Summary: Have you ever felt like half of you were missing? Have you ever felt incomplete? For her, it was because of him. All there was left for her was a letter. A letter with words. The letter...
Have you ever felt like half of you were missing?
Have you ever felt incomplete?
For her, it was because of him.
All there was left for her was a letter.
A letter with words.
The Letter...
***
"I love you…" She wakes up to the sound of those words.
It must be her imagination, she thinks. Nevertheless, she gets up and out of her bed. Her room is white and ordinary, but the sound is not. It makes her skin feel as if someone is breathing on it in hot breaths. She loves the sound of it and more keeps coming.
"I love you… I love you…" The voice of a male says. It is soft but strong, and those words hit her heart straight away. She feels like she is drowning, in water so blue so pure that it is almost transparent. And she is naked in it, her body one with those lulling waves.
She tips toes towards the black window grills. The curtains are blowing lightly. They look like petals; white rose petals falling and rising. Someone is looking at her. Her heart skips a beat. It is him, she tells herself. She feels nothing, because she has been waiting for this moment for too long. She has pinned all her hopes on this moment, locked all her emotions on this moment, sealed away all her sanity just for a moment like this.
She looks out of the window and there he is, watching her, face etched with a painful smile. His eyes are deep brown. They look sad and mysterious, not the way she remembered them to be. But still she wants more of him, more of that sorrowfulness, more of that ache he is showing. She smiles back lovingly, closing her eyes and letting herself sink deep into the flood of warmth gushing out from her heart. He is here she thinks to herself, he is finally here.
When she flutters her black lashes open, he is beside her. She does not ask any questions, although it is surprising to her. She hides these thoughts away from him, because he has not spoken a word yet, and he seems so far away. Why is that so? She asks herself. She feels like she is in a milky dream, and that if she spoke, everything would disappear into grey smoke. His long arm finds its way around her waist; his body is close to hers. He lifts up her chin and stares at her, and her heart gives an unsteady lurch.
When was the last time he had held her so close? She wonders.
When was the last time they were breathing each other's breath?
She feels shaky; her body is quivering in his touch. She looks into his sharp face. He used to look younger, she notes. Right now, as they embrace, he looks ten years older. He looks as if he is carrying a burden so heavy that his bones are going to break on him. Yet he gives her a smile, a smile only meant for her.
"I've missed you," She tells him, taking liberty to speak for the first time.
He looks tired. His eyes are midnight-blue and glassy but he still looks charming, he still looks like the day she met him for the first time. He had been wearing a white plain shirt and dark jeans. Casual. When he saw her, he gave her a smile. But the smiles are different, she realizes. His smile right now, as he looks at her is sad at the edges. Agonizing. Still he does not speak.
She leans against his body, her tower of refuge. There is a strange smell coming from him. There is a smell of sweat. Where have you been all these time? She asks him. Where did you go? Her voice is on the verge of breaking, because she really feels like crying. Her heart feels like a slippery fish jumping up and down. She cannot seem to contain her emotions. Why does he look so changed? She wants answers to all these questions, and yet she does not ask him. Why ask when she knows that there would not be a reply?
"Don't you know?" He asks her.
His voice is faint, but the sound makes her hug him tighter. She feels so uncertain about this dream, because it is all too light for her to handle. It is as light as a feather. She wishes that it were heavier, that it would weigh her down, so that she would know that he would never leave her, and that this fantasy was true with all its heaviness.
She feels like if he lets go of her, or if she lets go of him, they would float apart from each other, further and further away until thy were but a speck in each other's eyes.
"Know what?" She replies.
This time her voice is croaking. She wishes that she did not ask that question. She knows what he is going to say to her, and she does not want to hear it. Yet sometimes the ugly truth is inevitable. He opens his lips to speak, and she squeezes her eyes shut, a tear unknowingly sliding down her pale face. Please don't say it, she begs in her heart. But it is too late for he is speaking already.
"Didn't you receive the letter?" He questions.
Now she feels like she is dissolving. What was originally the blue, blue sea that she was drifting in seems like a beast now; a beast engulfing her, forcing bloodied water into her lungs, her stomach, her mouth. Her body has a heavy feeling. She feels like dying.
"What letter?" She lies.
But of course, she knows what letter he is talking about. How could she not know? The letter had been carefully and cautiously passed to her frail shivering hands. He shakes his head slowly, angry with her and yet loving her too much to show his anger towards her.
"Please," She murmurs to him.
She kisses the hands that hold her, the arms, the neck, and his face in desperation.
Her kisses are dry and quick, she just wants to take him all inside her.
She wants to steal him and keep him locked up inside her heart so that she can always have him.
But he is passionless. He stands still, watching her. He is at a loss. His murky eyes are blank. He feels nothing. As she kisses him, she pushes her thoughts away. She feels hungry, hungry for him with his entire ordinance back. He is too mature now, too distant from her planet of illusions.
"You received it, didn't you?" He tells her.
Her lips part from his cold flesh at that split second, coincidentally.
Yes, she did receive the letter.
But what was a letter to her?
What was a letter with black and white information to her?
It was nothing.
Didn't he once say that time and space and dimension could never separate them?
Why was he talking about the letter then?
Why could he not just keep quiet about it?
"Ssh…" She says to him.
Her hand crawls to his lips, covering it. She wants to seal him up so that he will speak no more. But as she does so, he starts disappearing. A whimper escapes from her pink lips. She feels like a piece of glass that is shattered and scattered about. She feels like the sound of the glass breaking. That sharp "clink" is what she feels like she has become. An insane sound and not a woman.
He is vanishing away from her, growing fainter and fainter. She shakes her head repeatedly. Don't go, she tells him. But he just smiles at her. He gives her THAT smile. The smile he gave her when they went out for their first date, and he had presented her a rose. The smile he had given her when he was officially a police officer, looking smart and all proud in that navy blue uniform and silver buttons. The smile he had given her when he said that everything was going to be all right when he left in the middle of the night to fight for a crime.
"It's not all right!" She shrieks at him.
It's not all right because that night when he left her, that night when he left to chase a criminal, he never came back.
He promised to, but you see, he never did.
He left her all alone crying with despair, kneeling against the bed they had once shared, sobbing gut wrenching.
He left her with a letter that told her he died.
He left her pain, and loneliness and emptiness.
He stole half of her along with him.
She wrings her hands, trying to explain to him how she feels. She can never be complete without him. Doesn't he know how much she loves him? He keeps growing more and more transparent, and she grabs at the air futilely, trying to hold on to him. It reminds her of the time when they had lied flat on the green grass together, hands outstretched, trying so crazily to catch a piece of that temptingly beautiful light azure blue sky with all its puffy cotton clouds.
Tears seep out of her face ceaselessly. He leaves her. He does not even tell her that he loves her any longer. His voice no longer surrounds the room. She screams. She is hysterical. She looks around her room. She turns around and around from where she stands, long hair twirling with her, white nightgown swirling with her. He is gone. She feels so hurt, so mad that he has left her again.
Why does he always leave?
She collapses to the floor. The room seems cold again, the way it was after he died. It is empty and dark, like a solid black box that she is held captive in. She feels frozen to the bone, as if she is all alone in the pouring snow, or chilling rain.
This is when she really wakes up; beads of perspiration dripping down her chin.
This is when she really cries, her lungs heaving in and out, her breaths sharp and stinging as she hugs her knees.
Who is Eriol Hiiragizawa?
But a spirit...
But a ghost of memory...
"Within you, I lose myself;
Without you, I find myself,
searching to be lost again."
This story never existed... It was but a dream.
"Cry without weeping...talk without speaking....scream without raising your voice..."
Yet in a dream, you do cry, you do speak, you do scream... Only it's but an illusion that exists within your memory and your subconsciousness.
Author's Note: This is a first for me. I've never done a one shot fic before and I've also never done a E/T fic, but I hope all of you like it. Please leave a comment and review, alright? Also read my other stories... Thank you all!