Because I'm A Girl
by Tina Bui
Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.
Author's Notes- I live in Canada so we don't really get the mature version of Serena. All we get is the ditzy and hormonal teenager. I've always wondered how Serena truly dealt with the pain of Nephlite's demise and how her world changed ever since she became Sailor Moon. If I have made any mistakes in the story, please state so in your review. Thank you in advance and let the reading commence.
Chapter One- Breaking Down
She tried convincing herself that it wasn't her fault. That he got whatever he deserved. That he was a bad guy, which technically he was, until he met Molly Osaka, her best friend. That was when she lost it. That was the moment all her walls came tumbling down, crushing her at the same time.
Nephlite was one of Beryl's generals. He was a bad guy. Simple as that, one would think. Who knew that beneath all of his coldness and his lack of emotions, was a man that had the ability to fall in love with her best friend. And had the feeling returned. Molly had loved him with all her heart, even though she didn't even know his real name. She knew him as Maxfield Staton. As a kind and gentle man that had never laid a finger on an insect.
And that was how it started. The two fell in love and she had softened his heart. Molly had ignored all the warnings she had given and even the Scouts. She had risked her life to be with the man she claimed to have loved. She supposed it was fairly romantic, like one of Shakespeare's brilliant plays. One of the world's modern Romeo and Juliet stories.
Maybe that was why everyone thought it was romantic. That two people who were total opposites -- one glowered in darkness while the other bathed in innocence - had fallen in love. But when you put in that position, when your life was at risk as were many others, when you got down to the hard, cold truth, it wasn't romantic. Not at all. Not until you were in that position and had to choose between life and love. Not at all.
If only love was enough, she thought bitterly as the cold October wind made her spine shiver as she walked home from her friend's house. She had just dropped Molly off at her home and immediately started to walk home. She still remembered those three vicious pain-filled words Molly had shouted at her.
"I *hate* you!"
She had meant it, she was sure. More sure than she had ever been in her whole entire life. Her best friend hated her. Wished death upon her, possibly. And she deserved it. Why reason did she have not to? It was her fault that. what happened happened.
"Why didn't you save him? You had the power to save him! Why?"
It was true; she did have the power to save him yet she didn't. She had stood there like a mindless drone that had no emotions. She let the love of her best friend, no, sister's life die. Just because she thought he was evil. He had proven himself over and over that he truly loved Molly but she didn't lift a finger to save him. She thought that since he was with the Negaverse that he was automatically evil. That he couldn't feel a single emotion. She was wrong. Because he did. He did feel and more.
She might as well be labeled his murderer. She didn't kill him but she had a hand in helping Zoicite. She looked down at her hands and winced at the sight. Where there had been soft, delicate hands now turned into a killer's.
She walked faster and surprisingly, didn't jump at the sound of the loud thunderbolt. She didn't run but took her time walking to her home. She was almost near it, only four more blocks and she was home.
But instead of the fleeting happiness that home was only a few minutes away, she felt afraid. What would her family say if they truly knew her and what she had just did? How would they react to having a daughter and a sister as a killer?
The tears came harder now, like with the rain that was falling down like speeding bullets. She was drenched in her school uniform and it was midnight. A girl like her shouldn't be outside at that time; she should be at home, sleeping where she was comforted by her mother's calm, soothing voice. She remembered what her mother used to say when she was scared of the thunderstorms that were raging outside her bedroom window.
"It won't hurt innocent girls."
She believed her mother then and she still believed her now. Was that true? Would it hurt her now since she was not innocent? Her youth and innocence had been stolen away from her the moment she became Sailor Moon. The moment she had taken the life of a youma. Was there anything left that would protect her? That would give her the shelter and warmness she longed?
The answer came as fast as her sudden question. No. It wouldn't. There wasn't anything left that could protect her. Maybe once long ago, but now. now that she had. done what she let happened. There was no more warmth. No more loving arms to soothe her from her nightmares.
She stopped. She was facing straight from her home. She paused and turned the other way. And ran.
She had ran for a good while until she came onto the bridge. She slowly walked to the ledge and looked down at the water that was flowing under. A mucky gray blue was its color. It fit her mood.
The tears wouldn't stop; they wouldn't decease. They kept falling and kept clouding her vision. She chocked back a son and fell down to her knees, her back to the ledge. She wrapped her arms around her knees and let out a cry. She tried not to make a sound but found that she couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop. She wanted all the pain and grief to go away. She wanted the agony gone but most of all, she wanted the guilt to go away. To stop eating away at her.
She never asked for this. She never wanted to become a Scout but did that matter? All that mattered was that it was her destiny. Well, screw destiny, she thought angrily. But the moment she said that, she took it back. Destiny wasn't one to be messed around with. She could always wish that she had a different destiny but that wouldn't change. Couldn't change.
The rain beat down and the raindrops came more frequently and more harsh. As if Mother Nature was punishing her. She felt so alone at that single moment. More alone when her kindergarten teacher singled her out, when she had broke her leg and it took her mother hours to find her in the park. She felt as if the world was singling her out now. Like she was always meant to be alone.
Ami and Rei didn't feel like this, she knew that. Sure, they felt sorry that Nephlite had died, but the guilt was eating at them. Not like it was eating at her. They were alone before they had become Scouts so becoming heroines gave them a sense of pride and content. They had a sense of purpose. But she didn't want that. She was fine with being a ditzy, teenager.
But that didn't matter. Just like always. Her needs and wishes were always second best, if anything.
He supposed it was crazy. Walking in the rain at midnight. But he couldn't sleep. Every time he tried closing his eyes, the sadness came immediately. Not his sadness, but someone else. The pain was so raw that he almost doubled over when it had first hit him.
He turned right at the traffic light and started moving his legs faster. He was driven to the bridge where he then saw her. Serena Tsukino.
They had never been civil to one another. Their routine was simple and one of the most basic. She would bump into him, he would tease her, and she'd get angry and storm away. Never more than teasing. They weren't close friends, or even friends in the slimmest way. They were more like acquaintances that would piss the other off.
But when he saw her and her defeated aura, his heart broke. He could literally hear his cold heart break at the sight of her tears. She looked so lost and sadness was etched everywhere on her beautiful face. Her tears looked like tiny crystals that had fallen from heaven.
He ran to her.
They never were more than friends but he felt as if she was close to him. Like he wanted to shield her away from the pain she was emitting. He reached her in a second and hesitated.
What if she wanted to be alone? What if she hated him that much that she would rather be alone than with him?
A sob was croaked out of her mouth and the questions he had flew out his mind. He knelt down and enveloped her in a warm embrace. She didn't return his hug though. She sat there tense and didn't even attempt to push him off of her. She sat there and cried.
He had heard her cry several times but tonight, it was different. She wasn't whining and pouting over a minor thing. She was crying like she had lost someone.
He gently picked her up and carried her to his apartment. She was drenched and felt warm against his skin. She circled hr arms around his neck and held onto him. He walked as fast as he could but softly all the while.
He opened the front doors of the building and pressed the button for the elevator. It opened quickly and he walked in and pressed for floor '9'. She had stopped her cries and leaned her head in the crook of his neck and rested there for a moment.
He walked out of the elevator and into his apartment where he laid her down on the couch gently. She got off him and sat there, staring straight ahead, her eyes vacant.
He knelt down to meet at her eye level and cringed inwardly. There was no emotion there. Her baby blues were void.
"Serena?" he whispered softly. She slowly slid out of her world and looked at him. Her eyes were searching his for something and then shock came into her eyes.
"Darien?" she spoke audibly. He had to crane his senses to hear her tiny voice. She sounded so small and fragile, as if she could break at any given moment. Her eyes were done with shedding her tears and she looked at him.
"Where am I?" she asked, looking around his apartment.
"At my place, Serena." He answered and took her cold hands into his, trying to give her warmth. He noticed that she was shivering so he took the blanket that was on the couch and wrapped it around her shivering body.
She sneezed and he jumped at the sound. She was sick from staying out in the rain. Panic filled him and he quickly led her into his bedroom. He laid her on his bed and slid the covers over her.
She didn't say anything and eventually, sleep claimed her.
He sat on his chair, looking at the serene picture she made. She looked so beautiful yet the sadness was eating away at her. His curious mind was confused. Why was she so sad? Didn't something happen to drive her to tears?
He didn't like the feeling that was in his heart right now. He felt like killing whomever that made her like this. He hated the fact that she was sick and sad at the same time.
He noticed that his hands were clenched and quickly unclenched them. How was this possible? How was she able to evoke so many emotions in him?
Author's Notes- This is my second fanfic that is in work right now and I hope you like it. This fic will be dark and full of angst so I hope you guys like that sort of stuff. If you have any suggestions or nitpicks, please say so in your review. I'd like to say that since I have another story on my platter (Teardrops) that this story will be second on my list to finish. My first priority is Teardrops but I will try to update this whenever I can.
Disclaimer- this is the standard disclaimer right here and now. I do not own Sailor Moon, and I have no part in it whatsoever. So don't sue me since I'm broke and even if you win, you won't get much so you're wasting your time.
Summary- She was thrown into her destiny, unknown of the repercussions and the life-changing events that would come. Her childhood friend now hated who she was while her new friends didn't understand the depths of her pain. Battered and bruised, she longs to find herself and to be released from her responsibilities.
Author's Notes- I live in Canada so we don't really get the mature version of Serena. All we get is the ditzy and hormonal teenager. I've always wondered how Serena truly dealt with the pain of Nephlite's demise and how her world changed ever since she became Sailor Moon. If I have made any mistakes in the story, please state so in your review. Thank you in advance and let the reading commence.
Chapter One- Breaking Down
She tried convincing herself that it wasn't her fault. That he got whatever he deserved. That he was a bad guy, which technically he was, until he met Molly Osaka, her best friend. That was when she lost it. That was the moment all her walls came tumbling down, crushing her at the same time.
Nephlite was one of Beryl's generals. He was a bad guy. Simple as that, one would think. Who knew that beneath all of his coldness and his lack of emotions, was a man that had the ability to fall in love with her best friend. And had the feeling returned. Molly had loved him with all her heart, even though she didn't even know his real name. She knew him as Maxfield Staton. As a kind and gentle man that had never laid a finger on an insect.
And that was how it started. The two fell in love and she had softened his heart. Molly had ignored all the warnings she had given and even the Scouts. She had risked her life to be with the man she claimed to have loved. She supposed it was fairly romantic, like one of Shakespeare's brilliant plays. One of the world's modern Romeo and Juliet stories.
Maybe that was why everyone thought it was romantic. That two people who were total opposites -- one glowered in darkness while the other bathed in innocence - had fallen in love. But when you put in that position, when your life was at risk as were many others, when you got down to the hard, cold truth, it wasn't romantic. Not at all. Not until you were in that position and had to choose between life and love. Not at all.
If only love was enough, she thought bitterly as the cold October wind made her spine shiver as she walked home from her friend's house. She had just dropped Molly off at her home and immediately started to walk home. She still remembered those three vicious pain-filled words Molly had shouted at her.
"I *hate* you!"
She had meant it, she was sure. More sure than she had ever been in her whole entire life. Her best friend hated her. Wished death upon her, possibly. And she deserved it. Why reason did she have not to? It was her fault that. what happened happened.
"Why didn't you save him? You had the power to save him! Why?"
It was true; she did have the power to save him yet she didn't. She had stood there like a mindless drone that had no emotions. She let the love of her best friend, no, sister's life die. Just because she thought he was evil. He had proven himself over and over that he truly loved Molly but she didn't lift a finger to save him. She thought that since he was with the Negaverse that he was automatically evil. That he couldn't feel a single emotion. She was wrong. Because he did. He did feel and more.
She might as well be labeled his murderer. She didn't kill him but she had a hand in helping Zoicite. She looked down at her hands and winced at the sight. Where there had been soft, delicate hands now turned into a killer's.
She walked faster and surprisingly, didn't jump at the sound of the loud thunderbolt. She didn't run but took her time walking to her home. She was almost near it, only four more blocks and she was home.
But instead of the fleeting happiness that home was only a few minutes away, she felt afraid. What would her family say if they truly knew her and what she had just did? How would they react to having a daughter and a sister as a killer?
The tears came harder now, like with the rain that was falling down like speeding bullets. She was drenched in her school uniform and it was midnight. A girl like her shouldn't be outside at that time; she should be at home, sleeping where she was comforted by her mother's calm, soothing voice. She remembered what her mother used to say when she was scared of the thunderstorms that were raging outside her bedroom window.
"It won't hurt innocent girls."
She believed her mother then and she still believed her now. Was that true? Would it hurt her now since she was not innocent? Her youth and innocence had been stolen away from her the moment she became Sailor Moon. The moment she had taken the life of a youma. Was there anything left that would protect her? That would give her the shelter and warmness she longed?
The answer came as fast as her sudden question. No. It wouldn't. There wasn't anything left that could protect her. Maybe once long ago, but now. now that she had. done what she let happened. There was no more warmth. No more loving arms to soothe her from her nightmares.
She stopped. She was facing straight from her home. She paused and turned the other way. And ran.
She had ran for a good while until she came onto the bridge. She slowly walked to the ledge and looked down at the water that was flowing under. A mucky gray blue was its color. It fit her mood.
The tears wouldn't stop; they wouldn't decease. They kept falling and kept clouding her vision. She chocked back a son and fell down to her knees, her back to the ledge. She wrapped her arms around her knees and let out a cry. She tried not to make a sound but found that she couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop. She wanted all the pain and grief to go away. She wanted the agony gone but most of all, she wanted the guilt to go away. To stop eating away at her.
She never asked for this. She never wanted to become a Scout but did that matter? All that mattered was that it was her destiny. Well, screw destiny, she thought angrily. But the moment she said that, she took it back. Destiny wasn't one to be messed around with. She could always wish that she had a different destiny but that wouldn't change. Couldn't change.
The rain beat down and the raindrops came more frequently and more harsh. As if Mother Nature was punishing her. She felt so alone at that single moment. More alone when her kindergarten teacher singled her out, when she had broke her leg and it took her mother hours to find her in the park. She felt as if the world was singling her out now. Like she was always meant to be alone.
Ami and Rei didn't feel like this, she knew that. Sure, they felt sorry that Nephlite had died, but the guilt was eating at them. Not like it was eating at her. They were alone before they had become Scouts so becoming heroines gave them a sense of pride and content. They had a sense of purpose. But she didn't want that. She was fine with being a ditzy, teenager.
But that didn't matter. Just like always. Her needs and wishes were always second best, if anything.
He supposed it was crazy. Walking in the rain at midnight. But he couldn't sleep. Every time he tried closing his eyes, the sadness came immediately. Not his sadness, but someone else. The pain was so raw that he almost doubled over when it had first hit him.
He turned right at the traffic light and started moving his legs faster. He was driven to the bridge where he then saw her. Serena Tsukino.
They had never been civil to one another. Their routine was simple and one of the most basic. She would bump into him, he would tease her, and she'd get angry and storm away. Never more than teasing. They weren't close friends, or even friends in the slimmest way. They were more like acquaintances that would piss the other off.
But when he saw her and her defeated aura, his heart broke. He could literally hear his cold heart break at the sight of her tears. She looked so lost and sadness was etched everywhere on her beautiful face. Her tears looked like tiny crystals that had fallen from heaven.
He ran to her.
They never were more than friends but he felt as if she was close to him. Like he wanted to shield her away from the pain she was emitting. He reached her in a second and hesitated.
What if she wanted to be alone? What if she hated him that much that she would rather be alone than with him?
A sob was croaked out of her mouth and the questions he had flew out his mind. He knelt down and enveloped her in a warm embrace. She didn't return his hug though. She sat there tense and didn't even attempt to push him off of her. She sat there and cried.
He had heard her cry several times but tonight, it was different. She wasn't whining and pouting over a minor thing. She was crying like she had lost someone.
He gently picked her up and carried her to his apartment. She was drenched and felt warm against his skin. She circled hr arms around his neck and held onto him. He walked as fast as he could but softly all the while.
He opened the front doors of the building and pressed the button for the elevator. It opened quickly and he walked in and pressed for floor '9'. She had stopped her cries and leaned her head in the crook of his neck and rested there for a moment.
He walked out of the elevator and into his apartment where he laid her down on the couch gently. She got off him and sat there, staring straight ahead, her eyes vacant.
He knelt down to meet at her eye level and cringed inwardly. There was no emotion there. Her baby blues were void.
"Serena?" he whispered softly. She slowly slid out of her world and looked at him. Her eyes were searching his for something and then shock came into her eyes.
"Darien?" she spoke audibly. He had to crane his senses to hear her tiny voice. She sounded so small and fragile, as if she could break at any given moment. Her eyes were done with shedding her tears and she looked at him.
"Where am I?" she asked, looking around his apartment.
"At my place, Serena." He answered and took her cold hands into his, trying to give her warmth. He noticed that she was shivering so he took the blanket that was on the couch and wrapped it around her shivering body.
She sneezed and he jumped at the sound. She was sick from staying out in the rain. Panic filled him and he quickly led her into his bedroom. He laid her on his bed and slid the covers over her.
She didn't say anything and eventually, sleep claimed her.
He sat on his chair, looking at the serene picture she made. She looked so beautiful yet the sadness was eating away at her. His curious mind was confused. Why was she so sad? Didn't something happen to drive her to tears?
He didn't like the feeling that was in his heart right now. He felt like killing whomever that made her like this. He hated the fact that she was sick and sad at the same time.
He noticed that his hands were clenched and quickly unclenched them. How was this possible? How was she able to evoke so many emotions in him?
Author's Notes- This is my second fanfic that is in work right now and I hope you like it. This fic will be dark and full of angst so I hope you guys like that sort of stuff. If you have any suggestions or nitpicks, please say so in your review. I'd like to say that since I have another story on my platter (Teardrops) that this story will be second on my list to finish. My first priority is Teardrops but I will try to update this whenever I can.