Title: The King's New Clothes
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion). When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
Disclaimer and such: See Chapter One.
Author Notes: A very big THANK YOU to all those who reviewed chapter one! WOW! That is so encouraging! Some people actually think it was funny! Hee hee! Chapter 2 is dedicated to you! Additional notes in chapter one and personal thanks at the end of this chapter. Also, a very big I'M SORRY for this being so late in posting. My new job requires much of my attention and my constantly being harassed by family members wanting my attention can be pretty tough on the fic writing time...I will try to update as often as I can.
Reminder: ".." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '..' denotes Elvish Speech, ::..:: denotes thoughts, [..] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
OK! Here we go!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Two: Revenge is a dish best served with.. Honey?!?
Aragorn was supporting his wounded lover to the front gates of Imladris when the fair elven prince stopped in his tracks. Sweat was beaded on his brow and he looked pale and shaky.
'Oh, my love! I cannot go on! This grievous wound has claimed the last of mine strength.. ' said Legolas as he fell to one knee.
Aragorn, trying not to drop all the picnic supplies on his beloved, threw them over his shoulder and went to his lover's side.
'Do not say that Legolas! We are almost there! We are at the gates of Imladris right now! Please.. Just look up!' said Aragorn, leaning down to touch his lover's shoulder. Legolas lay a pale hand on his lover's gruff cheek.
'Please do not mourn long over my passing to the Halls of Mandos, my love! Maybe a decade or two.. B-But no longer!' continued Legolas, oblivious as to what his lover had just told him. 'Alas! Now comes the winter of my life and here I am, afraid of the coming cold! HOLD ME ARAGORN!! 'Tis getting dark and I feel the cold hand of death upon my shoulder..'
'Umm, Legolas? 'Tis my hand.. It IS cold outside.. What say you that we hurry inside where we can regain some warmth and have Elrond tend to your wound?' said Aragorn, trying his best to not sound condescending.
'I-I would like white flowers at my funeral.. A-And I would like for everyone to be wearing Lothlorien white and silver! I have always loved those colours.. I-I had planed to marry in them.. ' He then lay his hand dramatically upon his brow. 'Oh, what a terrible fate has befallen the last elvenchild sired from the loins of the Elvenking of Mirkwood!' continued a rather delirious Legolas.
At the mention of Thranduil's loins, Aragorn scooped up Legolas, careful not to aggravate the wound where an orcist arrow still jutted out of his lover's behind, and hurriedly strode into the Last Homely House in search of his foster father.
You cannot blame the former ranger's haste. The quicker he got Legolas to Elrond, the quicker he could sneak into Elladan's room and ogle some back issues of PlayElf to get the mental picture of Thranduil's, or, for that matter, any older Elf Lord's, loins out of his mind..
He entered the House of Elrond like a man on a mission.
~*~*~*~
In Aragorn's haste to find Elrond, he knocked over Elrond's twin sons who were on their way out to eat lunch in the front gardens.
'Watch where you are going, Estel! You almost made me spill my food tray!' cried out a rather peeved Elrohir. Aragorn did not notice and just continued on his way down the halls. 'Honestly! Youth today! Where is he off to in such a hurry?'
Elrohir looked to his twin who was still crouching on the floor.
'Elladan, you can get up now. He is gone..' said Elrohir. When his elder twin made no immediate move to rise right away, Elrohir bent down to face him. 'Elladan? Is all well?'
As Elrohir got a good look at his brother's face, peels of hysterical laughter were heard in the halls of Imladris.
Elladan just glared at his younger twin while honey, orange juice and pieces of apple and grapes clung to his now sticky complexion.
'It's not funny, Elrohir!' said the miffed twin as he tried to wipe his face. 'Dammit! There is honey in my hair! Oh, Estel is going to pay for this!'
Elrohir was now on his knees with his arms wrapped around his middle laughing at the plight of his twin.
'It's funny cuz it's not me!' Elrohir managed to gasp out in between sniggers. 'B-Besides, it serves you right. You and your odd tastes! Who, in the name of Elbereth, has honey with their fruit?' He then renewed his laughter as he saw a grape slide off his brother's nose and cling to the front of his tunic.
'Elrohir! It's not funny! Do you know how hard it is to get honey out of elven hair?'
Elrohir sobered and looked into his identical twin's blue eyes. 'As a matter of fact, brother dear, I do. Do you remember when we were but one thousand and eleven years of age and YOU put honey in MY hair?'
Elladan looked away from his brother's steely gaze and cleared his throat. 'Yes, well, that is in the past.. This is the present and we must get back at Estel!'
'WE?' said an incredulous Elrohir, as he rose and dusted off his tunic. 'Why do WE have to get back at Estel?'
'Firstly, he knocked us both down in his haste to, what looked like, bed his lover.' Began Elladan.
'Very well, go on.' Said an unconvinced Elrohir. Sure, he was miffed that Aragorn had knocked them down but he had forgotten his anger once he saw his sibling's sticky features. It was one of the best laughs he has had since the whole "Glorfindel and the Shrinking Towel" incident. One of the twins' best pranks if he must say so himself.
'Secondly, we have not played a good prank in what seems like weeks! If anyone should be on the receiving end of one of our famous pranks it should be our esteemed King of Gondor and brother!'
Elrohir smiled as he thoughtfully rubbed his chin. 'You make a good argument, brother dear. Agreed. We shall get back at Estel to restore your hair's honour.. But how?'
Elladan smiled as another grape slowly made its way down his cheek. 'The easiest way to strike at an enemy is not through physical or psychological means.. We should strike at the heart of the matter. HIS heart.'
The twins laughed. This was going to be sweet!
Elrohir stopped laughing and looked at his twin. 'I don't get it.'
Elladan smacked himself in the forehead. 'How can you be so dense, Elrohir?!? Think! Heart! HIS HEART!' When he met with Elrohir's still clueless expression, he continued. 'We enlist Legolas's help!'
'Oh.' Was all Elrohir could say before he started to laugh again as he saw Elladan trying to pry his hand from his extremely sticky forehead.
::Note to self.:: thought the elder of Elrond's twins. ::Orange Juice and Honey makes a GREAT adhesive.::
TBC.
Sorry it was short but I wanted to post a bit before any of you kind folk forget about this silly little fic. ::smiles:: Please forgive me!! I will try to post more soon! My new job is really killer on my already sparse spare time. But I will not forget about this pointless thing!
Oh yeah, I know I promised that we would get to the point but my muses decided to be evil and are taking this fic in a different direction then what I had originally planned. I had planned on a one shot story but inspiration struck and I thought of making it a three chapter fic. So I then wrote out the chapter one you read before. But as I was writing this one, I saw that it will probably take me more than three chapters.. We shall see where this leads me. I hope you will forgive me for the tardiness and not give up on me. This fic is for humour purposes only.. I hope you all enjoyed this part and STICK with me as I continue. Thanks in advance for reviews and suggestions!!
Personal thanks:
Estella Greenleaf: Wow! You commented on my story! I must have read like ALL your Legolas/Aragorn stuff!! Thanks for the kind words! Note to self: Must see Kenshin! ^_^
Emma the Lame: Hee hee! You inspired this little story my dear! If anyone complains that I have warped their fragile little brains, I will tell them that it all started by commenting to your fabu story! I am glad that you liked it!! I hope you like the rest.. It is dedicated to you and all the fine Legolas/Aragorn stories I have read! Oh yeah, Legolas. Fear her.. and then fear me!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Lily Frost: OoO! The West Coast!! Ce fut toujours uns de mes rêves d'aller y visiter!! Et oui! Pauvre Legolas!! Hee hee! Je continue.. And your French was great. Tell me if you got all this! ::smiles::
Legolas's Sweetie: You commented on my story too! How wonderful! I have read many of your stories as well! Very fun stuff! Eep. Don't hurt me for not updating sooner.. FF.net was giving me trouble and my new job is killer. Forgive me? I don't think that I need a beta for this story but I might just take you up on your offer for other stories I am thinking of writing? Would that be cool? I found a few mistakes but, meh, who cares. I used the spellchecker and they got through.. Nasty little buggers.
Faye: LAURIE-CHAN!! You liked it! You really liked it!! Hey peeps! Go read her stories! They are fabu!!! ::Huggles her Laurie-chan::
Little Space Demon: ::Blushes:: Thank you for your compliments! Wow! I will keep writing! Thank you! Sorry for the delay.. I will try to update more often OK? Thanks again!
Manten no Miko: Mor'loki-chan! I was not trying to write like the Great Tolkien. This is spoof. Purely written for shits and giggles.. But I know that I already told you that in your LJ. Glad you liked it!!
Evil Windstar: I did you your favour.. Now what are you going to do for me? ::giggles:: Just kidding! Glad you liked it!! Sorry for the wait!
Tarathol: I am glad that you liked it as well! There is more.. Trust me. I am going to try and update as much as I can! Sorry for the delay! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Thanks to you guys and all the silent readers out there.. Laters!!
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion). When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
Disclaimer and such: See Chapter One.
Author Notes: A very big THANK YOU to all those who reviewed chapter one! WOW! That is so encouraging! Some people actually think it was funny! Hee hee! Chapter 2 is dedicated to you! Additional notes in chapter one and personal thanks at the end of this chapter. Also, a very big I'M SORRY for this being so late in posting. My new job requires much of my attention and my constantly being harassed by family members wanting my attention can be pretty tough on the fic writing time...I will try to update as often as I can.
Reminder: ".." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '..' denotes Elvish Speech, ::..:: denotes thoughts, [..] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
OK! Here we go!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Two: Revenge is a dish best served with.. Honey?!?
Aragorn was supporting his wounded lover to the front gates of Imladris when the fair elven prince stopped in his tracks. Sweat was beaded on his brow and he looked pale and shaky.
'Oh, my love! I cannot go on! This grievous wound has claimed the last of mine strength.. ' said Legolas as he fell to one knee.
Aragorn, trying not to drop all the picnic supplies on his beloved, threw them over his shoulder and went to his lover's side.
'Do not say that Legolas! We are almost there! We are at the gates of Imladris right now! Please.. Just look up!' said Aragorn, leaning down to touch his lover's shoulder. Legolas lay a pale hand on his lover's gruff cheek.
'Please do not mourn long over my passing to the Halls of Mandos, my love! Maybe a decade or two.. B-But no longer!' continued Legolas, oblivious as to what his lover had just told him. 'Alas! Now comes the winter of my life and here I am, afraid of the coming cold! HOLD ME ARAGORN!! 'Tis getting dark and I feel the cold hand of death upon my shoulder..'
'Umm, Legolas? 'Tis my hand.. It IS cold outside.. What say you that we hurry inside where we can regain some warmth and have Elrond tend to your wound?' said Aragorn, trying his best to not sound condescending.
'I-I would like white flowers at my funeral.. A-And I would like for everyone to be wearing Lothlorien white and silver! I have always loved those colours.. I-I had planed to marry in them.. ' He then lay his hand dramatically upon his brow. 'Oh, what a terrible fate has befallen the last elvenchild sired from the loins of the Elvenking of Mirkwood!' continued a rather delirious Legolas.
At the mention of Thranduil's loins, Aragorn scooped up Legolas, careful not to aggravate the wound where an orcist arrow still jutted out of his lover's behind, and hurriedly strode into the Last Homely House in search of his foster father.
You cannot blame the former ranger's haste. The quicker he got Legolas to Elrond, the quicker he could sneak into Elladan's room and ogle some back issues of PlayElf to get the mental picture of Thranduil's, or, for that matter, any older Elf Lord's, loins out of his mind..
He entered the House of Elrond like a man on a mission.
~*~*~*~
In Aragorn's haste to find Elrond, he knocked over Elrond's twin sons who were on their way out to eat lunch in the front gardens.
'Watch where you are going, Estel! You almost made me spill my food tray!' cried out a rather peeved Elrohir. Aragorn did not notice and just continued on his way down the halls. 'Honestly! Youth today! Where is he off to in such a hurry?'
Elrohir looked to his twin who was still crouching on the floor.
'Elladan, you can get up now. He is gone..' said Elrohir. When his elder twin made no immediate move to rise right away, Elrohir bent down to face him. 'Elladan? Is all well?'
As Elrohir got a good look at his brother's face, peels of hysterical laughter were heard in the halls of Imladris.
Elladan just glared at his younger twin while honey, orange juice and pieces of apple and grapes clung to his now sticky complexion.
'It's not funny, Elrohir!' said the miffed twin as he tried to wipe his face. 'Dammit! There is honey in my hair! Oh, Estel is going to pay for this!'
Elrohir was now on his knees with his arms wrapped around his middle laughing at the plight of his twin.
'It's funny cuz it's not me!' Elrohir managed to gasp out in between sniggers. 'B-Besides, it serves you right. You and your odd tastes! Who, in the name of Elbereth, has honey with their fruit?' He then renewed his laughter as he saw a grape slide off his brother's nose and cling to the front of his tunic.
'Elrohir! It's not funny! Do you know how hard it is to get honey out of elven hair?'
Elrohir sobered and looked into his identical twin's blue eyes. 'As a matter of fact, brother dear, I do. Do you remember when we were but one thousand and eleven years of age and YOU put honey in MY hair?'
Elladan looked away from his brother's steely gaze and cleared his throat. 'Yes, well, that is in the past.. This is the present and we must get back at Estel!'
'WE?' said an incredulous Elrohir, as he rose and dusted off his tunic. 'Why do WE have to get back at Estel?'
'Firstly, he knocked us both down in his haste to, what looked like, bed his lover.' Began Elladan.
'Very well, go on.' Said an unconvinced Elrohir. Sure, he was miffed that Aragorn had knocked them down but he had forgotten his anger once he saw his sibling's sticky features. It was one of the best laughs he has had since the whole "Glorfindel and the Shrinking Towel" incident. One of the twins' best pranks if he must say so himself.
'Secondly, we have not played a good prank in what seems like weeks! If anyone should be on the receiving end of one of our famous pranks it should be our esteemed King of Gondor and brother!'
Elrohir smiled as he thoughtfully rubbed his chin. 'You make a good argument, brother dear. Agreed. We shall get back at Estel to restore your hair's honour.. But how?'
Elladan smiled as another grape slowly made its way down his cheek. 'The easiest way to strike at an enemy is not through physical or psychological means.. We should strike at the heart of the matter. HIS heart.'
The twins laughed. This was going to be sweet!
Elrohir stopped laughing and looked at his twin. 'I don't get it.'
Elladan smacked himself in the forehead. 'How can you be so dense, Elrohir?!? Think! Heart! HIS HEART!' When he met with Elrohir's still clueless expression, he continued. 'We enlist Legolas's help!'
'Oh.' Was all Elrohir could say before he started to laugh again as he saw Elladan trying to pry his hand from his extremely sticky forehead.
::Note to self.:: thought the elder of Elrond's twins. ::Orange Juice and Honey makes a GREAT adhesive.::
TBC.
Sorry it was short but I wanted to post a bit before any of you kind folk forget about this silly little fic. ::smiles:: Please forgive me!! I will try to post more soon! My new job is really killer on my already sparse spare time. But I will not forget about this pointless thing!
Oh yeah, I know I promised that we would get to the point but my muses decided to be evil and are taking this fic in a different direction then what I had originally planned. I had planned on a one shot story but inspiration struck and I thought of making it a three chapter fic. So I then wrote out the chapter one you read before. But as I was writing this one, I saw that it will probably take me more than three chapters.. We shall see where this leads me. I hope you will forgive me for the tardiness and not give up on me. This fic is for humour purposes only.. I hope you all enjoyed this part and STICK with me as I continue. Thanks in advance for reviews and suggestions!!
Personal thanks:
Estella Greenleaf: Wow! You commented on my story! I must have read like ALL your Legolas/Aragorn stuff!! Thanks for the kind words! Note to self: Must see Kenshin! ^_^
Emma the Lame: Hee hee! You inspired this little story my dear! If anyone complains that I have warped their fragile little brains, I will tell them that it all started by commenting to your fabu story! I am glad that you liked it!! I hope you like the rest.. It is dedicated to you and all the fine Legolas/Aragorn stories I have read! Oh yeah, Legolas. Fear her.. and then fear me!! MUAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Lily Frost: OoO! The West Coast!! Ce fut toujours uns de mes rêves d'aller y visiter!! Et oui! Pauvre Legolas!! Hee hee! Je continue.. And your French was great. Tell me if you got all this! ::smiles::
Legolas's Sweetie: You commented on my story too! How wonderful! I have read many of your stories as well! Very fun stuff! Eep. Don't hurt me for not updating sooner.. FF.net was giving me trouble and my new job is killer. Forgive me? I don't think that I need a beta for this story but I might just take you up on your offer for other stories I am thinking of writing? Would that be cool? I found a few mistakes but, meh, who cares. I used the spellchecker and they got through.. Nasty little buggers.
Faye: LAURIE-CHAN!! You liked it! You really liked it!! Hey peeps! Go read her stories! They are fabu!!! ::Huggles her Laurie-chan::
Little Space Demon: ::Blushes:: Thank you for your compliments! Wow! I will keep writing! Thank you! Sorry for the delay.. I will try to update more often OK? Thanks again!
Manten no Miko: Mor'loki-chan! I was not trying to write like the Great Tolkien. This is spoof. Purely written for shits and giggles.. But I know that I already told you that in your LJ. Glad you liked it!!
Evil Windstar: I did you your favour.. Now what are you going to do for me? ::giggles:: Just kidding! Glad you liked it!! Sorry for the wait!
Tarathol: I am glad that you liked it as well! There is more.. Trust me. I am going to try and update as much as I can! Sorry for the delay! Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
Thanks to you guys and all the silent readers out there.. Laters!!