TITLE: Reactions and Revelations
RATING: PG (nothing too risqué--for now anyway)
LAST EPISODE SEEN: "A Little Help from My Friends" 9.11
TIMELINE: Post-Ep to afore mentioned, so same day.
ARCHIVE: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.
DISCLAIMER: Kerry, Sandy and Abby belong to Warner Bros (I'll give them back unharmed when I'm finished). No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment (and closure) of ER fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure.
SUMMARY: Kerry's POV; Kerry tells Sandy about her miscarriage, and it just goes from there.
SPOILERS: Major for 9.11, I guess for early S.9 as well.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;) Oh, and the information on the appearance of the fetus can be found at www.pregnancy.com
PREVIOUSLY: Sandy walked in on Kerry drinking and Kerry has just told Sandy about her miscarriage.
Chapter 2: Reactions
Sandy stayed quiet, her jovial mood suddenly gone. "I didn't know how to tell you," I blurted out, and then I saw the nursery, and all your hard work, and I couldn't bear to tell you that it was all in vain."
"Ker, slow down. What happened?"
I collected myself and stayed calm, tear-free for a moment. "I miscarried," I whispered in a barely audible voice.
Sandy leaned in closer and asked me, panic in her voice, "What happened?"
I sighed and proceeded. "At work. You know how I was spotting this morning? And how I said is was nothing, just a little bit of break-through bleeding?"
"Yes, and you said you'd be fine." She looked down at her lap and absently traced small circles with her thumb on her pant leg.
"Well, the spotting turned into a lot of bleeding..."
She interrupted, "How much blood?"
"A lot." She kept looking at me expectantly, silently prodding me to go on. "It went through my pants, and onto my lab coat," Sandy nodded sadly, "And when I realized how much blood, the first thing I did was do an ultrasound on myself, and no matter how many ways I positioned that damned transducer," My voice broke, "I couldn't find a heartbeat." Sandy looked up at me, and I could see the tears in her eyes. We had both lost our little miracle, our child. We embraced each other through blind tears and cried for a long while, then there was just silence.
"I didn't want to tell you immediately," I said, trying to cut through the sadness and grief in the room. "I didn't want you to hurt like I do right now. I wanted to let your savor those last few happy moments of impending motherhood while you still could."
Sandy just sat there, eyes still red, and indirectly asked me, "So you kept working. You've 'sucked it up and dealt with it' for the last time. You shouldn't have to feel so much pain. It's not your fault, love."
"I just keep thinking that maybe if I'd done something differently, if I'd forgone a candy bar for an apple or something like that, that maybe we'd still have him or her. I mean, I know, they all tell me that it's not my fault, there's nothing I could've done, but I just keep second guessing myself."
The doctor said that after 12 weeks, we were in the clear. As a doctor, I knew that as well. Most spontaneous abortions happen in the first trimester, which I came out of successfully. We'd started picking out names, building the nursery, and doing the things that expectant mothers do. We got excited, caught up in the moment, the feeling of bringing a new life into this world all for us to raise. We both stayed silent as the tension in the room thickened to an unbearable point. I spoke first.
"Sandy, the doctor saw me in the hospital, and said that I could have the body if I wanted to bury it. I'd really like to do that, you know, lay him or her to rest with God. Would you do that with me?"
"Of course, love. Anything."
~/.:*:.:*:.3 days later.:*:.:*:.\~
Local cemetery
I remembered looking at the baby after the fact. Definitely a girl. 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. Fine, golden hair on her upper body. She was only about eight and one-half inches long and weighed only eight ounces. Almost grotesque to look at, the child almost no fat on her transparent skin, and the skeleton was soft like clay. Sandy couldn't bear to look for more than a minute.
"We lay this child of God, Cassandra Fiona Lopez-Weaver to rest. May she go with God," spoke the priest who came with Sandy and I to bury our miracle. We had given her our respective middle names: Sandy's, Cassandra, and mine, Fiona. We buried her in an unmarked grave next to my parents' headstone. I know the fact that my child is in Heaven with my parents and God is supposed to comfort me, but it doesn't, because little Cassie never got to experience life on Earth.
Looking through my closet that morning for something black to wear, I came across the three maternity blouses. Sandy had laughed when only last week my normal shirts became snug around my waist and chest. We bought those shirts together after the first ultrasound had revealed a perfectly healthy baby. I should have gotten rid of those shirts.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shalt not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."
Sandy squeezed my gloved hand tightly as the priest finished reading Psalm 23. He came over and hugged each of us, saying how sorry he was for our loss. If only he knew.
THE END
Please be gentle, since this is my first fic. And yes, I know it is short, I do not need to be told.
This can also be seen on alt.tv.er.creative for those of you who care.
RATING: PG (nothing too risqué--for now anyway)
LAST EPISODE SEEN: "A Little Help from My Friends" 9.11
TIMELINE: Post-Ep to afore mentioned, so same day.
ARCHIVE: Go ahead. Make my day. Seriously though, it's all good, just tell me first.
DISCLAIMER: Kerry, Sandy and Abby belong to Warner Bros (I'll give them back unharmed when I'm finished). No infringement of their copyright is intended. This story was written for the enjoyment (and closure) of ER fans everywhere, and may be downloaded for your own pleasure.
SUMMARY: Kerry's POV; Kerry tells Sandy about her miscarriage, and it just goes from there.
SPOILERS: Major for 9.11, I guess for early S.9 as well.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Feedback is your friend. Mine too. ;) Oh, and the information on the appearance of the fetus can be found at www.pregnancy.com
PREVIOUSLY: Sandy walked in on Kerry drinking and Kerry has just told Sandy about her miscarriage.
Chapter 2: Reactions
Sandy stayed quiet, her jovial mood suddenly gone. "I didn't know how to tell you," I blurted out, and then I saw the nursery, and all your hard work, and I couldn't bear to tell you that it was all in vain."
"Ker, slow down. What happened?"
I collected myself and stayed calm, tear-free for a moment. "I miscarried," I whispered in a barely audible voice.
Sandy leaned in closer and asked me, panic in her voice, "What happened?"
I sighed and proceeded. "At work. You know how I was spotting this morning? And how I said is was nothing, just a little bit of break-through bleeding?"
"Yes, and you said you'd be fine." She looked down at her lap and absently traced small circles with her thumb on her pant leg.
"Well, the spotting turned into a lot of bleeding..."
She interrupted, "How much blood?"
"A lot." She kept looking at me expectantly, silently prodding me to go on. "It went through my pants, and onto my lab coat," Sandy nodded sadly, "And when I realized how much blood, the first thing I did was do an ultrasound on myself, and no matter how many ways I positioned that damned transducer," My voice broke, "I couldn't find a heartbeat." Sandy looked up at me, and I could see the tears in her eyes. We had both lost our little miracle, our child. We embraced each other through blind tears and cried for a long while, then there was just silence.
"I didn't want to tell you immediately," I said, trying to cut through the sadness and grief in the room. "I didn't want you to hurt like I do right now. I wanted to let your savor those last few happy moments of impending motherhood while you still could."
Sandy just sat there, eyes still red, and indirectly asked me, "So you kept working. You've 'sucked it up and dealt with it' for the last time. You shouldn't have to feel so much pain. It's not your fault, love."
"I just keep thinking that maybe if I'd done something differently, if I'd forgone a candy bar for an apple or something like that, that maybe we'd still have him or her. I mean, I know, they all tell me that it's not my fault, there's nothing I could've done, but I just keep second guessing myself."
The doctor said that after 12 weeks, we were in the clear. As a doctor, I knew that as well. Most spontaneous abortions happen in the first trimester, which I came out of successfully. We'd started picking out names, building the nursery, and doing the things that expectant mothers do. We got excited, caught up in the moment, the feeling of bringing a new life into this world all for us to raise. We both stayed silent as the tension in the room thickened to an unbearable point. I spoke first.
"Sandy, the doctor saw me in the hospital, and said that I could have the body if I wanted to bury it. I'd really like to do that, you know, lay him or her to rest with God. Would you do that with me?"
"Of course, love. Anything."
~/.:*:.:*:.3 days later.:*:.:*:.\~
Local cemetery
I remembered looking at the baby after the fact. Definitely a girl. 10 tiny fingers and 10 tiny toes. Fine, golden hair on her upper body. She was only about eight and one-half inches long and weighed only eight ounces. Almost grotesque to look at, the child almost no fat on her transparent skin, and the skeleton was soft like clay. Sandy couldn't bear to look for more than a minute.
"We lay this child of God, Cassandra Fiona Lopez-Weaver to rest. May she go with God," spoke the priest who came with Sandy and I to bury our miracle. We had given her our respective middle names: Sandy's, Cassandra, and mine, Fiona. We buried her in an unmarked grave next to my parents' headstone. I know the fact that my child is in Heaven with my parents and God is supposed to comfort me, but it doesn't, because little Cassie never got to experience life on Earth.
Looking through my closet that morning for something black to wear, I came across the three maternity blouses. Sandy had laughed when only last week my normal shirts became snug around my waist and chest. We bought those shirts together after the first ultrasound had revealed a perfectly healthy baby. I should have gotten rid of those shirts.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I shalt not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; Thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever."
Sandy squeezed my gloved hand tightly as the priest finished reading Psalm 23. He came over and hugged each of us, saying how sorry he was for our loss. If only he knew.
THE END
Please be gentle, since this is my first fic. And yes, I know it is short, I do not need to be told.
This can also be seen on alt.tv.er.creative for those of you who care.