Title: Flinch

Author: RavenWolf

Pairing: S/B, S/D

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Ain't mine.

Summary: Dawn's tired of having to share.

A/N: This fic was written for Kelsey. Happy birthday, Kelsey! I wish you many chocolate-covered Spikes, Angels, Clarks, and Legolases.

A/N 2: The song lyrics are from the song 'Flinch' by Alanis Morisette. If you have it, I suggest you listen to it while reading.

what are you, my blood?

you touch me like you are my blood.

what are you my dad?

you affect me like you are my dad.

It was her sixteenth birthday.

Dawn floated restlessly around the house. Early morning. Potential Slayers were spread out everywhere. A few were awake and playing cards, careful not to wake the others. Dawn picked her way carefully around the sleeping bodies.

She hadn't yet broached the subject of a birthday party with Buffy, and now she knew she wasn't going to. Their house had become headquarters for the battle that was looming, and she didn't think that she could possibly ask Buffy for a party. It wasn't like she had many friends to invite, either.

A small pile of presents rested on the coffee table in the living room. One from Xander. Two from Buffy, now that she'd been hired as a counselor and had the money. One from Giles. Anya. Willow. A group of the girls and Andrew had gone on a chaperoned trip to the mall and gotten her something, too. There wasn't anything from Spike.

That disappointed her. Disappointed her so much that she went and sat down heavily at the foot of the couch. He'd forgotten. It was her birthday, her sweet sixteen, and he'd forgotten. 'Guess having a soul isn't everything,' she thought bitterly.

They'd grown apart in the past two years. There was a time when she came to him for anything and everything. When things at home got too much to handle, she'd pack a bag and head straight for his crypt. He never turned her away, despite his protests.

Things were different now. For one, he had a soul now.

And for another, she'd grown up.

She no longer went to him for help. That had stopped after Buffy came back. The one time she'd gone over there, he'd been silent and brooding, lost in space. Buffy coming back messed things up between them. And it was just one more thing to guiltily resent her sister for.

She shouldn't have been surprised at how jealous she was when they started sleeping together. Jealous of Spike, for monopolizing Buffy's time, and getting to be with her all the time. Jealous of Buffy...Jealous of Buffy because Spike looked at her like a woman, with hunger in his eyes.

She wasn't stupid. She knew that Buffy wasn't wasting any love on Spike. They were screwing. Pure and simple. But it still hurt that the two people she cared about most had turned to each other and shut her out.

Then Spike left, and Tara died. And she could feel the age sinking into her bones like a disease. Weighing her down, making her wish for the days when she argued with her mother about whether or not she was old enough to wear makeup. But her mother was dead, and Buffy didn't care what she wore.

Now Spike was back, with a bright and shiny new soul. And he and Buffy were falling back into the same old dance, only with more angst on his side and more caring on hers. It was enough to make Dawn cry. She'd just got him back, and Buffy was taking him away again.

He was sleeping in the basement now, she thought dejectedly. Probably dreaming sugary-sweet romantic dreams of Buffy. Or maybe not. His soul hadn't taken away all of the old Spike.

She thought about going down to yell at him. Yell at him for being so stupid, for leaving, for everything that was wrong in her life. But instead she let a single tear drip down her face and then got up to make herself breakfast. 'Happy birthday, Dawnie' she thought mockingly.

***

how long before my dignity is reclaimed?

how long can a girl be shackled to you?

soon i'll grow up and i won't even flinch at your name

soon i'll grow up and i won't even flinch at your name

There was a cake. It was small, meant for only one or two people. Xander had picked it up on the way home from work. It was chocolate, her favorite, with raspberry filling. There were sixteen candles.

She blew them out, and everyone clapped when she got them all in one try. She smiled, and for a moment was truly happy. Then she caught sight of Spike, leaning against the doorframe and looking for all the world like an outsider. The smile faded.

Next came presents. She tried not to think about what wasn't there. Buffy had given her a leather jacket, like the one she'd stolen the year before. Except she knew without a doubt that this one had been paid for in full. The other present from her sister was a beautiful locket. Inside was a picture of their whole family. Before their dad left. They were all shining and happy, and it brought tears to Dawn's eyes.

She wrapped her arms around her sister. "Thank you," she said. And she meant it.

Xander gave her a wooden stake with an intricate pattern carved in it. A snake wound around it, up to the very top, where its tiny head lay, with twin green jewels for eyes. She hefted it in her hand, loving the way the snake's coils gave her something to grip. She smiled and thanked him.

Anya gave her a vibrator. She blushed furiously and hid it among the wrapping paper before too many people could see. Anya gave her a knowing look, and Dawn blushed even redder when she realized that she was probably going to be using it.

Giles gave her a giant tome. It was heavy and old and smelled of leather. There was no title on the front, and when she opened it, it was in another language. But there were notes scrawled all over the margins in Giles's script. Hastily, he explained that it was a collection of lore and knowledge and facts about the Key. He said he hoped it would help her find out more about where she came from. She hugged him, too, because she knew how much Giles loved his books, and this one looked especially old and valuable.

Andrew and the SiTs had chosen a makeup kit for her, complete with seven shades of lip gloss and a tower of eye shadow. She smiled and said thank you.

Finally, Willow gave her a knife. There was something written on the blade, and Willow explained to her that it was charmed, and meant to bring the holder good luck in battle.

"Come on, Dawnie. Let's put on some music and do the party thing!"

Dawn shook her head. "I'm kinda tired. I think I'll just go to bed." She didn't want to disappoint Buffy, or make her think that she wasn't enjoying her impromptu little party, but she knew that if she stayed, she'd do that anyways.

She left the room quickly and before anyone could stop her.

She ran into Spike at the base of the stairs. "Hey there, Nibblet."

Dawn gave him a forced smile, secretly hoping that his soul was killing him for forgetting. It was her birthday for god's sake. "I've got something here for you." He fished in the pockets of his black duster. Dawn realized with a start that this was the first time he'd worn it in a long time.

When he produced a small, black, velvet covered box, Dawn's first, irrational thought was 'Oh my god, he's gonna propose.' She immediately dismissed the thought as utterly ridiculous, but still waited with baited breath to see what was inside.

Spike opened it slowly. Inside was a tiny, 14K gold cross. He took it out, and she obediently pulled back her hair so he could fasten the clasp. His cold fingers brushed against her skin, and Dawn shuddered.

When he pulled back, their matching blue eyes met. "I...Well, I know you're not the Slayer. You're not even a potential Slayer. But you're still a better fighter than any of that lot, and you've got the guts to back it up. You should have something to protect you when you go out on patrol." Dawn smiled. A genuine smile. Spike thought she was a good fighter. And he hadn't forgotten her birthday.

Then a thought came to her. "You didn't...you didn't steal this, did you?" She hated to ask, but she couldn't bear wearing it if Spike had just broken in and taken it on a whim. Strange to think that last year, she'd done the very same thing.

"No. Paid for it myself. I've never been poor, Lil' Bit. I just liked nicking stuff." Dawn was relieved. She gave him a big hug, loving the way his lean body felt. She couldn't help it, and wondered exactly how long she could hug him before he got suspicious.

He gave her a kiss on the forehead. A forbidden thought entered her mind. Something that she would never, ever do...Except that it was her birthday, dammit, and the world was ending, and she didn't ask for much. All she wanted was this.

So she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him. It didn't last for more than a moment, when Spike pulled away. Dawn felt the color rush to her cheeks. She couldn't believe she'd just done that. Her second kiss ever, and the guy wasn't even interested.

Or was he?

Spike looked confused. His clear blue eyes clouded over for a moment, and Dawn closed hers, just so she wouldn't see his disappointment. How could she have been so foolish? How could she have allowed this to happen? Spike...she loved him, and she couldn't bear to see the resentment that would be in his eyes.

She started when a cool hand came to rest on her face. She opened her eyes, hardly daring to believe that it could be. Spike was looking at her with those deep, expressive cerulean eyes that she loved so much.

He bent his head down, kissing first her forehead, then her nose, and finally her lips. She shuddered at the last and pushed herself forward, throwing everything she had into the kiss. This was her one chance, her one chance to prove that she was good enough. Her chance to make him want her.

He threaded dexterous fingers in her long brown hair, kissing her back for almost thirty seconds, before gently easing back. "Happy birthday, Dawn. Sleep well."

And then he left.

Dawn knew he was wrong, though. She wouldn't be sleeping well at all that night.

soon i'll grow up, and i won't even flinch at your name

soon i'll grow up and i won't even flinch at your name