Warning, slightly citrusy! Sorry guys, but next time a situation comes up like this, it should be the lemon.^_^ Hehe, they sure do suffer a lot don't they?^_^; Wow, long chapter too.^_^ Maybe I should've split it up... nahhh.^_~* *giggles*
Yeah, but sorry about the prolonged updates guys; I've been REALLY busy lately.~_~ You know, it seems to be getting harder to write these latest chapters. I'm spending more time on them to try and make them at least decent, but maybe that's just because not a lot is going on. Hopefully it will get easier in the next couple of chapters, but still, you guys are the best.^_^ All of the comments you guys give me help me a lot, especially considering that I don't have to ask.^_^
You know, I don't get that. I mean, a lot of authors threaten their readers that they won't update unless they get comments, but why? You should write for yourself. Though it is always important to please the fans, one shouldn't write jut to get comments. Frankly, I don't understand it at all. Why threaten those that you wish to read your fic?
Anyway, enough of my rambling.^_^ Still not much going on here, but there should be exploring fun in the next chapter so it's all good.^_^ *giggles* But seriously, you guys ARE the best.^_^ *hugs everyone* love you guys!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of the characters in it. If I did I'd be rich, but I'm not... and if I had lots of money I'd probably spend it on anime anyway so pleeaasseee, don't sue me.^_^ lol
Oh, and as always,
_= thoughts *_* = sound/ italicized "_" = speech
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Memories of the Present
Chapter 25: Dreams and Nightmares
"M... my backpack?" Kagome stared in shock at the parcel on the ground. It was leaning against the wall, covered in the thick coat of dust that seemed to have engulfed the room like a sheet on a bed. The yellow, though well blanketed, was still visible, and seemed as bright as a summer's day. Kagome bent down and hesitantly held out a quaking hand towards the memory past, almost expecting it to vanish as soon as she could feel the cloth beneath her fingers. It's not possible...
The hanyou laughed, "Of course not! That only lasted about fifty years, at most. I had new bags made from time to time, all of them looking like yours." He happily strode over to the bag, a warm fuzzy feeling consuming his entire being. Even after all this time, these memories, this sight, it all brought him more happiness than tears. He had long since accepted the idea of loss, so there was really nothing left but fond memories of times past. Inu Yasha sat down, patting the ground next to him softly, inviting her to sit with him. She obeyed, and watched closely as a clawed hand reached into the top of the sack to retrieve something; "See, here's what's left of your original bag."
Between his claws rested a scrap of cloth about the size of Kagome's hand. It was a brownish tint, having been stained by age, and was vacuum-sealed inside a small, clear baguette. She stared at it wonderingly; was this small, tattered, ancient thing really the backpack she had thrown over her shoulder just the morning before? How could it have survived so long, even with the vacuum seal? The seal hadn't even been invented until YEARS later! Studying the scrap that more closely, she noted how ragged and sodden it seemed to have become over the years, and wondered why he had had need of a backpack in the first place, one that looked exactly like hers none-the-less. It wasn't exactly like he had anything to carry, aside from Tetsussaiga, and the pack wouldn't have been able to fit the sword anyway.
Unbeknownst to the young miko, Inu Yasha had been indulgently pulling things from the bag while she stared at the cloth, and had been placing everything just outside of her line of sight. Pulling Kagome out of her thoughts, Inu Yasha cleared his throat and began presenting the previously placed items to her one by one, complete with an explanation to accompany each. The first set of things immediately sent her tear-streaked face into his arms again. Inu Yasha had presented her with Miroku's hand covering and prayer beads, along with Sango's cleaning cloth, the same one she used to buff her Hiraikotsu after a battle. He waited until she had calmed herself slightly before motioning for her to take them from him. Next he pulled out Shippou's bow, and a finely polished, enchanted golden arrow, curtsey of Kaede. All of these had been sealed as well, with the exception of the arrow, and Kagome fingered each one separately, sobbing softly and clinging to each while holding it close to her heart. As she put each down, she took specific care not to put it on any rough surface, as if it would suddenly shatter if pricked by even a single splinter in the aged wooden floor. As she set down the arrow, feeling the welcomed energy from it quickly dissipating, she was presented with an ancient book. It was preserved in such a way that she could still turn, read, and look upon each page, albeit carefully, but she could not touch them; it was just like her memories, like their friends.
As her fingers relished the feel of the old, worn leather, Kagome felt Inu Yasha's comforting arms tighten around her middle. "Some of it got damaged over time, but I saved copies of each entry."
Kagome over her shoulder at him confusedly, "Entry?"
At his soft smile Kagome relaxed slightly. Gently, he opened the book, and she found it to be more than just an ordinary one; it was a journal. Inside was the story of their adventures, told by the people who had lived through them. It started with her arrival and ended with the defeat of Naraku, each passage told by each member of the group. Kagome flipped through the pages, briefly scanning each one and noticing, with a small giggle, how different they all were, yet how the major details were still the same. She sniffled slightly and wiped at her nose a minute before continuing, spirits slightly lifted as she now had something else to occupy her mind. As she turned to the section where she had last experienced, her heart wrenched in her chest, pain filling every orifice. She couldn't read anymore without the memories to keep her laughing; she couldn't take it anymore, and she threw the cover back down fiercely, covering her eyes and trying to suppress the sobs that were bound to escape her. Gently, Inu Yasha opened the book again and bade her to look at it once more.
He had opened it to another section. This section had been damaged more so than the other, but next to each passage was another handwritten version, matching it, as far as she could tell, word for word; Inu Yasha must've made a copy for her. Lined one by one were letters from each of them, addressed to her, and her alone.
"They wanted you to know how much they cared, even when they could no longer tell you themselves."
Kagome swiped fruitlessly at her falling tears, "And the copies?"
"The originals were a little hard to read." He shrugged. How could be so casual about this?! Kagome's knees became weak, though they were not being used, and her stomach tied itself in knots; her heart ached as if it had just been removed forcefully by a rusty implement, and she could feel her breathing constrict. If not for the strong arms around her, she would've surely collapsed.
"Will it ever go away?," she whispered painfully.
Inu Yasha sighed and held her tightly. He had been afraid of this question, afraid of what to tell her. He didn't want to hurt her; she was in enough pain already, but he couldn't lie to her either, definitely not about this. Inu Yasha had to be honest with her. If only she hadn't asked yet; she should've had time. With a regretful sigh he cuddled her against him and wove his hands through her raven mane, to the back of her head; he steadied her against him, holding her so she wouldn't be able to lash out or escape; "No, " he said sadly, "probably not in your lifetime."
There was a sharp intake of breath, and then silence. This, he had NOT been expecting. As he gazed upon her, he couldn't help but cringe and close his eyes, fighting with himself not to turn away as well. The look on her face was so painful; why did she have to be so damned strong about this?! This wasn't a time for it, though he really wasn't one to talk. How many times had he done this to her? He didn't know, and he probably couldn't count that high; he doubted anyone could.
After a short time he felt her stir again, attempting to curl into him, almost as if she wanted his body to consume her own. Kagome stopped squirming and soon found another treasure in her hands, one she hadn't expected and, more importantly, hadn't noticed was missing.
Running her fingers timidly across his chest, she reached out to stroke his collarbone, where the rosary should've been; there was nothing but flesh and bone. Jerking upright, she stared deeply into his eyes, shock and confusion evident within her depthless globes. She began to back off a little, but seeing the hurt look in his eyes, stopped and soon calmed. After all this time, why would she need to be afraid? After every time he had almost given his life for her, after he had protected and been there for her, this is how she repaid him? It wasn't fair, and it certainly wasn't right. Kagome's eyes softened as an apologetic look fled across the sea of confusion and remorse. She had no reason to fear him, nor his freedom.
"H... how?," she whispered unbelievingly.
The hanyou just shrugged as his gaze traveled downward, watching as he rolled the beads between his fingers; "Kaede took them off. We realized that, though you held the subduing word, she had put them on in the first place, and so she had to be the one to take them off."
"And they're real? You kept them all this time?"
"They're my link to you." He laughed softly, "You want to test them?" She nodded, almost shyly, and he smiled. Maybe this would be interesting after all. He hadn't seen the beads work in a long time, and he had often wondered if they would still work at all. The dog demon turned, looking for something to test them on when...
"Sit!" *wham!*
"Damnit, that hurt!" Inu Yasha rubbed his wrist and scowled at her for a moment, seeing a smile slowly form deep within her eyes; she had missed doing that. Grumbling, he decided to let this one slide, he had practically asked for that one, and carefully set the rosary with the other momentos after the spell had worn off. He went to sit back down where he had previously been, and rummaged through the pack a little more, looking for anything else he might've missed. After checking all of the pockets, he presented a stack of vacuum-sealed cloth scraps, and a list of company names. "The scraps are all that's left of the other backpacks, and the list is of all of the names I could remember from your time. It really helped when I knew what to look for."
Kagome wasn't exactly sure what that meant, but had decided to dismiss it for now. It wasn't like she needed another thing to worry about anyway. Lastly, Inu Yasha pulled out something which she had forgotten she'd lost, the vile of Shikon shards.
The young miko snatched them up quickly and gaped, awed at the number of shards there were. "All of the ones that aren't in the jewel already are there." She looked at him curiously as he paused and took a deep breath, "All but one."
Kagome watched in horror as Inu Yasha closed his eyes and, taking a single claw, split his chest open, blood beginning to pool across the floor. She screamed and ran to him, afraid and half believing that after all of this he was going to leave her. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening as he roughly pushed her away and thrust his hand deep within his chest cavity, creating a large hole and ripping a chunk of flesh out from within. That's when she saw it, the shard. She could feel it glow, pulsating as it healed the wound the hanyou had just inflicted on himself. Why hadn't she sensed a shard in him? His chest began to glow a faint pink and, in a matter of minutes, was completely healed. Letting out a deep breath, Inu Yasha simply handed her the shard and smiled, almost amused with her reaction.
Her jaw still hung loose as she stared at the shard in her hand, mind still fighting to believe even the first part of what she had just witnessed. When it refused to work, she looked to him with an expression of utter and hopeless confusion, almost pleading with him to explain.
"I didn't want to be *that* much older when I saw you again, so I drew on the shard's power so that I barely aged more than a few youkai years. I figured it would be easier on you to see me how you would have remembered me."
She looked down towards the shards in her hand and blinked, sending him a curious glance once more; "I didn't know you could do that... but if the shards are still tainted, how could you use this one?"
"Keh, it was easy.," he said, arms crossed and the familiar smug grin returning with a vengeance, "Kaede found a way to purify that shard, but the procedure wouldn't work on the others; they were too big."
Kagome held the shard close to her heart, Kaede... thank you... Suddenly, the world began to shift, wavering and pulsing with life reborn. Kagome didn't understand it, and clutched the shard that much closer to her bosom. She could see a light surrounding them, separating from their auras only long enough to slither across the hardened floor like a snake towards its prey, flowing to surround the arrow Kaede had left for her. Kagome picked up the golden rod with a trembling hand and held both that, and the shard close to her heart, her very essence instinctively reaching out with all of the power it could muster. The Shikon no Tama began to glow slightly, fazing in and out from beneath her shirt with the throbbing of the shard's presence. The other shards, in turn, began to respond to this feeling, this light. A wave of power swept through the room, shattering the hanging bulb and knocking Inu Yasha backwards, causing him to fight just to attempt to sit up. He didn't know what was happening, but he had to find out.
Struggling, he finally pulled himself over to Kagome, the incandescent shine still bursting forth from the jewel, and reached out to touch her. The force of the energy shield threw him back slightly, causing him to smack against the wall and slide, very painfully, down it again, but he was determined to fight it, more so now than ever. Inu Yasha rose, ignoring the newly formed scorch mark on his hand, and inched forward, dragging himself towards her. The old boards were softened and easily allowed his claws to penetrate them, creating a firm grip to aid him in his struggle. Through all of the noise and winds, he could still hear a sickening tearing sound. His fear that it may have had to do with Kagome quickly vanished as a blinding pain shot through his arm and relieved him of his vision, if only for a second. He could feel one claw begin to tear from his finger, then another, and then another, but damned if he was going to lose her again!
After what seemed like an eternity, the hanyou finally made it to her and reached through the barrier. He hadn't a clue of why it allowed him to pass now, but he wasn't going to lose this chance. Once inside, all noise became obsolete, and though the colors swirled around them, they did not touch either one. Inu Yasha briefly swept his claw across Kagome's cheek, and the light instantly vanished, leaving them both within the darkness.
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They were awakened from their slumber by a soft buzzing sound. Groggily, the hanyou opened his eyes and took a slight look around. The bag, the light, everything was as it had been. Had it just been a dream? Kagome stirred slightly in her slumber and rolled over, curling herself against his stomach. He smiled softly and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to him. As Kagome snuggled, she could feel where he had opened the hole in his chest... but hadn't that been healed?
Without warning, she could no longer feel her hand. She tried to jump back to look and find out what was wrong, but she couldn't move away; her hand was buried deep within the gaping, bleeding hole that now seemed to have grown teeth and a tongue. Screaming, she pushed against his chest with all of her strength, forcing every bone in her body to its breaking point, but it was no use, and the hole was slowly swallowing her alive.
Kagome's sight darted towards Inu Yasha's emotionless face, his blank eyes, the slight drool unconsciously seeping from his lips. She shivered ferociously at the sight before she threw a glance to the clawed hand that was slowly coming up, and had grabbed onto her upper arm. She screamed again as the claws tore into her flesh, ripping it out of the endless void and revealing what had trapped her hand inside; she was holding onto his beating, dying heart.
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The scream was heard even downstairs, and Inu Yasha was on it, racing through the hall and into Kagome's room at top speed. She was still in bed, where he had put her after he had woken up, but her face was plastered with sweat and her eyes were wide, staring at the wall like a deer trapped in headlights.
"Kagome?" He slowly crept towards her, subtly sliding a hand onto her shoulder, and thus waking her from her daze. Seeing him standing there, she quickly threw a glance at her hands and, seeing nothing, threw her arms around her demon love in a desperate plea for comfort. He responded quickly, wrapping his arms around her and cradling her trembling form. She sobbed and gripped his shirt tightly before she noticed the others standing in her doorway.
Mrs. Higurashi walked over and stroked an absent tear from her daughter's distraught face. Inu Yasha let the girl fling herself into her mother's arms for a moment, before she returned to his own. After a while, she had agreed to come downstairs and join the others for lunch in about half an hour, but for now, she much preferred the seclusion of her room. Of course, she didn't want to be completely alone...
"So... that was there all along?" She sniffled slightly as she looked up at him.
"Hmmm," Inu Yasha seemed to have been dragged out of his thoughts, "which, the shard or the bag?"
"The bag."
"Yep," he leaned back against her wall, "ever since your family inherited the shrine."
"Why didn't I know?" Kagome relaxed into him as she felt warm arms embrace her once more.
He shrugged, "I asked them not to tell you, and you were too afraid to go up searching in there."
She pulled away and positioned herself in front of him, sitting on her knees with one knee between his. Staring him straight in the eyes, she asked, "What?! But how? I didn't even know it was there."
He laughed again, "Kagome, I've watched you your entire life. It's my fault that you're afraid to go up there." He received an almost hurt look from that one, and decided that it would be best to continue; " You caught me reminiscing once when you were really little. You though I was a burglar and got scared. Never went up again. I felt bad, but of course, it was convenient."
"Oh..."
What, no fight, no screaming, no 'how could you only think of yourself's or 'why didn't you tell me's? Why does she look so sad? Well, why wouldn't she? Still...
Kagome's gaze had dropped down to the corner of the bed as one finger thoughtfully made its way to her soft lips. Unconsciously noting the lack of moisture there, she licked her finger slightly and began to run it across the soft rose petal that was her bottom lip. Inu Yasha just watched her; she seemed so deep in thought.
I wonder what she's thinking...
Her finger ran back and forth, earning itself another small lick as the saliva wore out. The hanyou could feel his heart pump, beating like a tribal drum inside his chest. As he watched her, his breaths became noticeably shorter and his mouth so moist that he had to swallow every few seconds, soaking the lump that was already forming in his throat. Despite the moisture in his mouth, his tongue became increasingly drier and he shivered slightly, noting how, after a few moments, she began tracing small circles on the tender flesh.
A hand quickly shot out and wrapped itself around her wrist. Kagome hadn't even realized what happened when she felt her hand forced gently away from her mouth, licking her lips at the sudden deprivation of pressure there. Her attention turned to Inu Yasha, his lips slightly parted, eyes half closed, and wearing an expression she'd never seen outside of her mother's soaps.
"Please," he half-growled, half-cooed softly, "don't do that."
Kagome look at him curiously, already feeling the constriction in her chest and the heat rising to her cheeks, "Why?"
Eyes closing, Inu Yasha leaned down, his hair sliding over his shoulders, producing a silken curtain to protect them from the view of the world. His golden eyes burned with barely contained lust and his slick tongue darted out swiftly, taping her lips and pulling back as quickly as it had come.
"Because it's too hard to resist." Inu Yasha licked his lips softly, reveling in the thought of kissing her as he did so many weeks past. He groaned so softly that he barely heard it himself, and moved closer, past her face to hook the end of his nose and nuzzle behind her ear. She immediately became limp in his arms and he pulled her against him. Her arms wrapped around his neck as she weaved her hands in and out of his hair, finding her way to the back and lowering her head there, eyes closed tenderly and lips parted. Kagome whipped her head to the side, shaking her own hair from her face, and giggled softly as he began to purr. Kissing the back of his neck, the girl removed one hand to stroke the side of his face before he pulled away and looked deeply into her eyes.
He was teasing every one of her senses, and he knew it.
Inu Yasha's hands wandered to the small of her back, drawing her to him as she snuggled as closely as she could get. Her body squirmed to get closer, but they both doubted that it is physically possible. He was still sitting on her bed, leaning against the wall, but now had her straddling his lap, teasing him in ways she was completely oblivious to. He made a quick grab for the back of her head and she dodged, smirking at him with taunting eyes as he tried again. After two more attempts, a low growl began to escape from Inu Yasha's throat; grin widening, he bared his teeth slightly and dove for her throat, desperately trying to keep himself from biting her. Gods she was so wonderful. He had almost given himself completely over to his passion, but he couldn't do that, not yet. Gods he needed her, but was she ready?
Kagome moaned and arched her back, thrusting the rest of herself into him. He moaned through the hold and slowly began teasing her with his fangs. Inu Yasha's hands slowly slid up and down her sides, tantalizing claws running across her arms and under her shirt, massaging and tickling her ribs. Kagome giggled and wiggled around in his lap, and he bit his lip to try and keep some self-control. How did she always seem to do this to him?
Her scent invaded his senses as the smell of lust hung heavily in the air, almost choking him with its intensity. Kagome ran her hands across his chest and beneath his shirt, nuzzling her face against the heated flesh beneath, and kissing softly. Inu Yasha leaned her back gently and nestled his face into her stomach, sigh turning into a sudden gasp as Kagome lifted his face slightly, guiding him just a bit above where his lips now lay. His hands shook, body aching for hers, and licked her upper tummy gently. She sighed his name and tugged him higher with one hand, while the other dug into his hair and surfaces to claim his ear. He readjusted his hold on her, pulling her further onto his lap as waves of need flowed freely through him. If this didn't stop soon, it wouldn't stop at all. What did he think he was doing anyway?
Kagome moaned, "Inu Yasha..."
Oh right, that. She tugged softly on the locks of hair hanging over the sides of his face, and he bit her side softly, nipping at the tender, supple flesh as he slowly began to move higher. Inu Yasha bit his lip again as another wave washed over him. His breathing became more labored, and she began massaging his ear a little more forcefully, sending another shiver of spine-tingling delight to shake his already weakened body. Inu Yasha whipped his head around, dislodging the fingers from above his head, and held her hands together, forcing her not to use them. He let go of his grip on his lip in exchange for hers, and kissed her hungrily, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth. He released her hands as the need to moan became too great, and he gripped the sheets with the force it was taking him to hold back. This wasn't good; didn't she have any idea what she was doing to him?! Unfortunately, or fortunately, she knew exactly what she was doing to him, and had no intention of stopping now. One of her hands trailed inconspicuously down his outer thigh while the other tugged on his shirt to keep his focus away from the sneaking hand. The hand quickly ventured up his inner thigh as he desperately ripped off his shirt and threw it to the ground, his other hand about to claw off hers as well. Almost there...
*knock knock* Kagome, Inu Yasha, I expect to see you at the table in two minutes. Lunch's ready."
... crap.
The hanyou's hands tightened into fists and he let out a frustrated growl, throwing his arms around her waist and burying his face into her neck, taking deep breaths to calm himself. He nibbled on her and she held him tightly as they rocked together, slowly, and reluctantly, attempting to lessen the tension between them. Her hands stroked through his mane tenderly, lovingly caressing him and helping them both to relax a bit. Of course, Inu Yasha was kind of glad for the distraction... this time, but still, his body wouldn't let him live to regret it at this rate. He couldn't hold out for much longer, and this was only the second day with her, if that. Oh man, he was in trouble.
A few moments passed with the two still on the bed before they grudgingly rose from each other's embrace and practically trudged down the stairs. This had better be a damned good lunch.