Hello again all!

I've changed my username, as you can see. Name credits this time to the book Have a Nice Life by Scarlett MacDougall. You should try reading it, its funny. The whole quote is 'You Snooza, You Looza'.

Thanks to all my reviewers: Red Witch, todd fan, Cammy, me, o.O and fiReyLighT (hi charlene!). fiReyLighT mentioned that she originally couldn't review because ff.net said there was 'no story found' or something like that, so I was wondering if any of you experienced something like that too, because I have so little reviews! Wibble. Okay okay, lets start with the story.

Note: I think I've already mentioned that the story will be told using different text forms, and this chapter is quite obviously scripted. Some characters may be OOC, and sorry that some characters say piteously little lines, mostly because I don't like them so much. Also, the Professor wil be communicating with everyone through telepathy, except when I specifically mention he enters the room.

Disclaimer: X-Men Evo belongs to Marvel, Harry Potter to JK Rowling, but I selfishly claim Evil Eyes to be mine! I also insist the word 'McGall' is of my own invention.

Rehearsal #1 as recorded by the Institute's Camcorder.

[loud thumping noises, close-up shot of Logan flickers onto screen. He moves away to show everyone standing around the danger room and a large rectangle drawn on the floor]

Logan: There. I got the camcorder working, now lets begin.

Kitty: One question. Why do we need a camcorder?

Evan: One question. Why are we in the danger room?

Logan: [snaps] Answer to question one: Because Chuck said so. Answer to question two: Because I don't want you to destroy the Institute, and this is the only safe place to contain you bunch of lunatics. Oh, and Chuck said so. [to Todd] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Todd: Eh? A little redecorating.

Logan: Stop spitting goop on the walls and ceiling! Its disgusting!

Jean: Not to mention unhygienic.

Fred: I disagree. I think Todd's being very artistic. Look at that! It looks like a...squiggly mass of goo.

Todd: Thanks. Its nice to know someone appreciates my work. Aieek! Leggo o mah tanghue.

Logan: Then stop with the graffiti.

Todd: Awight awight.

Logan: Okay, here are the scripts. Everyone take one. Now we'll begin scene one. Who are the actors? Right, Jean, Fred, get out into the makeshift stage. Everyone else, shoo off. NO NOT OUT OF THE ROOM! PIETRO, GET BACK HERE! ARGH! [tugs hair] Argh [tug], argh [tug], argh [tug]!

Scott: Cool it, Logan. Pietro's not worth your hairs. Anyway, he's not in scene one.

Logan: Yes. I shall not get mad. I shall -

Kurt: find my inner peace?

Logan: NO!

Kurt: Alright, alright. No need to overwork those claws. Just er, go on with scene one.

Logan: Okay, so Jean, Fred, and ProfessorDumbledore.

Jean: Don't you mean Professor Xa -

Logan: No! Alright, we'll need a doll for baby Harry.

Evan: So erm, who here still plays with dolls?

Scott: We can use Kurt's bolster.

Todd: [laughs] You have a bolster?

Kurt: [looks offended] No way am I letting BoBo go through such trauma.

Todd: [still laughing] He has a name! Can I meet BoBo, please?

Kurt: No, you -

Logan: Never mind! We'll just mime for now. Alright, this rectangle here is considered the stage. No no, inside the rectangle, not outside. Now Jean, you go stand at that corner. Fred, you'll be off-stage. No! Outside the rectangle. Move up a bit. No not like that! Okay, ninety degrees to the right, walk 10 - wait, make that 3 paces.

Fred: Huh?

Lance: He wants you to move up to that corner of the rectangle. [guides Fred] No, outside the rectangle. Yes, that's it. Good boy. [pats Fred on head]

Logan: Phew. Now that's over, lets begin with the actual thing.

Jean: Erm, Logan, what about Pro -

Logan: Okay now! Jean, you can start reading -

Jean: That's exactly what I'm trying to say! The first lines are said by Pro -

Logan: Well! I -

Jean: Dumbledore! That's what I've been trying to say for ages.

Logan: Oh really? I thought you were going to say - oh well never mind then. Scott, you can read Dumbledore's lines first.

Scott: Isn't Professor Xavier home to -

Prof X: [wheels into danger room] Hello! Did anyone want me?

Jean: Professor! Just in time! We -

Logan: You evil, scheming, diabolical -

Evan: I didn't even know he knew the meaning of that word.

Logan: [advances on Prof X] - fiend, you! Putting me in charge of this whole messy affair -

Prof X: [backs off in alarm] Now now, Logan, that was because I had extreme faith in your capability of handling tough situations by using unique solutions...

Rogue: Read: booze, booze, and more booze.

Logan: - and you made yourself one of the most important characters in the book.

Prof X: Do not misunderstand! That was because I had no other cast to choose from.

Rogue: You mean like Fred and Georgia?

Logan: Well, you could have cast me! I'm perfect for Dumbledore! I'm

Todd: About to tear the sweet Professor apart?

Lance: Taking advantage of a guy in a wheelchair? Tsk.

Logan: [shouting] I am not taking advantage of Chuck! He can read my mind; he knew well enough he would get brutally murdered if he turned up for today's rehearsal.

Prof X: I still do. You know what, I think I'm feeling a little under the weather today, I'll just go back to my room and rest quietly. Bye! [leaves]

Logan: Good. Lets continue from where we left off, shall we?

Jean: That's exactly it, Logan. We haven't started. Due to your childish repartee with...[Logan massages his knuckles] ahem, I mean...[mumbles]

Logan: What?

Rogue: She just said that she really, really dislikes alcoholics with built-in weapons.

Logan: Really? [looks menacing]

Jean: [pales] No! Not at all. You know what? I'm feeling a little unwell too! Must be the flu bug going around! I think I'll just retire to my room to rest!

Lance: Hey, guess what? We're all sick too, aren't we guys?

Todd: Oh yeah, we are!

Fred: Attttisshoooo! Definitely. I think I've some mucus -

Lance: Fred! Spare us the details, please. Well, Logan, guess we'll be going now!

Jean: I'll send you guys out on my way up!

Logan: [growls and gives the Evil Eye] No you're not. You're staying right here till the two hours are up.

Lance: [backs off] Oh yeah, we're staying right here till the two hours are up.

Logan: So are you, Jean.

Jean: Heh. Was I ever planning to desert you in your hour of need? [hides behind Scott to avoid the Evil, Evil Eye]

Logan: Jean, get back into the rectangle! Alright, now Scott you get in too, since you're replacing Pro - since you're Professor Dumbledore. Here are the scripts. [distributes script]

Kitty: Gee, Logan, its

Logan: Poorly written? Longwinded? Boring? Written by a certain...certain...schemer?

Kitty: I meant to say thin, actually.

Logan: Oh. [looks disappointed] But that equates badly written doesn't it? [looks excited]

Kitty: Er, yeah. Like, whatever you say.

Logan: Gut.

Kurt: You lie!

Logan: Huh?

Kurt: You speak German after all! Oh, fellow German speaker! [hugs Logan]

Logan: [turns purple in face and pushes Kurt off] I do not speak German! That was one word!

Evan: Yeah. Chill, dude. You sound like you need a therapist.

Kurt: [smiles broadly] Of course! [speaking to self] Hello, other self that needs a therapist! You must learn to relax, let the thoughts flow freely, to be able to be at synergy with yourself. Oh, and just wondering, do you have enough moolah to pay a highly-qualified therapist like me?

[Everyone edges away from an obviously deranged Kurt]

Todd: What's wrong with him?

Lance: And I thought nobody could beat Pietro.

Logan: Kurt, cut it out. Scott, read your lines now.

Scott: Okay...Yo, McGall, whassup? Er...Logan?

Logan: Don't ask me, ask Chuck, he wrote the...poorly written script.

Prof X: Did someone call?

Logan: NO! STOP EAVESDROPPING! But before you leave, why is McGonagall called McGall?

Prof X: Ahh. The reason behind this is of most intricate wisdom of which mere mortals like you are wont not to comprehend.

Logan: [threateningly] Would you rather I come look for you now?

Prof X: [hurriedly] To save paper.

Everyone: ...

Logan: And why does Dumbledore use words such as 'yo' and 'whassup'?

Prof X: Why, you yourself use slang!

Logan: [menacingly] Would you like to tell me the reason, bub?

Prof X: Heh. To save paper!

Jean: Professor, do you realise 'hi' is the same length as 'yo'?

Prof X: Well I...when one is caught in the harried and super-human task of writing a whole script, one cannot be bothered with trifling details like such.

Jean: One, I mean, I can help!

Prof X: Oh no! Don't worry! Its really quick and easy to write the script!

Logan: Look, Chuck, I absolutely refuse to direct the play with such a shoddy script!

Prof X: But the trees! We must save the trees!

Logan: How about saving your skin instead?

Prof X: Right, I'll get to rewriting the script straightaway!

Jean: Can I help?

Prof X: Don't worry, Jean, I can handle it myself!

Logan: Now GO AND WRITE IT AND NO MORE LISTENING IN ON OUR REHEARSALS!

Prof X: Wibble.

Logan: Chuck

Prof X: Okay! I'm gone!

Logan: Well, people, I guess we can't get any rehearsing done until a certain...histrionic hypocrite - what? Why are you all staring at me?

Kitty: You know the meaning of the word 'histrionic'!

Jean: You can alliterate!

Kitty: It is much hard to find a literary scholar in today's rat race for fame and power.

Logan: Okay...rehearsal's are over for today! Now -

Pietro: [zips into danger room] Well, hello again everyone! Did I miss anything?

Fred: You sure did! We had a telepathic argument! And guess what? [hushed voice] Professor Dumbledore uses slang!

Pietro: Darn. So I didn't miss anything boring?

Logan: Nope, its been most entertaining, especially without you around. Now find your own way out of the Institute, I'm going for a drink.

Pietro: [pales] A...drink?

Logan: Yeah.

Pietro: Are you sure you want a drink? I mean, you shouldn't reward yourself so often...beer is bad for you! Very bad...er have you heard this legend about the beer fairy who comes in the afternoon, like around...a while ago, to take your beer?

Logan: [dangerous voice] Is this going where I think it is going?

Pietro: Er, if you don't lose your temper and kill people, especially silver-haired people whose presence is much adored and worshipped in the world, the beer fairy might reward you and give you back your beer! Eventually.

Logan: PIETRO MAXIMOFF! [chases after Pietro, who runs out of danger room screaming]

[Everyone stares at door]

Lance: I take it that the rehearsal is officially over?

[close-up of Jean, screen fizzles and goes out]

~tbc~

Whee, this was a relatively long chapter. How's it on the humour scale? Did you laugh or not? Hope you enjoyed it! Please review (or spam)!

Next chapter: Ticket Schedule. A little humorous interlude. Ororo drafts the schedule for the sale of tickets and invites comments from all involved. Jean is the last to be listed, Rogue insults, people are piqued, and an offer of $50 to write an epitaph.

See ya'll next time round. Bye!

& SnoOza