Disclaimer: Hyne!  We don't own it!!!!

Joryuusakka, xomoombaxo, Morning Star Selphie, That Really Weird Girl, Sporky Doom, Grasshopper, Micky-chan and Anastasia: A shout out to all the fangirls!  Thanks girls for volunteering!  We enjoy writing those parts more than anything else! 

Renoa Heartilly, MastaDemonKitty, Lunar-Girl, xomoombaxo (again), Mary, Factor Matrix, and Koritsimou:  Thanks to all of you guys for adding us to your favorites!  You love us!  You really really love us! ^_^ And we love you too! 

All other reviewers that we didn't mention!:  Thanks to everyone of you, without your reviews we wouldn't have reached our goal!  Or passed it for that matter.  (Wow, 100 reviews…you have no idea how happy this has made us!)

A/N: Sorry everyone, this one didn't upload right the first time we tried it!  So here it is again, sorry about the confusion.  ::hides:: Don't hate us!  It was an accident! 

Anyway, we saw Selphie the other day!  Anyone here ever seen the Glad trash bag commercials?  Yup…that's her.  She's only disguising herself so that we wouldn't recognize her (even though we were too smart for her).  We have yet to find the others, however.  One day…we WILL find them!  Enough ranting…on with the story!

Break In! 

            "…And you were able to take his weapon away?" one doctor asked another.  They weren't able to put a straightjacket on the young man, but as long as he was locked up, their theory was he shouldn't cause too much trouble.

"Yes, he had to be restrained, but we got it."

"Good.  And you took his magic away as well?"

The other doctor looked around confusedly.  "I wasn't aware he had magic junctioned!" he yelled.  Hurriedly, the two ran to Squall's personalized rubber room and watched from the door's window.  It was obvious that the young man was off his rocker, be it really insanity or the amount of Pixie Stix he had consumed.

"Haste!" he yelled holding his hand out in front of him.  Suddenly, he started bouncing around the room at amazing speed, casting other random spells and destroying everything he could get his hands on.

Picking up the walkie talkie he had on his belt, the doctor put it to his lips and said, "We have a crisis in room 432, please assist.  I repeat, please assist," then he took a breath, and waited for backup.

*Laguna's Trauma*

"Look, President Loire…yes.  I am aware that they have taken Squall into custody.  B-But…" Cid was talking uneasily to a very upset Laguna. 

"What if they aren't feeding him right?  Wouldn't you feel horrible if something happened to him?  C'mon, admit it!  You would!"

Rolling his eyes, Cid complied.  "Yes sir, I would feel devastated,"

"Hey!  I've laid out the rules already haven't I?  Rule number one, NO BIG WORDS!  They confuse me, my vocabulary is limited, and I like it that way!  Rule number two, NOBODY HURTS MY BABY BOY!  And rule number three, you must only head bang to happy music."

To this last rule, Cid had no reply.  "Alright sir, since we obviously cannot change your mind we will send one of our top SeeDs to escort you."

"Thank you Headmaster Bob."

"Uh, it's Cid,"

"Dang, I wasn't even close was I?  Oh well, I thought for sure I would get it this time!"  Cid shook his head; he had been called Ezekiel, Sven, and Bartholomew.  He was starting to wonder whether or not this man would ever learn his name.  And he personally wondered why Laguna wasn't in the Nuthouse as well.

"I'll send a SeeD over as soon as I can," he sighed into the telephone receiver.

"Thanks so much Ralph!"

"Yes, you're welcome President Loire," Cid hit himself on the forehead and tried his best to keep his mouth civil with the ignorant man.  "Bye," and with that he hung the phone.  Blowing air out of his mouth, he pushed a button on the intercom.

"Quistis, I need you on the deck," he said into the speaker.  Not much later, she was standing in salute in front of him. 

"Sir?" she asked, not moving anything except her lips.

"The president of Esthar, Laguna Loire, needs an escort to Dollet.  He seems to think that he will be able to 'free' Squall from the Nuthouse.  Don't let him do anything stupid," Cid ordered as he rubbed the temples on his head. 

"I will hereby do my best to be a successful escort for the president, sir!" she said military style.  With his spare hand, Cid waved her off and decided that a drink would calm him down.

Because Selphie and Squall had come back on the Ragnarok, it meant that it wasn't being used.  So she decided to use that method of transportation.  She boarded the airship and started on her way to Esthar.

*SOFT's Plan*

"Is everybody ready?" BreeAnne asked, smiling somewhat evilly.  The entire gang of girls was standing on a street corner 'disguised' as several circus performers.  Anna looked down at her belt; she had a walkie talkie for keeping in touch with Nny, a cell phone for Anastasia and the sheath for her katana.  Everyone did the same to make sure their weapons were in place.

"Wait a minute!" Ryuu exclaimed looking at her sheath.  "My weapon is gone!" sure enough, instead of her sword, she pulled a ladle out instead.

"Me too!" Moomba screamed as she stared at a wisk.

"Is this some sort of joke?" Charity screamed.  "Do you expect me to fight with this?" she held up a spatula.

"Yeah, because this isn't funny," Aislinn spat staring angrily at the toothbrushes that had been impersonating her throwing knives.

"Actually, it is, in a sort of inconvenient way," Mickayla pointed out, her new weapon was a curling iron.

"Wait, does that mean?!" Anna lifted up her sheath and started shaking it furiously.  Her katana was no longer in it, but there was a small sound coming from within.  Slowly, a single toothpick fell to the ground.

"But…BreeAnne has her…weapon," everyone's attention shifted to the smiling blond. 

"I told you that you would regret not knowing my job!  Here I am, supplying you with your weapons day after day, and I get no thanks!  So, I just shifted my supplying around."

The girls looked bewildered from her to the others.  Then, as one swift movement, they all started closing in on her.  "Hey, guys.  What are you doing?  Hey…what are you going to do with that ladle!?  Guys?  HELP!"

*Meanwhile, back at Garden*

Selphie was still lounging in her bath.  She had been for the last few hours, and she was starting to get quite pruny.  However she didn't care.  She felt icky!  And that was all that really mattered. 

"Have you ever seen me singing in the sunshine one lovely afternoon?  You can hear me if you really want, you can hear me clear pretty soon…" she sang and put the jets on.  The tub was almost overflowing with bubbles.

All of a sudden, just when she was really starting to enjoy herself, someone started knocking on the door.  Not a polite knock, it sounded like someone was trying to take the entire door down.   Impatiently, she stepped out of the tub and wrapped a pink towel around her. 

Still dripping wet, she walked to the door and opened it slightly, just enough to see who was bothering her in her time of bliss.  It was Rinoa, with her hands on her hips and she looked really upset.

"You've used all the hot water in Garden!  Are you happy?" she asked.

Smiling from ear to ear, Selphie nodded.  "Sure am!  Squall didn't bathe all week!"

"And that effects you how?"

Oops, shouldn't have said that.  "I was just kidding Rinny!  Sorry 'bout that!  Now, can I finish my bath?"

Looking slightly confused, Rinoa walked down the hallway to her dorm.  She decided to wait until later to take a bath.  But could it be that Selphie was acting normal again?

*Laguna's Trauma: Part II*

"Um, Mr. Loire, I seriously don't think it's a good idea to take that with you," Quistis said eyeing his machine gun.

"Why not?  I take Giggles with me everywhere!"

"Uh excuse me?  Will you repeat that last part?" she asked, trying to keep polite.

"I take Giggles with me everywhere,"

"And…Giggles is…?" As an answer, Laguna held up his machine gun.  Quistis shook her head and looked back out the cockpit window. 

"I'm boooooooorrrrrreeeedddd!" Laguna complained pacing the length of the cockpit.  "I wanna do something!"

            Throw yourself out the window, do us all a favor…

"Wouldn't it be great if you could read minds?" it was a random comment, and he knew it.  But he had always wondered.

Crap, I hope he isn't hinting at anything! 

"Uh, no it wouldn't," she answered.  "Then you would be able to tell if people don't like you…and…stuff."

"So?  It would still be cool.  And think of it this way, if they didn't like you, then you could blow them up!" Quistis flinched and decided that she wouldn't say anything.  So, because she wasn't talking, he decided that he would.

"Yeah, so I have this huge rash on my stomach!  You should see it!" he exclaimed as he started lifting his shirt.  Hyne, help me.

*SOFT's Second Plan*

"Alright, now that we have our real weapons," Anna said looking over at BreeAnne.  "Then we have to talk to our computer hacker!" she threw the walkie talkie to Charity.  "That's your job!  Tell her that she needs to hack into Happyville Psychiatric Center's computer and shut down all of their security cameras."

Charity smiled big and brought the communication device to her mouth, "Nny, we have a, uh, situation 49-20 here on the chocobo's rear end," she said importantly.

"What was that?" Nny's voice came from the other end.

Charity rolled her eyes and said, "Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"I suppose, if you're going to talk like that,"

"We need you to shut off the Psychiatric Center's security cameras,"

"Will do," typing could be heard in the background.  "Okay, you have about twenty minutes approximately," Nny's voice said happily.

"You are cooler than a pig biscuit," Charity exclaimed and put the walkie talkie on her hip.  "Done!" she smiled. 

"Alright, now you get a hold of Anastasia and get the information," Anna said grabbing her cell phone and handing it to Mickayla.

As Mickayla talked on the phone, Ryuu started drawing out a detailed map and walkthrough of their plan.  The briefing sounded a lot like, "We will start at point A, and work our way to point B.  Between there, we will stop at point C and D for a break…" Everyone listened, listened and pretended like they understood what was going on, or slept. 

"Everyone understand?" she finally asked looking up from her map with a big cheesy smile.  All the girls nodded, except for Aislinn who had fallen asleep.  Moomba nudged the cowgirl with her elbow and she yawned.

"Hmmm?" she looked around and waited for her eyes to adjust to the light, "yeah, bright and clear."

Ryuu smiled again, "Good!"

"Squall is in room number 432, on the second floor, and it is guarded heavily!" Mickayla announced setting the phone down.  Everyone groaned. 

Standing up, BreeAnne started to pace between the members of the fanclub, "Alright girls.  This is it.  The final battle.  I don't need to tell you how important it is.  So lets go in there and bust some butt!" everyone cheered and got up.

"Wait!!!  Wait!!!" came a voice from behind them.  Huffing and puffing, a girl came up from behind.  Her short blond hair was untidy and she had several papers in her hand.  "I…need to…talk…to your…leader," she said between gasping for breath.

"What is it?" Anna asked stepping forward.

"Can I please, please, please, please, please join the fanclub?" she asked clasping her hands together and getting on her knees, in the begging position.  "I am just another helpless Squall fanatic!"

"Well, most of our meetings are held in Garden…"

"Oh, oh, oh!  I'll get a ride!  I'll move there if I have to!" she continued to plead.

"You love Squall right?"

"YES!"

"Then, welcome to the club!" almost everyone said in unison.  The girl almost passed out with joy. 

"What's your name?" Moomba asked.

"Grasshopper."

"Welcome, young Grasshopper," Charity said sarcastically. 

"Now…come on everyone!  We must rescue Squall!" Mickayla reminded everyone.  Importantly, they all turned to face the Psychiatric Center and started walking slowly toward their destination.

*Selphie*

After being in the bath almost all day, Selphie decided she would get out.  Actually, it was more like after every single member of Garden came knocking at her door, complaining for the lack of hot water, she was forced to get out.

So, stepped out and quickly put some pajamas on.  The plan was to watch movies and snuggle up and go to sleep, but that was highly unlikely.  For one, her favorite movie, 'Steel Magnolias' looked like it had been thrown around the room and was crushed.  Another thing was that she realized something she hadn't before.

When Selphie set foot in Garden, she was so ready to take a bath that that was the only thing on her mind.  She didn't notice her vandalized Irvine shrine until she got out of the bath. 

Mouth hanging wide open, she stared at the several drawn on posters.  "Irvy?  Who did this to you?" she whispered and put her head against one of the posters, stroking it.  "You say Squall did?  How dare he!" Talking to inanimate objects…not a good sign. Maybe she should be in the Nuthouse as well.

*BREAK IN!*

All eight of the fangirls were leaned up against the outside of the Psychiatric Center, all murmuring and trying to remain 'hidden'. 

"Okay," Anna whispered, putting a finger against her mouth to silence everyone.  "On the count of three.  One, two…THREE!"

The horde of girls stampeded through the doors, weapons raised, trying to look dangerous.  The woman behind the counter stared at them with wide eyes and stayed frozen to her spot.

"Put the money in the bag!" Charity yelled.

Moomba slapped herself in the forehead and nudged the over excited girl, "Wrong line smart one," she said rolling her eyes.  Charity blushed and looked back at everyone for help.

"Group huddle!" BreeAnne shouted, and with that everyone huddled together to see what she had to say.

"Okay, since the direct assault didn't work," she looked at Charity, trying to hold back a laugh, "we need to CHARGE!"

All the girls nodded and turned to look at the hallway. 

"FOR SQUALL!" they yelled in unison, and then they started running down the hall, leaving the woman looking horrorstruck and horribly confused.

"C'mon girls!" Mickayla yelled raising her sword.  The fanclub followed in suit.  Even though most of the hallway wasn't guarded, it wasn't long before there were personnel following them shouting angrily.

The battle for Squall had begun.  Who would win?

*Laguna's Trauma: Part III*

"CHAAAARGE!" the middle aged man screamed jumping off of the airship. 

Agitatedly, Quistis put her palm against her forehead, "President Loire, must you always insist on taking things so drastically?" she asked.  Yet, the man just continued running with his machine gun held above his head, babbling incoherently.

My rank is going to go down because of him.  Oh well, as long as there aren't any casualties they can't do much, she told herself optimistically and followed him through the bustling streets.

"Now, uh.  Where exactly are we going Ms. Trepe?" Laguna turned to face the SeeD. 

Quistis slapped herself on the forehead, "I thought you knew the name of the place!"  Sadly, Laguna shook his head.  Now stark raving mad, however managing to keep her cool, Quistis said through gritted teeth, "Alrighty then, there can't possibly be that many psychiatric centers in Dollet can there?"

*Change to Plan C*

"We've caught the intruders sir," Rudy (a.k.a the guy who was knocked out by Selphie) said in salute to a doctor, "but we didn't have enough rooms for them all.  We put them in room 528."

"TOGETHER?!" the doctor raged.  Flinching at the sudden burst of anger, Rudy nodded.  "Then you will have to watch them and make sure they can't get out."

"Yes sir!" the man said almost military style.  Casually waving him off the doctor returned to his work. 

Rudy walked, beaming down the hallway.  Last week he had let one of the prisoners escape, but no!  Not this week.  He wasn't going to fall for any of those stupid tricks.  Feeling rather important at the time, he swung the door open to room 528 to see eight girls tied up in straightjackets and looking quite defeated.  Smiling, he stood inside the room and assumed his 'tough guy' position, where he crossed his arms across his chest and tried to look threatening.

Either out of boredom or really losing her mind, BreeAnne was banging her head on the padded floor.  "Guys this is fun!  You've gotta try it!"

"Group huddle!" Anna called.  Everyone began scooting on their butts to a place in the middle of the room and started to talk in whispers.

"We have to get out of here!" the leader announced.  All the girls rolled their eyes.

"We know," everyone said in unison.

"Any ideas?" Ryuu asked looking around. 

"Spoons!" Charity exclaimed.  "We can dig out using spoons!"

"Where would we get the spoons?" Aislinn pointed out.

"Didn't BreeAnne exchange everyone's weapons?  Did anyone keep theirs?" Grasshopper looked around hopefully at all the blank expressions.

"I did!" Mickayla smiled, "But I'm not sure what good a curling iron is going to do us, besides they took it away." Everyone moaned.

"Anyone have magic left?  Or did they take that too?"

"I do!  I do!" Moomba exclaimed.  "I managed to save one Confuse!"

"That's great!  Hit him with it!" Anna said pointing to Rudy.

"Ahem…I can't use my hands," she said looking down at the straight jacket.

"Oh that's right…" the fanclub was silent for a while as everyone mused about how they would be escaping. 

"I know!  We can use our telepathic powers to send him away!" BreeAnne said a little too loud.  It didn't matter how many times people told them, most of the girls in the fanclub were positive they had telepathy. 

Everyone began concentrating really hard, except for Grasshopper who looked around confusedly.  Before long she decided she might as well join in.  Aislinn continued to look at everyone and think Squall fans are way too weird. 

Rudy, who was still too busy trying to look cool didn't notice anything going on.  Even if the girls were really telepathic, his head would be too thick to get into.  Aislinn, noticing this, decided she would help.  "Hey, um buddy," she called to him.

Without turning around, he grunted as if making it clear he was listening.  "Hey, there are only eight of us here,"

"Yeah?" he said, still facing away.  This was a good thing; being that seven out of the eight girls had their eyes shut tight and were murmuring random things. 

"Well…uh, Martha isn't here," Aislinn lied.

"Martha?"

"Yeah, she came in with us and pft, she's gone.  Probably off trying to get Squall to marry her or something."

"She's disturbing the other patients?!" he roared.

"Most likely.  You might want to go look for her." Aislinn advised, trying to disguise her snickering as coughing.

"Revenge shall be mine!" he yelled charging out of the room.  Smiling in triumph, she shook (er…rather nudged with her shoulder) the person closest to her, Moomba. 

"Let's get outta here!" the two girls worked on getting the rest of the members out of their 'state of concentration', then they all made their way out, hopping on their butts.  All of them thinking that it was their telepathy that saved the day.

"Where are we going?" Ryuu asked looking at Anna.

"Psh, I don't know!  Let's get these off first!" the brunette said, referring to the straightjackets. Fortunately for them, the halls were empty.  Rudy had obviously gotten everyone running around on the wild goose chase trying to find the Martha that didn't exist.

The first one to get out of her straightjacket was Charity.  Using her teeth, Mickayla had undone Charity's bindings and so now, the brunette was busy getting everyone else out of theirs.  It was a long process, but it wasn't too long before it was done with. 

Finally, able to stand up and use their arms properly again, the fanclub decide to have a meeting in the nearest bathroom.  Being out of weapons, and definitely out of plans, they were forced to muse for a while.  As much as they hated to admit it, they were all out of ideas.

So, the plan was to make it up as they went.  Hurriedly, the fanclub ran down the abandoned halls, hoping they wouldn't run into any trouble.  Finally, they had made it to Squall's room, to find that that was where all the staff seemed to be. 

"Yes, her name is Martha," Rudy was telling everyone.  "Are you sure you haven't seen her?" all the doctors shook his or her head.  Looking tired and impatient, Rudy continued, "Then could you possibly help me find her?"

"We'll look, you stay here," one of them finally said.  "This guy is a special case, someone needs to keep watch at all times." Forgetting all about his other job, Rudy smiled and nodded.  The lot of doctors ran down the hall.

"Hey, Moomba.  You still have that Confuse don't you?" Ryuu whispered.  Moomba nodded.  "Aim it for Rudy."

Smiling uncomfortably, she did as she was told.  "Confuse," she whispered, but she didn't aim well and she hit Grasshopper instead.

Aislinn hit herself in the forehead.  "Good job, now what do we do?" Grasshopper began jumping the hallway in such a fashion she really did resemble a grasshopper. 

"We can use her as a decoy!" Anna exclaimed watching the girl spin in circles.  "Go that way!" she pointed to where Rudy stood.  Grasshopper began to hop but in the opposite direction.

"She's confused, we won't be able to communicate with her," Mickayla pointed out.

"Charity!" BreeAnne yelled, "You never really make sense, see if you can communicate with her!"

Beaming, she complied.  Everyone watched as she worked her magic on the confused girl, and what really made them happy is that Grasshopper did understand her.  The crazed girl started running in circles directly in front of Rudy.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked, standing away from the wall.  "What…how?  Did you get out of your room?" 

Much to everyone's liking, he started chasing after her, giving them time to run into Squall's room.  Right before they opened the door, BreeAnne turned around and whispered, "Haste," sending the spell directly to Grasshopper. 

"Where did you get that?!" Moomba asked.

"I always carry Hastes with me!" the blond said smiling widely. 

"Apparently," Ryuu mumbled.

"Ready?" Anna said; her hand was on the doorknob.  "One, two, three!" she flung the door open, and in a frenzy of screaming and jumping up and down, the girls ran in and carried the estranged SeeD out. 

Finally, a successful mission.

*Laguna's Trauma: Part IV*

Quistis held her chain whip over her head.  They had visited seventeen different psychiatric centers!  Of course, not one of them was the one they were looking for!  She was starting to doubt whether or not there were that many crazy people in the world.  However, she was quickly losing patience and was on the verge of knocking the President out.

"Hey!  Quistis!  I found it!"  Yeah right.  That's what he said last time, and the time before, and the time before that. 

Automatically upon getting close to the building, the man collapsed on the ground and started to army crawl in.  Quistis however was not in the mood for joking around and resumed walking normally beside him. 

"That isn't safe!" he said pulling on her leg, causing her to collapse next to him. 

"President Loire, we are never going to get there if you insist on crawling all the way," she said angrily.  Laguna licked his dry lips and nodded. 

"Yeah, we'll have to charge in there, demand they send him out, and charge back out!" he got up and cocked his machine gun.  "C'mon Ms. Trepe!  No one lives forever!" Then he ran.  Waving his machine gun over his head like a crazed maniac.

Quistis shook her head; this could cost her her job.  But she continued to follow the man.  When she got inside the psychiatric center, it was too late.

"Nobody move!  This is a stick-up!" he ordered pointing Giggles at everyone who happened to be in the entryway at that minute. 

Quistis shook her head and stood behind him, mouthing, "He isn't serious, don't mind him.  He's unstable."

"Quisty!  C'mon!  Let's go get'em!" 

Rolling her eyes, she followed him through the halls again.  It surprised even her how much energy Laguna had as a man his age.  She kept up with him, and when they finally found the room that Squall was supposed to be in, it was surrounded by personnel. 

"What's happened?!" he exclaimed.

"We've had a break out…" the doctor said eyeing the machine gun, but didn't say anything about it. 

Keeping her professional look to her, Quistis looked at the doctor, "Is it anything serious that needs taken care of?"

"No, a bunch of teenage girls just stampeded in here and carried the SeeD commander out."

"Squall!  He's alive!  HE'S ALIVE!" Laguna said as he dramatically dropped to his knees.  "Well, then I guess we're done here.  Come on Quistis!"

Quistis put a single hand against her forehead.  He's trying to kill me, that's it.  She followed the middle aged man out of the psychiatric center. 

"I'm sorry," he was saying to all the people who were still petrified with fear in the entryway.  "I didn't mean it, I'm sorry.  You can go back to doing what ever you were doing."

Needless to say, she was a very happy bunny when they got back to the Ragnarok.  She sat in the pilot seat.  All I have to do is take him back to Esthar, then I can go home and relax in a nice hot bath. 

Much to her liking, most of the trip was silent.  Laguna was wandering around the ship messing with whatever he could get his hands on.  After a few minute however he was back in the cockpit. 

She wasn't paying much attention to him however, she was trying to keep both eyes concentrating on where she was steering the ship.  "What does this button do?" he asked, sporting a small machine. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sorry if anyone thought we 'bashed' them for the fangirls.  We had to come up with some of it while we were at play rehearsal, and quite frankly we've been running out of ideas.  However, there is a good chance there will a be a sequel.  Just let us get our brains functioning properly again.  (Too many late nights with Pixie Stix).  We might post something as a 'space filler' to let you know if whether or not we will actually write a sequel.  Hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to review!   Oh!  And Alyssa Wallis has full credit of the words 'pig biscuit'.