Disclaimer: We don't own Final Fantasy, we wish we did, but alas we weren't the lucky ones.
A/N: Thank all of you reviewers!!!! We really really love all of you! ^_^ This is our most successful fic so far…and now we are going to be good fanfiction writers and respond to our reviews! Raine18~Our first reviewer! Yay! Thanks for the praise! Lunar-Girl~ Our dedicated fan! Thank you for all of your ideas and compliments! Mickayla and Virginia~ Our buddies that help us soooo much with the story line! Keep 'em comin' girls! CTHKSI~ You've reviewed almost all of our chappys! And you always have something positive to say! Thanks! Meelu the Bold~ we loved your advice! And you gave us some feedback too, so we thank you!!
The first part is half-in-half, some of it's Irvine/Rinoa's POV and some of it is ours…ENJOY!
Handy-Man Zell
As Zell walked back on his way to the Garden Festival, he felt something knock against him. The force knocked him to the floor.
"Ouch…" he complained as he lifted himself up. Noticing Irvine storm down the hallway, he knew what hit him and ran to catch up.
" 'Sup?" Zell asked as he rubbed his sore tushie. Irvine stopped in place, this action caused Zell to run into him and knock him back on his booty.
"What's up? What's up?! I'll tell you what's up!" Zell carefully pulled himself up once more, trying to rub the pain out of his rear. "Selphie is having an affair with Squall! That's what's up!" Irvine threw his arms up dramatically.
"What? No she isn't…"
"Okay, then tell me, why was Squall in her bedroom? In her BATHROOM at that!! I caught them red-handed!" Irvine fumed.
Damn! I can't tell him the truth, don't wanna suffer Squall's wrath even if he is in Selphie's body. Zell got a wild mental image of Selphie wielding a chainsaw and shivered. No… "Uh, d-didn't you hear?"
Still angry, Irvine shook his head, but a bit of concern showed through his eyes.
C'mon…think Zell! Think! "Uh, she got sick at the Festival." Zell spit it out a little faster than he meant, but Irvine's face softened and he listened more intently. "Someone spiked the punch, and Squall took her back to her room, she was pukin' her brains out, and he was uh, holding her hair back." There we go!
"Then I guess I owe her an apology. But why would she ask Squall and not me?"
"She didn't want you to worry." Man, I'm getting good at this!
"Okay, then I have two more questions…" Zell nodded nervously. "How do you know all this?"
"I followed 'em."
"Ah, and uh." Irvine leaned closer so no one else could hear. "Where is the spiked punch?" Zell rolled his eyes.
"Maybe you ought to apologize first."
"Right…" he looked back to the Quad, he ached for some of that punch, but reluctantly went back to the dorms. Zell mentally gave himself a pat on the back, and headed back to the Quad to look for Rinoa.
Making sure to stay out of the sight of the disciplinary committee, Irvine trudged on his way back to Selphie's dormitory. How am I gonna make it up to her? I really overreacted, hmmm…Irvine continued to think as he approached the door. He lightly knocked on the door and 'Selphie' answered the door, she was already in her pajamas.
"Hey babe." He smiled warmly and stepped into her dorm. 'Selphie' attempted to slam the door in his face but he was too quick and stepped in before 'she' could. "Look, I know you're mad at me about what I said earlier, but I want to make it up to you. How about I take you out to eat?"
"Not interested." 'She' answered dully, and once again tried to shut him out. Irvine however, blocked this action by stopping the door with his hand.
"I figured you might say that, so…" he smiled, almost wickedly, and continued. "…I guess that I'll just have to drag you out. No big deal." Squall's eyes widened in horror as Irvine rummaged through Selphie's closet and pulled out an elegant dress.
"I'm taking you to that new Italian restaurant, you need to look your best." He handed him the dress. Squall crossed his arms stubbornly and didn't say anything. "If you don't put it on, I can always dress you instead." He grabbed the dress out of his hand and stomped into the bathroom.
Minutes later, he returned, dressed in the gown, but an immense frown was spread across her face. "C'mon Sefie! Can't you look happy?"
"No."
Irvine sighed. "Well then lets go! I'll be taking you with me whether you smile or not." He smiled evilly, but Squall still didn't budge from where he was standing. "Alrighty then, you leave me no choice." He flung him over his shoulder, picked up a pair of high heels and Selphie's purse and left the dorm.
"Irvine Kinneas! Put me down this instant!" he screamed flailing his arms aimlessly and kicking wildly. Irvine continued to walk down the hall with the petite girl hanging over his shoulder, tipping his hat at all the people that were giving him strange looks.
"I will never forgive you for this Irvine!" Squall screamed at him as he tried desperately in a final attempt to kick him, but when this didn't work, he went limp. I just wont talk to him the rest of the night.
"Oh, hey Irvy, whatcha doin'?" Rinoa asked, looking slightly intoxicated. What she got to the spiked punch before me?!
"Did you drink the punch or somethin'?" he asked as his eyebrow formed a small tic.
"No I didn't spike the punch!" she laughed somewhat madly and stumbled in the direction of Squall's dormitory. Shaking his head, Irvine continued on his way to the Parking Lot to borrow the Garden's car.
He politely opened Selphie's door first, and motioned for her to get in. Grumpily, Squall sat down in the front seat and crossed his arms in front of him. Irvine sighed and sat in the drivers seat, "Seatbelt!" he reminded as he backed out with the car.
*Rinoa*
"Whee!" she exclaimed skipping down the hall. Quistis had drunk some of the punch as well, and she was in the infirmary getting some aspirin for her head. Such a party pooper! Rinoa flung Squall's dormitory door open, 'Squall' still had pig tails in his hair and was rearranging his collection of fluffy toys.
"Hiya!" she greeted him as she slumped down on his bed. 'Squall' turned to look at her.
"Hey Rinny!" Selphie greeted her happily. "How's it goin'?"
"Look…Zell explained everything to me." Selphie smiled, good…but he didn't tell her that we switched places did he? "He said, 'Squall's had a lot on his mind lately,' so how about I get your mind off of things for awhile?" she smiled cheesily. Uh-oh…
"Uh-well Rinny, I don't want to get intimate..." Rinoa laughed.
"No! You're taking me on a date!" she said falling back into Squall's bed. Is she unconscious? Please! Let her be unconscious! Selphie stood up to check on the drunk woman, when she approached the bed Rinoa popped back up. "Ha! I scared you!" she laughed, followed by a hiccup.
"Hahaha! Good one Rinny!" Selphie exclaimed. I can't go on a date with Rinoa! I'm a girl!!!!
"So, where are ya takin' me?" Crackers! I spent all of Squall's salary on my new fluffy toys collection! She looked at her wonderful new collection, complete with pink fluffy bunnies and of course, everyone's favorite, Snoogans and Toodles! It's gonna be a low budget date…DATE?! AHHHH!!! Okay, think of it as a girl nights out…yeah there we go. Breathe…breathe.
"You 'k Squall?" Rinoa asked sitting up slightly.
"Yupperoo…just thinking."
"Of course!" Rinoa said falling back into the bed once again. "Tell ya what, how about I pay for the date tonight? Like a Sadie Hawkins thing?"
"Oki doki then! Where we going? We're gonna have fun fun FUN!" Selphie exclaimed jumping up and down. Be it because of the amount of alcohol in her system, or that she was just all too used to Squall acting like this now, Rinoa joined in with the jumping and mad laughter.
"Can we go to that new carnival?" Selphie begged. "I wanna ride the carousel!"
"Sure!" the two of them skipped out of Squall's dormitory and down the hall.
*Squall and Irvine*
"Do you have a reservation?" asked a man that was sitting behind a podium. His suit was perfectly ironed and his hair slicked back.
"No, do you have any room?" Irvine asked. He had set Squall back down, but was keeping a grip around his waist to make sure that he didn't flee. The man consulted a pamphlet he had in his hand.
"Just the two of you?" he asked without looking up. Irvine nodded, "Right this way please…" Still holding onto 'Selphie' Irvine followed the man. Their waiter set them down at a table in a dim room, with a single candle lit in the center of the table. "Take your time." He said with a slight bow and left.
"What do you want Sefie?" Irvine asked putting down his menu and leaning over the table. In response, he noticed that all she did was cross her arms and refuse to make eye contact with him. "C'mon, what's wrong? You can tell me! What did I do?"
"You carried me to the Soc gathering, flung over your shoulder may I add." Squall spat. Irvine dropped his head and looked at his hands, and fiddled absentmindedly with his jacket.
"Well, uh. I feel bad about what I said earlier, and I really wanna make it up to you. Is there anything I can do to make you forgive me?"
"You can leave me alone."
"Besides that I mean." Squall looked at Irvine, he really cares about her, and she really likes him. But can I help it if I hate the bastard?! I won't be too mean to him, I'll just have to find a way to escape that's all.
"How about I order for the both of us?" Irvine asked picking up the menu again, he was trying to change the subject.
"Be my guest." Squall answered.
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter seemed to appear magically right next to them.
"Ah, yes. We want two orders of the Beef Ravioli, and some salad." He winked at 'Selphie'. The waiter scribbled their order down on his notepad and bowed again.
"It will be done shortly."
"Thanks!" Irvine called after him. "Hey, Sefie, why don't we dance while we wait?"
"No."
"Don't make me drag you out there." Irvine smiled evilly again.
"You wouldn't dare." Squall's eyes narrowed, trying to give the most evil look he could muster, but alas there is no way for Selphie to look evil without looking funny. Irvine laughed at her attempt to look threatening.
"Oh you bet I would, so will you dance?"
He wouldn't drag me out there. I'll just sit here…noticing that 'Selphie' wasn't moving from her seat, Irvine sighed and flung her over his shoulder again.
*From the bystander's POV*
Bobby was hoping tonight would be perfect in every way possible! He was planning on doing it, yes, tonight he would pop the question to his girlfriend Bertha. He had his finely tailored suit on, and Bertha was wearing a nice long sparkly dress, she looked breathtaking tonight! "Uh, Bertha…" he started as he fumbled around in his pocket where the ring was.
"Oh my gosh!" Bertha pulled her hands up to her mouth and laughed.
"What?"
"Look!" she pointed to the dance floor. There was a man there that resembled a cowboy, with a girl flung over his shoulder.
"IRVINE!!!" the girl was flailing everywhere trying to escape the man's grip.
"Should we call the police? Couldn't that be like abuse?" Bobby asked turning to his date. She shook her head and continued to watch the drama unfold on the dance floor.
"Sefie! Calm down, if you don't stop kicking you're going to show God and everyone your knickers!" the man said as he pulled her off of his shoulder. Hair disheveled, the girl began stomping off the dance floor. "Oh no you don't!" he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close to him.
"We really shouldn't be watching them dear…" Bobby said as he tried to pry his eyes away from the crazy couple.
"Oh come on! You're no fun!" she answered, keeping her eyes locked on them.
The cowboy who was about a foot taller than the tiny girl now had his arms around her. She looked extremely agitated and about to rip his head off, then he placed his hands on her butt, this got a really interesting reaction.
"Irvine, if you don't keep your hands off of me I swear to God I'll have to kill you!" she screamed, he placed his hand over her mouth and looked nervously around at all the couples that had turned to look at them.
Bertha continued to stare in entertainment as the girl bit down, as hard as she could on his hand. The man removed his hand from her mouth, "What was that all about?!" the girl didn't answer, but instead started to walk silently off of the dance floor, before being grabbed by him again.
"Look, Bertha, will you…uh, marry me?" Bobby asked quietly looking down at his feet. This got her attention off of the couple.
"Oh Bobby!" she squealed and glomped him.
*Back to Squall's POV*
Does he WANT me to kill him? If he does I could, it wouldn't be too difficult. Irvine was holding onto his hips and was swaying to the music, then Squall noticed that their waiter was bringing their food. Thank God! He stepped out of Irvine's grasp and said, "Food's ready!" and ran back to the table.
That's the old Selphie! Irvine applauded himself, maybe if I play my cards straight I can get a kiss before the night is over.
*Rinoa and Selphie*
Selphie had conveniently told Rinoa to bring her purse. As drunk as she was, she wouldn't notice Selphie 'borrowing' a few gil, right? The carnival was in Balamb, and since Irvine and Squall had taken the Garden car, they had to walk. Of course, Selphie wouldn't dare leave anywhere without Toodles, despite Rinoa's complaints.
Making sure not to step off of the road, the two headed for Balamb and the 323rd Annual Mesmerize Cookoff, only they didn't know exactly what they were in for. Upon entering the small town, the first thing they noticed was the carnival (yay!), then the music started.
"Come get yer barbecued Mesmerize meat here!" a man was shouting from across the street. There was a table with several contestants competing for the best Mesmerize recipe, and there were lines backed up for several streets.
"WHAT?!" Selphie exclaimed upon hearing 'Mesmerize'. "But they're too cute to eat!"
"Squall, they've tried to kill us in the past, with their little horny things." She said holding her forefinger to her forehead to imitate a Mesmerize, then she started prancing around squealing.
"B-But. It's not fair!" she cried running over to the table, butting in front of many people in the process. "I'm so sorry! It wasn't meant to be this way!" she said as she stroked the meat and tears streamed down her face.
"Oh Squall! I didn't know you were so sensitive! You're gonna make me cry!" she said while wiping tears from her own eyes. Soon, she had joined Selphie in stroking the meat and crying.
"We promise! We'll breed you a bunch of baby Mesmerizes, and we'll keep 'em, and hug 'em and call them George. Well, most of them at least."
"Um, sir, I'm afraid we have to ask you to leave. You are contaminating the meat." A man said grasping both Selphie and Rinoa by the shoulder and leading them away from the booth.
"I, I couldn't save them Rinoa! Forgive me!" Selphie squealed and cried into Rinoa's shoulder.
"Um, Squall. Please get off me, you're hurting me." Selphie nodded and straightened up. Setting their sights on the rides instead of the poor Mesmerizes, they headed for the ticket stand.
Trying to be as quick as possible, Selphie mugged a few gil from Rinoa's purse. "We want twenty tickets!"
"Alright, that will be twenty gil." Said the ticket person (thing, guy, whatever). Selphie paid her, or rather, Rinoa's money and got the tickets.
"Well, what should we ride first?" Rinoa asked starting to snuggle up against 'Squall'. Girls night out, that's all it is, a girls night out. "I wanna ride the Ferris Wheel!" Selphie nodded and followed Rinoa to the attraction.
They handed the Carny (we don't know how to spell it, and the computer's not helping.) their tickets and got on one of the lifts. Girls night out, girls night out.
"Oh Squaaaaaaallllllll!!!" Rinoa said in a flirtatious manner. GIRLS NIGHT OUT! GIRLS NIGHT OUT!!!
*Squall and Irvine*
"…and this time, we gonna get FUNKY!"
"Selphie! What do you know? It's your favorite song!" Squall looked down at his almost untouched Beef Ravioli.
"B-but…"
"No buts! Now come on!"
"I don't know how!" he argued.
"What? Very funny Selphie, this is your favorite song, and dance for that matter!" Irvine said dragging him back onto the dance floor.
"To the right!" Squall unenthusiastically obeyed. "To the left!" he boringly stepped to the left of him. "To the back!" did it. "Cha-cha now y'all." What? He looked around the dance floor and mimicked as best as he could the motions everyone else was doing.
"C'mon Selphie! You need to get into it!" Irvine exclaimed as he hopped.
"Get into it?! GET INTO IT?!" That's it, he's really making me mad!
"To the right now!" stomping on Irvine's head. "To the left!" stomping on it again. "To the back now y'all." Stomping! "cha-cha real smooth." Smearing his blood all over the place! "One hop this time!" Smashing him! "One hop this time!" right in the genitals…Squall winced, he knew how much it hurt, but it was no more than Irvine deserved.
"Wow Selphie that's better!" he said as he watched 'her' do the "Hands on your knees! Hands on your knees!" But he also noticed that he wasn't the only one, many other boys were watching intently as 'Selphie' danced. "A-actually, Selphie. Maybe you better calm down."
"What?" Squall was having far too much fun fantasizing how many ways he could torture Irvine, just by doing this dance.
"I SAID WE SHOULD GO SIT DOWN!" Irvine yelled over the music.
"Irvine Kinneas, I will do whatever I want, when I want!" Squall replied stubbornly as he stomped five times, imagining that Irvine's head was the target. Nonetheless, Irvine just picked him up and dragged him off the dance floor, and placed him back in his seat.
"Now, let's eat!" But then it struck him. He had a plan. Selphie had packed the purse for him, with pads and also something else that he had never even thought of using, until now. Cosmetics, loads of them! Squall took a few bites then excused himself from the table and headed to the bathroom.
"Excuse me, emergency…" he said knocking a girl that was in front the mirror out of the way. He desperately searched through the purse and laid all the makeup out on the counter. Um, not sure how to do this…
He had powder, eye shadow, and deep red lipstick. Okay, now what was it that I looked like when I had my allergic reaction to Lucky Charms? Man, I loved those things, and they were taken away from me! Of course, I didn't start breaking out until a few days afterwards… After thinking awhile, he got a mental image in his head of what it looked like, then he got to work. He powdered his face until he looked pale, then he used the lipstick to draw dots on his face. When he finished he dabbed a little water to his forehead to make it look like sweat. Ha! Perfect!
Squall used his amazing ability to act (yeah right) to struggle his way back to the table. "Selphie! What happened? You look horrible!" Irvine said standing up as Squall pretended to collapse to the floor.
"Allergic reaction…to…ravioli." He stammered.
"Oh no! You need to go back to the Garden! I'll take you to Dr. Kadowaki!" Oh man! This sucks…
*Rinoa and Selphie*
As they were at the peak of the Ferris Wheel, Selphie's face started to itch. She reached up to scratch, and realized her face felt somewhat swollen and bumpy. But! I had the chicken pox in the first grade! Oh no! What if Squall hasn't had them yet?!
"R-R-Rinoa, w-what's wrong with my face?" she asked as she brought her hands down. Rinoa stared at her blankly for a long time.
"Uh…hmmm…is this a trick question? Hyne, I know the answer! Don't tell me, don't tell me!"
"And it itches so bad!" Selphie started to cry. The alcohol slowly started wearing off and then Rinoa realized that there was something terribly wrong with his face.
"Squall! You're breaking out! Don't tell me you've been eating Lucky Charms! You know you're allergic!" What?
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!" she got so worked up about the whole thing, that she fainted.
"Dangit!" Rinoa said as the Ferris Wheel slowed to a stop. "Now I have to carry him all the way back to Garden!"
Upon noticing the unconscious and sick looking man, the Carny asked worriedly, "Is he okay?"
"What the hell do you think bub?"
"Heights?" she shook her head, "Was it you?"
"Bastard!" she screamed and slapped him.
*Later in Kadowaki's office*
"Well well well, what do you know. Two people breaking out in allergic reactions on the same night…" she said eyeing Squall and Selphie. But it was Squall in particular that caught her eye.
"Will she be alright Doc?" Irvine asked worriedly from one side of the room.
"Well…" she started to say it wasn't real, but Squall was doing the sarcastic wink as if saying, 'I'm alright, just save me from this psychopathic maniac' (isn't she good deciphering all that?). "Yes, she is very, very sick. I'm afraid I'll have to make you leave so I can run tests." Both, Irvine and Rinoa nodded and left the room.
"Go wash up Selphie." She said pointing to a sink. Squall nodded and did as he was told, the whole time thinking. Damn it! She ate Lucky Charms, I should've warned her! After washing all the excess makeup off of his face, he sat back down next to Selphie.
"Now," Kadowaki began sternly, "In exchange for that, you both need to explain what is going on. I can't help you unless I know what's wrong."
"Well, I had an allergic reaction…" Selphie started rattling on.
"NO! From the beginning…" The two teenagers exchanged glances. I guess it's alright, if she's going to try to help us.
"Well, you see it all started when…"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Yes! That one is finally over! :::victory music is played and we both dance to the cha-cha slide, also squishing Irvine's head::::: Well, it's 12:50 in the morning, and my back hurts (Anna) and my elbow hurts (BreeAnne). Well, time to R&R! The only thing we want for Christmas is reviews (and our electric guitars, more manga and videogames! Can't forget those video games! Also, if you want, you can donate money for they buy-Anna-a-Playstation2-fund! BreeAnne's funding is already done! LOL! Send the money to Squall's dorm, that's where I'll reside) ::::evil laugh:::: Okay, sorry we're ranting now, we'll leave you alone. ALSO! We still need more fangirls…we have ::counts on her fingers::: one, not counting me and BreeAnne! Oh and OSUWARI!!! (Did you know that live spelled backwards is evil?) lol, thought you might like to know that ^_~