Title: The King's New Clothes
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion). When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
For disclaimers and other such things, please see chapter one. But for the need to cover my own arse, here is a short disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its wonderful characters! ::sniff:: (All should thank Elbereth that I do not because it would be a VERY different story indeed..) So do not sue. I make no money whatsoever from this piece of nonsense that I call a "humour fic".
Author Notes: Wow! I am so happy that you guys are enjoying this! It is true what other fanfic author say : « comments are fuel ».. I feel so inspired to continue! Thank you! I know that I said that I was going to try and update sooner but my job is really taking its toll on my spare time. But I do promise to finish this fic! And once I have, I will be posting the angsty fic I have been working on for some months. Although I have been told that my funny fics are best because they are a great distraction and that my angsty fics are too sad.. Ah well! I like to do both. Balance is a good thing!
Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! Personal thanks at the end of this chapter. ::smiles::
Reminder: ".." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '..' denotes Elvish Speech, ::..:: denotes thoughts, [..] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
Here we go!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Three: Of Bedsheets and Beauty Regimens..
While the twins were off to plot the demise of Aragorn, son of Arathorn (after Elladan's well-earned bubble bath, of course), the former Ranger of the North and King of Men was searching for his foster father.
::Where the bloody hell can he be?:: thought Aragorn as he carried his light form of his now unconscious lover. :: If I were an Elf-Lord, where would I be hiding?::
Aragorn, being not so bright at the moment with his thoughts being consumed with healing his love, checked every broom, storage and linen closets on the first floor of the Last Homely House.
'Where could he be?!?' growled a very distraught Aragorn. 'Elrond!! Where are you?' he yelled as he opened yet another linen closet.
Luckily for him, Elrond was preparing for the upcoming "20,000th Annual Elven Toga Party" (it would be the 20,0001 had it not been for the post- posting of all the events during the whole "Last Alliance of Men and Elves" or "The Killing of Sauron Thing" as some liked to put it). The Lord was rooting around one of his many linen closets for some white silken sheets for himself and Glorfindel when he spied the closet door open to reveal a very dishevelled Aragorn holding a very pale and unconscious Legolas.
'Estel! Whatever is the matter? You nearly made me drop my sheets!' said a very flustered Lord of Imladris. The party was in two days and he still had not found the perfect sheets. He and Celeborn had an ongoing rivalry on whose outfits would be the most outlandish at these kinds of parties and he simply MUST beat out the Lord of Lothlorien. He was still seething about his loss in the "Annual Elven Lord Swimsuit Competition" four months prior.
::Unbiased judging indeed.. Galadriel is just jealous that I fill out my elven speedo better than her pretty-boy hubby does!:: thought the Elven Lord as he shifted through more sheets in the closet.
Aragorn rolled his eyes. 'Hello! I am holding an unconscious and wounded Elven Prince of Mirkwood in my arms and you ask me, too casually might I add, "Whatever is the matter?"!?! Elrond! You must help him!!'
Elrond, having finally grasped the seriousness of the situation (I guess we know where Elrohir gets his occasional cluelessness from.), dropped his sheets to the ground and quickly went to Aragorn's side. He then lay a slender hand on Legolas's sweaty forehead and frowned.
'He is stricken with fever and his breathing is laboured..' He then took the fair prince's pulse. 'It is faint but he is still alive.. My chambers are closest and I keep most of my healing supplies there. Follow me!' said Elrond in his best "I-Am-The-Lord-Of-Imladris-Respect-Me" voice.
'Please.. Stay with me melamin.. It is not your time! I need you..' whispered Aragorn into his lover's pointed ear. A moan was all he got in reply as he rushed off behind the Elven Lord. [My love]
Many servants who had stopped to observe the scene between the man and their Lord now rushed about to tell others that all was not well in Rivendell..
~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, on the third floor..
'Where is everyone?!? It is time for my daily showing and all I have here present are servants! Where is father? Estel? Elladan and Elrohir?' bellowed the furiously beautiful Evening Star of the Elves, Arwen Undomiel.
Every day, just before noontime, Arwen would finish her morning beauty regimen and exit her rooms. She would always be greeted with the Ooh's and Aah's of her family, friends, servants and any other person of importance staying in the Last Homely House. She would then proceed to each of those present and they would shower her with compliments. She would then make her way to the balcony to be fawned over by, what she would call, "the common horde".
To say that the Lady of Imladris was vain was like saying that Hobbits liked to eat.
'M-Milady..' began a very nervous female servant. 'I had heard that your father was tending to the wounds of the Fair Prince of Mirkwood.'
'I heard..' began another female servant. 'That he had received some rather grievous wounds.'
'I heard that Estel was assisting the Lord Elrond..' continued another.
'Things do not look good for the Prince..' Said another servant as the female servants dabbed their eyes and the male ones cast their glances mournfully to the ground.
Arwen simply rolled her eyes. What did this have to do with how beautiful she was today?
'Very well. I guess that is a good excuse for father and Legolas not to be here.. If dying can be qualified as an excuse to not see the Evenstar of the Elves.. But where are my brothers and Lord Glorfindel? And Estel should be by my side! Why is he always with Legolas? What does the Prince have that I do not?' said an increasingly angry Arwen, her cheeks flushing a lovely shade of red.
'The Prince has these lovely blue eyes, silken blond hair and a porcelain complexion..' began one servant.
'He also has a slim body, broad shoulders, slender arms and long legs..' dreamily continued another servant.
'He is also very graceful. Why! Every step he takes resembles a dance!' said another servant, clasping her hands together.
'He also has a perfectly sculpted butt!' continued another servant who began to blush.
All those present, save the Lady Arwen, gaped at the blushing servant. 'You have seen him.. Umm..' began one servant hiding her blush. The other servant only giggled and blushed some more. All the servants present, male and female just stared at her in awe.
'Hello!! Evenstar of the Elves here!' Arwen yelled at her servants. She had lost the gist of the conversation when it had deviated from her to Legolas. Arwen was not known for her attention span or for her caring nature.
'That is it!' began the furious Evenstar. 'I am going off to find out what is going on here! Why did no one come to greet me this fine morning? Am I not still the most beautiful sight to behold in all of Imladris? Am I really so out of touch with those that surround me?' she continued, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her index finger as the servants cringed in fear. 'No. It is all of them who are. I will show them where their loyalties should lie!'
With that, the furious Arwen not-so-gracefully stomped her way down the stairs in search of her beloved, her siblings and her father.
::They will rue the day they infuriated this beautiful she-elf!:: she said as she continued down the stairs, a menacing smile dancing on her lips.
Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks as she spotted something shiny. 'A mirror!' she yelled as she rushed to it and gazed at her reflection.
Suddenly, a loud piercing shriek was heard throughout Imladris.
'A WRINKLE!' she cried. 'I have a wrinkle!' Arwen then ran to her rooms and slammed the door shut. This was going to take a while to fix..
~*~*~*~
Back in Elrond's rooms..
'Lay him down on the bed while I ready my supplies..' ordered Elrond to a panicked Aragorn.
The man gently lay his pale elf onto the bed. Aragorn placed Legolas on his stomach to facilitate access to the, er, wounded area.
'Why is he not responding to our words and touches Elrond? What is wrong with him? But a few moments ago, he was speaking to me..' said Aragorn as he tucked a stray strand of blond hair behind a pointed ear. 'His eyes are closed..'
'I fear it is poison.' Began Elrond as he pulled out some supplies from his many chests in the room. 'Quickly! Show me the wound!'
Aragorn lifted Legolas's tunic to reveal the area where the orcist arrow had struck and had remained stuck.
Peels of laughter were once again heard throughout Imladris.
~*~*~*~*~
Two servants who were walking past the Lord's rooms stopped in their tracks.
'I am seriously thinking of investing in earplugs. All this laughter and screaming reverberating in this house is beginning to give me a migraine.' Said the male servant as he pressed his slender fingers to his temples.
'Can we elves get migraines?' asked the female servant.
Both shrugged as they went off to their respected duties: one was looking for sheets while the other was going to the garden to find mud.
~*~*~*~
TBC.
So, what did you think? I don't think it was my best.. But, oh well! It is posted! Please review! If you have any suggestions, they are welcome!
Personal Thanks to Reviewers:
Lily Frost: ::giggles:: Yes. You did indeed say hair and not horses.. Hmmm.. That might be a good title for a ficcie.. Et oui! Elladan va avoir sa vengence!! Mwhahahahah! I am really glad that you remebered my ficcie! I hope you remembered it this time too. I feel bad for posting so late in between chappies but life can get pretty hectic. Thanks for your review!!
Princess ArWen of sMirkwood: I am glad that you liked my story and find it funny. Thank you for your review. It means a lot to receive one from someone who does not like slash but still read this and found it funny. Which is what it is meant to do.. To just make you smile. ::smiles:: Thank you!
Ithildin: I love your new name! Fantastic! I know about the whole beta thing.. The grammar police and such have attacked some of my favourite authors. Sorry about you being reported for posting author's notes. Some people are so close-minded. EEE! I don't want to be eaten by a Balrog!!! ::giggles at the thought of a Sauron Fruitcake:: He's what's for dinner! ::smacks forehead:: Bad joke.
Artemisa: ::giggles:: I am glad that you are enjoying my fic. I have but one qualification that I demand out of a good LOTR fic: The more elfie goodness the better!! Hee hee! And do I detect a fellow Legolas torture lover? ::waves:: I like those ficcies too..
Evil Windstar: I am continuing! Hee hee! Thanks for the review!
Amia: Hee hee! I laughed hardest writing the part about Thranduil's loins.. Thank YOU for YOUR review! Such great praise! ::smiles:: And, umm, When are you updating your story? Hmmm? ::giggles::
LittleSpacedemon: Thank you yet again for your review.. I hope I did not keep you waiting too long. I am happy that you think this silly thing is good work.. Thank you and enjoy the rest of the story!!
Thank you to my reviewers and to all the silent readers out there! ::wink:: 'Till Chapter 4!!
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion). When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
For disclaimers and other such things, please see chapter one. But for the need to cover my own arse, here is a short disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any of its wonderful characters! ::sniff:: (All should thank Elbereth that I do not because it would be a VERY different story indeed..) So do not sue. I make no money whatsoever from this piece of nonsense that I call a "humour fic".
Author Notes: Wow! I am so happy that you guys are enjoying this! It is true what other fanfic author say : « comments are fuel ».. I feel so inspired to continue! Thank you! I know that I said that I was going to try and update sooner but my job is really taking its toll on my spare time. But I do promise to finish this fic! And once I have, I will be posting the angsty fic I have been working on for some months. Although I have been told that my funny fics are best because they are a great distraction and that my angsty fics are too sad.. Ah well! I like to do both. Balance is a good thing!
Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews! Personal thanks at the end of this chapter. ::smiles::
Reminder: ".." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '..' denotes Elvish Speech, ::..:: denotes thoughts, [..] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
Here we go!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter Three: Of Bedsheets and Beauty Regimens..
While the twins were off to plot the demise of Aragorn, son of Arathorn (after Elladan's well-earned bubble bath, of course), the former Ranger of the North and King of Men was searching for his foster father.
::Where the bloody hell can he be?:: thought Aragorn as he carried his light form of his now unconscious lover. :: If I were an Elf-Lord, where would I be hiding?::
Aragorn, being not so bright at the moment with his thoughts being consumed with healing his love, checked every broom, storage and linen closets on the first floor of the Last Homely House.
'Where could he be?!?' growled a very distraught Aragorn. 'Elrond!! Where are you?' he yelled as he opened yet another linen closet.
Luckily for him, Elrond was preparing for the upcoming "20,000th Annual Elven Toga Party" (it would be the 20,0001 had it not been for the post- posting of all the events during the whole "Last Alliance of Men and Elves" or "The Killing of Sauron Thing" as some liked to put it). The Lord was rooting around one of his many linen closets for some white silken sheets for himself and Glorfindel when he spied the closet door open to reveal a very dishevelled Aragorn holding a very pale and unconscious Legolas.
'Estel! Whatever is the matter? You nearly made me drop my sheets!' said a very flustered Lord of Imladris. The party was in two days and he still had not found the perfect sheets. He and Celeborn had an ongoing rivalry on whose outfits would be the most outlandish at these kinds of parties and he simply MUST beat out the Lord of Lothlorien. He was still seething about his loss in the "Annual Elven Lord Swimsuit Competition" four months prior.
::Unbiased judging indeed.. Galadriel is just jealous that I fill out my elven speedo better than her pretty-boy hubby does!:: thought the Elven Lord as he shifted through more sheets in the closet.
Aragorn rolled his eyes. 'Hello! I am holding an unconscious and wounded Elven Prince of Mirkwood in my arms and you ask me, too casually might I add, "Whatever is the matter?"!?! Elrond! You must help him!!'
Elrond, having finally grasped the seriousness of the situation (I guess we know where Elrohir gets his occasional cluelessness from.), dropped his sheets to the ground and quickly went to Aragorn's side. He then lay a slender hand on Legolas's sweaty forehead and frowned.
'He is stricken with fever and his breathing is laboured..' He then took the fair prince's pulse. 'It is faint but he is still alive.. My chambers are closest and I keep most of my healing supplies there. Follow me!' said Elrond in his best "I-Am-The-Lord-Of-Imladris-Respect-Me" voice.
'Please.. Stay with me melamin.. It is not your time! I need you..' whispered Aragorn into his lover's pointed ear. A moan was all he got in reply as he rushed off behind the Elven Lord. [My love]
Many servants who had stopped to observe the scene between the man and their Lord now rushed about to tell others that all was not well in Rivendell..
~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, on the third floor..
'Where is everyone?!? It is time for my daily showing and all I have here present are servants! Where is father? Estel? Elladan and Elrohir?' bellowed the furiously beautiful Evening Star of the Elves, Arwen Undomiel.
Every day, just before noontime, Arwen would finish her morning beauty regimen and exit her rooms. She would always be greeted with the Ooh's and Aah's of her family, friends, servants and any other person of importance staying in the Last Homely House. She would then proceed to each of those present and they would shower her with compliments. She would then make her way to the balcony to be fawned over by, what she would call, "the common horde".
To say that the Lady of Imladris was vain was like saying that Hobbits liked to eat.
'M-Milady..' began a very nervous female servant. 'I had heard that your father was tending to the wounds of the Fair Prince of Mirkwood.'
'I heard..' began another female servant. 'That he had received some rather grievous wounds.'
'I heard that Estel was assisting the Lord Elrond..' continued another.
'Things do not look good for the Prince..' Said another servant as the female servants dabbed their eyes and the male ones cast their glances mournfully to the ground.
Arwen simply rolled her eyes. What did this have to do with how beautiful she was today?
'Very well. I guess that is a good excuse for father and Legolas not to be here.. If dying can be qualified as an excuse to not see the Evenstar of the Elves.. But where are my brothers and Lord Glorfindel? And Estel should be by my side! Why is he always with Legolas? What does the Prince have that I do not?' said an increasingly angry Arwen, her cheeks flushing a lovely shade of red.
'The Prince has these lovely blue eyes, silken blond hair and a porcelain complexion..' began one servant.
'He also has a slim body, broad shoulders, slender arms and long legs..' dreamily continued another servant.
'He is also very graceful. Why! Every step he takes resembles a dance!' said another servant, clasping her hands together.
'He also has a perfectly sculpted butt!' continued another servant who began to blush.
All those present, save the Lady Arwen, gaped at the blushing servant. 'You have seen him.. Umm..' began one servant hiding her blush. The other servant only giggled and blushed some more. All the servants present, male and female just stared at her in awe.
'Hello!! Evenstar of the Elves here!' Arwen yelled at her servants. She had lost the gist of the conversation when it had deviated from her to Legolas. Arwen was not known for her attention span or for her caring nature.
'That is it!' began the furious Evenstar. 'I am going off to find out what is going on here! Why did no one come to greet me this fine morning? Am I not still the most beautiful sight to behold in all of Imladris? Am I really so out of touch with those that surround me?' she continued, twirling a strand of her dark hair around her index finger as the servants cringed in fear. 'No. It is all of them who are. I will show them where their loyalties should lie!'
With that, the furious Arwen not-so-gracefully stomped her way down the stairs in search of her beloved, her siblings and her father.
::They will rue the day they infuriated this beautiful she-elf!:: she said as she continued down the stairs, a menacing smile dancing on her lips.
Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks as she spotted something shiny. 'A mirror!' she yelled as she rushed to it and gazed at her reflection.
Suddenly, a loud piercing shriek was heard throughout Imladris.
'A WRINKLE!' she cried. 'I have a wrinkle!' Arwen then ran to her rooms and slammed the door shut. This was going to take a while to fix..
~*~*~*~
Back in Elrond's rooms..
'Lay him down on the bed while I ready my supplies..' ordered Elrond to a panicked Aragorn.
The man gently lay his pale elf onto the bed. Aragorn placed Legolas on his stomach to facilitate access to the, er, wounded area.
'Why is he not responding to our words and touches Elrond? What is wrong with him? But a few moments ago, he was speaking to me..' said Aragorn as he tucked a stray strand of blond hair behind a pointed ear. 'His eyes are closed..'
'I fear it is poison.' Began Elrond as he pulled out some supplies from his many chests in the room. 'Quickly! Show me the wound!'
Aragorn lifted Legolas's tunic to reveal the area where the orcist arrow had struck and had remained stuck.
Peels of laughter were once again heard throughout Imladris.
~*~*~*~*~
Two servants who were walking past the Lord's rooms stopped in their tracks.
'I am seriously thinking of investing in earplugs. All this laughter and screaming reverberating in this house is beginning to give me a migraine.' Said the male servant as he pressed his slender fingers to his temples.
'Can we elves get migraines?' asked the female servant.
Both shrugged as they went off to their respected duties: one was looking for sheets while the other was going to the garden to find mud.
~*~*~*~
TBC.
So, what did you think? I don't think it was my best.. But, oh well! It is posted! Please review! If you have any suggestions, they are welcome!
Personal Thanks to Reviewers:
Lily Frost: ::giggles:: Yes. You did indeed say hair and not horses.. Hmmm.. That might be a good title for a ficcie.. Et oui! Elladan va avoir sa vengence!! Mwhahahahah! I am really glad that you remebered my ficcie! I hope you remembered it this time too. I feel bad for posting so late in between chappies but life can get pretty hectic. Thanks for your review!!
Princess ArWen of sMirkwood: I am glad that you liked my story and find it funny. Thank you for your review. It means a lot to receive one from someone who does not like slash but still read this and found it funny. Which is what it is meant to do.. To just make you smile. ::smiles:: Thank you!
Ithildin: I love your new name! Fantastic! I know about the whole beta thing.. The grammar police and such have attacked some of my favourite authors. Sorry about you being reported for posting author's notes. Some people are so close-minded. EEE! I don't want to be eaten by a Balrog!!! ::giggles at the thought of a Sauron Fruitcake:: He's what's for dinner! ::smacks forehead:: Bad joke.
Artemisa: ::giggles:: I am glad that you are enjoying my fic. I have but one qualification that I demand out of a good LOTR fic: The more elfie goodness the better!! Hee hee! And do I detect a fellow Legolas torture lover? ::waves:: I like those ficcies too..
Evil Windstar: I am continuing! Hee hee! Thanks for the review!
Amia: Hee hee! I laughed hardest writing the part about Thranduil's loins.. Thank YOU for YOUR review! Such great praise! ::smiles:: And, umm, When are you updating your story? Hmmm? ::giggles::
LittleSpacedemon: Thank you yet again for your review.. I hope I did not keep you waiting too long. I am happy that you think this silly thing is good work.. Thank you and enjoy the rest of the story!!
Thank you to my reviewers and to all the silent readers out there! ::wink:: 'Till Chapter 4!!