Disclaimer

I am a poor starving artist with no intentions of making money off of this. I own absolutely none of the characters herein, and have created this sheerly for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment of anyone who reads it.

This Side Down

Chapter Twelve

No Need for Earthlings

"Oh, I'm so happy! My daughters and my future son-in-law have returned safely from their trip!"

Soun was bawling his eyes out. Not that this was really anything new. Nonetheless, Tenchi smiled.

"Hey, Tendo-san! How are you?"

"I'm so happy! Tenchi, have you decided which of my daughters you're going to marry?"

Tenchi scowled. "I've still got four months to pick, Tendo-san. And I told you, I'm gonna use them all."

"Ah...of course, Tenchi."

Tenchi glanced around the visible part of the compound, worry suddenly showing in his eyes. "Hey, there aren't any...guests...here, are there?"

"Eh?" Soun looked rather surprised. "Why, no, Tenchi. Why? Were you expecting some?"

"Expecting trouble..." Tenchi shook his head. "Never mind, Tendo-san. I see you got the place all fixed up."

"Yes, yes." Soun nodded. "You'd never know that the place was the site of a demon attack." His voice fell. "Tenchi, that demon..."

Tenchi laughed. "She's promised not to do it again, Tendo-san."

"Good." He nodded, then twitched. "Ah..."

"She's not really that bad a person, once you get to know her." Tenchi grinned. "And she's a two-fisted drinker. You'd probably like her."

Nabiki glanced up from her bed as Ryoko phased into view. "Ever heard of a door?"

Ryoko smirked. "Doors are so limiting."

"Yes." Nabiki looked rather irritated. "And I like mine to limit the access people have to me."

"Oh, come on, now," purred Ryoko. "Is that any way to talk to your partner?"

"We're not partners." Nabiki stood up. "In fact, we're about the farthest thing from it that you can get. We're rivals."

"Not at all, Nabiki dear." Ryoko floated over to a chair and seated herself. "You see, we both have a common interest here. Tenchi."

"Exactly. Rivals."

"Tendo Nabiki, you do me a great disservice." Ryoko sighed. "You're going to take Tenchi to the fair tonight, correct?"

"...Yes."

"You just know that Ayeka will try to crash that."

Nabiki tilted her head. "What makes you so certain?"

"She tried to hire me to stop your last date with Tenchi."

Nabiki blinked.

Ryoko examined her nails. "Fortunately for you, I only want what's going to make Tenchi happy. At the moment...it was you."

"Oh, go on. Tell me another one."

"No, really, Nabiki." She looked up, a wistful smile on her face. "I'll tell you the truth. I really do love Tenchi." She sighed, and looked out the window. "But settling down, marrying him...No, it's just not my style. I'd get bored way too soon." She smiled again. "I'd jump him, in an instant, though, as long as I knew it wouldn't hurt him."

Nabiki frowned at her. "Doesn't really sound like love to me."

Ryoko scowled. "And you're supposed to be an expert?"

Nabiki didn't say anything, and the silence dragged on for a few seconds.

Ryoko snorted. "I didn't expect you to believe it. Humans are such a shallow lot."

"Really." Nabiki crossed her arms. "Now about this partner thing..."

"Simple." Ryoko stood up - or more accurately, floated into a fully vertical position. "I'll keep Ayeka off your back tomorrow, and on any other date you have with him. I'll also help out around here if you want."

"And in return?"

She grinned. "You give me a place to crash - I don't need much, just a place to curl up for a few hours a night. And you drop Ryouga."

"Ryouga?"

"Oh, come on! I've seen you chasing him."

Nabiki laughed. "He's been spying on Tenchi for me!"

"Really? And yet you're willing to go on a date with him."

"Only if Tenchi dumps me."

"And always trying to give him a free peep show..."

Nabiki blinked. "Uh..."

"So, if you really love Tenchi, if you really want to win his heart...I'll help you. Unless, of course, he decides he doesn't want you at all. Also unless, of course, you keep on with Ryouga."

"I said--"

"Do we have a deal?"

Nabiki shook her head. "No dice. Come back when you have something more attractive to offer."

Ryoko scowled. "I don't like taking 'no' for an answer, Nabiki."

"Deal with it. Or come up with a better offer." Nabiki crossed the room and opened the bedroom door. "See you later."

Ryoko scowled, and floated through the wall to the outside.

"But why can't we just stay at Tenchi's place?"

Ayeka sighed. "Sasami, I told you. It isn't his home; it's someone else's."

"I'm sure they wouldn't mind. They have a lot of room."

"How could you know? You've never been there."

Sasami looked around the tiny room. "It's got to be bigger than this!"

Now, to be fair, the apartment wasn't that bad. It was warm, clean and in good repair. However, it was small.

Well, that doesn't really do it justice. It was very small.

The main room of the apartment - the only room, really - was ten feet by eight feet in size. There was a small alcove, with a hot plate and a tiny refridgerator, that served as a kitchen, and on the other side of the room was a door leading to the toilet. It came with no furnishings, but Ayeka had sold one of her baubles and purchased two futons, blankets, pillows, and a table.

For a Japanese apartment, it was about average. But when one is used to living in a palace...Even Sasami's suite of eight rooms had had no chamber in it this small. Even the bathroom had been larger.

The 'No Pets' clause of the lease had given Sasami a problem, though. For some inexplicable reason, she and Ryo-Ohki had bonded quite well, and were now pretty much inseparable. Ryo-Ohki could normally be found perched on Sasami's head. At the moment, she was curled up on Sasami's pillow. But if the landlord knocked, she'd have to make herself scarce in a hurry.

Ayeka shook her head. "We have enough money to stay here for a month, and for a bit of groceries. We need to get some more. And I don't want to sell any more of my jewellry."

Sasami looked at her oddly. "Why not? I mean, you have tons back home, right? You're always complaining that you don't know what to do with it all."

Ayeka sighed. "Some of the crystals in my jewellry could be used to create advanced power systems, weapons, all sorts of high technology. These people aren't ready for that." She snorted. "They're barely in control of the technology that they do have." She walked over to the window and looked down over the city. "The ring I sold had nothing in it except gold and carborundum. Nothing they don't already have."

Sasami nodded. "Okay, I guess I understand." She sat down heavily. "So what are we gonna do for money until we're rescued?"

"I'm going to have to do something horrible. Degrade myself to a level that would shock Mother if she knew." She shuddered. "I wouldn't, if we had any other source of money. And I know that I'm probably going to bear the stigma for as long as I live.

"I'm going to get a job."

Sasami blinked. "Would it really be that bad, Oneechan?"

"Well, not neccessarily." Ayeka grinned. "If I can find something worthy of my status..."

"Hello, and welcome to McDonalds." Ayeka tried to remember to smile. "May I take your order?

"Hello?"

Sasami had knocked at the door, but nobody had answered. And while she felt it was most likely rude to stick her head in the door like this...

"Haiii!!"

SMASH

"Miya!" Ryo-Ohki launched herself into the air and vanished. Sasami ducked back in fear, thinking that she'd violated some Earthling taboo...then realized that the battle cry had come from the kitchen.

"Stupid cheese!"

Sasami blinked. That sounded like Akane's voice...She stepped through the door and slipped out of her sandals. It took her a moment to find the kitchen.

The kitchen looked like it had been strafed. And smelled as though it had been napalmed.

"Why won't you melt?" Akane was screaming at a frying pan. "You melted fine five minutes ago!"

"Ummm..."

Akane jumped, and whirled to glare at Sasami.

"Cheese won't melt twice."

"Why not?"

Sasami shrugged. "I dunno."

Akane deflated. "I don't know who I'm kidding, anyway." She poked at the remains of the frying pan. "I knew I couldn't cook this."

"What is it?"

"Lasagne. Or it's supposed to be."

Sasami blinked. "In a frying pan?"

"It said to fry the meat in the pan, and then add cheese on top!"

"What said?"

"The cookbook!" Akane pointed at the offending document. Sasami walked over to it and flipped a page.

"Ummm...Akane..."

"What?"

"You missed a page."

"Huh?" Sasami shifted to the side as Akane stepped up. "What do you mean?"

"I think maybe the wind caught it. But the part about frying the meat is here..." She flipped two pages. "And you add the cheese here. You missed a few steps."

"Oh!" Akane laughed. "Well then, I can just get right back on track."

"Ummm...no." Sasami chuckled. "I'm afraid you've wrecked this batch."

"Well, you don't have to laugh at me."

Sasami looked up at Akane. "I'm sorry. I just..." She broke off, as she noticed that Akane's eyes were bloodshot, her fingers burned, her hair a mess...

"I think maybe you need a break."

Akane sighed. "I think you're right." She sat down heavily. "This really sucks. I can't cook anything right."

"Lasagne's pretty tricky, Akane. Not a good place to start."

"You made it just perfectly, not even a few days ago. And it was the first time you'd ever made it."

"Akane...I've been cooking for two hundred years."

Akane blinked.

"Two hundred..."

"Yeah. I kinda got bored one day, and went wandering. I wound up in a kitchen in the palace. I spent some time talking to the cooks, and they taught me how to cook." She chuckled. "My mom thought it was a waste of time, but Funaho-obasama thought it was a good idea."

"Funaho is...?"

"My father's outworld wife. Yosho's mother."

Akane nodded. "Gotcha. What do you mean, outworld?"

"She's from Earth."

Akane blinked again. "She's...human?"

"Of course!" Sasami giggled. "So am I!"

"Well, yeah, but--wait! You're an alien!"

"Yeah, but Earth is a Jurai colony world. So we're both human. I just come from a different planet." She shrugged. "I don't know why Earth lost their trees."

"We have trees."

"Not like Jurai." Sasami looked wistful. "That's one thing I'm really gonna miss, if we can't get home."

Round two.

"All right, Your Majesty." Ryoko phased back into Nabiki's room.

Nabiki grinned at the title. "And how may I help you this time, demon?"

"I'm prepared to offer you a better deal."

"Do tell."

Ryoko seated herself across from Nabiki. Still floating, since there was no chair across from Nabiki. "Here's my deal. Number one, I'll keep Ayeka off your back. I think I know an excellent way of diverting her, as well as toasting any chance she has with my Tenchi."

"A good start. Except that he's not your Tenchi."

"Fine, whatever." Ryoko rolled her eyes. "Second. I can in fact help out about the place."

"Tenchi already does most of the work here. He won't even let Kasumi do the dishes anymore."

"Which is all sweet and that. But I'm talking about repair work."

Nabiki smirked. "We have plenty to do already, thank you. We don't need you to cause more."

"Don't be a fool. Ryo-Ohki has a fully functional replication system on board. It should be up and running in the next few days. The microfactory won't be on line for quite some time, but I can synthesize all the raw materials you need."

Nabiki raised an eyebrow. "Not a bad offer. But it's still not enough."

"Right. Number three." Ryoko dropped a large, heavy object on the table.

"What...?" Nabiki picked it up.

It was a box. About six inches by twelve inches, four inches deep. Two kanji were engraved on the top.

TENDO

"What is this?"

"I dunno." Ryoko stretched. "I got it from a horde I captured from another pirate. He'd raided Earth several times. I put a stop to that, and took all his ill-gotten gains." She smirked. "Sadly, the rest has been pawned. But this one had a name on it, so I figured I'd eventually be able to return it to its owner."

"Right."

"Well, it also helped that I knew an Earth woman by the name of Tendo." Ryoko leaned back and closed her eyes. "Nice girl. Cooked really good sukiyaki."

"This coming from someone who willingly eats Akane's cooking..." Nabiki carefully opened the box...and gaped.

Inside the box were a number of scrolls. Tightly wound, carefully bound, and quite brittle. But each was labeled, with faded writing on the binding ribbon.

"Dragon Palm Strike...Crane's Flight...Roaring Lava-Spitting Dragon Assault...These are all martial arts techniques." She lightly touched one scroll. "Demon Head Aura...This is the only one I recognize."

"So I take it this is worth something to you?" Ryoko opened her eyes...to find that she was talking to dead space.

"Uh...Nabiki?"

"Twenty four scrolls. Twenty three of which detail maneuvers of our family's school thought lost forever." Soun burst into tears. Naturally. "Oh, this is such a magnificent day!"

Nabiki quickly closed the box before the scrolls could suffer water damage. "We'll need to have the scrolls properly preserved."

Tenchi nodded. "We should also have them transcribed."

"Why?"

"Gonna be hard to teach these maneuvers from such old scrolls."

Kasumi leaned closer to Tenchi. "Are you sure that's wise, Tenchi? After all, these techniques were closely kept secrets of the Tendo clan."

"And because of that, they were nearly lost. Am I correct?"

"Well..."

"We can't let that happen again." Tenchi stood. "Tendo-san and Grandfather have decided that I'm gonna inherit this dojo. Might as well do it right."

"I'm home."

Ayeka shuffled in through the door, kicked off her shoes, and flopped down on her futon.

"Sasami?"

No answer. Ayeka sighed.

"I'm hungry."

Normally, this would have produced a cloud of servants with many delicacies from the far reaches of the Empire. But since this was the far reaches of the Empire, nothing happened. Eventually Ayeka stood back up, shuffled over to the fridge, and opened it.

In the fridge was a few items of food - the little that the two could afford after furnishing the room - and a rather large sandwich, with a note sitting on top.

"Gone to visit Tenchi. Be back later. Sasami." Ayeka fumed for an instant, then fell to devouring the sandwich.

"I'm home!"

Ayeka glanced over, to see Sasami and the youngest Tendo girl - what was her name? Ah, yes, Akane - walk in. Both had an armload of groceries.

"How was your day, Sis?"

Ayeka rolled her eyes. "I had no idea that anyone worked as hard as these Earthlings."

Sasami giggled. "Hard day at work?"

"I finished the training - the manager had the nerve to say that I had a knack for serving people! - and then they put me on the front counter. Hordes of people were fed in just one day! Most of them ordered many, many things! And no matter how much food they ordered...The kitchen staff always had it ready! Half the time, before they finished ordering it!"

"Well, Akane and I went shopping. We're gonna cook some dinner."

Ayeka glanced down at the sandwich.

"Oh, yeah, that was for you. But I figured you'd be extra hungry." Sasami pulled out some fresh vegetables. "Akane's gonna make the salad. We bought a bottle of dressing. I'm gonna--"

"Sasami...where did you get the money for this?"

"Uh..." Sasami bit her lip.

"Well?"

"Promise you won't be mad?"

"I promise."

"Well...I'm helping Tenchi teach Akane how to cook. And Tenchi said that I gotta be paid some, at least for the ingredients."

Ayeka opened her mouth to scold her sister...and paused. After all, it wasn't like Sasami was begging. Or even performing any unsavory duties. Unless, of course, she had to taste Akane's cooking.

In fact, she was doing exactly what Ayeka herself had done all day. Working.

"An excellent opportunity, Sasami."

"You're not mad?"

"No." Ayeka stood and stretched. "I think I was wrong before. There's something about it. Work, that is."

Sasami looked at her sister oddly.

"It's like...at the end of the day, you know that you've helped someone out. Somewhere along the way."

"Are you feeling all right, sis? You're starting to sound like Funaho."

Ayeka scowled at Sasami. "There's no need to be insulting, Sasami."

Sasami rolled her eyes, then turned to Akane. "Grab a knife. Oh, and here's a cutting board. Remember: Wood doesn't go well in a salad."

"Never thought I'd end up making a deal with a demon." Nabiki shook Ryoko's hand, then made a show of counting her fingers.

"Never thought I'd meet a colder, more mercenary person than...me." Ryoko smirked at Nabiki.

"All right. The attic is yours to sleep in. And if you clean up in there, who am I to complain? Plus, if Akane cooks here, you can have as much as you can stand."

"Great."

"Maybe you think so. Personally, I think it's cheaper than having to hire a HazMat disposal team every time she enters the kitchen."

"That's me, live-in garbage disposal." Ryoko smirked. "And finally...I get to distract Ayeka tonight, so you can have a nice night with Tenchi."

"Best of all." Nabiki stepped into her sandals as Tenchi came down the stairs. "Good luck."

"And to you, too." She turned to Tenchi. "And as for you..." She glided up to him, wrapped herself around him, and slid a hand into his shirt. "Pity you're not going out with me tonight. I'd wish you luck as well."

"Ahem. Demon."

Ryoko glanced over to Nabiki, a smile creeping across her face.

"Molest Tenchi on your own time. Right now...He's mine. And you have a job to do."

Ryoko licked Tenchi's ear, then floated back a foot or two, sketched a deep bow, and faded out.

Tenchi twitched.

"Something wrong, Tenchi?"

"I'm not used to someone so...forward."

"Really?" She stepped forward, and wrapped herself around him. "Get used to it." She stepped back, an impish look on her face. "Let's go."

Ryoko phased back into ThisWorld, in the Juraian's apartment.

"Now, for my mission..."

She glanced about the apartment, then spotted Ayeka...passed out on her futon.

"Wha...?"

"Hi, Ryoko!"

Ryoko turned, to see Sasami behind her. The younger princess was holding a bowl of salad.

"What happened to Ayeka?" Ryoko spotted Akane lurking behind Sasami, and grinned. "I see! Akane made some food, Ayeka tried it, and passed out."

"No, no!" Sasami laughed. "She was just so tired from working that she came home and fell asleep."

Ryoko considered this, then shook her head. "You don't need to lie to me to protect Akane's feelings. I like her cooking."

"I'm telling the truth, Ryoko!"

"Sure. Like Ayeka would work." She floated down until her feet touched the floor. "I told Nabiki I'd keep her off her back, but it seems that I don't need to. You two want to go to the fair?"

"Yay!"