Disclaimer: The characters, settings, ideas, and events that have appeared on "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" belong to Twentieth Century Fox, courtesy of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
How much is that doggy in the window?
The trees were being delicately swayed by the wind as sunlight filtered through the canopy. Dawn was quietly humming to herself with her book under arm. She had begun to read at the park, away from the hustle and bustle of the Summers household. She turned the corner and right in front of her was…
"Oh my GOD!" she squealed "PUPPY!"
Dawn knelt down and stroked the tiny light brown puppy.
"You are soooooooooooo adorable! Where's your owner? Are they around here somewhere?"
Dawn looked around the empty street. She shrugged slightly, turning her attention back to the pooch at her feet. He tilted his head and whined a little. Dawn felt her heart skip.
'So cute!' she thought. 'Who would leave a little puppy all alone like this?' Oh well," she said with a happy smile. "I guess I'll have to take you with me. Buffy is going to freak! She loves little adorable puppies!"
She scooped up the puppy into her arms and began to head home. Suddenly she felt a warm, wet sensation quickly spreading on her front. She looked down and shuddered.
"Cuteness factor is so declining."
*****
The scream pierced the air like a knife.
"He is soooooooooooo cute!" Buffy said. Dawn nodded enthusiastically, trying to get a hand in to pet the puppy. Her attempts were thwarted though by the cuteness-obsessed slayer. Dawn hugged her bruised hands to her chest, and finished telling about how she found the puppy.
"I know! He was all alone on the sidewalk so I brought him here, coz he looked alone and cute and then he peed on me…" Dawn showed Buffy her sweater.
"Is that MY sweater?" Buffy's expression quickly changed from one of adoration to one of murderous rage at the fact that her sweater now ready to be a dishrag. After all, it was her new pink sweater she had just bought, and it went so well with her jeans.
"…I'll go change." Dawn replied quickly after seeing the 'look' being thrown at her and ran up the stairs before Buffy had time to comment any further.
Buffy rolled her eyes and kneeled down to pet the puppy. As she reached over the puppy began to growl and bare his teeth. Buffy drew her hand away hurriedly and looked at him.
"Don't you go all growly face on ME mister! I've heard scarier growls come from a newborn vam... oh, do it again, that was sooo cute!"
Willow walked in and looked down at Buffy. The slayer was crouching on the floor, her hands busy in front of her. If Willow didn't know better, she'd think something bad was happening. But then Buffy turned slightly and,
"Oh! Puppy!"
*****
Xander was sitting on the couch and rubbing the puppy's ears.
"So Dawn just found him on the street?"
"Yep."
"So what are you guys going to do with it?"
Buffy stopped sharpening her stake and said, "Well if no one claims it, we might keep it."
"But what about costs? Dogs don't stay like this forever. They get big and doggy and they eat a lot and they poop, and you'll have to pick up the poop. It's not all daisies and sunshine Buff. There will be poop to pick up."
"We'll just use the poop to fertilize the daises." Buffy said sardonically. She turned back to her stake, humming a small tune.
As Willow and Xander continued talking the puppy opened it's eye, which began to burn a bright red, before it quickly closed it and continued to enjoy getting its ears rubbed.
*****
Buffy squeezed the plastic dog toy. "And this one."
"Buffy, we have 7 other squishy toys already in the basket." Dawn said, looking at Buffy.
"But this one is a steak! We need a steak, and a bone, and a sausage…" Buffy replied, sifting through the contents of the basket.
"Ok, fine."
They went around the shop, picking out a lead, a basket and various other accessories. The basket caused some problems. Well, actually, everything caused some problems. But the basket problem was the biggest. "We HAVE to get a wicker basket. They're all the rage with puppy people!" Buffy had exclaimed. Stupid Xander wanted to get a normal basket with no wicker in site. Buffy felt the urge to introduce Xanders face to the back of her hand, but then reminded herself that he was one of her best friends. "But Buff, this basket is cheaper, and it'll be softer for the puppy." He had argued. He really did not see the point in getting a basket for purely aesthetic reasons. But then, he had wanted to get a black leash, when the dark maroon so clearly matched his fur better. She had reluctantly given in to just getting plain plastic food and water bowls (He does NOT need metal engraved water bowls Buffy!), but the world be damned if she wasn't going to get her wicker basket.
Finally, with the shopping trolley filled to the brim, and with Buffy the only one still smiling, they made it to the cash register. Dawn was trying not to show how utterly bored she was, and Xander was trying to put back as many items as he could before they got on the counter. Willow was standing a little way back. She was stilling thinking of plans for the magical collar she had been allowed to plan and make for the newest Scooby. 'Silver', she decided, 'And blessed with holy water. The little guy is so defenseless, he'll need all the protection he can get.'
The girl behind the counter was looking warily at the strange group, but didn't complain. The store had just bought in a new policy were you got an added extra on your pay packet when you made high priced sales. She could practically see the money dripping into her bank account now.
"That'll be $749.99." The cashier said.
Xander dropped the $14.99 chew toy he was holding and looked at the girl with a scandalized expression on his face. Dawn suddenly looked more interested, and Willow had nearly passed out from shock.
Buffy, however, looked calm and simply stared at her. She suddenly piped up with. "Charge it to the Sunnydale High account."
"Buffy!" Dawn hissed.
"It's for the new school mascot." Buffy said, as she stepped on Dawns toe and smiled at the lady.
*****
"DAWN!" Buffy yelled, leaning on the banister and looking at the top of the stairs.
"WHAT!?" Dawn replied.
"Scrappy pooped on the carpet AGAIN!"
Everyone had thought it was cute to name the newest Scooby after the youngest puppy from the famous show. However, the damn thing pooped more than the entire population of Sunnydale, and cutting back on the 'Scooby Snacks' wasn't helping.
Dawn ran down the stairs and stopped on the last step. She looked down at the brown sloppy patch that was smeared all over the carpet in the hall.
"Ewww, what do you keep feeding that dog Buffy?"
Buffy glared at Dawn as if she was a vampire about to be staked.
"Take him outside while I clean this up."
Dawn gingerly led the puppy out but his magical collar and closed the door behind her. She was thanking all the Goddesses she knew for Willows awesome design. There was no way Buffy could stake him, no matter how hard she tried. It was a 'staked-by-angry-slayer' proof. That didn't mean that Buffy didn't threaten to rip the damn thing off and stake him none the less.
"Stupid puppy, pooping on MY carpet. I've stopped the apocalypse so many times and it all leads down to cleaning up after a puppy that has more bowel movements than the population of a retirement village COMBINED…" Buffy muttered as she sprayed disinfectant all over the goop and shivered. Noticing that the disinfectant was coming out in small streams she unscrewed the sprayer and poured it all out over the mess. She opened the door and yelled "DAWN! I'm going to the store, we ran out of disinfectant!"
*****
Dawn led the puppy back inside after hearing her sister yell, and tip toed her way around the brown substance. She wrinkled up her nose as she walked past it, and tried very hard not to breathe too much of the smell in. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Flicking through the TV guide after picking up the puppy, she sat him down next to her and turned on the TV. As the 6 O'clock news came on she heard a deep growl coming from the puppy next to her. She looked over at him and began to scream.
*****
Willow walked up the path leading to the house when she heard it. A high-pitched scream that could only belong to one person. She bolted up the steps and opened the door. She gasped at the scene in front of her. Dawn was backed up against the wall and coming towards her was the biggest beast of a dog she had ever seen. "BACK!" Willow screamed flinging her hand at the direction of the dog, causing it to sprawl against the far wall. Dawn was shaking, and mumbling about the dogs collar. As she ran over to Willow, the red haired witched shouted "Release" in the dogs general direction, catching the flying collar as it came towards her. Together, with collar in hand, the two made for the stairs. As they reached the top of the stairs they could hear the beast coming after them. They ran into Dawns room and locked the door. Breathing hard, Dawn rushed to her desk, trying to drag it in front of the door. Willow shook her head, and looked at the door. "Fortificus." She muttered below her breath.
The door glowed with a pale gray light and turned to rock. "That should hold it until Buffy gets here." She said as they heard the large claws of the beast scratch down the center of the door.
*****
Buffy opened the door and was met by a large beast running towards her.
"Scrappy?" She said looking shocked.
The dog jumped onto her, pushing her out the door and onto the lawn.
Buffy pushed him off and jumped up.
"You pee on my sweater, you poop on my carpet and now you're trying to kill me! Bad Dog!" She gave the beast a quick glance over. His paws were covered in blood and claws were missing. She could only hope that the blood was his own. She also noticed that his collar had been removed. 'I can stake him!', she thought gleefully.
She kicked it in the face and it went sprawling back. It lunged towards her as she spun around and kicked it in the side of its head. Buffy flipped around over the dog and grabbed it by its neck, snapping it. As the dead body slumped on the ground it glowed red and disappeared. Buffy wiped her hands on her pants, and looked around for her sister. Not finding her in the lounge or the dinning room, she was about to venture upstairs when she heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. She walked through quickly and picked up the receiver.
"Dawnie?!"
"Buffy?"
"Giles!"
"Buffy, Ethan Raine sent you a…present, in the shape of a puppy, be caref…"
"Yes I know, he pooped on my carpet, and then became all demoney, I mean where is the consideration? Why didn't he just turn into a demon first, then I wouldn't have to clean up after him. So not happy. Have Willow or Dawn called you?"
"No, ah…they haven't. But… ah…yes, well, we have Ethan here, the Council is holding him."
"Yeah, well, evil doggy is dead." Buffy said happily.
"Very good. I also rang to tell you some news…" Giles interrupted quickly.
"What? I'll be receiving a goldfish that turns into a shark man?" Buffy asked with sarcasm loaded into every syllable.
"No…" Giles said slowly, "I'll be coming back to Sunnydale. There is something happening."
"Oh so the fact that you miss us has nothing to do with it?" The slayer quipped, bouncing on her feet. 'Giles is coming back!' she thought happily.
"Yes, well…I'll be there in a few days. Say hello to Dawn and Willow and Xander for me." And he hung up.
'Say hello to Dawn and Willow and Xan… Dawnie!'
The young woman ran quickly to the stairs, yelling for her sister the entire way.
*****
"I told you having a dog would be hard." Xander said, picking the ju- jubes out of his bowl of ice cream.
"No, you said poop would be an issue, and even though it was, Scrappy turning into an evil hell hound doggy thing wasn't one of them." Buffy answered, trying very carefully to sneak Xanders ju-jubes into her bowl. The slayer couldn't get enough of that ju-juby goodness. However, Dawn couldn't either, and there was a small battle brewing as the two Summers' girls fought for the chewy candies. Willow shook her head, and subtly magicked up some extra ju-jubes for the two.
There was a knock at the door and Willow stood up. "I'll get it." she got up and walked towards the door, pretending not to notice as Buffy stole an entire scoop from the young witches bowl.
Shaking her head again, she opened the door and gasped loudly.
"Hey there little lady."
"OZ!" Willow squealed and flung her arms around him. He swayed back under the force of the tiny girl and grinned.
"Quite a home coming."
How much is that doggy in the window?
The trees were being delicately swayed by the wind as sunlight filtered through the canopy. Dawn was quietly humming to herself with her book under arm. She had begun to read at the park, away from the hustle and bustle of the Summers household. She turned the corner and right in front of her was…
"Oh my GOD!" she squealed "PUPPY!"
Dawn knelt down and stroked the tiny light brown puppy.
"You are soooooooooooo adorable! Where's your owner? Are they around here somewhere?"
Dawn looked around the empty street. She shrugged slightly, turning her attention back to the pooch at her feet. He tilted his head and whined a little. Dawn felt her heart skip.
'So cute!' she thought. 'Who would leave a little puppy all alone like this?' Oh well," she said with a happy smile. "I guess I'll have to take you with me. Buffy is going to freak! She loves little adorable puppies!"
She scooped up the puppy into her arms and began to head home. Suddenly she felt a warm, wet sensation quickly spreading on her front. She looked down and shuddered.
"Cuteness factor is so declining."
*****
The scream pierced the air like a knife.
"He is soooooooooooo cute!" Buffy said. Dawn nodded enthusiastically, trying to get a hand in to pet the puppy. Her attempts were thwarted though by the cuteness-obsessed slayer. Dawn hugged her bruised hands to her chest, and finished telling about how she found the puppy.
"I know! He was all alone on the sidewalk so I brought him here, coz he looked alone and cute and then he peed on me…" Dawn showed Buffy her sweater.
"Is that MY sweater?" Buffy's expression quickly changed from one of adoration to one of murderous rage at the fact that her sweater now ready to be a dishrag. After all, it was her new pink sweater she had just bought, and it went so well with her jeans.
"…I'll go change." Dawn replied quickly after seeing the 'look' being thrown at her and ran up the stairs before Buffy had time to comment any further.
Buffy rolled her eyes and kneeled down to pet the puppy. As she reached over the puppy began to growl and bare his teeth. Buffy drew her hand away hurriedly and looked at him.
"Don't you go all growly face on ME mister! I've heard scarier growls come from a newborn vam... oh, do it again, that was sooo cute!"
Willow walked in and looked down at Buffy. The slayer was crouching on the floor, her hands busy in front of her. If Willow didn't know better, she'd think something bad was happening. But then Buffy turned slightly and,
"Oh! Puppy!"
*****
Xander was sitting on the couch and rubbing the puppy's ears.
"So Dawn just found him on the street?"
"Yep."
"So what are you guys going to do with it?"
Buffy stopped sharpening her stake and said, "Well if no one claims it, we might keep it."
"But what about costs? Dogs don't stay like this forever. They get big and doggy and they eat a lot and they poop, and you'll have to pick up the poop. It's not all daisies and sunshine Buff. There will be poop to pick up."
"We'll just use the poop to fertilize the daises." Buffy said sardonically. She turned back to her stake, humming a small tune.
As Willow and Xander continued talking the puppy opened it's eye, which began to burn a bright red, before it quickly closed it and continued to enjoy getting its ears rubbed.
*****
Buffy squeezed the plastic dog toy. "And this one."
"Buffy, we have 7 other squishy toys already in the basket." Dawn said, looking at Buffy.
"But this one is a steak! We need a steak, and a bone, and a sausage…" Buffy replied, sifting through the contents of the basket.
"Ok, fine."
They went around the shop, picking out a lead, a basket and various other accessories. The basket caused some problems. Well, actually, everything caused some problems. But the basket problem was the biggest. "We HAVE to get a wicker basket. They're all the rage with puppy people!" Buffy had exclaimed. Stupid Xander wanted to get a normal basket with no wicker in site. Buffy felt the urge to introduce Xanders face to the back of her hand, but then reminded herself that he was one of her best friends. "But Buff, this basket is cheaper, and it'll be softer for the puppy." He had argued. He really did not see the point in getting a basket for purely aesthetic reasons. But then, he had wanted to get a black leash, when the dark maroon so clearly matched his fur better. She had reluctantly given in to just getting plain plastic food and water bowls (He does NOT need metal engraved water bowls Buffy!), but the world be damned if she wasn't going to get her wicker basket.
Finally, with the shopping trolley filled to the brim, and with Buffy the only one still smiling, they made it to the cash register. Dawn was trying not to show how utterly bored she was, and Xander was trying to put back as many items as he could before they got on the counter. Willow was standing a little way back. She was stilling thinking of plans for the magical collar she had been allowed to plan and make for the newest Scooby. 'Silver', she decided, 'And blessed with holy water. The little guy is so defenseless, he'll need all the protection he can get.'
The girl behind the counter was looking warily at the strange group, but didn't complain. The store had just bought in a new policy were you got an added extra on your pay packet when you made high priced sales. She could practically see the money dripping into her bank account now.
"That'll be $749.99." The cashier said.
Xander dropped the $14.99 chew toy he was holding and looked at the girl with a scandalized expression on his face. Dawn suddenly looked more interested, and Willow had nearly passed out from shock.
Buffy, however, looked calm and simply stared at her. She suddenly piped up with. "Charge it to the Sunnydale High account."
"Buffy!" Dawn hissed.
"It's for the new school mascot." Buffy said, as she stepped on Dawns toe and smiled at the lady.
*****
"DAWN!" Buffy yelled, leaning on the banister and looking at the top of the stairs.
"WHAT!?" Dawn replied.
"Scrappy pooped on the carpet AGAIN!"
Everyone had thought it was cute to name the newest Scooby after the youngest puppy from the famous show. However, the damn thing pooped more than the entire population of Sunnydale, and cutting back on the 'Scooby Snacks' wasn't helping.
Dawn ran down the stairs and stopped on the last step. She looked down at the brown sloppy patch that was smeared all over the carpet in the hall.
"Ewww, what do you keep feeding that dog Buffy?"
Buffy glared at Dawn as if she was a vampire about to be staked.
"Take him outside while I clean this up."
Dawn gingerly led the puppy out but his magical collar and closed the door behind her. She was thanking all the Goddesses she knew for Willows awesome design. There was no way Buffy could stake him, no matter how hard she tried. It was a 'staked-by-angry-slayer' proof. That didn't mean that Buffy didn't threaten to rip the damn thing off and stake him none the less.
"Stupid puppy, pooping on MY carpet. I've stopped the apocalypse so many times and it all leads down to cleaning up after a puppy that has more bowel movements than the population of a retirement village COMBINED…" Buffy muttered as she sprayed disinfectant all over the goop and shivered. Noticing that the disinfectant was coming out in small streams she unscrewed the sprayer and poured it all out over the mess. She opened the door and yelled "DAWN! I'm going to the store, we ran out of disinfectant!"
*****
Dawn led the puppy back inside after hearing her sister yell, and tip toed her way around the brown substance. She wrinkled up her nose as she walked past it, and tried very hard not to breathe too much of the smell in. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Flicking through the TV guide after picking up the puppy, she sat him down next to her and turned on the TV. As the 6 O'clock news came on she heard a deep growl coming from the puppy next to her. She looked over at him and began to scream.
*****
Willow walked up the path leading to the house when she heard it. A high-pitched scream that could only belong to one person. She bolted up the steps and opened the door. She gasped at the scene in front of her. Dawn was backed up against the wall and coming towards her was the biggest beast of a dog she had ever seen. "BACK!" Willow screamed flinging her hand at the direction of the dog, causing it to sprawl against the far wall. Dawn was shaking, and mumbling about the dogs collar. As she ran over to Willow, the red haired witched shouted "Release" in the dogs general direction, catching the flying collar as it came towards her. Together, with collar in hand, the two made for the stairs. As they reached the top of the stairs they could hear the beast coming after them. They ran into Dawns room and locked the door. Breathing hard, Dawn rushed to her desk, trying to drag it in front of the door. Willow shook her head, and looked at the door. "Fortificus." She muttered below her breath.
The door glowed with a pale gray light and turned to rock. "That should hold it until Buffy gets here." She said as they heard the large claws of the beast scratch down the center of the door.
*****
Buffy opened the door and was met by a large beast running towards her.
"Scrappy?" She said looking shocked.
The dog jumped onto her, pushing her out the door and onto the lawn.
Buffy pushed him off and jumped up.
"You pee on my sweater, you poop on my carpet and now you're trying to kill me! Bad Dog!" She gave the beast a quick glance over. His paws were covered in blood and claws were missing. She could only hope that the blood was his own. She also noticed that his collar had been removed. 'I can stake him!', she thought gleefully.
She kicked it in the face and it went sprawling back. It lunged towards her as she spun around and kicked it in the side of its head. Buffy flipped around over the dog and grabbed it by its neck, snapping it. As the dead body slumped on the ground it glowed red and disappeared. Buffy wiped her hands on her pants, and looked around for her sister. Not finding her in the lounge or the dinning room, she was about to venture upstairs when she heard the phone ringing in the kitchen. She walked through quickly and picked up the receiver.
"Dawnie?!"
"Buffy?"
"Giles!"
"Buffy, Ethan Raine sent you a…present, in the shape of a puppy, be caref…"
"Yes I know, he pooped on my carpet, and then became all demoney, I mean where is the consideration? Why didn't he just turn into a demon first, then I wouldn't have to clean up after him. So not happy. Have Willow or Dawn called you?"
"No, ah…they haven't. But… ah…yes, well, we have Ethan here, the Council is holding him."
"Yeah, well, evil doggy is dead." Buffy said happily.
"Very good. I also rang to tell you some news…" Giles interrupted quickly.
"What? I'll be receiving a goldfish that turns into a shark man?" Buffy asked with sarcasm loaded into every syllable.
"No…" Giles said slowly, "I'll be coming back to Sunnydale. There is something happening."
"Oh so the fact that you miss us has nothing to do with it?" The slayer quipped, bouncing on her feet. 'Giles is coming back!' she thought happily.
"Yes, well…I'll be there in a few days. Say hello to Dawn and Willow and Xander for me." And he hung up.
'Say hello to Dawn and Willow and Xan… Dawnie!'
The young woman ran quickly to the stairs, yelling for her sister the entire way.
*****
"I told you having a dog would be hard." Xander said, picking the ju- jubes out of his bowl of ice cream.
"No, you said poop would be an issue, and even though it was, Scrappy turning into an evil hell hound doggy thing wasn't one of them." Buffy answered, trying very carefully to sneak Xanders ju-jubes into her bowl. The slayer couldn't get enough of that ju-juby goodness. However, Dawn couldn't either, and there was a small battle brewing as the two Summers' girls fought for the chewy candies. Willow shook her head, and subtly magicked up some extra ju-jubes for the two.
There was a knock at the door and Willow stood up. "I'll get it." she got up and walked towards the door, pretending not to notice as Buffy stole an entire scoop from the young witches bowl.
Shaking her head again, she opened the door and gasped loudly.
"Hey there little lady."
"OZ!" Willow squealed and flung her arms around him. He swayed back under the force of the tiny girl and grinned.
"Quite a home coming."