The Home Front - Chapter 2

by Mako-chan

Disclaimer:  I still don't own Gundam Wing.  Wah!

I sat watching it.  Again and again and again.  It was the only thing on T.V. and I didn't have the heart or energy to do anything else.  Mother couldn't stand to be in the room. She alternated between pacing and trying to get some work done.  Every now and then she'd glance at the phone, as if that would make it ring.

I watched the news, a bit detached from myself.  I knew, somewhere in the back of my mind, the terrible implications of what I was watching, but I shut them out.  I watched as if I were watching a movie.  It wasn't too hard, since it was just a bunch of MS blowing up.  It didn't seem personal enough to actually affect me. 

"Honey, turn that off."

"Why?"  I glanced back at my mother.  She looked incredibly weary and sad.

"Just turn in off."

She sounded so old; I did what she told me without complaining.  We sat together on the couch, an uneasy silence souring between us.  She sighed, got up, and paced.  I let out my breath and fell back on the couch, trying my best not to think.

"Ami."  Mother came into the room a few minutes later.  "Come eat."

We had simple sandwiches for dinner and ate in silence.

"You know, Ami," Mother said, rinsing her plate, "we should-"

"Talk?  Uh, thanks, but maybe later."

"If-"

"I got homework."

I raced out of the kitchen and into the relative safety of my room.  I didn't want to talk.  I didn't want to think.  I just wanted to be left alone.  Couldn't she understand that?

I got out my math book and paper, but couldn't concentrate.  The numbers swam in front of my eyes.  My mind felt like it was trapped in quicksand.  I just couldn't force myself to think about math. Which was just as well, since I didn't want to think about anything.

I made myself finish anyway.  About an hour later, Mother came in as I was copying my answers to a disk.

"Done?" she asked, standing in the doorway.  She looked bowed under some unseen weight, her face showing the strains of the day.

"Yeah, I'm done."  I tried not to look at her.  Instead I stared intently at my computer screen.

"Well, goodnight."  She left, closing the door behind her.

I turned off the computer, shoved it in my bag, and went to bed.  Tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. I thought of the war and my family and the look on Mother's face.  As soon as each though popped into my mind, I tried my best to suppress it.  It was a long while before my thoughts let me sleep.

~*~*~*~

Jenni tapped my shoulder as I walked down the hall.  "Hey, girl."  She sounded concerned.

"Hey, Jen.  Did you see the news last night?  Crazy stuff, huh?"

Jenni frowned.  "Yeah, I saw.  How are you holding up?"

"Who me?  Oh, just fine."  I smiled as brightly as I could, but it didn't fool her.

"Hove you heard from your dad?"

"No, not yet."

"Well, I'm sure they're fine."

"Did you do the history terms?"

She caught my not-so-subtle attempt to change the subject and sighed.  "Yeah.  You can copy it."

We walked to class together, chatting idly about petty things.  It felt nice to act normal, as if nothing were wrong.  When we got to class she handed me a disk.

"I'll give it back at lunch, okay?"

"Yeah, whatever."  She smiled and waved goodbye, but still looked troubled.

I took my seat at the back of the class, set up my computer, and began copying.  Our chemistry teacher had a habit of talking about everything but chemistry and I was not looking forward to the class.

"Good morning, class," Mrs. Chaunche sang.  She acted entirely too cheerful.  "Who saw the news last night?"

I discreetly placed my headphones in my ears and cranked up the volume, grateful that I had the newer kind and no one else could hear my music.  The kids around me chatted animatedly about the coming war.  Thinking back, I realized that none of them had family in the Alliance.  In fact, unless we went into "total war," these people wouldn't be affected at all.  So I let the music drown out their endless nonsense.

Chaunche let us out a few minuets early, reminding us that we still had a test the next day.  I expected the rest of my classes to be the same, with the notable exception of Spanish, but I walked into History class everything changed.  The other kids still gossiped and laughed and milled about, taking forever to find their seats, but Mr. Wellhaul simply sat at his desk, staring numbly at the newspaper. 

We seated ourselves as the bell rang and I took my usual back row seat.  Mr. Wellhaul continued to read.  Except, he wasn't reading.  He was just staring at the paper, as if he couldn't believe what was written there.  Someone coughed and Mr. Wellhaul looked up, noticing his class for the first time.

"I...I think we'll cancel what I had planned for today," he said so softly I had to strain to hear him.  I half expected this and again got out my earphones.  But instead of leading a class discussion, Mr. Wellhaul moved slowly, as if in a daze, over to the T.V. and turned on the news channel.

I could have died.  Just curled up in my seat and died.  I didn't want to see what they were playing.  But I couldn't stop.  Like a moth to the flame, my eyes were fixed on that screen and I had to watch.  Couldn't stop, just had to watch.  My heart must have stopped as soon as I realized what I was seeing, for it wasn't more of the same from the night before.  It was my worst nightmare played out on the television for all to see.

Alliance troops attacking Alliance troops.  Somewhere in a desert, I didn't really pay attention, Alliance troops were attacking Alliance troops.

I sat and watched with the rest of the class.  No one spoke for a few minutes.  We were just trying to figure out what was going on.  Slowly, piece by piece, we learned what was going on.  An uprising in disloyal Alliance troops across the world followed the announcement of the night before.  Each rebel uprising was subdued by the Special Forces OZ shortly after it began.  No official casualty count could be released at the time, but we'll bring you more as the story develops, and all that crap.

Gradually, quietly, the class took up their constant cit„chat again.  It was inescapable, that annoying noise, the quiet, hushed whispers and slightly bolder, louder arguments, the half-heard conversations, all dozen of them, all around.  They all said the same thing, and yet they all said something different.  I could hear them, yet I couldn't quite hear them.  The T.V. continued to drone on and on, and my class mates talked and talked and I tried to listen to all of them at once and at the same time curl up in my seat and just let the whole world go to hell.  They talked and they talked and I listened, without really listening.

I closed my eyes and covered my head, not sure of what to do.  My heart was racing and I could still hear them, talking and talking.  Why couldn't they just shut up?  I couldn't think with all the noise.  But I didn't want to think.  I knew what I'd seen on the television.  But I couldn't think about it.  Oz.  Alliance.  Father.  Joshua.  What would happen to them?  To us?  I couldn't think.  I didn't want to.

~*~*~*~

The rest of my classes were pretty much the same, except for Spanish.  Senora's husband was in the Alliance, so we didn't do much of anything.

I felt sorry for her as I sat in the back of the room.  She looked…hollow.  Not sad, just kind of empty.  Like she'd felt all the emotions in the world so much she'd become immune to them.  She sat behind her desk, moving piles of paper from one side of her desk to the other, looking so sad and forlorn I wanted to cry just looking at her.

At lunch I sat away from our usual spot, hoping my friends would take the hint.  They didn't.

"Hey, Ami."  Triste dropped into the chair next to me.  "How are you?"

"Fine."  I poked sullenly at my food.

"Schools gone crazy over all this war crap, ya know?  You think it'll come to that?"

"Dunno"

"Aw, come on.  You've got to know something, what with your Dad and Josh in the Alliance and all."

"I don't."

"Jeeze, your folks are really close mouthed.  Everyone else can't stop taking."

I was about ready to hit my "friend" but she was saved by Rachel and Morgan.

"Hey, guys!  Come sit down!"  Triste waved cheerfully.

"Guess what," Rachel asked, excitedly.

"Chicken Butt!" Allison answered, coming up behind her.

"Oh shut up and sit down," Rachel grumbled, gesturing impatiently to the seat next to me.  "You know how the Alliance says they got attacked and all last night, but won't say what really happened?"

"What distant relative of yours escaped the Jaws of Death this time?"

"Well, my brother's friend has an uncle who's friend saw the whole thing!"

"Ooh, only three times removed."

"Shut up, Morgan."  Allison swatted at her, but Morgan ducked.  "Go on, Rachel."

"Well, it was those peace talks, right?  The Alliance wanted to make peace with the colonies, but just as they were deciding how to do it, these giant mobile suits came and killed everyone!  And they say it's the same group MS that's been causing all this trouble."

I looked at her in shock.  The colonies really did instigate the war?  Not the Alliance, with their patriotic idiocy?  How could they do such a thing?

"Bull," Morgan cried.  "If they killed everyone, how did your cousin's brother's friend's dog or whatever know about it?"

"Okay, so they didn't kill everyone, but they did get everyone who mattered."

"They had targets?"

"I guess.  But that's not the best part.  There were only five suits!"

"No way."  Morgan dismissed the possibility with a flick of her hand.  "That's not possible."

"Well it must be, cause it happened."

"So do you think these suits are in cahoots with those colony MS?"

"It's possible."

"No, it's not, because there's no way-"

I couldn't stand it.  Just couldn't stand it.  I got up and left.  How could these people sit around and talk about this war as if it were just a story, just some plot line to a movie that's a million miles away and not even real.  Allison followed me and caught up with me in the hall.

"Hey."  She grabbed my elbow and I spun around.  "What's wrong?"

"What?  Wrong?  Uhhh...Nothing wrong."  I knew I sounded hysterical, and Allison's concerned look only grew deeper.  I took a deep breath, trying to calm my stomach.  "Nothing's wrong.  I...I just have to find Jen.  I'm supposed to give her back her disk."

"Wouldn't that be easier to do if you had your stuff?"

I turned back the way she pointed.  My shoulder bag was still by my seat.  "Uh, well, I was going to come back for it."

"Uh-huh.  Sure."  She sighed.  "What's really bothering you?"

"I-I just don't want to talk about this whole war thing anymore."

"Why not?"

I felt jittery.  I was really coming to hate the subject.  "I just don't want to, okay?  Leave me alone."

"But why not?"

"I just don't."

Allison's frown turned to a look of anger.  "How come you won't talk about this?  What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm not afraid!"

"Yes you are.  You're running away."

"No I'm not."

I turned tail and ran.

"Ami!  Wait!"

I heard her.  Really, I did.  I just didn't care.  Didn't care that I was running away.  Didn't care that Allison was mad.  Didn't care about anything but the fact that I had to get away.  A few people called after me, but I didn't stop for them.  I just ran strait into the bathroom and locked myself in the corner stall.

It was the end of lunch by the time anyone came for me.  Jenni knocked on the stall door.

"Hey?"

"What do you want?"

She dropped something outside the stall.  "You forgot your bag at the table.  And don't take all day in there.  I'm not going to cover for you again."

"Oh."

"Later, Ami."  She knocked once on the door and left.

I wiped the tears off my face and opened the stall door.  As I gathered up my books, I couldn't but think 'Thank God for Jenni.'

~*~*~*~

            After school I ran strait into my room without pausing to say hello to Mom, even though she was home early again and puttering about the kitchen.  Quickly as I could I unpacked my shoulder bag and surrounded myself with papers.  Mom came in a few minutes later and found me already involved in homework.

            "Hey, dear.  How was you're day?"

            "Oh.  Hi Mom.  Uh…good, I guess."

            She smiled and kind of nodded her head a bit.  "That's good."

            We paused, both staring, smiling, and nodding to each other.

            "Got a lot of homework?" she finally asked.

"Yeah."

            "Well, okay then.  I'll call you when dinner's ready."  She left and closed the door behind her.

            I turned back to my homework, staring uneasily at the European History notes.  The words swam in front of my eyes and I simply couldn't focus.  I hated being at odds with my mother.  She was like my best friend, when she wasn't busy being my mother, and yet I felt oddly separated from her.  We'd hardly spoken a word to each other since the night before.

            We had a tense, quiet dinner, exchanging few words.  She seemed so tired.  And was still trying my hardest not to think.  Besides, words seemed so inadequate.  Nothing said over the dinner table would change anything anyway.

            The phone rang.  Such a simple thing.  Happens every day.  Many times a day in millions of homes.  It's so simple.  So basic.  So ordinary.  Yet it made my heart catch in my throat; made my legs move all on their own and run to the living room to answer it.

            Mother beat me to it.  "Hello?"  She almost yelled into the phone, desperation and hysteria creeping into her voice.  After a moment of silence she slammed the earpiece into the cradle, but it crashed to the floor instead.  Mother leaned against the wall and slowly slid down into a sitting position covering her head with her arms.

            "Mom?"

            She didn't look up.  It wasn't Father on the phone.  Probably just a telemarketer.  I sat next to Mother, put my arms around her, and tried my best to comfort her.

            She didn't make a sound.  Just sat there in a heap on the floor, silent, shoulders shaking.  My chest felt tight, like I couldn't breathe.  I didn't think about the war.  Didn't think about Father or Joshua or my crazy day or whatever was going to happen.  My whole world narrowed.  Focused.  Centered around this one person.  This one moment. 

            My whole life was suddenly all about Mother.  I had to help her.  I had to comfort her.  If only I could help her.  If only she could be okay, then I knew everything would turn out all right.  The war was too big.  So I thought only about my Mother. 

            I hugged her, felt her pain, cried with her, and neither of us said a word.  In that moment, my whole world began to fall apart.