(a.k.a. Little Purple Riding Trunks)
A/N: I've gotten one story suggestion so far. It was an excellent suggestion by "Luhem" (check the reviews, this person was not signed in *gasp*), and has been included in this chapter. Longer than the others and I don't know why. Oh well.
Also worthy to note, I think a person of the male gender reviewed this story (*gasp* again)! "Evil SSJ Prairie Dog"? I think that's phenomenal, b/c I have always believed that most people on this website were female.
ON WITH IT!!
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Part Five: Blue Oxen (AND WHY NOT?!)
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Last time, in the mysterious workings of irrationality: Lovely Trunks was suddenly submerged in a new world. The Land of Oz.
("Uh-oh. Wait. Someone could sue for this. The Author is now telling me it's 'The Land of Ox.' Got it? Ox. Not Oz. NOT! OZ!")
So… Looooovely Trunks was placed in The Land of Ox… and he was skipping down the purple-brick road in his plum-colored evening gown carrying his basket of "goodies."
And he was singing.
"Awwww, but I'm sick and tired of singing."
("Shut up! The Author wills it so.")
Princess Trunks grumbled and began singing again. (off-key, I might add) "Iiiiii'm off to see the Lizard! The plunderful Lizard of Ox. Uhh. He's a plunderful Lizard if ever a Lizard there was. Uhhhhh. He lives in an emerald castle, and… Uh. Because because because because BECAAAAUUUUUSE… Aw, fuck it. I don't remember the words."
So Princess Trunks in her plum dress was frolicking along and came to a fork in the road. An interesting situation. There were only two options for him.
Pick it up, or leave it there.
\\A fork!! Get it?!?! Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha! I crack myself up.//
(**The Narrator punches her/him self in the eye.**)
Trunks decided to pick up the fork. He seeeeeductively slipped it into his cleavage for safe keeping. Then he started to cry.
("Psst. Author? Why is he crying?")
\\I don't know. I didn't tell him to do that.//
("Uh-oh, what's going on? If you didn't tell him to do that, then why did I write it?")
\\Beats me. UNLESS!//
("Unless what?")
\\Huh?//
("You said… Argh. Nevermind." **The Narrator punches her/his self in the other eye.**)
\\Why'd you punch yourself in the eyes?//
("Why is a scatterbrain allowed to be The Author of any story on this website?")
\\Because stupidity is funny. Tee-hee-hee.//
(**The Narrator punches her/his self in the nose**)
\\Trunks is still crying. You better get back to the story.//
("Somebody save me. Siiiiigh")
So Trunks was still crying. He sat himself in the road and started crying and no one knows why. Hopefully, something happens soon otherwise this will get boring.
…
…
…
…
C'mon. Someone's gotta walk by here. It's a purple brick road for criss'sake!
…
…
…
…
…
…
Apparently no one lives in The Land of Ox.
…
…
…
("Wait a minute. Ox… Ox? That sounds familiar… OH I KNOW")
…
…
…
Down the road, a figure was running toward the little, crying Trunks. It was…the OX KING. He approached the boy cautiously, not wanting to startle or further upset him.
Unfortunately, the man did both. Trunks looked up and was scared to death by the looming presence. He then screamed and cried harder.
"There, there, little Trunks. Don't cry. I've come to… to…" He scratched his head. "Well, I don't know why I've come, but now that I'm here, I might as well try to cheer you up."
Trunks sniffed and the Ox King wiped his tears away with the boa. (Which he must have regurgitated or something after eating it back in South City). The feathers tickled his nose and Trunks giggled.
"There, do you feel better now?"
"Not really."
"Aw. Well why not?"
Trunks sniffed the snot into his throat and swallowed heartily. The Ox King almost threw up. But! he persevered and maintained composure to hear Trunks explain.
(The Narrator, however, did not fare so well, and has visited the bathroom. "Be back shortly.")
"Well, Mr. Goten's-Grandpa, I don't feel any better because the mean ole Narrator keeps makin fun of me. I started crying because The Narrator said I have cleavage." The corners of Trunks' mouth turned downward and his brows knit together in despair. "I DON'T WANT CLEAVAGE!" And the pretty boy started to wail again.
"Oh my," said the Ox King. "Well dry those tears, Trunks. I think I can help you."
"You can?!" exclaimed a suddenly gay Princess. "CHIKUSHO, Narrator! Don't call me gay!"
("Gay as in happy, you numbnut! And don't swear at me in Japanese, bakayaro!")
"Your words are filled with irony, Narrator."
("Isn't it ironic? Dontcha think?" **Narrator punches her/his self in the neck** for uttering lyrics from an Alanis Morissette song.)
The Ox King looked quite perplexed. "Trunks? Who are you talking to?"
"The Narrator, duh."
"Who?"
"Ohhhhhh, silly me. I forgot that you morons aren't aware of the fourth wall. Nevermind. So tell me Ox King… Ox-ey… Oxy… Oxy acne medication. Hee hee hee."
There was an awkward silence, because the Ox King thinks Bulma and Vegeta's son has cracked. Lost his marbles. A few cards short of a whole deck. Missing some squid from the sushi buffet.
("Yeah, that's right. Sushi.")
Trunks looked around, confusedly. "What's going on?"
"Uh, I was going to cheer you up, Trunks," said the Ox King.
"Oh yeah! Okay. How?"
"Well, you said that a narrator was making fun of you, teasing you about your sexuality, right?"
"Did I?"
"YES! But can you blame 'the narrator?' You are wearing a dress."
"So?"
The Ox King wasn't surprised at Trunks' confusion. Bulma and Vegeta weren't very good parents compared to Goku and his Chi-Chi. Goku and Chi-Chi at least made sure that their children weren't running around dressed in purple clothes. Although, Gohan was developing a taste for bandana's, sunglasses, and overall "dork-itude."
("You know what I mean.")
And Goten had a collection of Chip n' Dale pictures in a shoe box under his bed.
But at least neither of them wore dresses!
"I'm going to give you something that will make you happier, okay Trunks?"
The boy grinned and waited for the gift. However, the grin faded when an odd article of clothing was displayed before him. It was shiny and black… and Trunks had no idea what it was.
He pointed at it, "What is that?"
The Ox King stammered. "J-Just put it on, okay? I-I-I'll t-tell you when y-you put it- when you p-p-put it on."
"Ok." So Trunks willingly put it on. It fit snug against his body and, of course, he looked DAMN good in it. Therefore, he no longer cared what it was.
But as a reader, you might care what it was… The garment was a black, latex catsuit. The designers couldn't have picked a more perfect male body to wear it. Trunks looked fantastisimal.
And he knew it.
"Thanks, Mr. Goten's-Grandpa! This is great! I feel much better now. I better be going though. I need to get to the emerald castle-thing and find a plundering lizard so that I can wish my mom's vision back to schlagaggly-normal."
The Ox King had no idea what Trunks was talking about. But he was pretty sure it had something to do with the boy losing all the squid in his sushi buffet. Yeah.
"One more thing before you go, Trunks!"
The catsuited-boy turned and caught the items thrown at him. "What are these? Oooooooo, spandex-y boots and gloves! Just like my Daddy-kins wears! Yaaayy! Where did you get these?"
"Oh, your father left them here after a late-night rendezvous with Goku."
("We'll just leave that statement alone, laden with ambiguity.")
Trunks didn't understand "ambiguity." He was turning in circles, hopping on alternate feet and clapping his hands, "Tee hee hee hee. Now I can romp around in latex and spandex and The-baka-Narrator can't make fun of me!"
(Oh, it's all too easy, Princess Trunks.)
"Trunks?" the Ox King queried. "I will need… 'payment'… for those clothes." A twisted smile spread on the gargantuan man's face.
"Oh! Of course! I don't have any money, and I can't give you anything from the basket of goodies Picco-loser gave me, because I think he would turn me into one of his British minions…… but you can have… THIS FORK!" He whipped the fork out of the collar to his catsuit. He presented it to the Ox King. "It's a purdy fork. I found it in the road."
Ox King reluctantly accepted it as "payment." And so Trunk left the Ox King with shattered dreams and a fork in hand.
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A/N: I don't know where Trunks is going next. That's for you to decide? I am obviously still accepting your plot input. In fact, this is fun, so I'll accept anyone's ideas until this fanfic is done. SO WRITE.
Ha. I hope this funny. I dunno. I'm running on empty here. My theme for this story is: changing the story when I run out of ideas. Again, I hope it's funny. At least amusing. I am amused. Also tired… so it doesn't take much to amuse me ^_^