Welcome back..::yawns widely:: hmmm, need to wake up... CHOCOLATE! Okay, so
here's today's thank-you's and random notes:
Emily Hato: You can always find out if you were the first reviewer by checking out the review history, and going to the bottom, I believe. That should be the first one, maybe it is you. As for the Captain Obvious thing..shhhhhh, my brother made that up and he would be very unhappy to know it already exists... so don't tell him!!! ^_^ course you don't even know who he is..
Artsyangel3: I'll try to put in da Wu-man sumtime if you want him.. But tell me if he should be a bad guy or a good guy, k? Otherwise, you might not like how I make him to fit the plot, which is constantly changing anyways. Thx for the review! Unfortunetly, I'm no good at writing things with Wufei as the main character, so chances are that you won't find him having a major part in any fic...
: ): Honestly, I dunno what Heero'll be like, but I'll figure it out eventually.. Yes my pretty, poppies will make them sleep.. Poppies... ^_^" that had nothing to do with anything, but OH WELL! ::faints from exhaustion:: oh right, I have to write the fic...::Snores::
Sir-Gabs-a-Lot: whoa! Okay let me have a minute to read this... okay now let me try to understand that... okie I THINK I GOT IT NOW!!!! I not in track, but I's in touch football, so lotsa running in that...yipes I'd hate to be your sis. wrecking a good printer like that shame on u! I'm not crazy either! ::looks over at right shoulder:: Right, Bob? You can see bob the evil Russian cotton ball, can't you??????? Someday he'll kill you all!!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA... Okay now to write the fic in my half-dead, half- crazy, half-sugar charged state. WHEEEE
Nebody I missed, then too bad. You weren't cool enough for this crew. Here's a Bush Quote for you , from "They Misunderestimated me!" The Very Curious Language of George W. Bush: " I do not believe we've put a guilty- I mean innocent- person to death in the state of Texas." More later!
Warnings: um. strange AUness, don't take it for fact, it isn't just trust me on this. PG-13 'cuz of stuff I can't say now 'cuz it wrecks my attempt at suspension here.. Okay? You'll know when you read it why it's the way it is.. "That's the way it's gonna be little darlin'!" oh boy, I need a drink.
Okay chappie..::looks at list:: 4! Right that's right-four!
Chapter 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could barely contain myself as I stormed into the Art Class. Of course, physically I didn't look any different. I was too good of a cover- up to show that out loud. My eyes, though, shone with a deadly power, and the rate of my footsteps pounding just slightly faster on the ground was my sign that I was angry, raging. Taking a seat, I faced the board silently as I forced myself to go through my calming ritual. Starting at my toes, I would work my way up to my legs, up to my chest, through to my head, into the deep centers of my brain. Slowly I felt my thoughts quell, boil down into a simple thought. 'the Japanese boy must die' Looking across the small table, who should I see but the same mess of brown hair covering the bronze-skinned head, which encased those two steely blue eyes. He was sitting next to a boy of Chinese descent, who seemed to like the quiet of his table very much. He did not, however, like my hair. "Look at that weakling, wearing his hair long and down like an onna, he could have at least put it in a ponytail..injustice.." He muttered throughout the entire lesson. We were supposed to draw something, whatever struck our imagination, for the next week. Looking across at the Chinese boy, who I learned was named "Wufei" I noticed he was drawing what looked like a robot.. Above it seemed to fly a bird, but it was sketchy still, so I wasn't sure about that. The Japanese boy seemed to be self-indulged in his own work, which was hard to make out anything, as he had started with individual lines instead of basic shapes.
Looking down at my sheet, I realized, of course, that my sheet was blank. They wouldn't know what to do if I drew what came to my head, because I know what would come to mine, and it isn't pretty. Same images always inside me, torturing my soul, can't get 'em out.. But I've gotten used to it. The Art teacher tried to get me to draw, to do something, but had soon given up when there was no response at all. 'if you're so insightive' I thought 'why don't YOU tell me what's in my head?' At the end of the lesson, she still collected my sheet with everybody else's, putting my student ID "10447" on it, because of course I had only nicknames, no real names.
But I'll always have my real name, always keep it. Other then the dove, it's all I have left of that time before the silence, the Joy time, the Time of Sunshine... Shaking my head slightly, I got up and took my books and pencils and walked silently out the door, ready to freak out my new dorm mate during recess. Picking up my pace, I decided I wanted to be first, so I could claim the top bunk. Always safer up there, instead of down, down...
Unfortunately, I didn't get there first. Although the door was closed, I could see by the light filtering through the bottom that someone was already there. Taking out the small, silver key, I unlocked the door to come face to face with-him. Of course. Cobalt eyes gazed angrily up at me, while my emotionless violet ones stared back. Deciding not to waste time doing nothing but look at his eyes, I put down my stuff and claimed the unoccupied top bunk. Jumping up, I hooked my arm around the post and easily pulled myself into the cot. I couldn't believe the softness of it. I'd almost forgotten how soft a bed could be.
Target Enemy just stayed on the floor where he was, staring up at me, while I looked away. He'd loose attention eventually, everybody did. 15 minutes later, I looked back again, to see he was still looking at me with that weird gaze. What was with this guy? I felt my anger riling up again, so hard I couldn't contain it. Instead I just turned my back again. He would feel my wrath eventually..
I kept shifting. I knew this guy was somehow breaking through my barriers, but how? Again I tried to build my defense back up, but it was still bending and shifting. How could this guy be so piercing? He hadn't talked the whole time we'd been in here, and recess was half-over. And he was the one I had to kill, why not now? Why not show the emotion I wanted to show after 8 years of waiting, of plotting.. But had I grown so afraid of my own true feelings that I could not show them at all? I tried to force myself forward, to roll off the bed, to strangle him, to yell in his ear why he should die, had to die, must die by my hands. In my mind's eye I could see him struggling, fighting, then eventually giving up, going limp for forever, a taste of his own vile medicine.
He was still sitting on the floor, staring up at me, then I could see his lips move before I heard a rich baritone voice spill out a moment later, saying "I know what you're going through, and I've been there before." WHAT? That creep, that murderer knew what I'd been through? He'd experienced it? Well, no shit he did! He made me what I am.. He did it to me.
Looking through new eyes, I could see me leaning over his head, which was lying on the ground, bleeding freely, whispering hoarsely in his ear, in a voice I hadn't heard for years except in my head "No. You have not been what I've been through yet. Let me tell you a little story.." I said quietly, remembering how every moment happened, for it was frozen in my mind, and will always be there.
::8 years earlier, L2 colony::
The rain pounds steadily on the ground. I can feel my heartbeat mixing in, fast as a rabbit's in my fear. Cuddling closer to my mother, I fell her arm wrap around me, squeezing me, holding me tight. She leans up closer, and in her soft, velvety voice, now filled with the same terror I am feeling, says "Shhh. just be quiet, just be quiet.." I don't know why we are hiding under this shelter underneath an overhang, I don't know why we are so afraid, but we are. And I feel it too. My little brother, still a baby, whimpers and tosses and turns, not used to the cold air, the pounding rain. Neither am I. Drenched to the bone with my thin dress shirt and easy-going pants, I shiver a bit, but, heeding my mother's warnings, I stay quiet, stay hidden, stay safe..
Shouts from down the street. A language I can't understand. I don't understand anything right now, I'm so lost, so afraid, but not alone, not alone. As long as my mother and Solo are with me, it will be alright. There was no father, we never speak of him, never talk of him. I don't know what a Father is, all I know is that we don't have one. The footsteps come closer, I feel my heart beating loudly, they're going to find us, going to.. Suddenly I realize that I don't know what they're going to do to us. The footsteps slow down to a pacing walk, investigating every corner, every street, every sidewalk. A loud order, followed by a quickening pace as a man checks the street around us. Mother scrunches into the shadows, I follow her, dragged along by her sharp, strong hand. Her nails dig into my arm, and me, not used to the pain, shout out loudly at the sensations tingling across my arms. My screech echoes around the cold, wet cobbled streets, and a moment later , a quickening step tell me that the soldiers are coming this way, coming towards my screech, my sob of pain mixed with the adrenalin of hiding from these faceless enemies. More pain, the one in my arm replaced with ones in my head, on my leg, my chest. My eyes turn red, I can't see, I taste blood. I see guns, pointed and long, cocked right towards my head, as I hear voices saying, this time in Common "Is this the one we need?" A deeper voice says back "No, the younger one, the baby..." Glancing up, I see grey uniforms that had been surrounding me, pushing me, pulling me, but letting up as I look over towards where my mother was, just a moment ago, her face in horror at the noise I'd made. She was being surrounded by a whole mob of the grey uniforms and glistening guns, and in the midst of it all stood a young boy. My age, he looked. He was holding a gun as well, and staring straight at me with dead eyes. Eyes that had only seen death. Blue eyes the colour of a cold winter's storm. Chocolate locks of hair covers his forehead, plastered down by the rain. He gazes at me for a few more seconds before turning and looking straight at my mother. I could see death looming in her eyes the second the uniforms swarmed on her. I shut my glazed, red-tinted eyes, afraid to see what was there, and what wouldn't there soon..
My mother was slumped over, still clutching something, but it was not the baby anymore. Forcing my legs to move again, I stumble through the rain, across the now-vacant street, devoid of the army men or the small, quiet boy, shouts still ringing in my ears from streets two or three blocks down. I can see now, the red has turned to pink, ,then is gone as tears run down my cheeks. I can see she is dying, even in my young state, I can see she is falling, not going to come back. I scurry over to her side as fast as I can, falling over to lean over her head, tears choking up my throat as I whisper "Common mum, get up, please. We have to go, they could come back-" I'm cut off by her whisper "No, they won't be.. They've got what they wanted." She groans, I can see her pain, and she takes her hand away from her chest, still clutching it into a fist. Gasping, I see the huge gash tearing across her, sending little crimson rivlets into the gutters beyond. Gazing into her eyes, I see no anger, only sorrow, only loss. "They. they took Solo. I only have you now, only you.." She groaned, squinting her eyes tight, and I hear myself, in my boyish 7-year old voice, calling out "shhh, don't talk, be silent, be quiet." She smiles faintly, saying "No, this I can't be silent for. I must do this now." She opens her fist, thrusting something small into my hand. "This, was mine, was Solo's, and now should be yours. Take it, keep it, to remember . us by." She shudders violently, then says "I love you Duo, and you'll always be in my heart." Giving a final shake, she relaxes suddenly, her arm falling limp on her bleeding chest. Her eyes gaze up at the heavens, blank, soulless, empty. My heart feels empty too. I cry out to the world around me, not caring, not caring, I just want this pain to end.
It's worse then any pain I've experienced before, sending bursts of licking flame up into my stomach, clutching up my chest so I can't breath, can't think, can't feel. Only one thought burns in my head now, 'If only I'd stayed silent' If I could have just stayed quiet, none of this would've happened. We'd be safe, we'd be free. I vow I will never break my promise to Mother again, for I failed her, and she died for it. I failed her, and my brother was lost to me, never to be seen again. I will not fail this time. From now on, I am nanashi, the silent one, never again will I speak and ruin somebody's life. I will stay quiet, so I won't have to see that again.
That night, I wrote the last thing I've written for 8 years. A simple haiku. As the red sun sets, So does my poor, tortured soul Going as they came. I promised that that would be the last thing I would write, until the sun rose again, until my mother's blank sightless eyes, looking at the sky, could find that sun shining on her head.
::8 years later::
"..you were that small boy. I saw you hand the gun to that man, I saw you 8 years ago, and I didn't do anything." I whispered, finishing my tale. Leaning up closer, I said so quietly, it could have been the wind "And now, you must die." I needed his to be staring sightlessly into the sky. But this time, I would make sure he'd never see the sun.
TBC...
Well, there's the big secret. hope that was traumatic enough for the treatment he gave it.. Tell me if I can change anything by giving me a review! Just one easy letter can get you a much better fic! Call now at 1- 800-FOR-A-FIC and receive a free thank-you note from me, Du-Kun! ::leans over phone expectantly:: common... I know they'll come eventually..
Wufei: I only appeared once in this fic, and it was in a weakling Art class! Injustice!
DK: well, best I could do under short notice,. W: well do better!!! DK: ^_^" okay.. I'll try..
Emily Hato: You can always find out if you were the first reviewer by checking out the review history, and going to the bottom, I believe. That should be the first one, maybe it is you. As for the Captain Obvious thing..shhhhhh, my brother made that up and he would be very unhappy to know it already exists... so don't tell him!!! ^_^ course you don't even know who he is..
Artsyangel3: I'll try to put in da Wu-man sumtime if you want him.. But tell me if he should be a bad guy or a good guy, k? Otherwise, you might not like how I make him to fit the plot, which is constantly changing anyways. Thx for the review! Unfortunetly, I'm no good at writing things with Wufei as the main character, so chances are that you won't find him having a major part in any fic...
: ): Honestly, I dunno what Heero'll be like, but I'll figure it out eventually.. Yes my pretty, poppies will make them sleep.. Poppies... ^_^" that had nothing to do with anything, but OH WELL! ::faints from exhaustion:: oh right, I have to write the fic...::Snores::
Sir-Gabs-a-Lot: whoa! Okay let me have a minute to read this... okay now let me try to understand that... okie I THINK I GOT IT NOW!!!! I not in track, but I's in touch football, so lotsa running in that...yipes I'd hate to be your sis. wrecking a good printer like that shame on u! I'm not crazy either! ::looks over at right shoulder:: Right, Bob? You can see bob the evil Russian cotton ball, can't you??????? Someday he'll kill you all!!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA... Okay now to write the fic in my half-dead, half- crazy, half-sugar charged state. WHEEEE
Nebody I missed, then too bad. You weren't cool enough for this crew. Here's a Bush Quote for you , from "They Misunderestimated me!" The Very Curious Language of George W. Bush: " I do not believe we've put a guilty- I mean innocent- person to death in the state of Texas." More later!
Warnings: um. strange AUness, don't take it for fact, it isn't just trust me on this. PG-13 'cuz of stuff I can't say now 'cuz it wrecks my attempt at suspension here.. Okay? You'll know when you read it why it's the way it is.. "That's the way it's gonna be little darlin'!" oh boy, I need a drink.
Okay chappie..::looks at list:: 4! Right that's right-four!
Chapter 4 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I could barely contain myself as I stormed into the Art Class. Of course, physically I didn't look any different. I was too good of a cover- up to show that out loud. My eyes, though, shone with a deadly power, and the rate of my footsteps pounding just slightly faster on the ground was my sign that I was angry, raging. Taking a seat, I faced the board silently as I forced myself to go through my calming ritual. Starting at my toes, I would work my way up to my legs, up to my chest, through to my head, into the deep centers of my brain. Slowly I felt my thoughts quell, boil down into a simple thought. 'the Japanese boy must die' Looking across the small table, who should I see but the same mess of brown hair covering the bronze-skinned head, which encased those two steely blue eyes. He was sitting next to a boy of Chinese descent, who seemed to like the quiet of his table very much. He did not, however, like my hair. "Look at that weakling, wearing his hair long and down like an onna, he could have at least put it in a ponytail..injustice.." He muttered throughout the entire lesson. We were supposed to draw something, whatever struck our imagination, for the next week. Looking across at the Chinese boy, who I learned was named "Wufei" I noticed he was drawing what looked like a robot.. Above it seemed to fly a bird, but it was sketchy still, so I wasn't sure about that. The Japanese boy seemed to be self-indulged in his own work, which was hard to make out anything, as he had started with individual lines instead of basic shapes.
Looking down at my sheet, I realized, of course, that my sheet was blank. They wouldn't know what to do if I drew what came to my head, because I know what would come to mine, and it isn't pretty. Same images always inside me, torturing my soul, can't get 'em out.. But I've gotten used to it. The Art teacher tried to get me to draw, to do something, but had soon given up when there was no response at all. 'if you're so insightive' I thought 'why don't YOU tell me what's in my head?' At the end of the lesson, she still collected my sheet with everybody else's, putting my student ID "10447" on it, because of course I had only nicknames, no real names.
But I'll always have my real name, always keep it. Other then the dove, it's all I have left of that time before the silence, the Joy time, the Time of Sunshine... Shaking my head slightly, I got up and took my books and pencils and walked silently out the door, ready to freak out my new dorm mate during recess. Picking up my pace, I decided I wanted to be first, so I could claim the top bunk. Always safer up there, instead of down, down...
Unfortunately, I didn't get there first. Although the door was closed, I could see by the light filtering through the bottom that someone was already there. Taking out the small, silver key, I unlocked the door to come face to face with-him. Of course. Cobalt eyes gazed angrily up at me, while my emotionless violet ones stared back. Deciding not to waste time doing nothing but look at his eyes, I put down my stuff and claimed the unoccupied top bunk. Jumping up, I hooked my arm around the post and easily pulled myself into the cot. I couldn't believe the softness of it. I'd almost forgotten how soft a bed could be.
Target Enemy just stayed on the floor where he was, staring up at me, while I looked away. He'd loose attention eventually, everybody did. 15 minutes later, I looked back again, to see he was still looking at me with that weird gaze. What was with this guy? I felt my anger riling up again, so hard I couldn't contain it. Instead I just turned my back again. He would feel my wrath eventually..
I kept shifting. I knew this guy was somehow breaking through my barriers, but how? Again I tried to build my defense back up, but it was still bending and shifting. How could this guy be so piercing? He hadn't talked the whole time we'd been in here, and recess was half-over. And he was the one I had to kill, why not now? Why not show the emotion I wanted to show after 8 years of waiting, of plotting.. But had I grown so afraid of my own true feelings that I could not show them at all? I tried to force myself forward, to roll off the bed, to strangle him, to yell in his ear why he should die, had to die, must die by my hands. In my mind's eye I could see him struggling, fighting, then eventually giving up, going limp for forever, a taste of his own vile medicine.
He was still sitting on the floor, staring up at me, then I could see his lips move before I heard a rich baritone voice spill out a moment later, saying "I know what you're going through, and I've been there before." WHAT? That creep, that murderer knew what I'd been through? He'd experienced it? Well, no shit he did! He made me what I am.. He did it to me.
Looking through new eyes, I could see me leaning over his head, which was lying on the ground, bleeding freely, whispering hoarsely in his ear, in a voice I hadn't heard for years except in my head "No. You have not been what I've been through yet. Let me tell you a little story.." I said quietly, remembering how every moment happened, for it was frozen in my mind, and will always be there.
::8 years earlier, L2 colony::
The rain pounds steadily on the ground. I can feel my heartbeat mixing in, fast as a rabbit's in my fear. Cuddling closer to my mother, I fell her arm wrap around me, squeezing me, holding me tight. She leans up closer, and in her soft, velvety voice, now filled with the same terror I am feeling, says "Shhh. just be quiet, just be quiet.." I don't know why we are hiding under this shelter underneath an overhang, I don't know why we are so afraid, but we are. And I feel it too. My little brother, still a baby, whimpers and tosses and turns, not used to the cold air, the pounding rain. Neither am I. Drenched to the bone with my thin dress shirt and easy-going pants, I shiver a bit, but, heeding my mother's warnings, I stay quiet, stay hidden, stay safe..
Shouts from down the street. A language I can't understand. I don't understand anything right now, I'm so lost, so afraid, but not alone, not alone. As long as my mother and Solo are with me, it will be alright. There was no father, we never speak of him, never talk of him. I don't know what a Father is, all I know is that we don't have one. The footsteps come closer, I feel my heart beating loudly, they're going to find us, going to.. Suddenly I realize that I don't know what they're going to do to us. The footsteps slow down to a pacing walk, investigating every corner, every street, every sidewalk. A loud order, followed by a quickening pace as a man checks the street around us. Mother scrunches into the shadows, I follow her, dragged along by her sharp, strong hand. Her nails dig into my arm, and me, not used to the pain, shout out loudly at the sensations tingling across my arms. My screech echoes around the cold, wet cobbled streets, and a moment later , a quickening step tell me that the soldiers are coming this way, coming towards my screech, my sob of pain mixed with the adrenalin of hiding from these faceless enemies. More pain, the one in my arm replaced with ones in my head, on my leg, my chest. My eyes turn red, I can't see, I taste blood. I see guns, pointed and long, cocked right towards my head, as I hear voices saying, this time in Common "Is this the one we need?" A deeper voice says back "No, the younger one, the baby..." Glancing up, I see grey uniforms that had been surrounding me, pushing me, pulling me, but letting up as I look over towards where my mother was, just a moment ago, her face in horror at the noise I'd made. She was being surrounded by a whole mob of the grey uniforms and glistening guns, and in the midst of it all stood a young boy. My age, he looked. He was holding a gun as well, and staring straight at me with dead eyes. Eyes that had only seen death. Blue eyes the colour of a cold winter's storm. Chocolate locks of hair covers his forehead, plastered down by the rain. He gazes at me for a few more seconds before turning and looking straight at my mother. I could see death looming in her eyes the second the uniforms swarmed on her. I shut my glazed, red-tinted eyes, afraid to see what was there, and what wouldn't there soon..
My mother was slumped over, still clutching something, but it was not the baby anymore. Forcing my legs to move again, I stumble through the rain, across the now-vacant street, devoid of the army men or the small, quiet boy, shouts still ringing in my ears from streets two or three blocks down. I can see now, the red has turned to pink, ,then is gone as tears run down my cheeks. I can see she is dying, even in my young state, I can see she is falling, not going to come back. I scurry over to her side as fast as I can, falling over to lean over her head, tears choking up my throat as I whisper "Common mum, get up, please. We have to go, they could come back-" I'm cut off by her whisper "No, they won't be.. They've got what they wanted." She groans, I can see her pain, and she takes her hand away from her chest, still clutching it into a fist. Gasping, I see the huge gash tearing across her, sending little crimson rivlets into the gutters beyond. Gazing into her eyes, I see no anger, only sorrow, only loss. "They. they took Solo. I only have you now, only you.." She groaned, squinting her eyes tight, and I hear myself, in my boyish 7-year old voice, calling out "shhh, don't talk, be silent, be quiet." She smiles faintly, saying "No, this I can't be silent for. I must do this now." She opens her fist, thrusting something small into my hand. "This, was mine, was Solo's, and now should be yours. Take it, keep it, to remember . us by." She shudders violently, then says "I love you Duo, and you'll always be in my heart." Giving a final shake, she relaxes suddenly, her arm falling limp on her bleeding chest. Her eyes gaze up at the heavens, blank, soulless, empty. My heart feels empty too. I cry out to the world around me, not caring, not caring, I just want this pain to end.
It's worse then any pain I've experienced before, sending bursts of licking flame up into my stomach, clutching up my chest so I can't breath, can't think, can't feel. Only one thought burns in my head now, 'If only I'd stayed silent' If I could have just stayed quiet, none of this would've happened. We'd be safe, we'd be free. I vow I will never break my promise to Mother again, for I failed her, and she died for it. I failed her, and my brother was lost to me, never to be seen again. I will not fail this time. From now on, I am nanashi, the silent one, never again will I speak and ruin somebody's life. I will stay quiet, so I won't have to see that again.
That night, I wrote the last thing I've written for 8 years. A simple haiku. As the red sun sets, So does my poor, tortured soul Going as they came. I promised that that would be the last thing I would write, until the sun rose again, until my mother's blank sightless eyes, looking at the sky, could find that sun shining on her head.
::8 years later::
"..you were that small boy. I saw you hand the gun to that man, I saw you 8 years ago, and I didn't do anything." I whispered, finishing my tale. Leaning up closer, I said so quietly, it could have been the wind "And now, you must die." I needed his to be staring sightlessly into the sky. But this time, I would make sure he'd never see the sun.
TBC...
Well, there's the big secret. hope that was traumatic enough for the treatment he gave it.. Tell me if I can change anything by giving me a review! Just one easy letter can get you a much better fic! Call now at 1- 800-FOR-A-FIC and receive a free thank-you note from me, Du-Kun! ::leans over phone expectantly:: common... I know they'll come eventually..
Wufei: I only appeared once in this fic, and it was in a weakling Art class! Injustice!
DK: well, best I could do under short notice,. W: well do better!!! DK: ^_^" okay.. I'll try..