Disclaimer: Sadly, any recognizable people and places are not mine.
Forest Elfin: Thanks, and sorry this took so long.
Hrefna: Thank you so much for telling me that Celebrian's leaving seemed rushed, I will try to fix that as soon as I can. Thanks and all that!
Darragh Tieraneux: Whoops. . .I uploaded the wrong document. Sorry! And thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying. . .for saying those really nice things about my writing. It really means something that you said that, thank you so much. (and 'It Matters Not' is great, far better than this)
Thank you everyone who took the time to review and sorry this chapter took so long and is so short.
*****
Elladan made one thing clear from the start: he hated Estel. He did everything he could to make the child miserable, pinching him, once he even tried to set fire to him--lucky Estel screamed and Elrohir showed up just in time. Elrond knew nothing of this hatred but for the glare in his son's eye and the way he spoke so cynically, yet that was so commonplace.
"Three years and he hasn't spoken a word," Elladan snorted. "He is a bit slow, isn't he?"
"Why do you hate him so, Elladan? What is it about him? Surely it cannot simply be Arwen--" Elrohir protested. The two stood in the library, waiting for their friend Legolas, who was coming to visit them. Elladan stood gazing out the window, but as his brother spoke he whirled on his heel.
"It is not just Arwen, for that I can endure as the lives of Men are short and fleeting to our hundreds of years. No, it is more than that. It is that he steals you from me. It is that my father has some life brought back to him with this child. No, Elrohir, I do not wish for him to suffer, much as I despise him. I hate him because when Mother left there was some deep depression in Adar. Why were we not enough for him? Why does it take some measley mortal boy. . ." Elladan's rant was cut short by rising emotion.
"Elladan," Elrohir said softly, raising a hand to his brother's cheek for comfort. Elladan allowed this, shaking, his lips parted slightly. "Do you not see? I too am hurt by this, but this also I know: Ada sees not a child in Estel, but a task. A distraction. Why do you think I so often spend time with the child? Someone must love him, and Ada will not do this." Elladan could not speak in response. His father's emotions had never once come to mind, nor Estel's.
"What happened to us?" Elladan asked softly. "I loved you deeper than a brother's love." It had been long since Elladan had felt the lovers' fire in his chest, lust was not in his heart any more. Now he knew it was real, and it was love. He wished Elrohir would not deny it, not keep him away. . .
"I don't know, it seemed wrong with Mother gone, as if maybe she would disprove. . ." Elrohir answered softly. He, too, wanted his brother. He felt it in his chest, stronger than anything. Sometimes it simmered and a glance or smile from Elladan was enough. At other times it raged, boiling, bubbling until he thought if he did not just kiss or caress Elladan he would scream. Yet Elrohir kept his feelings within. No longer was their mother there to protect them.
"She was not at all averse. . .you fear him. Oh, Elrohir, you always want so badly to please him. Why? He will not be pleased as you love me, and you cannot stop it." Elladan finished his speech calmly, and Elrohir gasped. "I know, of course, I know! I see it in your eyes when you look at me, I know that in your mind you see me, sometimes in your dreams. Don't you remember the velvet sky and the virgin snow?"
"I couldn't forget it, Elladan," Elrohir admitted. "But it feels wrong to do those things in our father's house." Yet at the same time, as Elladan leaned forward, Elrohir did not push him away. Their lips met, and in a breathy whisper Elladan asked,
"Are you sure you want this?"
Elrohir did not answer, but he drew Elladan closer to him. They embraced as they kissed passionately, feeling the warmth of each other's body and the comfort of the closeness. As two pieces of the puzzle the fit together. Neither could bring himself to open his eyes or push the other away, and neither really wished to. Elrohir felt oddly, though, when Elladan slipped his tongue into his mouth. Elrohir froze, unsure of what to do next. He had never before kissed like that, or had the love of a man. Elladan felt his twin's discomfort and drew back.
"I'm so sorry, Elladan," Elrohir said, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I don't know what to do, I'm sorry this is so new to me. I'm sorry I cannot be better for you!"
"Elrohir, it's all right," Elladan said, but Elrohir did not hear. Already he had run from the room. From a forgotten nook came a small cry.
"Elladan!" a shrill voice exclaimed happily. "Elladan!" It sounded with pride, if without meaning. Elladan turned to see Estel clapping for himself. "Elladan!" he said again, though it sounded more like "Ewwadan".
"You--you said my name," Elladan observed, disbelieving. "You spoke." Estel bubbled with joy, oblivious to Elladan's shock. Pushing himself up on his chubby little legs, Estel took a wobbly step forward. All his steps were wobbly, from his first one to that one, there in the library. Almost running Estel smacking into Elladan and hugged him around the knees. Elladan felt his heart melt--and he was disgusted. "Get off me!" he said harshly, kicking Estel off him. Estel crashed to the floor and started wailing.
"Aw, come on," Elladan said. This was the second brother he had made cry in ten minutes. Brother? Second brother? When had he started to think of Estel that way? It did not matter, the child's wailing was a knife to his heart. "It's all right, little one, it is all right," Elladan cooed, picking up Estel and holding him tightly. "Stop crying, it's all right." As if one cue Estel's wails ceased and his tears dried.
*****
Elrohir ran away from the library, away from Elladan, away from the feelings he could not escape. He crashed through the door in the entry hall, momentarily blinded by the bright sunlight. He pressed on, not minding the blindness, not even seeing in the first place. He stopped when he felt himself crash into something, or someone. "Elrohir? What is it, what's wrong?" It was Legolas. He held Elrohir by the shoulders, looking into his eyes.
"I. . .I. . ." Elrohir tried to speak, tried to say something to excuse his behavior. There were no words. Legolas understood, and he compassionately hugged Elrohir, trying to offer him some comfort. Elrohir, blinking back tears, drew away, staring into Legolas's eyes. "Why did you do that?"
"Are you all right? Elrohir, what is wrong?" Legolas asked. "You have long been my friend, and long have you trusted me. What is it? What weighs so heavily on your mind?"
"I. . .I. . ." again the words stuck. "Please do not make me say it," Elrohir begged.
"Of course, not until you are ready," Legolas said.
"Oh, I've been terrible! Welcome to Rivendell, Legolas. It is wonderful to have you here."
"And wonderful to be here," Legolas agreed. The two headed inside, only to be met by Elladan, carrying Estel in his arms. "Elladan! I'm quite offended," Legolas joked, "that I was not invited to the wedding."
"Very funny, Legolas, here, you take him. He weighs a ton," Elladan said, hefting Estel and handing him to Legolas. Legolas didn't know much about young children, so he did his best to take the child from Elladan. Mid-way between the two Estel decided to speak, and shouted out his brother's name. Elrohir froze, jaw dropped, and stared al Elladan.
"He said your name. He spoke!"
"That was my reaction, too," Elladan admitted.
"Way to go, little brother!" Elrohir exclaimed, ruffling Estel's hair, or what hair he had, still being only three. Al the attention was on Estel now. He smiled, decided to do something noteworthy, and then he threw up all over Legolas. "Estel!" Elrohir exclaimed, taking the child from Legolas. "Legolas, I'm so sorry!" Legolas was laughing.
"He is cute, isn't he?" Legolas asked, stripping his outer tunic and bundling it up. "I'll have to wash that tonight, otherwise I'll forget and that would not be good." The three laughed together, and it felt good. Even Estel felt happy, and he took the opportunity to fall asleep. Elladan smiled.
"I must be his favourite," Elladan said with a smirk, "Legolas gets covered in throw-up, Elrohir gets drooled on, and I'm his first word!" Elrohir glanced at Legolas. Elrohir nodded.
"Let's get him!" Elladan and Legolas hurled themselves at Elladan, setting Estel on the ground. Estel awoke and shrieked gleefully, then follow the example the elder Elves had set and began to knaw on Elladan's leg. Elladan could not stop flailing, trying to get Estel and the others off of him. Finally they fell back, slumping against the walls, breathless from laughter.
"Someone take this child off my leg please," Elladan choked out. Elrohir tugged Estel, dislodging his teeth from Elladan's flesh. "Ouch! Little rat," Elladan accused, pulling himself into sitting position.
*****
The month Legolas spent in Rivendell was happy for a all, in a way that time became like butter, passing and melting into other bits of itself. The sun shone every day. Days bled together, weeks passed in the blink of an eye. They were boys again, imaginary orc-hunts and real-live sword bouts filled up their hours. Before they knew it, Legolas's last full day in Rivendell had dawned.
"Elrohir. . ." it was night, and Elrohir sat beside Legolas on his bed. Farewells had never been easy for them, so instead they always sat and spoke as if nothing was amiss, saying any last-minute thoughts they had for each other. "Why were you crying earlier?" Elrohir did not make any movement, in any way hinting at why. "We are friends, remember? Elrohir, if there's something you want or need to say--"
"I love Elladan," he said in a rush. Legolas paused, not sure if he had heard right. "I don't want you to hate me, but I want you to know. I love Elladan beyond the way a brother loves a brother. You can be disgusted or you can hate me for it, I know I deserve it."
"Elrohir. . ." Legolas said after a pause, "I admire you. To have the courage to know your feelings and to not be afraid of your father's response to them, for I know how he feels about these things. You are amazing, Elrohir. Don't let anybody tell you different."
"Thank you, Legolas," Elrohir whispered, staring straight ahead. Legolas had told him, so similar to his mother. . .perhaps it was all right to feel that way. Perhaps it was not a mark of shame. Perhaps he did not need to hide his feelings away like he so often did. Perhaps. . ."You are right, Legolas. Thank you, more than you can know."
Well, that's all for now. Next chapter I promise will be the night after Estel ran away, mentioned in "Promises of Someday". Thank you so much for reading and please review! I love knowing what people think, so please let me know!
Forest Elfin: Thanks, and sorry this took so long.
Hrefna: Thank you so much for telling me that Celebrian's leaving seemed rushed, I will try to fix that as soon as I can. Thanks and all that!
Darragh Tieraneux: Whoops. . .I uploaded the wrong document. Sorry! And thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying. . .for saying those really nice things about my writing. It really means something that you said that, thank you so much. (and 'It Matters Not' is great, far better than this)
Thank you everyone who took the time to review and sorry this chapter took so long and is so short.
*****
Elladan made one thing clear from the start: he hated Estel. He did everything he could to make the child miserable, pinching him, once he even tried to set fire to him--lucky Estel screamed and Elrohir showed up just in time. Elrond knew nothing of this hatred but for the glare in his son's eye and the way he spoke so cynically, yet that was so commonplace.
"Three years and he hasn't spoken a word," Elladan snorted. "He is a bit slow, isn't he?"
"Why do you hate him so, Elladan? What is it about him? Surely it cannot simply be Arwen--" Elrohir protested. The two stood in the library, waiting for their friend Legolas, who was coming to visit them. Elladan stood gazing out the window, but as his brother spoke he whirled on his heel.
"It is not just Arwen, for that I can endure as the lives of Men are short and fleeting to our hundreds of years. No, it is more than that. It is that he steals you from me. It is that my father has some life brought back to him with this child. No, Elrohir, I do not wish for him to suffer, much as I despise him. I hate him because when Mother left there was some deep depression in Adar. Why were we not enough for him? Why does it take some measley mortal boy. . ." Elladan's rant was cut short by rising emotion.
"Elladan," Elrohir said softly, raising a hand to his brother's cheek for comfort. Elladan allowed this, shaking, his lips parted slightly. "Do you not see? I too am hurt by this, but this also I know: Ada sees not a child in Estel, but a task. A distraction. Why do you think I so often spend time with the child? Someone must love him, and Ada will not do this." Elladan could not speak in response. His father's emotions had never once come to mind, nor Estel's.
"What happened to us?" Elladan asked softly. "I loved you deeper than a brother's love." It had been long since Elladan had felt the lovers' fire in his chest, lust was not in his heart any more. Now he knew it was real, and it was love. He wished Elrohir would not deny it, not keep him away. . .
"I don't know, it seemed wrong with Mother gone, as if maybe she would disprove. . ." Elrohir answered softly. He, too, wanted his brother. He felt it in his chest, stronger than anything. Sometimes it simmered and a glance or smile from Elladan was enough. At other times it raged, boiling, bubbling until he thought if he did not just kiss or caress Elladan he would scream. Yet Elrohir kept his feelings within. No longer was their mother there to protect them.
"She was not at all averse. . .you fear him. Oh, Elrohir, you always want so badly to please him. Why? He will not be pleased as you love me, and you cannot stop it." Elladan finished his speech calmly, and Elrohir gasped. "I know, of course, I know! I see it in your eyes when you look at me, I know that in your mind you see me, sometimes in your dreams. Don't you remember the velvet sky and the virgin snow?"
"I couldn't forget it, Elladan," Elrohir admitted. "But it feels wrong to do those things in our father's house." Yet at the same time, as Elladan leaned forward, Elrohir did not push him away. Their lips met, and in a breathy whisper Elladan asked,
"Are you sure you want this?"
Elrohir did not answer, but he drew Elladan closer to him. They embraced as they kissed passionately, feeling the warmth of each other's body and the comfort of the closeness. As two pieces of the puzzle the fit together. Neither could bring himself to open his eyes or push the other away, and neither really wished to. Elrohir felt oddly, though, when Elladan slipped his tongue into his mouth. Elrohir froze, unsure of what to do next. He had never before kissed like that, or had the love of a man. Elladan felt his twin's discomfort and drew back.
"I'm so sorry, Elladan," Elrohir said, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry I don't know what to do, I'm sorry this is so new to me. I'm sorry I cannot be better for you!"
"Elrohir, it's all right," Elladan said, but Elrohir did not hear. Already he had run from the room. From a forgotten nook came a small cry.
"Elladan!" a shrill voice exclaimed happily. "Elladan!" It sounded with pride, if without meaning. Elladan turned to see Estel clapping for himself. "Elladan!" he said again, though it sounded more like "Ewwadan".
"You--you said my name," Elladan observed, disbelieving. "You spoke." Estel bubbled with joy, oblivious to Elladan's shock. Pushing himself up on his chubby little legs, Estel took a wobbly step forward. All his steps were wobbly, from his first one to that one, there in the library. Almost running Estel smacking into Elladan and hugged him around the knees. Elladan felt his heart melt--and he was disgusted. "Get off me!" he said harshly, kicking Estel off him. Estel crashed to the floor and started wailing.
"Aw, come on," Elladan said. This was the second brother he had made cry in ten minutes. Brother? Second brother? When had he started to think of Estel that way? It did not matter, the child's wailing was a knife to his heart. "It's all right, little one, it is all right," Elladan cooed, picking up Estel and holding him tightly. "Stop crying, it's all right." As if one cue Estel's wails ceased and his tears dried.
*****
Elrohir ran away from the library, away from Elladan, away from the feelings he could not escape. He crashed through the door in the entry hall, momentarily blinded by the bright sunlight. He pressed on, not minding the blindness, not even seeing in the first place. He stopped when he felt himself crash into something, or someone. "Elrohir? What is it, what's wrong?" It was Legolas. He held Elrohir by the shoulders, looking into his eyes.
"I. . .I. . ." Elrohir tried to speak, tried to say something to excuse his behavior. There were no words. Legolas understood, and he compassionately hugged Elrohir, trying to offer him some comfort. Elrohir, blinking back tears, drew away, staring into Legolas's eyes. "Why did you do that?"
"Are you all right? Elrohir, what is wrong?" Legolas asked. "You have long been my friend, and long have you trusted me. What is it? What weighs so heavily on your mind?"
"I. . .I. . ." again the words stuck. "Please do not make me say it," Elrohir begged.
"Of course, not until you are ready," Legolas said.
"Oh, I've been terrible! Welcome to Rivendell, Legolas. It is wonderful to have you here."
"And wonderful to be here," Legolas agreed. The two headed inside, only to be met by Elladan, carrying Estel in his arms. "Elladan! I'm quite offended," Legolas joked, "that I was not invited to the wedding."
"Very funny, Legolas, here, you take him. He weighs a ton," Elladan said, hefting Estel and handing him to Legolas. Legolas didn't know much about young children, so he did his best to take the child from Elladan. Mid-way between the two Estel decided to speak, and shouted out his brother's name. Elrohir froze, jaw dropped, and stared al Elladan.
"He said your name. He spoke!"
"That was my reaction, too," Elladan admitted.
"Way to go, little brother!" Elrohir exclaimed, ruffling Estel's hair, or what hair he had, still being only three. Al the attention was on Estel now. He smiled, decided to do something noteworthy, and then he threw up all over Legolas. "Estel!" Elrohir exclaimed, taking the child from Legolas. "Legolas, I'm so sorry!" Legolas was laughing.
"He is cute, isn't he?" Legolas asked, stripping his outer tunic and bundling it up. "I'll have to wash that tonight, otherwise I'll forget and that would not be good." The three laughed together, and it felt good. Even Estel felt happy, and he took the opportunity to fall asleep. Elladan smiled.
"I must be his favourite," Elladan said with a smirk, "Legolas gets covered in throw-up, Elrohir gets drooled on, and I'm his first word!" Elrohir glanced at Legolas. Elrohir nodded.
"Let's get him!" Elladan and Legolas hurled themselves at Elladan, setting Estel on the ground. Estel awoke and shrieked gleefully, then follow the example the elder Elves had set and began to knaw on Elladan's leg. Elladan could not stop flailing, trying to get Estel and the others off of him. Finally they fell back, slumping against the walls, breathless from laughter.
"Someone take this child off my leg please," Elladan choked out. Elrohir tugged Estel, dislodging his teeth from Elladan's flesh. "Ouch! Little rat," Elladan accused, pulling himself into sitting position.
*****
The month Legolas spent in Rivendell was happy for a all, in a way that time became like butter, passing and melting into other bits of itself. The sun shone every day. Days bled together, weeks passed in the blink of an eye. They were boys again, imaginary orc-hunts and real-live sword bouts filled up their hours. Before they knew it, Legolas's last full day in Rivendell had dawned.
"Elrohir. . ." it was night, and Elrohir sat beside Legolas on his bed. Farewells had never been easy for them, so instead they always sat and spoke as if nothing was amiss, saying any last-minute thoughts they had for each other. "Why were you crying earlier?" Elrohir did not make any movement, in any way hinting at why. "We are friends, remember? Elrohir, if there's something you want or need to say--"
"I love Elladan," he said in a rush. Legolas paused, not sure if he had heard right. "I don't want you to hate me, but I want you to know. I love Elladan beyond the way a brother loves a brother. You can be disgusted or you can hate me for it, I know I deserve it."
"Elrohir. . ." Legolas said after a pause, "I admire you. To have the courage to know your feelings and to not be afraid of your father's response to them, for I know how he feels about these things. You are amazing, Elrohir. Don't let anybody tell you different."
"Thank you, Legolas," Elrohir whispered, staring straight ahead. Legolas had told him, so similar to his mother. . .perhaps it was all right to feel that way. Perhaps it was not a mark of shame. Perhaps he did not need to hide his feelings away like he so often did. Perhaps. . ."You are right, Legolas. Thank you, more than you can know."
Well, that's all for now. Next chapter I promise will be the night after Estel ran away, mentioned in "Promises of Someday". Thank you so much for reading and please review! I love knowing what people think, so please let me know!