Part Eight

On your mark

Get set let's go

You've got to move now

Before she explodes

Look out the window

Look out below

Back away from the glass

There she blows.

~ 'Everybody Out of the Water' by The Wallflowers

"Spike?" Buffy called out as she descended the staircase.

"Go away, Slayer," he said.

She sighed, "Spike."

He suddenly appeared in front of her, "I don't want to talk to you, Slayer."

She crossed her arms, "Well, I want to talk to you."

He scowled and began pacing the room.

She began, "Why won't you even consider-"

"How could you think I could just give up my soul like that?" he interrupted.

She sighed, but let him continue.

"I've fought too long and too hard for it. I can't just throw it away like last week's garbage. It means too much to me."

"Spike-"

"I got it for you. So I could be a better man for you. So I could be the kind of man you could love."

"But I-"

"No," he said. "Don't tell me you loved me before. I know you didn't. I guess a small part of me has always known that, even though I wouldn't admit it to myself. And there's even a tiny part of me that questions it even now."

"Spike, please. You know I love you."

He nodded slightly before saying, "But you know what? That's not even what this is about. It's not about my fight to be someone worthy of your love. It's about me. Just me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Buffy, I can't give this soul up because I don't want to. I don't want to lose it. This soul," he placed his hand over his chest. "This soul is not just for you. It's for me. I got it for me, too."

"Spike, the only other option to get rid of the Turok-Han is for you to die."

"I realize that," he said calmly.

"But I don't want to lose you. Not after everything we had to go through to get here," Buffy exclaimed, her eyes tearing up.

"I'm sorry, luv. But it's not your choice."

At his words, the dam broke and Buffy's tears started falling.

"You bastard," she whispered harshly between the sobs.

"Buffy-"

"Damn you! How can you be so selfish? How can you not think of others and what your actions will do to them? Damnit, I wish I could hate you. I wish I could hate you as much as I love you. How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me," she finished with a whisper.

She was in his arms in an instant as he moved forward. She collapsed against him, sobs wracking her body.

"Shh. I love you, baby. Everything will be just fine. I love you," he whispered in her ear. He continued to hold her as she cried.

"Where are you going?" a sleep-filled voice asked.

Spike looked towards the voice, "Dawn. There's something I need to do."

"Why the axe?" she asked.

He looked down at the weapon in his hand, "I need to take care of something. Tell....tell Buffy I love her."

"Spike?"

"You know I love you, too, right?"

She nodded, "Yeah. But-"

"Good. Goodbye, Dawn." He exited the living room and then the front door.

Dawn blinked. Why did that goodbye sound like forever?

End Part Eight