Can I have You? - Summary: Xander comes full circle with Buffy. - B/X - Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were, things would be a lot different. No copyright infringement intended.
Can I Have You?
By Teri
"Can I have you?" What a way to leave a first impression?
I couldn't help it, she was stunning. I thought it was love at first sight. Of course, I was wrong. I didn't fall in love then. How could I? I didn't really know her yet. I didn't truly fall in love with her until I got to know her. It took along time, but it was worth it. What wasn't to love? She saved the world, a lot.
I loved her back then, but we weren't ready to be *in* love. She had relationships with Angel, Parker, Riley, and even Spike. I dated Cordy, fluked with Willow, and loved Anya. How could I have loved Anya, if I was in love with Buffy? Easy Anya needed me as much as I needed her. The truth was I was her guide to humanity and she gave me the one thing I had always lacked, someone who needed me.
Oh, I had intended to marry Anya, until I realized that I wasn't what she needed. If anything what she really required was . . . well, lack of me for a better phrase. She needed someone who loved her for her; someone who thought the sun rose and set in her. I didn't love her like that. That is why, I knew the vision the demon gave me before the wedding could have been true. I could have hurt her. She needed someone besides me.
After Willow mur. . . after she had her breakdown, I was all Buffy had left. Anya was staying away from us. Giles was in England. Dawn was still too young. Spike was having his own problems. I was the only slayerette left. We spent a lot of time together.
I still don't know exactly when I fell *in* love with her. Perhaps it was when she accepted Willow back in her house, her heart, and her life. It could have been when she had the strength to admit her role in her disastrous relationship with Spike. Maybe it was watching her grow in to her new job. She really is a wonderful counselor. It may have been watching her finally believe she was alive again and acting like it. It was certainly could have been knowing how hard she worked to be there for Dawn. I really don't know. It doesn't matter, because it happened all the same. I fell *in* love with Buffy.
I have come to realize that I could never leave her. Even if I married someone else, I would always be there with Buffy trying to help. My help may not be much, but it is mine to give. Maybe I am just trying to be her White Knight. Oh Great, now I am channeling Deadboy.
I'm planning to ask her to be my wedded wife. I think she'll say yes, but even if she doesn't I won't quit until she does. As I look at the ring I bought her, I realize that it is a symbol of us. We have gone full circle with each other.
I kneel in front of Buffy, place the ring on her finger, and ask, "Can I have you?"
* * * * *
I can't believe I wrote a B/X story. Is this what it feels like to have gone to the dark side? No, because it was Xander's POV, not Buffy. I didn't have Buffy fall in love with him suddenly because he got a power or cause she decided she wanted a normal guy. This is a Xander piece. Okay, I am okay. Breathe. I am okay, Okay? *grins*
Please let me know what you think.
Teri (Garnet_TM@yahoo.com) 04/06/2003