It wasn't the first time that I was thinking about him, every time I
dismissed the thought because I didn't want my life to be messed up. I had
been with Jess for a while but now this thing is getting out of proportion.
I knew when I met Jess that he reminded me of someone else. someone I
rather not think about. The bad-boy attitude and his wall against the
world. Both he and Jess never felt loved.
I'm lucky, my mother loves me so much and I love her too, we've always been best friends but strange how 'he' never comes out. I didn't tell my mother of my thoughts. I was scared. I knew she would have thought that he belonged to a place where she rather not see her daughter in.
Yes, he is rich and his family is powerful. My grandparents would love to know that I actually fell for someone like them. I know that my mother and my grandma could never understand each other. but now after all this Friday meals I start to feel the attraction to that world, the world that my mother despise, the world where he lives.
I suppose that after all this time it doesn't really matter whether I like him or not. he's gone and as much as I wish he would come back. I know he won't. I already started my final year at Chilton and he wasn't there with his strange bittersweet smile. he wasn't there to call me Mary or to joke about 'bagboy'.
Jess would like him and he would like Jess. they are so alike, I never knew I liked him until I didn't meet Jess. then everything started to be clear in my mind. Why I broke up with Dean, why I went to New York and kissed Jess, why I became Paris' friend.
And you know what? Paris know. How? That I don't know, I just feel that she can read through my 'I don't want to talk about him' and 'I never cared if he felt something for me'. She says I live in denial. well it's true. Though, I don't want to change. I want to live in denial. With time I'll get over him.
Then why is it taking so long? Why he is my first thought in the morning? Why he is my last thought in the night? I know I can't hold it any longer, soon Jess will find it out. He loves me and can read through me. It's just that with time I got so used to hide him inside that nobody could see.
What has changed? Well. he wrote me. I would laugh if it wasn't my life. You get a postcard from a kind of 'friend' and your word, your perfect 'Rory' world just disappear.
He wrote: Dear Rory, Military School is not that bad. They're teaching me to be respected just because I earned it rather than because of my name. Probably, you're wondering why I'm writing this letter. I could give you many answers but none of them will be the truth, then I rather let you figure it out yourself. Yesterday I read a book and you came into my mind (it's not that I've never thought about you before yesterday but what the writer wrote sank into my mind and suddenly I knew I had to do it). Coelho writes that: 'there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for'.
I know what I'm fighting for.
And you?
Tristan
I'm lucky, my mother loves me so much and I love her too, we've always been best friends but strange how 'he' never comes out. I didn't tell my mother of my thoughts. I was scared. I knew she would have thought that he belonged to a place where she rather not see her daughter in.
Yes, he is rich and his family is powerful. My grandparents would love to know that I actually fell for someone like them. I know that my mother and my grandma could never understand each other. but now after all this Friday meals I start to feel the attraction to that world, the world that my mother despise, the world where he lives.
I suppose that after all this time it doesn't really matter whether I like him or not. he's gone and as much as I wish he would come back. I know he won't. I already started my final year at Chilton and he wasn't there with his strange bittersweet smile. he wasn't there to call me Mary or to joke about 'bagboy'.
Jess would like him and he would like Jess. they are so alike, I never knew I liked him until I didn't meet Jess. then everything started to be clear in my mind. Why I broke up with Dean, why I went to New York and kissed Jess, why I became Paris' friend.
And you know what? Paris know. How? That I don't know, I just feel that she can read through my 'I don't want to talk about him' and 'I never cared if he felt something for me'. She says I live in denial. well it's true. Though, I don't want to change. I want to live in denial. With time I'll get over him.
Then why is it taking so long? Why he is my first thought in the morning? Why he is my last thought in the night? I know I can't hold it any longer, soon Jess will find it out. He loves me and can read through me. It's just that with time I got so used to hide him inside that nobody could see.
What has changed? Well. he wrote me. I would laugh if it wasn't my life. You get a postcard from a kind of 'friend' and your word, your perfect 'Rory' world just disappear.
He wrote: Dear Rory, Military School is not that bad. They're teaching me to be respected just because I earned it rather than because of my name. Probably, you're wondering why I'm writing this letter. I could give you many answers but none of them will be the truth, then I rather let you figure it out yourself. Yesterday I read a book and you came into my mind (it's not that I've never thought about you before yesterday but what the writer wrote sank into my mind and suddenly I knew I had to do it). Coelho writes that: 'there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for'.
I know what I'm fighting for.
And you?
Tristan