CHAPTER 6~ The Way I Feel
DRACO'S POV~
I let Hermione leave the closet first. I needed some time alone to think, and since I was isolated, I decided to think in there. I knew I wanted her more than I ever wanted anything in my entire life, and it wasn't just because of my raging hormones; it was because I was truly in love with her. I needed her to be a part of me. Every time I breathed, I wanted to breathe he scent; every time I opened my eyes in the morning, I wanted Hermione to be the first person I saw; she was the last person I wanted to see before I fell asleep at night. She intoxicated my every thought, my every move. I didn't just want her, I needed her. I wanted to be the only man she ever loved.
After a while, I got up and headed for the Slytherin common room. My mind had been formulating a plan, it wasn't very good; but it was a start. I wanted her to feel totally comfortable around me, like I felt around her, and I wasn't exactly feeling total comfort yet. I knew she was comfortable, but she was still tense at times. I knew she didn't like Wonder Boy or Weasel, but maybe she was nervous that I'd leave her. She didn't exactly come from the best background.
The Slytherin common room was empty. The feast must have still been going. I loved the warm quietness of the common room at night when no one else was there. Most people would probably think the dungeons were cold, but they really weren't. That night, the only light came from the blazing fire. I lounged on one of the couches as I watched the shadows play across the walls.
The beauty of fire always amazed me. It started at a blue at the bottom and went into brilliant shades of reds and oranges. Fire scared most people, but not me; I was comforted by it. I loved the way the bright light came out of the pure darkness. To me, it was a symbol of hope. As much as I loved fire, I loved darkness more. You couldn't find hope, not until sunrise at least. You couldn't see where you were going, and you couldn't see what was lurking around. I liked the feeling of apprehension. When it was dark, you were hidden from the world. No one could see you, which meant they had no idea what you were thinking or how you were feeling. No one could see your facial expressions; you could look like a stone angel in a cemetery and no one would know. Everyone would walk by without even acknowledging your presence.
As soon as the first person walked in, I walked up to my dorm, put on my pajamas (which consisted of green pants and a black t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with House pride) and laid down in my four-poster bed.
~
HERMIONE'S POV~
I walked slowly back to the Gryffindor Tower. He wanted me and I knew it. I couldn't deny that I wanted him too, but I was downright scared that he would just leave me afterwards. The thing was, I had a feeling he wouldn't, but there was always that "what if?" that has been lurking around my head like a halo because of my parents. I plopped down on a couch and stared into the blazing fire.
The fire was so inviting. I had always found it amazing how one thing could be blue, orange, yellow, and red all at the same time. I had always found the fire amazingly comforting, just as I found darkness comforting. You could go places and have people not realize you were there. When it was dark, my parents couldn't find me. I was able to hide in dark corners, and they would just walk right by me. I liked things that way.
People began flooding into the common room. Ginny, one of the fifth year prefects was leading the first years and pointing them to their dorms. Harry, Ron, and Ginny sat down next to me. "I thought you were tired," Ginny said.
"I am, but I've got so much stuff on my mind right now," I answered.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked. "You can trust us, you know."
"I know, but it's complicated, and I don't think you'd understand. Don't get me wrong, you are all great friends (::coughcough::), but this is something I hafta think through myself."
"'Mione, why have you been pulling away from us?" Ron questioned. "It's like there's someone else who occupies your time even when you're with us. What's going on?"
I didn't answer, I just stared at the fire. I mean, how was I possibly supposed to answer that? **Yes, Ron, there is someone else who intoxicates my every move. Draco Malfoy is my boyfriend and no matter what I try to do, I can't get his image out of my head and I think about him 24/7.** I don't think that would have went over too well seeing as they're enemies and want to rip out each other's throats.
"Is there someone else you talk to, 'Mione?" Harry asked softly. "You don't hafta tell us who, I'm just wondering if that's why you don't tell us stuff anymore."
"Yes, Harry. There is someone else who I have to talk to. This person helps me to clear my mind and relieve my pain. I trust you guys (**with some things**), but I feel a great connection between this person and me."
I watched the three of them nod. "You can still come to us if you need anything, Hermione," Ginny offered.
"Thanks, Gin," I said giving her a weak smile. "I think I'm gunna go up to my dorm now. I'll see you guys in the morning." I started to get up to leave, but stopped when Ron spoke again.
"'Mione? Does this special person go to Hogwarts?"
"I'm not telling you." I smirked. "That's gunna be for me to know and for nobody to find out."
"Fine, be that way," he joked.
"Good night, guys," I mumbled lazily.
"Good night, 'Mione," they answered.
My dorm was still empty. None of the other girls had come up and I was grateful. They were so annoying, always laughing and giggling and talking about the "hot guys" and Hogwarts, usually Draco Malfoy. They would always be like, "Ooh, I would just love to get in his pants," or "Why couldn't I be in Slytherin, then I'd be closer to him," or "I can't wait to get him in a broom closet." It was so annoying, and I knew it would be even more annoying that year because he was my boyfriend now. I couldn't stand how they were so open about what they felt. It bugged the hell out of me.
Trying not to think about it, I threw on a pair of green pajama pants and a black shirt with a silver dragon on it (okay, so I had a thing for dragons). I hadn't meant to do that; it was just a coincidence. Or was it? I laid down in my bed and drew the hangings. I wanted some sleep before classes started the next day. In ten minutes, Parvati and Lavender came in giggling.
"Oh my God, did you see Draco today?" Parvati asked.
"I know, he looks so totally hot with his hair like that," Lavender answered.
"I wonder if he's good in bed," Parvati thought out loud.
"How can he not be with a body like that? I wish Ron had a body like that. I mean, I absolutely love his personality, but with Draco's body, he'd be perfect." Once again, the two girls giggled.
**Don't talk about my boyfriend like that!** I was screaming in my head. **He would never touch you, you dirty, slutty, skanky whores! All you sickos think about is guys with hot bodies! I don't really give a damn who you talk about as long as it's not Draco!**
They soon moved on to other guys and I fell asleep dreaming about Draco.
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood, and it didn't take me long to realize why; it was the first day of school! The first day was always good for me. I got up quickly and pulled on my uniform. My uniform wasn't the standard female Hogwarts uniform. Like most girls I had altered it. I didn't alter it like they did, however. While they made their skirts a few inches shorter and their shirts a few sizes smaller, I transfigured my skirt into a very large pair of pants and I made my shirt a size bigger. Before heading downstairs, I put on some black eye liner, it was the only make-up I ever wore and I brushed what little hair I had.
"'Mione, where's your uniform?" Ginny asked when I walked down.
"I'm wearing it," I answered coldly. "Isn't that obvious?"
"But you look like you're going to some punk concert," Harry said.
"What's wrong with that?"
They all rolled their eyes, and once Lavender and Parvati showed up, we headed sown to the Great Hall for breakfast. I made sure to get a seat facing the Slytherin table. We were all eating and talking about the classes we were taking when a swooping sound was heard from above us. My head automatically shot up even though I knew I wouldn't be getting anything. No one ever sent me mail. I watched as packages were dropped into people's laps. Just as I turned back to my food, a black eagle owl landed in front of me. I looked at it skeptically. It was holding two silver roses with gold tips. There was a note attached with my name. I looked over at Draco and he was smirking at me. Knowing better than to open it in front of everyone, I began to stand up.
"Who's it from?" Ron asked.
"Um, I don't know," I lied. "I think I'll just bring these up to my room. I'll see you in Potions, bye!" I rambled and walked quickly out of the Great Hall and headed toward the Gryffindor Tower. I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see Draco.
"So did you read the note yet?" he asked looking down at the floor.
"I didn't wanna open it in front of everyone else. I knew it was from you."
"Well would you open it in front of me?"
I smiled and pulled the note out of the envelope.
Dear Hermione, I'm really sorry about last night. I want you to know That I love you and would never intentionally hurt you Or make you do something that you're not ready for. Please don't be upset with me. For the first time in my Life I know what it's like to feel true love and happiness. If I say something to hurt you, remember it is only for Your protection. I love you always, Draco
~
DRACO'S POV~
I watched her face light up as she read the letter. "Thank you, Draco." He threw her arms around me in a tight hug. "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome," I whispered.
"Come up to my dorm with me for a minute. I just gotta put these beautiful roses in water by my bed." She took my hand and led me up to a portrait of a fat lady. She gave her the password (which just so happened to be "Malfoy Sucks") and took me into her common room. The common room was bright so I had to adjust my eyes a little. I liked the darkness of the Slytherin common room, but theirs was still nice.
Hermione dragged me up the stairs to her dormitory. I watched as she conjured up a vase with water and set the flowers in it. She kissed me passionately then led me back into the hall. "You wouldn't wanna be late for the first potion lesson now, would you?" she asked.
"Well maybe you wouldn't, Snape could care less about what I do. You go run along so you don't get a detention already, and I'll take my sweet-ass time getting there," I answered. I kissed her quickly and watched her hurry down the corridor.
I did exactly what I said I would do; I took my sweet-ass time. I took the extremely long route to the dungeons and even stopped by the kitchens to grab an apple. When I walked in twenty minutes late, the whole class turned around and stared at me. "Sorry I'm late, Professor," I said with an innocent smile. "I guess I just lost track of time while I was reading up on some advanced potions." I pulled a book out of my bag called, The Most Advanced Potions for the Most Advanced Wizards.
"I'm glad to see I have one student who uses his time constructively. Not like some others who would rather waste their time on love notes rather than get to class on time." He shot Hermione a death glare. "Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Malfoy?" I nodded curtly and sat in the only seat available, which happened to be up front and next to Pansy.
"Professor, Hermione walked in five seconds late and you took ten points off of Gryffindor. How come the high and mighty king over there gets no punishment?" Ron defended.
"Are you challenging my authority, Mr. Weasley?" Snape sneered, his lips curling into an evil smile. "When you take over this class, you can do whatever you want. Seeing as it's still mine, I think ten more points for Gryffindor should do the trick." Groans were heard from the Gryffindors and snickers from the Slytherins.
"I would rather die before I took over this class," I heard Weasley mumble to Potter.
It appeared that Snape hadn't heard because he was rummaging through a stack of papers on his desk. "Weasley, that's another five points," he said lazily. "Keep saying ridiculous things, I rather enjoy punishing your House."
We didn't make any potions that day, just took notes. After class, I was shoved against the wall by Weasley. "What the hell?" I yelled.
"What're you playing at, Malfoy?" he asked.
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm real sue you were actually reading that book. Where the hell were you?"
"Jeez Weasel, I didn't know you cared so much about where I spend my time." I slammed him into the wall with a much greater force that he pushed me. Potter and Hermione came out of the room as I said, "What, Weasley, afraid of me?" Just as I presumed, he threw a punch at me. I ducked, and he hit Potter instead.
"What the fuck is your problem, Ron?" Potter shrieked. "That fucking hurt!"
"Oh man, Harry, I'm so sorry. I was trying to hit that goddamn Ferret. He's pissing me off."
As the faithful sidekick muttered apologies to the Wonder Boy, I grabbed Hermione and whispered in he ear in what appeared to be a rough manner to anyone who was looking. In reality, I said, "Meet me tonight in the Astronomy Tower at nine."
"Fine, Malfoy," she answered in an irritated tone.
"What'd he say?" Potter asked Hermione.
"None of your business, Potter," I answered for her.
"Sure, Ferret Boy."
"Fine, I said that her blue hair makes her look like she belongs in the main exhibit at the London Zoo. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Fuck you, Malfoy," he mumbled angrily.
"No thanks, Potter, I'm straight. But I'm sure your faithful sidekick wouldn't mind a piece of you." I smirked and headed up to Arithmancy. Hermione had the same class and followed behind me at a distance.
I couldn't see how Hermione actually like that class. I only took it because it was better that divination, which was a lot of guesswork and luck in my opinion. I pretended to be listening to Professor Vector and taking notes, but I kept stealing glances at Hermione.
For the rest of the day, the only thing I really thought about was what was going to happen that night. I still didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to see Hermione away from the rest of the school and those two pricks she called her friends.
DRACO'S POV~
I let Hermione leave the closet first. I needed some time alone to think, and since I was isolated, I decided to think in there. I knew I wanted her more than I ever wanted anything in my entire life, and it wasn't just because of my raging hormones; it was because I was truly in love with her. I needed her to be a part of me. Every time I breathed, I wanted to breathe he scent; every time I opened my eyes in the morning, I wanted Hermione to be the first person I saw; she was the last person I wanted to see before I fell asleep at night. She intoxicated my every thought, my every move. I didn't just want her, I needed her. I wanted to be the only man she ever loved.
After a while, I got up and headed for the Slytherin common room. My mind had been formulating a plan, it wasn't very good; but it was a start. I wanted her to feel totally comfortable around me, like I felt around her, and I wasn't exactly feeling total comfort yet. I knew she was comfortable, but she was still tense at times. I knew she didn't like Wonder Boy or Weasel, but maybe she was nervous that I'd leave her. She didn't exactly come from the best background.
The Slytherin common room was empty. The feast must have still been going. I loved the warm quietness of the common room at night when no one else was there. Most people would probably think the dungeons were cold, but they really weren't. That night, the only light came from the blazing fire. I lounged on one of the couches as I watched the shadows play across the walls.
The beauty of fire always amazed me. It started at a blue at the bottom and went into brilliant shades of reds and oranges. Fire scared most people, but not me; I was comforted by it. I loved the way the bright light came out of the pure darkness. To me, it was a symbol of hope. As much as I loved fire, I loved darkness more. You couldn't find hope, not until sunrise at least. You couldn't see where you were going, and you couldn't see what was lurking around. I liked the feeling of apprehension. When it was dark, you were hidden from the world. No one could see you, which meant they had no idea what you were thinking or how you were feeling. No one could see your facial expressions; you could look like a stone angel in a cemetery and no one would know. Everyone would walk by without even acknowledging your presence.
As soon as the first person walked in, I walked up to my dorm, put on my pajamas (which consisted of green pants and a black t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with House pride) and laid down in my four-poster bed.
~
HERMIONE'S POV~
I walked slowly back to the Gryffindor Tower. He wanted me and I knew it. I couldn't deny that I wanted him too, but I was downright scared that he would just leave me afterwards. The thing was, I had a feeling he wouldn't, but there was always that "what if?" that has been lurking around my head like a halo because of my parents. I plopped down on a couch and stared into the blazing fire.
The fire was so inviting. I had always found it amazing how one thing could be blue, orange, yellow, and red all at the same time. I had always found the fire amazingly comforting, just as I found darkness comforting. You could go places and have people not realize you were there. When it was dark, my parents couldn't find me. I was able to hide in dark corners, and they would just walk right by me. I liked things that way.
People began flooding into the common room. Ginny, one of the fifth year prefects was leading the first years and pointing them to their dorms. Harry, Ron, and Ginny sat down next to me. "I thought you were tired," Ginny said.
"I am, but I've got so much stuff on my mind right now," I answered.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked. "You can trust us, you know."
"I know, but it's complicated, and I don't think you'd understand. Don't get me wrong, you are all great friends (::coughcough::), but this is something I hafta think through myself."
"'Mione, why have you been pulling away from us?" Ron questioned. "It's like there's someone else who occupies your time even when you're with us. What's going on?"
I didn't answer, I just stared at the fire. I mean, how was I possibly supposed to answer that? **Yes, Ron, there is someone else who intoxicates my every move. Draco Malfoy is my boyfriend and no matter what I try to do, I can't get his image out of my head and I think about him 24/7.** I don't think that would have went over too well seeing as they're enemies and want to rip out each other's throats.
"Is there someone else you talk to, 'Mione?" Harry asked softly. "You don't hafta tell us who, I'm just wondering if that's why you don't tell us stuff anymore."
"Yes, Harry. There is someone else who I have to talk to. This person helps me to clear my mind and relieve my pain. I trust you guys (**with some things**), but I feel a great connection between this person and me."
I watched the three of them nod. "You can still come to us if you need anything, Hermione," Ginny offered.
"Thanks, Gin," I said giving her a weak smile. "I think I'm gunna go up to my dorm now. I'll see you guys in the morning." I started to get up to leave, but stopped when Ron spoke again.
"'Mione? Does this special person go to Hogwarts?"
"I'm not telling you." I smirked. "That's gunna be for me to know and for nobody to find out."
"Fine, be that way," he joked.
"Good night, guys," I mumbled lazily.
"Good night, 'Mione," they answered.
My dorm was still empty. None of the other girls had come up and I was grateful. They were so annoying, always laughing and giggling and talking about the "hot guys" and Hogwarts, usually Draco Malfoy. They would always be like, "Ooh, I would just love to get in his pants," or "Why couldn't I be in Slytherin, then I'd be closer to him," or "I can't wait to get him in a broom closet." It was so annoying, and I knew it would be even more annoying that year because he was my boyfriend now. I couldn't stand how they were so open about what they felt. It bugged the hell out of me.
Trying not to think about it, I threw on a pair of green pajama pants and a black shirt with a silver dragon on it (okay, so I had a thing for dragons). I hadn't meant to do that; it was just a coincidence. Or was it? I laid down in my bed and drew the hangings. I wanted some sleep before classes started the next day. In ten minutes, Parvati and Lavender came in giggling.
"Oh my God, did you see Draco today?" Parvati asked.
"I know, he looks so totally hot with his hair like that," Lavender answered.
"I wonder if he's good in bed," Parvati thought out loud.
"How can he not be with a body like that? I wish Ron had a body like that. I mean, I absolutely love his personality, but with Draco's body, he'd be perfect." Once again, the two girls giggled.
**Don't talk about my boyfriend like that!** I was screaming in my head. **He would never touch you, you dirty, slutty, skanky whores! All you sickos think about is guys with hot bodies! I don't really give a damn who you talk about as long as it's not Draco!**
They soon moved on to other guys and I fell asleep dreaming about Draco.
The next morning, I woke up in a great mood, and it didn't take me long to realize why; it was the first day of school! The first day was always good for me. I got up quickly and pulled on my uniform. My uniform wasn't the standard female Hogwarts uniform. Like most girls I had altered it. I didn't alter it like they did, however. While they made their skirts a few inches shorter and their shirts a few sizes smaller, I transfigured my skirt into a very large pair of pants and I made my shirt a size bigger. Before heading downstairs, I put on some black eye liner, it was the only make-up I ever wore and I brushed what little hair I had.
"'Mione, where's your uniform?" Ginny asked when I walked down.
"I'm wearing it," I answered coldly. "Isn't that obvious?"
"But you look like you're going to some punk concert," Harry said.
"What's wrong with that?"
They all rolled their eyes, and once Lavender and Parvati showed up, we headed sown to the Great Hall for breakfast. I made sure to get a seat facing the Slytherin table. We were all eating and talking about the classes we were taking when a swooping sound was heard from above us. My head automatically shot up even though I knew I wouldn't be getting anything. No one ever sent me mail. I watched as packages were dropped into people's laps. Just as I turned back to my food, a black eagle owl landed in front of me. I looked at it skeptically. It was holding two silver roses with gold tips. There was a note attached with my name. I looked over at Draco and he was smirking at me. Knowing better than to open it in front of everyone, I began to stand up.
"Who's it from?" Ron asked.
"Um, I don't know," I lied. "I think I'll just bring these up to my room. I'll see you in Potions, bye!" I rambled and walked quickly out of the Great Hall and headed toward the Gryffindor Tower. I heard footsteps behind me and turned around to see Draco.
"So did you read the note yet?" he asked looking down at the floor.
"I didn't wanna open it in front of everyone else. I knew it was from you."
"Well would you open it in front of me?"
I smiled and pulled the note out of the envelope.
Dear Hermione, I'm really sorry about last night. I want you to know That I love you and would never intentionally hurt you Or make you do something that you're not ready for. Please don't be upset with me. For the first time in my Life I know what it's like to feel true love and happiness. If I say something to hurt you, remember it is only for Your protection. I love you always, Draco
~
DRACO'S POV~
I watched her face light up as she read the letter. "Thank you, Draco." He threw her arms around me in a tight hug. "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome," I whispered.
"Come up to my dorm with me for a minute. I just gotta put these beautiful roses in water by my bed." She took my hand and led me up to a portrait of a fat lady. She gave her the password (which just so happened to be "Malfoy Sucks") and took me into her common room. The common room was bright so I had to adjust my eyes a little. I liked the darkness of the Slytherin common room, but theirs was still nice.
Hermione dragged me up the stairs to her dormitory. I watched as she conjured up a vase with water and set the flowers in it. She kissed me passionately then led me back into the hall. "You wouldn't wanna be late for the first potion lesson now, would you?" she asked.
"Well maybe you wouldn't, Snape could care less about what I do. You go run along so you don't get a detention already, and I'll take my sweet-ass time getting there," I answered. I kissed her quickly and watched her hurry down the corridor.
I did exactly what I said I would do; I took my sweet-ass time. I took the extremely long route to the dungeons and even stopped by the kitchens to grab an apple. When I walked in twenty minutes late, the whole class turned around and stared at me. "Sorry I'm late, Professor," I said with an innocent smile. "I guess I just lost track of time while I was reading up on some advanced potions." I pulled a book out of my bag called, The Most Advanced Potions for the Most Advanced Wizards.
"I'm glad to see I have one student who uses his time constructively. Not like some others who would rather waste their time on love notes rather than get to class on time." He shot Hermione a death glare. "Why don't you take a seat, Mr. Malfoy?" I nodded curtly and sat in the only seat available, which happened to be up front and next to Pansy.
"Professor, Hermione walked in five seconds late and you took ten points off of Gryffindor. How come the high and mighty king over there gets no punishment?" Ron defended.
"Are you challenging my authority, Mr. Weasley?" Snape sneered, his lips curling into an evil smile. "When you take over this class, you can do whatever you want. Seeing as it's still mine, I think ten more points for Gryffindor should do the trick." Groans were heard from the Gryffindors and snickers from the Slytherins.
"I would rather die before I took over this class," I heard Weasley mumble to Potter.
It appeared that Snape hadn't heard because he was rummaging through a stack of papers on his desk. "Weasley, that's another five points," he said lazily. "Keep saying ridiculous things, I rather enjoy punishing your House."
We didn't make any potions that day, just took notes. After class, I was shoved against the wall by Weasley. "What the hell?" I yelled.
"What're you playing at, Malfoy?" he asked.
"What're you talking about?"
"I'm real sue you were actually reading that book. Where the hell were you?"
"Jeez Weasel, I didn't know you cared so much about where I spend my time." I slammed him into the wall with a much greater force that he pushed me. Potter and Hermione came out of the room as I said, "What, Weasley, afraid of me?" Just as I presumed, he threw a punch at me. I ducked, and he hit Potter instead.
"What the fuck is your problem, Ron?" Potter shrieked. "That fucking hurt!"
"Oh man, Harry, I'm so sorry. I was trying to hit that goddamn Ferret. He's pissing me off."
As the faithful sidekick muttered apologies to the Wonder Boy, I grabbed Hermione and whispered in he ear in what appeared to be a rough manner to anyone who was looking. In reality, I said, "Meet me tonight in the Astronomy Tower at nine."
"Fine, Malfoy," she answered in an irritated tone.
"What'd he say?" Potter asked Hermione.
"None of your business, Potter," I answered for her.
"Sure, Ferret Boy."
"Fine, I said that her blue hair makes her look like she belongs in the main exhibit at the London Zoo. Wouldn't you agree?"
"Fuck you, Malfoy," he mumbled angrily.
"No thanks, Potter, I'm straight. But I'm sure your faithful sidekick wouldn't mind a piece of you." I smirked and headed up to Arithmancy. Hermione had the same class and followed behind me at a distance.
I couldn't see how Hermione actually like that class. I only took it because it was better that divination, which was a lot of guesswork and luck in my opinion. I pretended to be listening to Professor Vector and taking notes, but I kept stealing glances at Hermione.
For the rest of the day, the only thing I really thought about was what was going to happen that night. I still didn't know. All I knew was that I wanted to see Hermione away from the rest of the school and those two pricks she called her friends.