CHAPTER TWO LET'S SEE JUST HOW MANY CROSSOVERS I CAN DO IN A SINGLE CHAPTER
Daniel looked around. The air was hot and arid; the desert sun beat down on them from above. It was sandy as far as the eye could see; in the distance stood a black pyramid, with four obelisks placed at the corners. There were dark clouds above it, and lightning occasionally flashed down to strike one of the obelisks.
Now that's really weird, he said.
Marie asked.
He pointed. That pyramid in the distance. See those clouds above it? That's not normal desert weather. I can't help but wonder why it's like that.
Her eyes widened and her mouth opened in an expression of horrified surmise. Oh, my God. I think I know what that is.
She shook her head vigourously. I don't want to say. I really hope that I'm wrong.
Dr. Jackson! Ms. Onosaka! Are you coming? Colonel O'Neill called from the ground.
Uh—yeah! Sorry, Daniel responded. Let's go. He took a step, then stopped. Why are we still holding hands?
Marie looked surprised, and slanted pink lines appeared across her cheeks. Um. I don't know. Sorry. She let go.
Daniel shrugged mentally as they descended the steps from the Stargate to join the rest of their team. It's not that I didn't enjoy the contact. I think I really did. It's just—' He paused. It's justwhat?'
Dr. Jackson continued to struggle with his feelings as SG-1 approached the area with the fallen pillars and the great statue of Anubis. He was forced to put out of his mind any thoughts about Marie as he stepped closer to the stone structure, studying it.
it's, uha statue of Anubis, he announced, turning to face the other members of the team. It doesn't seem particularly remarkable in any way, except for the fact that it's out here in the middle of nowhere. You'd think that if the people here worship Anubis, such as he is, they'd have the statue near where they live, or something. It looks to me like no one has come around here for a long time.
Teal'c considered. Perhaps the Goa'uld were driven from this world some time ago, and the humans moved elsewhere.
Yeah, I'm thinking that must be it. Marie? Do you have any thoughts on— He broke off, noticing how intently she was staring at the statue.
She shook her head slowly. Holy crap. It's just like the statue in The Mummy.
The Mummy'? That's—that's a movie or something, right?
Marie nodded, giving him a look that suggested he lived under a rock. In fact, it's— She suddenly gasped and looked up. What's that? Something's coming!
They looked up. Sure enough, a flying shape was rapidly approaching. Daniel heard Colonel O'Neill ready his gun, in case whatever it was acted with hostility toward them.
The creature—if that was what it was—slowed down and landed several yards distant. Daniel saw that it was a man, or man-like at the very least, but horrendous of aspect. It was tall and well-muscled, but its skin was gray-blue and withered. Instead of eyes, two red points of light shone out of dark sockets. The creature was dressed in a bizarre outfit, consisting of a loincloth, a jagged cape, arm and leg bands, and a helmet of unusual design.
he heard Marie whisper behind him. This—this CAN'T be happening
The newly-arrived man-creature folded its arms and considered them. Hm. Humans, it muttered in Ancient Egyptian. Then it took a step closer and glared. Omae-tachi wa nani-mono no ka? Doko kara kita no ka? Ano Mon wo dou tsukatta no ka?
Daniel heard Marie squeak, and he whipped his head back to look at her. She looked very pale and ill. He took a step toward her, to catch her if she fainted, and heard her mutter, Baka-na koto
Marie, do you know what's going on? he asked gently. Is—is that creature speaking Japanese?
Daniel stepped forward. Uh, greetings from Earth, he said with nominal hesitation. We're—we're peaceful explorers. Can you, uh, take us to your leader? He gestured at O'Neill to lower his gun. The colonel shook his head and mouthed
The creature scoffed. Sore wa nan no gogen na no ka?
Eigo desu, Marie answered tightly. Anta wa dou-yuu mono no desu ka?
Ah, yokatta. Hitori wa wakarerareru kotoba ga hanaseru zo, the creature said, seeming relieved.
Kotaenasai. Anta wa dou-yuu mono no desu ka? Marie repeated.
It straightened and squared its shoulders. Ore wa Eien-Mushibou no Mamu-Ra! Saado Aasu no shihaisha da! Omae-tachi wa ore no shimobe ni nari ni kita no ka? Shimobe ga hitsuyou! Ore wa—
Marie cried, clapping her hands to the sides of her head. Atashi—shinjinai yo! Konna koto wa fukanou-na koto no yo!
Daniel saw her sway and took hold of her arm. Marie! What's going on? You have to tell us!
She raised her face to look at him, and he saw utter shock and disbelief in her eyes. It—it's Mum-Re, she said hoarsely. I don't believe it. He's from a cartoon I watched when I was younger. But why is he speaking Japanese?!
What's he been saying? Colonel O'Neill asked.
He—he wants us to be his servants, Marie answered, her voice cracking. Dear God. This is too much for me. How can he be—here?
Well, tell the man thank you, but no, O'Neill urged her. Marie? Come on!
The young woman turned back to Mum-Re. Atashi-tachi wa shimobe ni naranai yo, she said, glaring at him.
Mum-Re's face hardened. Gouman-na oroka-tachi! Kisama-tachi no shi wo kai-motometa!! He held his hands up before him.
Marie blanched. Crap! Run!
Before they could turn and flee, a blast of force knocked Mum-Re backwards. He slid in the sand for a few feet, then got up and shook himself off.
A deep, familiar voice answered, sending chills down the spines of the members of SG-1. Leave, you impudent undead, it said in Ancient Egyptian. They are my prey.
Daniel didn't even have to look to know who had arrived. Oh, shit. It's Klorel.
Marie whispered, leaning close to him.
How dare you enter my territory! Mum-Re roared, facing Klorel. I will kill all of you!
What are they saying? Marie asked.
O'Neill muttered. Why don't you shoot the blue guy?
The Jaffa raised his staff-weapon, but before he could fire it, a wall of flames sprouted from the ground beneath Mum-Re's feet. The creature screamed in agony and jumped back in an attempt to flee the fire, but it seemed to follow him and sprang up where his feet landed. Daniel glanced at Klorel to see if he was responsible for this, but the Goa'uld prince seemed as confused as the rest of them.
After a little more burning, Mum-Re gave up. You haven't seen the last of me! he yelled in Egyptian, and flew away.
Good! He is gone, Klorel said, speaking English this time. Now you filthy humans will—
It was a woman's voice, coming from behind Klorel. Something in her tone was powerful and compelling. We must have words!
Daniel looked past Klorel and saw an Amazon warrior, clad in Indian-style silks and jewelry. She wore studded leather armour on her breast and hips, and a long cloak flowed down from her shoulders to brush the sand. She was not very tall, but seemed to radiate power.
How dare you, mortal! Klorel snarled, turning to face her. My name is Klorel! Who in the name of the Goa'uld Empire are you!?
My name is Kali, she answered calmly. Remember it well, Kloroform, for it is the name of your doom!
It's KLOREL! he roared. I will destroy you for your insolence! He took a step towards her and raised the palm with the Goa'uld blasty-thing.
Silence, Kloramine! Kali barked, and he stepped back and was silent. She pulled a strip of paper from a pocket somewhere and focused on the Goa'uld standing in front of her.
That—I think that's an ofuda! Marie said. Sailormars uses those to exorcise evil spirits! She glanced over at Daniel, who was frozen, watching the proceedings in shock.
Oh my God, he whispered. This is just like my dream.
What? Dream?? she asked, surprised.
Kali closed her eyes and began chanting. She opened her eyes and glared at Klorel. Akuryou Taisan!! She flung the ofuda, and it stuck to Klorel's forehead with a spak sound.
Klorel opened his mouth to say something. His eyes widened. Then he fell back, screaming in agony. Tendrils of light wrapped around his body and shot away. Daniel thought he saw a bolt of light in the shape of a Goa'uld fly out of the back of Klorel's neck. Then he lay still.
Kali walked over to the body and knelt by it. She leaned over and smiled gently as the body opened its eyes. Something about its manner told Daniel that it was Skaara again, no longer Klorel.
Skaara suddenly grabbed Kali and kissed her passionately. Daniel watched, surprised and confused. Had these two known each other before? He had never heard Skaara speak of anyone named Kali.
Oh, you must be a real goddess! Skaara said hoarsely in Abydosian as Kali helped him sit up. You—you have freed me from the demon! I would do anything to repay you.
She smiled and stroked his hair. How about being my love slave?
Skaara looked confused. Love slave? I don't know what that is.
Slave, Skaara! She said slave! Daniel cried, approaching the two of them. You don't want to be a slave ever again!
Kali looked up at him, annoyed. It'd be much better than how the Goa'uld treated him.
But—slave! The very thought—it's—
O'Neill looked blankly between Skaara and Kali. Did I just miss something?
Oh, right. He can't understand Egyptian, Daniel muttered. This Kali person is asking Skaara to be her love slave.
The colonel opened his mouth, then closed it again. that's great. Thanks for sharing.
Marie asked nervously. I was wondering something. A-a-are we really on—on Third Earth?
Kali nodded solemnly. Yes. I must admit, I was a little surprised to find a Stargate here. She kissed Skaara on the cheek. But it's okay. Now I have Skaara-kun.
Hey, um, Skaara— Daniel said, facing the boy, do you and Kali know each other from somewhere?
Skaara shook his head. No. We never met before this day.
But we'll get to know each other real well! Kali gushed, squeezing him.
Are the ThunderCats here?! Marie asked fervently.
Kali grinned. No, they're not here. We're in Egypt; they're in North America. But I can bring them here, if you want.
Marie clasped her hands in front of her. That would be—
I must warn you, though, Kali continued, how they are in reality is a little different from how they were in the TV show.
I'm sure! Marie said, laughing.
Well, okay, then. Kali gestured behind her. The ThunderKittens. Two teenage people appeared, both with long, pointed ears and semi-feline faces. They appeared to have tails.
Marie stared. Oh, wow. They are different. But in a good way.
The teenage girl spotted Kali and Skaara and let out a squeal.
YADA! Boku no!! Kali cried, leaping in front of the charging ThunderCat, who stopped and gave her a confused look.
Anta no? Dou-yuu imi na no??
The teenage boy, meanwhile, had spotted SG-1. Hahh, suggooi!! SG-1!!
Kali glanced over at him, and a large blue sweatdrop ran down her head. Oh, shit. I forgot about the paradox.
Skaara-sama wa anta no to iu koto wa nan no koto na no?! the female ThunderKitten demanded. The boy, seemingly her brother, rushed up to where Teal'c was standing bemusedly.
Teal'c-dono! Watashi ni anata-gata no jisho wo yatte kudasai-masen ka? Teal'c raised one eyebrow and looked down at him.
He's asking for your autograph, Teal'c, Marie translated.
I am afraid I am unfamiliar with that term, the Jaffa replied. What is an
Uh, Kali! Colonel O'Neill called. There's just a little tiny problem here! HOW DO THEY KNOW WHO WE ARE?!?
Kali rubbed her hands together nervously. It's complicated. I'll explain later. She turned to the girl who was still glaring at her. Skaara-kun wa boku no rabu sureebu da yo. Shirizoite.
Anta no——!!? Iyaa! Fukouheeeii!! the girl squealed.
Actually, II might have a theory, Colonel O'Neill, Marie said a little hesitantly. Well, it's like this. There's a cartoon called ThunderCats. As we can see, characters from that show really exist, by some almost completely impossible coincidence. So what if, somewhere in the universe, someone or something happened to make a TV show—or whatever—about the Stargate and SG-1?
Captain Carter blinked a few times and looked very doubting. The chances of that being the case are infinitesimal. I mean, it's unbelievable enough that theseas you say, cartoon characters seem to exist. I can't imagine that there could be any form of media that would portray the Stargate project accurately without having some connection to it, and if that were the case, we would surely know about it. The chances of it happening like you say are so small as to almost be incalculable.
Then how do they know about us? Marie questioned.
O'Neill sighed and rocked back on the balls of his feet. Spies, maybe, he suggested. Maybe they're in league with the Go'ulds. Maybe they are Go'ulds.
Marie sent him a sidelong glare. Colonel, sir, they are not. I'm sure of it.
Are you now? How do you know?
I cansense it. She seemed oddly evasive.
O'Neill said, glancing at Carter and attempting to smile casually, so can our friend Captain Carter. He looked meaningfully at her, and she gave a brief nod and approached Marie.
Wha—what are you doing? Marie asked.
Don't be offended. We're just making sure you're not a Goa'uld, Carter explained as she felt around the back of Marie's neck.
Not a—!! Would General Hammond have let me on SG-1 if I were a Goa'uld?! the young woman demanded.
Well, if you're not, you would have nothing to hide, right? O'Neill prompted.
Marie heaved an aggravated sigh and suffered herself to be searched the rest of the way. Carter turned back to O'Neill. She's clean.
He nodded.
The captain looked confused for a moment, then realised what the colonel was implying. She's never had a Goa'uld or Tok'ra in her.
I could have told you that, Marie declared sullenly.
Don't—please don't be offended, Daniel said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder. We've been through a lot. It's only natural that we're kind of paranoid. In fact, being so has saved our asses more than once.
So because I revealed knowledge I had about the Goa'uld, you assumed I was working for them or something, she maintained.
Yeah, basically. I'm sorry about it. We just had to be sure.
No, I understand. She looked up to where Kali and the female ThunderKitten were still arguing heatedly over the fairness of Kali's taking Skaara to be a love slave. Um, about my theory. It seems that the way the ThunderCats were portrayed in the cartoon isn't entirely accurate. So maybe if there is a TV show about us, it doesn't portray us or the events that happen exactly as they occur. Is that slightly more possible, Captain Carter?
The captain nodded once and shrugged. A little more. It's still highly unlikely, though.
What do you think of all this, Teal'c? Daniel asked.
The Jaffa considered a moment, then answered. I believe that if they are not allied with the Goa'uld, and have no connection to Earth's Stargate program, then Marie Onosaka's theory is reasonable, though it seems unlikely.
I know. We'll ask Kali, Marie suggested. Kali? What's going on?
Kali laughed. Sorry, I can't tell you that, the amazon called. It would cause paradox. Paradox is bad.
Paradox? No! Marie said. The pair of docks, with the duck-footed boat—oh crap, pun— She sneezed.
Kali laughed again, then realised that the young ThunderCat had attached herself to Skaara. Oe! Hanase!! she ordered, prying at the teenager.
Kali shouted, I'd best get going. I have a few things to see to, not the least of which is sending Kitha and Konau back home. She sighed and brushed off Skaara's robe where a small pink heart had popped out of the female ThunderKitten's head and left a stain.
Ki—Kitha and Konau? Marie repeated.
Kali replied. In real life, they have real names. Kimi-tachi! Kitaku yo. She gestured, and the ThunderKittens vanished. But before I go She took a step in Marie's direction. Canta per me.
Canta per me'? Daniel echoed. That's Italian—
Meaning sing for me', Marie finished. It's also the name of a song from the animé Noir. Kali nodded. Okay, thenI guess I'm supposed to sing itbear with me, guys
Canta per me addio / Quel dolce suono / De passati giorni / Mi sempre rammenta Daniel thought she had an absolutely lovely voice, and as she continued singing, Kali joined in with a descant. Their voices rose together, harmonising and intertwining, and Daniel was sure he felt an almost magical tingle in the air.
When they finished the song, Kali smiled. You have a very nice voice.
Thank you, Marie murmured, looking down. So do you.
Kali patted her on the shoulder.
Hey, I can sing too! Skaara put in, and began a long ballad in Abydosian.
Kali listened to him and chuckled. Hey, he's actually a pretty good singer. Maybe we should call him Skaara Brae. The human members of SG-1 facefaulted.
Marie scrambled to her feet. Oh, no! she whimpered, and gave a great sneeze.
Are you okay? Daniel asked her, peeling his face out of the sand.
I will be. I—I'm just—allergic to puns.
He looked askance at her. Allergic to puns? How can you—
I'm allergic to Star Trek, Kali remarked. Why can't she be allergic to puns? She glanced at Marie. But I do wonder. How did you ever read Xanth?
Lots of Allegra, Marie replied, laughing between her sneezes.
Kali folded her arms. That's unfortunate. I really don't have that problem. I'm actually immune to puns.
What, you mean, that's your magic talent?
Something like that.
Oh, sugoi! Marie gushed. That must be near Sorceress caliber!
Oh, I don't know about that, Kali demurred. She reached out and poked Marie in the forehead, then smiled. That should help. Marie looked as confused as Daniel felt, so he didn't ask. Kali sighed and took a step back. Well, I'll be going then. She glanced at the Stargate, and a wormhole opened. See you guys later. The two of them, space-elf and desert boy, started walking towards the 'Gate.
Marie called, waving. The members of SG-1 turned away and continued on through the valley of fallen pillars.
did anyone else notice that she activated the Stargate without doing anything??! Colonel O'Neill hissed.
I did indeed notice, Teal'c responded.
Yeah, how did she do that? Daniel wondered.
Marie replied.
They all looked at her. She spread her hands. What? It must be the reason. What else could it be?
Captain Carter exchanged a glance with Colonel O'Neill. I suppose it is possible, sir, she admitted. We've never met any of Kali's species before. We don't know what they're capable of.
I was also wondering what Klorel was doing here Daniel said. Oh well. We can't ask him now.
Marie yelped as she fell through a hole in the ground.