
A/D: -and to all a GOOD NIGHT!
(Static)
Man w/ Afro: Whaaazzup?!
Man w/ Glasses: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: *takes beer out of cooler and begins to drink*
(A man with braids "corn rows" walks up.)
Man w/ Braids: Whaazzup!?
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B: Whaazzup!? *gets a beer and drinks*
(A man with a football shows up and greets his friends.)
Man w/football: Whazzup!?
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A:Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B:Whaazzup!?
Mw/F: Whazzup!? *takes beer out of cooler and begns to drink*
(A beautiful woman walks by with big boobs covered in a tight white tank top. She has on red fingerless gloves and short black mini skirt and long brown hair pulled back from her face by a clip resting at the end of her hair.)
Mw/G: Whaaaazzup!?
Mw/A: Whaaazzup!?
Mw/B: Whaazzup!?
Mw/F: Whazzup!?
Woman: *sticks up an offending finger* Assholes. *walks away*
(A young blonde man with a preppy air about him walks up to our group.)
Preppy Man: What is up? *holds up hand for a high-five*
All: *glare*
P-Man: What is up, my boys? *tries to reach into cooler*
Mw/G: *slams cooler's lid down on P-Man's fingers* Whaaaazzup?
P-Man: *snatches back swolen fingers* ….heh…..heh… *leaves*
Mw/F: Whazzup?
Mw/B: *looks skyward* Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzup!!!!!!!!!
(A cloaked figure with a large gleaming sword drops out of nowhere and stabs Man with Football through.)
Cloaked Man: Shut up! If you say that one more time…..
Mw/G: Whaaaazz--
Cloaked Man: *chops off Man with Glasses's head and proceeds to kill the rest of our men* I SAID, SHUT UP!!!!
(A small group of chocobos walks up to the cloaked man.)
Chocobo 1: Mud…..mud……mud….
Chocobo 2: beise…..beise…
Chocobo 3: er…..er…..
Chocobo 1: Mud..
Chocobo 2: beise…
Chocobo 3: er.
Cloaked Man: *glares* Don't you even start!!
(Fade to black.)
Announcer: Alright %$&#heads, sit down and shut the f*@% up! The show is starting and the annoying motha' on the front row better sit his pointy little ass down before I beat the s#%& outta him. Thank you. Now welcome back to this friggin' fic the Reunion Show: Round Three: The Knockout.
(Lights come up. Acire is seen sitting in a huge armchair, petting a small gray kitten, with a fiendish look on her face.)
Acire: Clap for the new announcer, Traylalanay "Punkin" Jones, the one relation between Cid Highwind and Barret Wallace. (Btw his nickname is pumpkin pronounced "Punkin")
(Audience claps.)
Author/Director: *still from off stage* I wanted to get Cid or Barret to be the announcer but I cannot own them so I found something better, their long lost cousin.
Punkin: Damn straight.
Acire: Exactly how are Barret and Cid related?
A/D & Punkin: You don't wanna know!
Acire: Ok…. Well, let's get down to business. Welcome my Master for a third and final time, Sephiroth, God and Lord of the Planet.
(Sephiroth enters looking nervous.)
Sephiroth: *sits next to Acire* What is it now? Not Cloud I hope.
Acire: No, Master. Please feel at ease…..or as at ease as you can with Cloud still in the studio doing who knows what to Yuffie…
Seph: *hyperventilates & begins to pass out*
Acire: Here *hands Seph the kitty* take Angel. She always seems to make you feel better.
Seph: *pats Angel the kitten* That is soothing. Thank you, young underling.
Acire: I knew that a kitten was a good present for an evil overlord. But anywho, Sephiroth, your parents were backstage arguing about your true father. So guess what time it is?
Audience: Time for…..the Wheel of Paternity!!!!!
(Hojo, Vincent, Lucretia, and Jenova enter bringing in a large wheel of fortune type wheel, mounted vertically on a roll out wall. The panels say: "Hojo/Lucretia," "Hojo/Jenova," "Vincent/Lucretia," "Vincent/Jenova," "Jenova," "Lucretia," and "Hojo.")
Hojo: Here Son, give her a spin!
Seph: NO!! NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!! *tries to run off stage but is stopped by two very big "men" dressed in all black* *they throw Seph back on stage*
Acire: Sorry, Master. I guess I didn't warn you about the security guards the Author/Director installed. Meet the twins, Randy and Brandy.
All: Brandy?!!
Acire: Yeah, she's really buff.
All: *sweatdrop*
Acire: I know….misplaced testosterone but just spin the wheel, Sephiroth.
Seph: *slowly approaches the wheel* Hey! *stops* Why aren't some people paired up?
Vincent: Well, you could have been cloned completely. Lucretia, also could have gone through a complete virgin birth.
Acire: *snickers* *giggles* *guffaws* *and finally bursts out laughing* Virgin, yeah right!!
Vincent: *sighs* Would you stop talking about my lovely Lucretia?
Acire: Need I remind you that one of those panels says "Hojo/Lucretia?"
Vincent: Um…no. I'm rooting for the virgin birth theory.
Jenova: *waves tentacles* Spin the wheel, puppet!
(Acire, Seph, Lucretia, and Vincent all hear the high pitched whine and fall to the ground clutching their heads in pain.)
A/D: Would you NOT hypnotize or mesmerize my guests into submission?! That's my job!
Jenova: Fine…*stops*
(All return back to normal….or as normal as they can be…..)
Acire: Spin the damn wheel!
Seph: *like a two-year old* Alright, just let me do it! *spins wheel*
(Wheel spins for a few second and lands directly between "Hojo/Jenova" and "Vincent/Lucretia.")
All: *sweatdrop*
Seph: What in the hell?! *spins the wheel again*
(Same thing happens. It lands between "Hojo/Jenova" and "Vincent/Lucretia.")
Acire: WTF!?
All: *look to Lucretia*
Lucretia: What did I do?!
Jenova: You are a super slut aren't you?
Lucretia: *tears up* I didn't do anything…*cries to Vincent*
Vincent: *pulls away* Just don't touch me…. You have touched enough THINGS in your lifetime…
Lucretia: *cries to Hojo*
Hojo: *pulls away* Um….no.
Lucretia: *cries to Seph*
Seph: Don't touch me, WOMAN!! *pulls away* I don't know where you have been!
Lucretia: *cries to Acire*
Acire: *pulls away* I know where you have been and that's the problem!
Lucretia: *turns to Jenova*
Jenova: *waves tentacles*
Lucretia: I'm not that desperate…*sobs*
Jenova: Bitch…
Acire: Well, at least that settled one thing: Lucretia IS a whore…
Lucretia: That is so cruel.
Acire: *bows* Thank you.
Seph: *whines like a 2-yr old* But I still don't know who my mommy and daddy are!! *sucks thumb*
Acire: *whispers to Vincent* I think that he blew a fuse…
Vincent: *whispers* After Nibleheim, I thought that there was nothing left to blow.
Acire: *snickers*
Jenova: *whispers* I thought that he was screwed up before I got to him…
Hojo: *whispers* Don't blame all of that on me!
Lucretia: *whispers* Why in the hell are we whispering?
Acire: *glares* I guess that it is time for our next and last segment: The Shin-Ra Water Cooler. Brandy, Randy, please escort Lucretia, Vincent, Jenova and my master out of here. I'm sorry to say it but: Hojo you can stay. *shudders*
Hojo: Yes! I am popular at last!
Acire: No, you just work at Shin-Ra and the A/D made me do it.
Hojo: That is good enough for me.
(Randy & Brandy come out and grab Lucretia and Vincent. Seph runs and hides behind Acire's recliner.)
Seph: NO!! I wanna stay out here and play with the kitty! *pets Angel*
Acire: *sigh* Fine, Master. You may stay…..
Jenova: *slithers away* Thank God, that this is over.
Lucretia: Why must I go?! I was in Shin-Ra and so was Vincent!
Vincent: This nightmare must end at one time or another…and now is as good a time as any. Goodbye.
(Vincent, Lucretia, and Jenova are carted off stage.)
Acire: Now that the trash has been sent to the recycle bin….welcome Rufus Shin-Ra, Scarlet Rouge, Heidegger Hardihar, Reeve Smith, Palmer Dumass, and the Turks: Tseng, Reno, Rude, and Elena. And I'll apologize for the A/D's lack of creativity on the last names.
A/D: Hey!! I thought that Heidegger's was funny….
(The Shin-Ra gang come out on stage. Sitting order is Rufus, Scarlet, Heidegger, Reeve, Hojo, and Palmer. The Turks: Tseng, Rude, Reno, and Elena are standing behind their superiors as Reno leans drunkenly on Rude.)
Rufus: *looks at audience and does the hair flick*
Audience: *swoons*
Rufus: I love fan girls….
Scarlet: I am your fan girl…*cuddles up to him*
Rufus: Get off me, whore….
Heidegger: Gyh ha ha ha ha!
Rufus: Stop that dammed horse laugh, you fat bastard! *shakes head* Why did my father hire such idiots?
Palmer: *looking around* I thought that someone said that there would be food out here…..Where is the food?
Rufus: *points at Palmer* See what I mean?
Acire: There must have been some kind of workers shortage that year….
Rufus: It seems more like an intelligence shortage to me.
Hojo: Obviously you cannot be referring to the greatest scientific mind of this century…..
Rufus: Yes….the greatest scientific mind that mistook an evil alien for an Ancient, killed off most of his experiments, and threw away his most viable project, that oversexed fool, Cloud.
Hojo: Well……I….uh….
Rufus: Just don't say anything, you moron.
Hojo: *mutters* Well at least I am a brilliant moron…
Acire: I have a feeling that you people could go on forever with the insults so I guess I'd better stop you and start the segment. Ok…since we were on secret crushes in the earlier segment….we have a few to reveal here.
Rufus: *hair flick & fan girls swoon* I already know that Scarlet wants me. Let's now move on.
Acire: Well you ruined that but she's not the only one.
Rufus: Elena too? *hair flick & swoon* I am hot.
Acire: One more…..
Rufus: @_@ One more?! But all of the rest are……*looks at his employees*…..men……
Acire: Yep.
Rufus: *sweatdrop* Let us just move on please.
Acire: Ok. I'll just tell you.
Rufus: NO! *covers his ears*
Acire: I'll spell it…..T……
Rufus: *singsong* La-la-la-la-la! I can't hear you!
Acire: …..S….E…..N….G! Tseng!!
Tseng: *turns beet red*
Rude: *takes a few steps to the side*
Elena: *sniff* No wonder he never showed up for our date…..
Tseng: Elena…..I was dead. And it wasn't a date. I was going to ask you if you thought Rufus and I would make a cute couple and if you wanted to go shopping with me. I took Rude one time but he has no fashion sense. I mean who balds their head nowadays. Long hair is in! Uh…nevermind. *blushes again*
Rufus: *uncovers ears* Is the gayness over?
Acire: I think so….
Reno: *sings drunkenly* 100 bottles of beer on the wall. 100 bottles of beer. When I came in the bar I drank them all….now there are no bottles of beer on the wall! *falls down*
Scarlet: That was surprisingly painless…..
Hojo: ……and accurate.
Reeve: *raises his hand, timidly* Can I reveal my crush now?
Rufus: Is it directed towards me?
Reeve: No, sir.
Rufus: Is it homosexual in anyway?
Reeve: No…contrary to popular belief.
Rufus: Then continue. *hair flick*
Tseng: *swoons*
Rufus: *shudders*
Scarlet: It is not me, is it? I told you that I was just doing you a favor…..for gil….only once….
Hojo: Oh, yes! Haven't you ever heard never fall in love with a whore! Muwah ha ha ha!!
Heidegger: She already has the red dress and I gave her the red light for her office on her birthday. Gyha ha ha ha!
Reeve: But….I like Elena…..
Rufus: The ditz?
Elena: I graduated first in my class thank you very much!
Reeve: I just knew that you were smart like me! *blushing* So…..do you wanna…..maybe…..
Scarlet: Spank me like the naughty little boy I am!!! Kya ha ha ha ha!
Reeve: *blushes profusely* You promised never to tell!! *runs off stage crying*
Rufus: Pansy….
Tseng: You rang, gorgeous?
Rufus: *face vault*
Acire: *shakes head and sighs* Anything else?
Rufus: God, I hope not… *gets back up slowly*
(A small gray kitten AKA Angel comes running across the stage being chased by Sephiroth.)
Sephy: *child-like voice* Come back, kitty!
(Kitten runs and hides under Scarlet's chair.)
Scarlet: *screams* Get that little thing away from me?!! *jumps on top of chair*
Hojo: What, Scarlet? You afraid that the little helpless feline will have a sudden craving for fish?
Kitten: Mew?!
Sephy: *gets on hands and knees and reaches for the kitten but gets distracted by the view from above*
Scarlet: *snatches skirt down and closes her legs* Stop that!
Rufus: You aren't giving out freebies? *snickers*
Sephy: You know your hair is the same color as Angel's….
All: *sweatdrop*
Heidegger: Gray pubes…..Gyha ha ha ha!
(A shot rings out and Heidegger falls out dead.)
Rufus: *blows smoke off of gun* I told you to stop that damned horse laugh….
All: *multiple sweatdrop*
Acire: Nice shot. Point blank though the temples. Wanna go out for a drink?
Rufus: My pleasure. *offers hand*
Acire: *takes it* But you're buying.
Rufus: *laughs* Not your favors, I hope?
Acire: I don't look like Scarlet do I?
Both: *laugh and walk off stage*
A/D: Hey! You can't do that! Who's gonna end the show?!
(Suddenly crashing and scuffling is heard backstage and Cloud come running out…..absolutely naked with the rod-shaped horny materia.)
Tseng: Now there's and end for you….a tight end…..*smiles and winks*
Cloud: *censored sign covers…um…parts* Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk…..materia….*strokes it* My precioussssss…..
A/D: Oh god….*sighs*
Sephy: *looks at Cloud and snaps out of it* YOU!!! *takes out Masamune and begins to chase Cloud offstage again* Come back here, puppet!!
A/D: Now that this thing is FINALLY over get the hell off my stage!!
All: *look dejected and file off quietly*
A/D: Now…that that is done…merry talk shows to all-
Sephy: *heard offstage* Oh no Cloud! I didn't mean it! Watch it with that materia you fool! That is an exit not an entrance!!
A/D: -and to all a GOOD NIGHT!
(Static)