Disclaimer: I don't presume to own Dark Angel, I could never have the genius to come up with it,
or the stupidity to cancel it. I DO own my original characters.

Author's Note: Asterisks (*) surrounding a sentence signifies a small flashback.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~_~One Week Later~_~

-Got to get me some of her,- was the first thought that came to Billy's mind as he eyed the pretty
blonde at the bar. She sat on a stool, slouched over her drink, and she was still hot. And alone.
Don't forget alone. "Mmm, mmm, mmm."

After staring at her tantalizing figure at the other end of the bar for a few minutes, making sure
she stayed alone, and no boyfriend was about to show up, she looked up at him and met his eyes.
-Not such a bad face to go with that hot body,- Billy noted. He shot her a winning smile and she
returned it. One point in his favor. He was that much closer to getting this fine chick in his bed.

Billy approached her suavely, with a charming grin on his features. "Barkeep," he called when he
reached her side. "Another round for this gorgeous lady." Didn't hurt to exaggerate in her favor.
The barkeep refilled her empty shot glass, and Billy paid him. "And I do mean gorgeous," Billy
went on to the blonde, giving her an appraising look.

"Not so bad yourself," she informed him. Two points. Billy ran a hand through his thick black
hair.

"I know."

"And cocky too!" She was grinning now. "I like that in a man." A momentary look of shock
passed over the blonde's face as she said these words. Great, she was a schizo who didn't know
what she wanted. Oh well. He could probably convince her that *he* was what she wanted. She
looked dumb enough to have people form her opinions for her.

"Well, I assure you, there's a lot more about me to like," Billy said.

"We'll just see about that, now won't we?"

Whoa. To hell with the point system. She was already his. "So, you're looking to find out,
huh?"

"Your place or mine?"

Billy's grin widened. "Yours." Excellent. And in the morning, he'd be gone before she knew
what had hit her. Billy never did like to wake up with some ditz breathing down his neck.

"Let's get out of here."

And the drink was left sitting on the bar, untouched.

********

The door slammed open, and the two of them stumbled in, in a heated frenzy. His lips were all
over hers, hungry, possessive. Her hands ran down his well muscled chest, sliding to the hem of
his shirt and lifting it up. He pulled back just long enough to allow her to remove it, and then he
was on her again. She moaned softly as he moved his lips along her jaw, and down her throat.
He unbuttoned her shirt slowly and deliberately, leaving hot kisses on her smooth skin. She ran
her hands up his back and to his neck in an effort to pull him closer, if at all possible. When her
hands caressed the skin on the back of his neck, he leapt backwards as if he had been burned.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Panting fiercely, his muscles glistening with sweat, he pointed to the door. "Get out," he ordered.

"What?" she asked, not moving toward the door, her shirt handing open and her lipstick smeared
wildly.

"I can't do this," he panted, speaking more to himself than to her. He rubbed the back of his neck
as if it were dirty, and then dragged his hands down his face.

"But Alec," the girl pleaded, "I've seen you, you do this with a different girl practically every
night!"

"Not tonight, I don't," Alec said coldly. "Get out."

The girl's lips trembled. "Is it me? Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, now just go." Alec dragged himself over to the couch and plopped down tiredly onto it.
The girl buttoned up her shirt as she left the apartment quickly.

Alec leapt up from the couch as if he didn't know *where* he should be, and went to the kitchen
to grab a bottle of scotch. He opened it, and took a long gulp, straight from the bottle.

He lowered the bottle, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and paused. What the hell was
his problem? He had set his eyes on that girl more than a month ago, and now that he had finally
gotten her he couldn't stand to even have her touch him? What was going on with him? He
stood still and silent, until the answer came into him with a flash. A flash of her face. It wasn't
the face he would normally be thinking of under such circumstances, not the face that had haunted
him many a night for more than two years and robbed him of sleep. Not brown eyes. Not curly
brown hair. No, he was haunted now by crystal blue eyes and straight blonde hair. Not Rachel.
Asha.

Without even knowing he was doing it, Alec flung the almost full bottle back into the cupboard.
It shattered loudly, smashing several more bottles in it's path. The cupboards shook slightly, from
the force of the throw, and the door swung closed, neatly hiding it's contents. The only indication
anything had changed was the alcohol dribbling from underneath the door. Alec didn't even turn
his head to look at the mess, instead staring off into space, or rather, the picture of her that
remained imprinted in his mind.

Eventually, the constant dribble slowed to a steady drip. Drip, drip, drip. *Am I seeing a pattern
here?* her voice echoed in his head. Drip, drip, drip. There was a pattern alright. Not only did
he always fall for the ones he couldn't have, *shouldn't* have, but he always managed to delude
himself into thinking he didn't. He couldn't count the number of nights back at Manticore in
which he had told himself, over and over, that he hadn't loved Rachel. He could count them for
Asha, however. Seven. Ever since he told her he didn't love her. He had always put up a facade,
convincing himself that Rachel's death hadn't hurt him in the slightest. But this time, this time was
worse. Because losing Asha had most definitely been his fault, no doubt whatsoever, and he
hadn't even allowed himself to notice that when she had closed that door, his heart had lain on the
other side. And now, it was too late to get it back.

Alec staggered backwards until his back hit the fridge, and he sunk to the floor. Drip, drip, drip.
Thud.

********

The key turned in the lock, and they were in. "Want something to drink?" Asha asked as they
entered her apartment.

"Nah," Billy replied, and turned her to face him, immediately capturing her lips with his own.

"Or we could skip it," Asha mumbled, as she kissed him back. His lips were rough against hers.
He was frantic in his eagerness to slip his tongue into her mouth. She allowed him in, only to
discover that the guy just couldn't kiss. He slobbered like a dog.

Ah well. Maybe he could make up for that in other ways. Asha did not resist as he backed her to
the couch. She pulled back momentarily and forced herself to smile at him. "Room's over there."

"Couch is right here." He turned them around and sunk to the couch, grabbing her arm and
clumsily pulling her down with him. His hands were callused and rough, and scratched against
her bare arms.

Asha was reminded of the feeling you get when you come in from the freezing cold and jump into
a hot shower. The rough touch was so different from-

From Alec's hands. *He had one arm wrapped around her shoulders while his other hand gently
stroked her arm.*

Asha jumped up quickly. "Hey, what the hell?" Billy protested.

"I'm not doing this," Asha stated.

-I knew it,- Billy thought. -She's a schizo who doesn't know what she wants.- "Just come on,"
Billy said.

"No!" Asha said, with a disgusted look on her face.

"Listen," Billy said, growing angry, "I didn't come all the way over here just to have you refuse to
put out. I came here to-" Asha turned around and stormed into her room. "Hey, get back here,
I'm talking to you!" Billy yelled.

Asha did return upon him saying that, and Billy found himself wishing she hadn't listened for
once. "Get the hell out," Asha warned, pointing a gun at his head.

Billy nodded and rose from the couch, scampering out of there as fast as his legs would carry him.

When the door slammed closed, Asha lowered the gun and collapsed onto the couch. Now where
was she? Ah yes, hands. Silky smooth, gentle, reverent in his exploration of her skin and hair.
Warmth radiating from each soft touch. Such soft lips, smooth and supple. Caressing, as if their
only purpose was to pleasure her, with no thought to themselves. His smile so cocky and
charming and sweet all at once. His grin ridden with an underlying pain so deep it just made her
want to take him into her arms and sooth all the pain away. He had been made to fit in her
arms....

********

Drip, drip, drip.

Drip, drip, drip.

Alec remained seated on the floor, curled up into a ball with his back against the fridge. He
listened intently to the dripping alcohol, ignoring any other sounds, any other thoughts. He
needed a break. A break from feeling, a break from trying not to feel, a break from not feeling.
He needed something to allow him to not even notice.

Drip, drip, drip.

Drip, drip, drip.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

Alec jumped, snapping out of his reverie. His head shot up quickly, smacking into the fridge
door. "Ow!" he hissed.

"Alec??" a muffled voice sounded through the door.

Thud, thud, thud. The person continued to pound their fist on the wood as Alec held his head in
pain.

Drip, drip, drip.

"Alec!"

Alec shook himself like a dog, willing himself to wake up from his almost sleep-like state.

He rose and walked to the door, opening it as a fresh set of knocks began.

"Asha!" Alec exclaimed, as if he hadn't recognized her voice when she had called his name.
Actually, he had been so lost in thought that he wasn't sure he had.

"Alec," she breathed. She grabbed his left hand with both of hers, and brought it to her lips,
kissing it gently and holding it to her cheek. "I love this," she whispered.

A puzzled look crossed Alec's features. Loved what?

"Your hands," she elaborated. "They shouldn't matter to me, shouldn't affect how I feel one way
or another, but for some reason, they do. And your lips . . ." she reached up with one hand to
caress his lips lightly, "I can't get enough of them." She giggled softly at this. She walked
forward, causing him to back up slightly, and pushed the door closed with her foot. "You smile
like you know your God's gift to women, to *me*, but when someone tries to tell you they love
you, you push them away. And your grin is more transparent than glass. When you grin all I can
see is pain. You're too negative for your own good, but you're so cute when things go right for
you. When you fight, even when you just argue, you hold back so you don't hurt people who
wouldn't even look at you twice if they found you bleeding in a gutter. You come up with all
sorts of lines to get girls in the sack even though they always seem to backfire and get you into
trouble. You go out of your way to anger people anger people while making them laugh at the
same time. You'll complain 'til your blue in the face but you'll still do the right thing." Asha
took a deep breath. "Did you ever see the three stooges?"

"Umm, no. . . ." Alec responded, a little overwhelmed by her speech.

"Well, you see, every time they go to enter a room, they all go at once, and they get stuck in the
doorframe, and none of them can move." She paused a moment to let the meaning of her
statement sink in. "When you asked me why I love you . . . I guess there were so many answers
in my head that they got stuck, and I couldn't get a single thing out."

Alec was speechless. "Uh, Alec . . . are you alright?"

"Alwa- uh, yeah?"

"I think you need to sit down or something. . . ." Asha's concern was evident.

"I think I need to stop for a minute," Alec replied.

"Stop what? . . ."

"Stop saying nothing, stop hiding, stop denying what I feel."

"Huh?"

"I love you."

Asha looked up at him, her eyes glistening with tears of happiness and relief.

"I love you too."

"I kinda got that already."

"Shut up and kiss me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've had a lot of big dreams
I've made a lot of bad moves
I know you could walk away
But you never do

I've met a lot of cold hearts
I've learned to smile and deceive
I know I'm hard to be around
But you never leave

I'm not easy to understand
But you hold out your hand

And you say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me, baby
Just as I am
Just as I am

I've made a lot of heartaches
I've found a lot of closed doors
When all the others turn away
You love me more
You love me more

I'm not easy to understand
But you hold out your hand

And you say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me baby
Just as I am
Just as I am

I want to love forever
To keep our world together
And be the best that I can be, baby
Every time the world caves in on me

You say you love me
Just as I am
You always treat me
The best that you can
You say you want me, need me
Love me baby
Just as I am
Just as I am

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

END

(Disclaimer: I don't presume to own "Just As I Am" by Air Supply. It's just an awesome song.)

That's right. This is the end. I'd like to thank all my reviewers, and anyone who will review in
the future. (Hopefully there will be someone.)

Thanks go out to: DarkAngelGirl, pari106, Brin, hay25, AntipodeanOpaleye, Jamie, White Kittie,
Jane the Frog on the Wall, Lesa, LatinChik, skyeyes, veggie5, jen, Khassa, Pro, Kiwichick, and
my brand new beta, JensEnigma!

Y'all are GREAT, and if I've missed anybody, let me know and I'll include you in the list and
there may be a surprise thank you email, if you leave your address, 'cause I'd just feel really bad if
I missed anyone, and I'd have to make it up to them!

So anywho, thanks for the support and encouragement!

And also, thanks to Sorrow Reminisce who helped me to post this fic at The Broken World.

BTW, The Broken World, run by Sorrow and JensEnigma, is the best board ever! Anyone who
hasn't been there yet should visit it at and register, you won't
regret it!

Bubbye for now!