Just as Jill was about to fall to the ground and give up all hope, Chris
Redfield bursts through the wall, riding a white horse which reared back as
Chris tossed his cowboy hat up into the air. Ignoring Jay, Silent Bob and
Dario, he sweeps Jill up in his arms.
Chris: I love you, Jill.
Jill: Take me now Chris!
She yelled this before sticking her tongue down his throat.
Suddenly coming to her senses, she realised Jay had stuck his tongue down her throat while she had been having her delusional fantasy. She booted him in the balls and shoved him away.
Jill: You do that again and I swear I will shoot you, you sick bastard!
Jay: You said to take you now!
Jill: I said 'Take me now CHRIS
"I thought that was some sort of mind game or some shit," explained Jay.
At this point Leon walks in. Jill points her gun at him.
Leon: Don't shoot - I'm a human! Wait a minute - Jill? Oh shit, I'm in the wrong part of town!
Leon runs away.
Jay: The fuck's up with that retard?
Jill: Shut up, shut up, shut up. We have to escape Racoon City. We've been standing talking in this warehouse for ages. It should be safe outside now.
Various zombie noises are heard coming from outside, followed by human screams, followed by gun shots, followed by more screams, zombie noises and "mmm delicious human."
Jill: I mean safer.
Harry Mason walks through the back door, where Leon just left. He looks around the room for a moment.
Harry: Uh... has anyone seen my daughter?
Jay: I dunno mother-fucker, what's it worth to know?
Jill: Ignore him. He hasn't seen anything. Why don't you try Silent Hill?
Harry: Right. I'll do that.
Pause.
Harry: Thanks.
Pause.
Harry: What's.
Pause.
Harry: Your.
Pause.
Harry: Name?
Jill (for it is still her): I'm Jill.
Harry: Thanks.
Pause.
Harry: Jill.
Harry turns and leaves. Seconds later we hear the sound of tearing clothes and flesh being ripped off of skin, and a sound that was something like "Have any of you guys seen my daughter?" followed by: "Arrrgh." Pause. "Help." Pause. "Me." Pause. "Arrrgh"
Realising now that the second chapter is well underway and they still haven't even left the warehouse, Jill tries to get things moving on.
Jill: Everyone, follow me through that door. I'll take care of any zombies out there.
Dario: YOU'RE CRAZY! WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT! I'd rather starve to death in here than get eaten by one of those... those... things!
Jay turned to Silent Bob with a confused look on his face.
Jay: Is he talking about us Silent Bob?
Silent Bob shrugged and pulled out a cigarette. Jay turned to Dario now.
Jay: Hey, we're not going to eat you man. That'd be some fucked-up shit. 'Sides, I don't have the kind of appetite big enough to eat a tubby bitch like you. Maybe Silent Bob does though.
Dario screams and runs into a container. He locks the door behind him, then screams again, unlocks the door as fast as he can and runs back out.
Jay: Oh yeah, I forgot. Silent Bob made a bit of a mess in there.
Silent Bob kicked Jay's leg.
Jay: Alright, we both did.
Dario: WE CAN'T STAY HERE! I'D RATHER GET EATEN ALIVE THAN SPEND ANYMORE TIME WITH THOSE TWO!
He tried to grab his wallet from Silent Bob, but Bob was too fast and yanked it away at the last second.
dario: AAAAAH!
Dario ran outside. A sound rather like the sound you would hear if zombies were eating Dario is heard soon after.
Jill: Alright, I think it's safe outside.
Jay: Safe from what?
Jill waved her arms about frantically.
Jill: What? Haven't you been paying attention?
Jay: Paying attention to what?
***
So, after explaining everything to Jay once again, the trio prepared to finally leave the warehouse.
Jill: Let's go, Jay, Bob.
Jay: SILENT Bob. And where the fuck are we going you crazy bitch?
***
And so, after explaining everything again, the trio actually left the warehouse. The zombies had gotten bored by now, and had decided to chase after the mad, sad, lonely old lady who worked at the nearest newsagents.
The three of them found themselves outside in Racoon City. Fires were ablaze all over, corpses and blood lined the streets. Before Jill could really take the scene in though, a nearby door burst open and Brad Vickers ran out followed by a bunch of crazy female Brad-worshippers.
Brad: ARRRRRRRRH!
He screamed as he ran past the threesome.
Jay: Yeah, I agree man. The beach just ain't what it fucking used to be. I mean, look at all these buildings and streets and shit. They weren't here before.
Jill sank to her knees and began sobbing.
Jill: Chris is coming, Chris is coming, Chris is coming, Chris will save me, Chris will save me, Chris WILL save me!
Jay, misreading the situation, began fumbling with his belt. Jill noticed in time, and quickly stood up.
Jill: We have to go after Brad.
She ran off down the street. Jay looked quizzically at Silent Bob, who merely shrugged before walking after her.
The found themselves in the Bar Stard, popular hang-out among Raccon's City's residents. Brad had managed to escape his crazy fans and was sitting on a bar stool with his head in his hands. Jay, Silent Bob and Jill all took a stool each.
Jay: What the fuck do you have to do to get service in this place?
He elbowed Silent Bob's ribs.
Jay: Hey, Silent Bob, remember the one about the Holy Bartender?
The corners of Silent Bob's mouth rose just a little. Jay began to laugh uncontrollably.
Jay: Holy bartender!
Jill, having no clue whatsoever as to what Jay was blabbering on about, turned to Brad.
Brad: We're all gonna die Jill!
Jill: Did you only just realise that? You see Brad, there's such a thing as the circle of life. When someone is born, someone has to die to make way for the new life. I'd advise listening to that Elton John song in the Lion King for further information. Now 'dying' is like going to sleep, only..."
Brad: I MEANT we're all going to be killed by the Nemesis!
Jill: Hmmm... let me just look that up in my 'Big Girls Bumper Book of Big Undead Killing Things'. Let's see... Zombie, Licker, Hunter, Barry Burton's cologne, where is it...
Nemesis: CLIT! STARS!
The Nemesis ran into the Bar, reared it's head back and let out an angry scream. Jill finds the Nemesis in the book and looks at the picture.
Jill: It has a much cuter smile in the photo
Jay: Holy shit - what the fuck is that thing?
Nemesis: STARS!
The Nemesis closed in.
To be continued in chapter 3 - The All Singing, All Dancing Crap of Racoon City!
Chris: I love you, Jill.
Jill: Take me now Chris!
She yelled this before sticking her tongue down his throat.
Suddenly coming to her senses, she realised Jay had stuck his tongue down her throat while she had been having her delusional fantasy. She booted him in the balls and shoved him away.
Jill: You do that again and I swear I will shoot you, you sick bastard!
Jay: You said to take you now!
Jill: I said 'Take me now CHRIS
"I thought that was some sort of mind game or some shit," explained Jay.
At this point Leon walks in. Jill points her gun at him.
Leon: Don't shoot - I'm a human! Wait a minute - Jill? Oh shit, I'm in the wrong part of town!
Leon runs away.
Jay: The fuck's up with that retard?
Jill: Shut up, shut up, shut up. We have to escape Racoon City. We've been standing talking in this warehouse for ages. It should be safe outside now.
Various zombie noises are heard coming from outside, followed by human screams, followed by gun shots, followed by more screams, zombie noises and "mmm delicious human."
Jill: I mean safer.
Harry Mason walks through the back door, where Leon just left. He looks around the room for a moment.
Harry: Uh... has anyone seen my daughter?
Jay: I dunno mother-fucker, what's it worth to know?
Jill: Ignore him. He hasn't seen anything. Why don't you try Silent Hill?
Harry: Right. I'll do that.
Pause.
Harry: Thanks.
Pause.
Harry: What's.
Pause.
Harry: Your.
Pause.
Harry: Name?
Jill (for it is still her): I'm Jill.
Harry: Thanks.
Pause.
Harry: Jill.
Harry turns and leaves. Seconds later we hear the sound of tearing clothes and flesh being ripped off of skin, and a sound that was something like "Have any of you guys seen my daughter?" followed by: "Arrrgh." Pause. "Help." Pause. "Me." Pause. "Arrrgh"
Realising now that the second chapter is well underway and they still haven't even left the warehouse, Jill tries to get things moving on.
Jill: Everyone, follow me through that door. I'll take care of any zombies out there.
Dario: YOU'RE CRAZY! WE'LL NEVER MAKE IT! I'd rather starve to death in here than get eaten by one of those... those... things!
Jay turned to Silent Bob with a confused look on his face.
Jay: Is he talking about us Silent Bob?
Silent Bob shrugged and pulled out a cigarette. Jay turned to Dario now.
Jay: Hey, we're not going to eat you man. That'd be some fucked-up shit. 'Sides, I don't have the kind of appetite big enough to eat a tubby bitch like you. Maybe Silent Bob does though.
Dario screams and runs into a container. He locks the door behind him, then screams again, unlocks the door as fast as he can and runs back out.
Jay: Oh yeah, I forgot. Silent Bob made a bit of a mess in there.
Silent Bob kicked Jay's leg.
Jay: Alright, we both did.
Dario: WE CAN'T STAY HERE! I'D RATHER GET EATEN ALIVE THAN SPEND ANYMORE TIME WITH THOSE TWO!
He tried to grab his wallet from Silent Bob, but Bob was too fast and yanked it away at the last second.
dario: AAAAAH!
Dario ran outside. A sound rather like the sound you would hear if zombies were eating Dario is heard soon after.
Jill: Alright, I think it's safe outside.
Jay: Safe from what?
Jill waved her arms about frantically.
Jill: What? Haven't you been paying attention?
Jay: Paying attention to what?
***
So, after explaining everything to Jay once again, the trio prepared to finally leave the warehouse.
Jill: Let's go, Jay, Bob.
Jay: SILENT Bob. And where the fuck are we going you crazy bitch?
***
And so, after explaining everything again, the trio actually left the warehouse. The zombies had gotten bored by now, and had decided to chase after the mad, sad, lonely old lady who worked at the nearest newsagents.
The three of them found themselves outside in Racoon City. Fires were ablaze all over, corpses and blood lined the streets. Before Jill could really take the scene in though, a nearby door burst open and Brad Vickers ran out followed by a bunch of crazy female Brad-worshippers.
Brad: ARRRRRRRRH!
He screamed as he ran past the threesome.
Jay: Yeah, I agree man. The beach just ain't what it fucking used to be. I mean, look at all these buildings and streets and shit. They weren't here before.
Jill sank to her knees and began sobbing.
Jill: Chris is coming, Chris is coming, Chris is coming, Chris will save me, Chris will save me, Chris WILL save me!
Jay, misreading the situation, began fumbling with his belt. Jill noticed in time, and quickly stood up.
Jill: We have to go after Brad.
She ran off down the street. Jay looked quizzically at Silent Bob, who merely shrugged before walking after her.
The found themselves in the Bar Stard, popular hang-out among Raccon's City's residents. Brad had managed to escape his crazy fans and was sitting on a bar stool with his head in his hands. Jay, Silent Bob and Jill all took a stool each.
Jay: What the fuck do you have to do to get service in this place?
He elbowed Silent Bob's ribs.
Jay: Hey, Silent Bob, remember the one about the Holy Bartender?
The corners of Silent Bob's mouth rose just a little. Jay began to laugh uncontrollably.
Jay: Holy bartender!
Jill, having no clue whatsoever as to what Jay was blabbering on about, turned to Brad.
Brad: We're all gonna die Jill!
Jill: Did you only just realise that? You see Brad, there's such a thing as the circle of life. When someone is born, someone has to die to make way for the new life. I'd advise listening to that Elton John song in the Lion King for further information. Now 'dying' is like going to sleep, only..."
Brad: I MEANT we're all going to be killed by the Nemesis!
Jill: Hmmm... let me just look that up in my 'Big Girls Bumper Book of Big Undead Killing Things'. Let's see... Zombie, Licker, Hunter, Barry Burton's cologne, where is it...
Nemesis: CLIT! STARS!
The Nemesis ran into the Bar, reared it's head back and let out an angry scream. Jill finds the Nemesis in the book and looks at the picture.
Jill: It has a much cuter smile in the photo
Jay: Holy shit - what the fuck is that thing?
Nemesis: STARS!
The Nemesis closed in.
To be continued in chapter 3 - The All Singing, All Dancing Crap of Racoon City!