On This Night
A FanFic By: Mireiyu
=================================
On this night, I found myself unable to sleep. The dojo was still and quiet, save the occasional creak of wood or the chirp of a cricket. It was still – almost too still after a day of such turmoil and exhaustion. How could all be so quiet and peaceful after that which happened?
It was the day I had nearly lost my rurouni.
Not to death, no, but to something worse. He had nearly become a creature of Hell, bent upon his bloodlust and driven by his desire to kill. A hitokiri once again, but too mild a term for the true nature of the assassin. He would have forgotten all that was good and pure, that which he had fought for so diligently, burying the hitokiri deep within him.
All for me.
I do not feel worthy – I am not deserving enough that he should give up all for me. I saw it, in the fierce, angry glow of his eyes and the sudden lines that hardened his youthful face.
He was not himself.
No. that is not the right thing to say. I have no way of knowing whether it is truly the Hitokiri Battousai that is his true nature, or the rurouni. We all have our demons, yet it seems that Kenshin has to fight his harder than most other people. I only wish I knew what he was really like. Not the hitokiri and not even the rurouni, but the man. The man buried underneath all those people that he has been in his life. Or perhaps he is yet but a child. His gaze is hard and wearied, but can it be possible that the small boy he thought he lost years ago, is still there?
I close my eyes and try to let the soft thrill of sleep wash over me once again. Now I cannot tell if I dream or if I wake. Through a haze, I hear the sharp metallic clang of swords, flying in battle. I flinch at angry utterances and harsh words promising death. Then my eyes open and I see the blur of two bodies moving together. They angle around each other, stopping suddenly when I gasp for breath.
He turns his face to me, and I shrink before the flash of amber in those once so-kind amethyst eyes. His hair has come loose and hangs about his shoulders in fiery waves. It plays about him in an angry tempest as he brings his sakabatou up to counter his opponent. Once more they fly in an intricate dance, hiding individual movements from my eyes. I fight to breathe to save my own life, yet at the same time I know I fight for him too.
Suddenly they stop. Kenshin stands above Jin-Ei whom he has forced to the ground upon his knees, the deadly edge f the sakabatou gleaming in the moonlight. Jin-Ei grins forcefully, staring straight at death in the form of an angry, red-haired man.
"To save Lady Kaoru, I will become a Hitokiri once more."
The moon runs against the sakabatou, lighting the steel blade. His shoulders tense – he is ready to cross the final threshold and deliver the blow.
I shake, terrified at the cold indifference I feel coming from him as he brings the weapon down and slices the man cleanly in half. A moment passes, small and insignificant, but seeming to last a millenium. Then, the blood pours forth and surrounds Battousai, staining his clothes and skin a crimson deeper than the color of his hair. He rises and in a nonchalant manner, wipes clean the bloodied sakabatou in the grass.
Freed, yet too late, my hindered voice leaps from my throat, "NOOO!!"
I fall forward in a slump, my starved lungs filling with oxygen once again. Gasps emerge as I regain my strength slowly, not daring to look up at him. I feel his shadow fall over me, his amber gaze engraving itself upon my skull. I cower from him, knowing this is not my Kenshin. I do not know him. A stranger stands in his place. I understand now that my Kenshin is gone forever. And with this thought, I begin to cry.
Strong hands gently grip my shoulders and pull me up into a sitting position from where I lie huddled, dampened by my tears and shaking.
"Miss Kaoru?" a familiar voice asks, thick with genuine concern. "Why do you cry?"
I try to scream, telling him to leave me be, but all that emerges from my constricted throat is a slight gurgle. Gathering what little strength has been left me, I roughly push him away, kicking at whatever my foot can connect with.
A light thump follows my actions and I open my eyes, to find I am back inside the dojo, entangled within my sheets. A startled Kenshin is sprawled out a few feet away from my pallet, wide purple eyes looking at me with a mixture of surprise and confusion.
"Oro?" He mutters quite innocently,
I do not know whether to laugh or to cry. I fall into a mixture of both, and sit panting helplessly in hysterics.
Kenshin comes to kneel beside me, wary this time of a potential punch and violent kick. "You dreamt, Milady," he tells me softly. "I thought I heard you call my name, and so I came to see what the matter was."
I shake my head, wiping my red and blotched face unceremoniously with a corner of my ruffled sheets. "I dreamt of what could have been," I whisper into the covers. "I was afraid I had lost you."
He gives me his genuine, warm smile, "It appears, you still have me right here, I say. There is no need to worry, Kaoru."
I am startled at the casual mention of my name, bare of any formalities for the first time.
"I dreamt you killed again," I continue. "You dealt the final blow so easily, eyes burning with a deep hatred as that of a fire in the bitterest of winters."
He takes my hand in his, "But it was you who called me back."
Immediately, my fright boils into anger once again. I tear my hand away from his and deliver another sound kick to his chin.
"Orooooooooo…" he utters weakly, small form sailing through the air to land several good yards away from me.
I launch a heavy comb at him as well, hitting my target precisely with a satisfying thwack. His eyes start swirling from the impact, with a most comical expression on his face. A part of me understands that the only reason he is in this condition, is because he allows it. He could easily have dodged my comb; and just as easily known and avoided my kicks. Yet he chooses not to, permitting me to vent all my fear and frustration in the form of anger, upon him.
"Ken…shin," I whisper, getting to my knees and crawling over to him. "Are…are you all right?" I ask hesitantly, giggling slightly.
"Sessha finds himself in a most humiliating position, but is quite all right, Milady," he says, rubbing the back of his head with a bright smile.
I laugh and put my arms around his neck suddenly, burying my face into his gi, and receiving another 'oro' of surprise. "I was so afraid," I tell him, still laughing, but not understanding why. "So scared for the first time in my life."
He had stiffened from my sudden touch, but now he relaxed and slowly pulled me into an embrace. "I know," he replies. "I was afraid too."
I sigh, and then pull myself away slowly. His arms easily slide away to let me go, and I turn back to my pallet, trying to pretend that nothing has happened between us just now. "I suppose I should try and cram some sleep in," I mutter, looking pointedly at the graying sky outside.
Kenshin nods, getting to his feet, "I will have breakfast ready for you when you wake, Miss Kaoru." He bends to rearrange the covers around my feet and draws the sheets up to my chin, as if tucking a small child into bed. "Sleep well." He moves to the threshold of my room and gives me one last smile.
"Thank you, Kenshin," I settle back into a more comfortable position. "For everything."
============================================================================
Author's Note: Whee!!! Wasn't that bad? Wasn't it? Wasn't it?