To the readers of this brilliant satire:
Believe it or not, I'm not out of inspiration yet. Unfortunately, in order to get some of my best material, I'm forced to read some fanfics that I'd otherwise never be caught dead reading. I'm contemplating having a bit of Luke heart Lorelai business, but once again, I'll need some input. The Trory debate is still raging, and I think I'll have to drag out the suspense for a bit longer. I'm glad you enjoyed the "Shorter Oxford English Dictionary" lines, I think they were inspired. Perhaps not. For those of you who have forgotten what has happened in the last 8 chapters, here's a quick summary:
Rory is single since Dean moved back to Chicago. Jess has vanished. Lorelai is a crappy mother with a big heart. Luke is an excellent father figure for Rory with a big...well, ya know... heart. Tristan is back from Military school and has found himself. He loves Rory, but as usual, Rory is as naive as a doorpost. Rory lives at Tristan's house for a week to do a project for Mr. Medina, her insane teacher who wishes he were a swan. Paris is in some serious need of some Ritalin or Valium or something strong. I think that about sums it up. Sometimes I surprise myself.
I think I ate too much sugar today. Whatever the reason, this chapter will probably bite hard. So don't mind me, and if you know what's good for you, you should exit this satire as fast as your little chubby fingers can click the mouse, and pretend you never saw it, never heard of it, and never smelled it, and if you can do so without attracting attention for the higher authorities, run away screaming at the top of your lungs. I have decided to make change the rating to R because there's nothing between PG- 13 and R. It's probably PG-15 or so. I'm not going to get too graphic if I can help it, because some of my readers have souls, and they wouldn't want to break the law by reading something they were too young to read. Now that this author's note is longer than the actual story, let's get on with it. Enjoy!
-authors_anonymous
p.s. Jess has fully restored himself, and has not made any further attempts to escape. (I don't think that his being handcuffed to the bed is the reason, but you never know...)
----------------------------------------
Rory sat on one of the couches in the bathroom hyperventilating. Tristan had seen her partially naked. In her underwear and a tank top. And he's responded. Not that that bothered her, but she didn't know how she would face him ever again.
'Damn amnesia!' Tristan swore and punched a wall violently. No doubt he had scared her away, and she was just getting comfortable around him. Rory was a million times more gorgeous without her clothes on than he had fantasized. Tristan sat on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands. This had never happened to him before. Tristan Dugrey could nail any girl he wanted to, anywhere, anyplace, anytime. Except for Rory. Rory Gilmore was the girl who had stolen his heart without evening knowing it. Rory Gilmore lit up his life. Heck, Rory Gilmore was his life. If Rory Gilmore mysteriously disappeared, he wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to Rory Gilmore…well as long as he was around, nothing would. He would see to that. But a guy can only be in one place at one time…
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]
Rory sat silently on the couch, thinking hard. Lately her only thought, the only thing that mattered, was Tristan (surprise surprise). Without even realizing it, without her consent, she had begun to like him. Even more than that. Rory had begun to love him. She couldn't imagine life without him. Tristan Dugrey lit up her life. Heck, Tristan Dugrey was her life. If Tristan Dugrey mysteriously disappeared, she wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to him…well she probably wouldn't mind as much as he most likely would if it were the other way around because she had two other boys fawning over her. In anything happened to Tristan Dugrey…well there was still Dean and Jess. Dean was in Chicago, but undoubtedly he would be back at the flash of a dollar bill, and Jess…well Jess was known to show up in random places to save the day. Tristan is the love affection in this story, so ignore the above and please pretend Rory actually cares if Tristan disappears. Rory hadn't imagined that she would fall so fast and so hard for her biblical rival. She had known that she would in the end, but his charismatic personality had drawn her in like a hungry rabid animal…
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]
Tristan glanced at his Rolex. 'If she was going to live in there', he thought, 'I'll use my time constructively!' With that, he pulled off his shirt and folded it neatly. He chose the top pair of boxers in the drawer (red silk to remind him of Rory…stupid, he knows) and was changing into them when Rory opened the door.
"Tristan, I…" she stopped when she saw him. Tristan spun around, his boxers barely clinging to his muscular body. Rory gulped and blinked several times. Even though he was covered, she could still see his pelvis bones and his sculpted chest.
"…I, uh…" said Rory, and gulped again.
"Look, Rory, I'm really sorry."
"It's not your fault, I should have locked it."
"I should have warned you that the lock doesn't work."
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for…" replied Tristan and pulled on a loose t- shirt. Rory missed his chest before it was over his head. "So…do you want to watch a movie or something?"
"Sure!" said Rory, glad of something to remove the tension. "What do you have?"
"Almost every movie ever made" said Tristan airily. Rory made a noise of disbelief. Tristan picked up a small black remote from his bedside table and typed in a six digit code. Suddenly, the two large walls on either side of the big screen television rose, and thousands upon thousands of movies lined the shelves.
"Wow, I'm impressed!" said Rory and began to look over the titles.
"Any preference?" asked Tristan.
"Oh, anything's fine…" said Rory, "as long as it doesn't have any violence, sex or racism."
"So there's about six movies left" joked Tristan as he selected one from the shelf.
"What did you choose?" asked Rory.
"Wait and see…" Tristan put the tape in and sat on the bed next to Rory who was already leaning onto the massive amount of pillows.
An hour later the two were buried under massive amounts of pillows. Tristan had seen Rory shivering, and doing the gentlemanly thing to do, he had buried her alive. What he didn't realize was that being cold hadn't caused the shivering, only being so close to him. Rory looked over at Tristan. He seemed to be engrossed by the movie and wasn't looking at her. Furtively, she inched closer until she was just millimeters away. Tristan looked at Rory. She seemed to be watching the movie, but for some reason she was much closer than she had been ten minutes ago. He decided to take his life into his hands. Tristan took her hand. Rory looked at Tristan's hand on hers. It was so large and well defined and molded perfectly with hers. More perfectly than even Dean's had. (Not surprising, since Dean had had six fingers- Rory had just neglected to count them…).
By the time the credits rolled, Rory was fast asleep. Tristan laid a blanket over her and took one for himself. 'It was a big enough bed', he reasoned, 'for two people to sleep. It was a big enough bed for eight' (He had tried once…a long story involving him, a lot of beer and 7 girls). With that as a final thought, he fell asleep.
Rory woke up with a jerk. Where was she? It took her several moments to realize that she was at Tristan's house, and several more to realize she was in Tristan's bed. Rory located Tristan sleeping near the edge. His blanket had fallen off and his hair was more mussed than usual. Before she could think too much of it, she scooted over and lay down next to him. His body was radiating heat. Without a further thought, Rory fell asleep.
'What the hell?' thought Tristan when he felt a small body press next to his. It was Rory. What was she doing next to him? She had obviously thought that he was asleep, and thought nothing of lying next to him. Tristan smiled to himself and fell asleep.
Rory groaned when the sun hit her eyes. She had never felt so contented as she was feeling right now. Tristan's arm was lying over her stomach protectively. She felt comfortable in his embrace, happy even. She felt Tristan stirring and tried to pull away, but found that she couldn't because he was holding on too tightly. He obviously knew what he was doing, she reflected and stopped struggling. Tristan felt her body give in and wondered how much hold he had over her. Not that it mattered, because he loved her for her mind and soul…but he was human after all…
Tristan began rubbing her stomach in lazy circles. He felt Rory tense, but as quickly as the sensation had come, it was gone. Slowly, so she could stop him, he moved his hand to the hem of her shirt and gently touched the soft skin underneath. After a few moments he moved it and tenderly moved her hair away from her neck.
Rory groaned inwardly at the loss of contact. His hand had felt to good against her skin. She gasped softly when she felt his mouth on her neck. He chewed her for a minute and then stopped. Rory moaned. Tristan heard and complied. He ran his tongue up and down his neckline and left a series of small bites in his wake.
Just as it was about to get heated, his alarm clock rang. They both jumped, and Rory took the opportunity to flee to the bathroom. 'Oh god, oh god…what's gotten into me?' Rory said, tears in her eyes. She rubbed her neck affectionately. She had little teeth marks. That should never have happened, but it did, and it felt so right.
Half an hour later both the Chiltonites were in the kitchen, having unanimously decided not to discuss what had just happened.
"God, how much coffee are you planning on drinking?" asked Tristan, once again awed at the girls caffeine tolerance.
"You're such a wimp. What have you had? Half a cup?"
"Actually, I finished mine. I'm still kinda wondering about you though."
"Do you have a flask or something?" asked Rory, purposely ignoring his watchful eyes. It was a bit tedious at times, always being watched by those baby blues. Especially this morning. What did he think she was going to do? Steal the silverware?
"In the cabinet behind you" replied Tristan. Rory turned around and opened the cabinet only to see a line of flasks too high for her to reach. Not one to ask for help, she stood on her tip toes and reached as high as she could, but to no avail. Tristan strode over and reached over her, brushing her back and arms.
"Thanks…" said Rory weakly, drained from all the physical contact. As soon as the last drop of coffee had been poured, the two left to Chilton.
"Do you have a preference?" asked Tristan when he had led her to the garage. There were several (hundred) sports cars lined up, each shinier than the last.
"Anything's fine" said Rory, and made a mental note that if the Harvard dream didn't work out she could always marry rich or learn how to car burgle. Tristan selected one and the two drove off, into the sunrise.
(Hartford doesn't have a strange time setting like Star's Hollow does, but it is strange in its own way. Hartford has a strange daylight savings thing going on. When Rory and Tristan drove to school it was nearly 8:30, but the sun was rising. By lunchtime it would be pitch black with several stars, and by dinner it would be dusk. Go figure.)
Believe it or not, I'm not out of inspiration yet. Unfortunately, in order to get some of my best material, I'm forced to read some fanfics that I'd otherwise never be caught dead reading. I'm contemplating having a bit of Luke heart Lorelai business, but once again, I'll need some input. The Trory debate is still raging, and I think I'll have to drag out the suspense for a bit longer. I'm glad you enjoyed the "Shorter Oxford English Dictionary" lines, I think they were inspired. Perhaps not. For those of you who have forgotten what has happened in the last 8 chapters, here's a quick summary:
Rory is single since Dean moved back to Chicago. Jess has vanished. Lorelai is a crappy mother with a big heart. Luke is an excellent father figure for Rory with a big...well, ya know... heart. Tristan is back from Military school and has found himself. He loves Rory, but as usual, Rory is as naive as a doorpost. Rory lives at Tristan's house for a week to do a project for Mr. Medina, her insane teacher who wishes he were a swan. Paris is in some serious need of some Ritalin or Valium or something strong. I think that about sums it up. Sometimes I surprise myself.
I think I ate too much sugar today. Whatever the reason, this chapter will probably bite hard. So don't mind me, and if you know what's good for you, you should exit this satire as fast as your little chubby fingers can click the mouse, and pretend you never saw it, never heard of it, and never smelled it, and if you can do so without attracting attention for the higher authorities, run away screaming at the top of your lungs. I have decided to make change the rating to R because there's nothing between PG- 13 and R. It's probably PG-15 or so. I'm not going to get too graphic if I can help it, because some of my readers have souls, and they wouldn't want to break the law by reading something they were too young to read. Now that this author's note is longer than the actual story, let's get on with it. Enjoy!
-authors_anonymous
p.s. Jess has fully restored himself, and has not made any further attempts to escape. (I don't think that his being handcuffed to the bed is the reason, but you never know...)
----------------------------------------
Rory sat on one of the couches in the bathroom hyperventilating. Tristan had seen her partially naked. In her underwear and a tank top. And he's responded. Not that that bothered her, but she didn't know how she would face him ever again.
'Damn amnesia!' Tristan swore and punched a wall violently. No doubt he had scared her away, and she was just getting comfortable around him. Rory was a million times more gorgeous without her clothes on than he had fantasized. Tristan sat on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands. This had never happened to him before. Tristan Dugrey could nail any girl he wanted to, anywhere, anyplace, anytime. Except for Rory. Rory Gilmore was the girl who had stolen his heart without evening knowing it. Rory Gilmore lit up his life. Heck, Rory Gilmore was his life. If Rory Gilmore mysteriously disappeared, he wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to Rory Gilmore…well as long as he was around, nothing would. He would see to that. But a guy can only be in one place at one time…
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]
Rory sat silently on the couch, thinking hard. Lately her only thought, the only thing that mattered, was Tristan (surprise surprise). Without even realizing it, without her consent, she had begun to like him. Even more than that. Rory had begun to love him. She couldn't imagine life without him. Tristan Dugrey lit up her life. Heck, Tristan Dugrey was her life. If Tristan Dugrey mysteriously disappeared, she wouldn't be able to deal with it. If anything happened to him…well she probably wouldn't mind as much as he most likely would if it were the other way around because she had two other boys fawning over her. In anything happened to Tristan Dugrey…well there was still Dean and Jess. Dean was in Chicago, but undoubtedly he would be back at the flash of a dollar bill, and Jess…well Jess was known to show up in random places to save the day. Tristan is the love affection in this story, so ignore the above and please pretend Rory actually cares if Tristan disappears. Rory hadn't imagined that she would fall so fast and so hard for her biblical rival. She had known that she would in the end, but his charismatic personality had drawn her in like a hungry rabid animal…
[hint hint hint hint hint hint hint hint]
Tristan glanced at his Rolex. 'If she was going to live in there', he thought, 'I'll use my time constructively!' With that, he pulled off his shirt and folded it neatly. He chose the top pair of boxers in the drawer (red silk to remind him of Rory…stupid, he knows) and was changing into them when Rory opened the door.
"Tristan, I…" she stopped when she saw him. Tristan spun around, his boxers barely clinging to his muscular body. Rory gulped and blinked several times. Even though he was covered, she could still see his pelvis bones and his sculpted chest.
"…I, uh…" said Rory, and gulped again.
"Look, Rory, I'm really sorry."
"It's not your fault, I should have locked it."
"I should have warned you that the lock doesn't work."
"I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for…" replied Tristan and pulled on a loose t- shirt. Rory missed his chest before it was over his head. "So…do you want to watch a movie or something?"
"Sure!" said Rory, glad of something to remove the tension. "What do you have?"
"Almost every movie ever made" said Tristan airily. Rory made a noise of disbelief. Tristan picked up a small black remote from his bedside table and typed in a six digit code. Suddenly, the two large walls on either side of the big screen television rose, and thousands upon thousands of movies lined the shelves.
"Wow, I'm impressed!" said Rory and began to look over the titles.
"Any preference?" asked Tristan.
"Oh, anything's fine…" said Rory, "as long as it doesn't have any violence, sex or racism."
"So there's about six movies left" joked Tristan as he selected one from the shelf.
"What did you choose?" asked Rory.
"Wait and see…" Tristan put the tape in and sat on the bed next to Rory who was already leaning onto the massive amount of pillows.
An hour later the two were buried under massive amounts of pillows. Tristan had seen Rory shivering, and doing the gentlemanly thing to do, he had buried her alive. What he didn't realize was that being cold hadn't caused the shivering, only being so close to him. Rory looked over at Tristan. He seemed to be engrossed by the movie and wasn't looking at her. Furtively, she inched closer until she was just millimeters away. Tristan looked at Rory. She seemed to be watching the movie, but for some reason she was much closer than she had been ten minutes ago. He decided to take his life into his hands. Tristan took her hand. Rory looked at Tristan's hand on hers. It was so large and well defined and molded perfectly with hers. More perfectly than even Dean's had. (Not surprising, since Dean had had six fingers- Rory had just neglected to count them…).
By the time the credits rolled, Rory was fast asleep. Tristan laid a blanket over her and took one for himself. 'It was a big enough bed', he reasoned, 'for two people to sleep. It was a big enough bed for eight' (He had tried once…a long story involving him, a lot of beer and 7 girls). With that as a final thought, he fell asleep.
Rory woke up with a jerk. Where was she? It took her several moments to realize that she was at Tristan's house, and several more to realize she was in Tristan's bed. Rory located Tristan sleeping near the edge. His blanket had fallen off and his hair was more mussed than usual. Before she could think too much of it, she scooted over and lay down next to him. His body was radiating heat. Without a further thought, Rory fell asleep.
'What the hell?' thought Tristan when he felt a small body press next to his. It was Rory. What was she doing next to him? She had obviously thought that he was asleep, and thought nothing of lying next to him. Tristan smiled to himself and fell asleep.
Rory groaned when the sun hit her eyes. She had never felt so contented as she was feeling right now. Tristan's arm was lying over her stomach protectively. She felt comfortable in his embrace, happy even. She felt Tristan stirring and tried to pull away, but found that she couldn't because he was holding on too tightly. He obviously knew what he was doing, she reflected and stopped struggling. Tristan felt her body give in and wondered how much hold he had over her. Not that it mattered, because he loved her for her mind and soul…but he was human after all…
Tristan began rubbing her stomach in lazy circles. He felt Rory tense, but as quickly as the sensation had come, it was gone. Slowly, so she could stop him, he moved his hand to the hem of her shirt and gently touched the soft skin underneath. After a few moments he moved it and tenderly moved her hair away from her neck.
Rory groaned inwardly at the loss of contact. His hand had felt to good against her skin. She gasped softly when she felt his mouth on her neck. He chewed her for a minute and then stopped. Rory moaned. Tristan heard and complied. He ran his tongue up and down his neckline and left a series of small bites in his wake.
Just as it was about to get heated, his alarm clock rang. They both jumped, and Rory took the opportunity to flee to the bathroom. 'Oh god, oh god…what's gotten into me?' Rory said, tears in her eyes. She rubbed her neck affectionately. She had little teeth marks. That should never have happened, but it did, and it felt so right.
Half an hour later both the Chiltonites were in the kitchen, having unanimously decided not to discuss what had just happened.
"God, how much coffee are you planning on drinking?" asked Tristan, once again awed at the girls caffeine tolerance.
"You're such a wimp. What have you had? Half a cup?"
"Actually, I finished mine. I'm still kinda wondering about you though."
"Do you have a flask or something?" asked Rory, purposely ignoring his watchful eyes. It was a bit tedious at times, always being watched by those baby blues. Especially this morning. What did he think she was going to do? Steal the silverware?
"In the cabinet behind you" replied Tristan. Rory turned around and opened the cabinet only to see a line of flasks too high for her to reach. Not one to ask for help, she stood on her tip toes and reached as high as she could, but to no avail. Tristan strode over and reached over her, brushing her back and arms.
"Thanks…" said Rory weakly, drained from all the physical contact. As soon as the last drop of coffee had been poured, the two left to Chilton.
"Do you have a preference?" asked Tristan when he had led her to the garage. There were several (hundred) sports cars lined up, each shinier than the last.
"Anything's fine" said Rory, and made a mental note that if the Harvard dream didn't work out she could always marry rich or learn how to car burgle. Tristan selected one and the two drove off, into the sunrise.
(Hartford doesn't have a strange time setting like Star's Hollow does, but it is strange in its own way. Hartford has a strange daylight savings thing going on. When Rory and Tristan drove to school it was nearly 8:30, but the sun was rising. By lunchtime it would be pitch black with several stars, and by dinner it would be dusk. Go figure.)