The Lord of chaRings
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Three mirrors for the Elven Kings under the sky
Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone
Nine for mortal men doomed to die
One for the gay lord on his fancy throne
In the land of Blueberry when the shadows lie
One mirror to rule them all, one mirror to find them
One mirror to bring them all and in the beauty salon bind them
In the land of Blueberry where the shadows lie
It began with the forging of the great mirrors. Three were given to the Elves; Immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the dwarf lords: Great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine mirrors were gifted to the race of men, who above all else, desired beauty. For within these mirrors was bound the strength and the will to govern and beautify all the members of each race. But they were, all of them, deceived; for another mirror was made. In the land of Blueberry, in the fires of Mount Boom, the Gay Lord Cyril forged, in secret, a master mirror. And into this mirror he poured his vanity, his homosexuality and his will to make all men gay. One mirror to rule them all. One by one, the free lands of Middle-Earth fell to the power of the mirror.
But there were some who resisted. It was those men who wanted to get married. Those who wanted to have children. A last alliance of straight Elves and Men marched against the gay armies of Blueberry.
And on the slopes of Mount Boom they fought for the freedom of all the males who turned gay. Victory was near, but the power of the mirror could not be undone.
It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Isildur, son of the King, took up his father's sword. Cyril, the enemy of the straight males of Middle-Earth, was defeated. The mirror passed to Isildur, who had this one chance to destroy evil forever. But the hearts of men are easily corrupted, and the mirror of power and homosexuality has a will of its own. It betrayed Isildur to his death. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend, legend became myth, and for two-and-a-half thousand years, the Mirror passed out of all knowledge. Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer. The mirror came to the creature Gollum, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty mountains. And there, it consumed him. The mirror brought to Gollum unnatural long life. For five hundred years, it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Gollum's cave, it waited. Darkness crept back into the forest of the world. Rumor grew of a shadow in the East, whispers of a nameless fear. And the Mirror of power and homosexuality perceived: its time had now come. It abandoned Gollum. But something happened then, the mirror did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable: A hobbit, Bilao Baddings of the Shire. For the time will soon come when hobbits will shape the fortunes of all…