TITLE: Spike My Baby Daddy

AUTHOR: Doctor Strangelove (strangelove317@hotmail.com)
SPOILERS: "Smashed"
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: After the events of "Smashed" a certain blonde girl shows up at Spike's crypt with some unexpected news. She's pregnant with Spike's baby.
FEEDBACK: It's appreciated.
DISCLAIMER: It's all Joss's.

"Spike My Baby Daddy"
Written by: Doctor Strangelove

Sunnydale, California
Summer of 2001

Spike was deeply, deeply troubled. His heart was filled with all sorts of pain and heartbreak and heartburn because he ate some spicy food. The poor boy was wallowing deep in self-pity and overall sadness. The cable was out on his TV.

Oh, yeah, and Buffy had died. That too.

Spike finished off the bottle of cheap alcohol, because everyone knows that cheap alcohol is the best for drinking binges. Because you're drinking a lot of it and it's, you know, cheap. Anyway, Spike finished off the bottle and threw it down to the ground of his crypt. It shattered into pieces, much like Spike's heart had done when Buffy died, except his heart didn't literally break. That's would've been weird.

Anyway, as Spike was busy drinking himself into some sort of pain-numbing, drunken stupor, the door to his crypt was flung open. Spike blinked as he saw a beautiful blonde woman standing there. "Buffy?" He asked, his voice quivering with the sheer emotion it possessed

"No," Came the cool, icy response. "It's not Buffy."

As the woman walked into the crypt and over to Spike, the platinum-haired vamp got a good look. "Darla?" She just smiled at him. "What are you doing here?"

Darla sat down on the tomb next to Spike, "I take it Drusilla didn't do too well in converting you. Either that or she got distracted and never showed up."

"No, she showed. But I tied her up and there was a life and death ultimatum. It was a whole thing."

"Ah. So then you know about the plan to bring back the Fab Four?"

"The Beatles?"

Darla groaned, "No, stupid. Us." Off Spike's blank stare she clarified, "You, me, Drusilla, and Angelus."

"Oh, right that. How's that working out?"

"I slept with Angel."

"So, then he's..."

"No. He's not."

"Ah." After an awkward pause, Spike pulled out another bottle and offered it to Darla. "Drink?"

"No thanks."

Another awkward pause. "So, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I figured that since Drusilla and Angelus failed that maybe you and I could hook up and go on a killing spree. I think I'll have some of that drink now." Darla yanked the bottle out of Spike's hand and quickly drained.

"Really?"

"Yes," Darla giggle. Girl can't hold her liquor.

"So, I guess then that-"

Darla cut hum off, "Oh, come here."

"Bloody hell!" Darla jumped onto Spike and smothered his body with kisses as she begin to remove her top.

Six minutes and twenty-nine seconds later

Darla stared at the ceiling with a very bored look on her face. Spike turned to her and would've blushed if he could. "Sorry 'bout that."

Darla stood up and started gathering her clothes. "No, it's fine." As she fastened her bra back on she turned to face Spike. "You know, that whole killing spree thing? I'm thinking maybe we shouldn't."

Spike nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."

Darla started to back towards the door. "Well, it was good seeing you again. You know, outside of a flashback. We should do it again sometime."

"Yeah."

"Well, not it, but... You know. The rest."

"Yeah."

The two stared at each other. "Well."

"Yeah."

"Bye!"

"Yeah, bye."

Sunnydale, California
Fall of 2001

"Well," Buffy stared at the two sheepish vampires. "That was... contrived."

Spike nodded, "Mmm, wasn't it though?"

Buffy sat down on the floor, trying to get her thoughts straight, "Wait, Darla, when did you even become alive again?"

"Um, you were about finishing up your first year of college."

"How do you know when I was in college?"

"Well, I talked to Angel a lot, and he mentioned that you only seem to understand things when they focus on you."

"Oh. Well, I guess that's fair."

Spike nodded in agreement. He's been doing a lot of that. "So, um what are we going to do now?"

Darla raised her hand, "I vote figuring out what the hell is inside me."

Spike nodded in agreement. See what I mean. "I agree."

Buffy thought, "Well, there's only one person I know who might have this sort of experience with unusual births."

"Today, on The Jerry Springer Show, "I was mojoed back from the beyond, got killed by my granddaughter, and then got knocked up by great grandson who is in love with my mortal enemy. It's gonna be a slow day people."