Dedicated to my Dad and Catherine at Rangers, who didn't know what Mary-Sue's were!
I've read a few stories on fanfiction.net using this idea, and longed to write one of my own... so here it is. Yet another "Removing-Mary-Sue's-from-Middle-Earth" story, but this time, I'm in charge! It's a 7-part series, already planned and written, with a definite end (for all those who get annoyed by stories trailing off into nothing!) You'll probably recognise ideas from loads of films/books. From the Matrix to Star-trek, from Nineteen Eighty-four to Enid Blyton's school stories!
Thanks to all those great authors. Hope you don't mind how I've adapted some of your ideas!
Normal disclaimer: If you recognise the character's name, then I don't own it. Very simple really! (I've decided that I cannot be bothered to argue with rampant PPC fans any more. So I'd just like to say well done to the writers of the PPC for independently creating a series of stories on the same theme. Destroying Mary-Sue's is a great way to pass the time. I'd recommend other people have a go!)
Just in case there are any readers who are not sure what Mary-Sue's are, here's a quick explanation! Mary-Sue's are normally (with a few exceptions!) 20th century girls who somehow (against all logical reasoning) manage to arrive in Middle Earth. They then proceed to brainwash the fellowship, totally change the plot, make characters act out-of-character and there's always a love affair (Normally with Legolas!) Reading a few of these can get very tedious because they're all the same. Reading quite a lot of these (by accident!) can turn the nice, gentle fanfiction reader into a raving lunatic, determined to destroy as many Mary-Sue's as possible!! I went for a slightly more civilised approach - poured my frustration into this story! You should be able to recognise lots of Mary-Sue themes recurring, along with the pleasure that the Wardens are picking them out one by one. They will all pass through the secretive "Recovery" Department. No one really knows what happens to them in there, but no Mary-Sue's emerge!!
Hopefully this will be enough information, the story should now make sense!!
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
The Organisation
Cold, grey sludge.
No matter how you looked at it, it never appeared any more appetising.
Liz sighed as she trudged away from the serving hatch, the food here was practically inedible. She crossed the noisy dining hall and flung the bowl onto a cheap plastic table with a clatter.
"How can anyone eat this stuff" she complained. Dave looked up from his food and grinned.
"Complaining again Liz?" he asked in mock seriousness "Honestly, you should be more grateful." Liz scowled.
"If I eat this, I'll probably die. Why should I be grateful. How can you digest it anyway?"
She glanced at his plate. Her mouth fell open in disbelief.
"How did you manage to get that?" she gasped. Dave's plate contained gently steaming bacon and fried eggs. Proper food. Dave laughed at her expression.
"I have an arrangement with the kitchen staff" he explained
"The kitchen staff?" Liz couldn't believe her ears.
"Well, one girl in particular" Dave waved at a girl serving at the counter. The girl giggled and ducked her head, blushing madly. Liz slumped back in her chair and tossed her chestnut hair back over her shoulder with a sigh of exasperation.
"Why couldn't any of the kitchen staff be men" she muttered under her breath, plunging her spoon into the sludge. She let go and it remained upright, quivering slightly.
Suddenly, her pocket started bleeping. Liz dug her hands deep and drew out handfuls of tissues, string, pencils & scraps of paper. She dumped each handful on the table, still rooting deeper for the cause of the bleeping. Dave watched the pile of rubbish grow higher.
"How can you find anything with so much rubbish in your pockets?" he asked.
Liz scowled.
"It might come in useful one day." She retorted finally producing a small black object.
"Anyway, where is yours?" She asked trying to catch him out. Dave kept a grin on his face.
"By the side of my bed. I know exactly where it is." Liz stuck her tongue out and turned the comlink on.
"Took you long enough" a familiar voice came from the com.
"Good morning to you too Sarita" Liz answered sarcastically.
"Alright, point taken. Can you get over here as soon as possible. There's another one coming. Oh, and tell Dave to get here too, he's not answering his comlink"
There was a click and then the faint buzz of static.
Liz grinned across the table.
"Not answering your comlink. I don't know... at least mine is with me at all times!" She stood up quickly as Dave lobbed a spoon of baked beans in her direction.
"Come on, no time to eat, got to go now." She practically dragged Dave out of his seat and headed for the door.
"You'll have to work out your arrangement with the kitchen staff in time for lunch."
The door to the command centre automatically slid open with a faint hiss. Liz was always fascinated, yet out of place amongst all the high-tech equipment, terrified she'd break something. The huge monitor screens stretched almost from floor to ceiling, full of numbered data. Some sort of encoding she didn't understand. Sarita had tried to explain it once, but she'd got lost within the first few moments. It was something to do with Middle Earth obviously. Apparently the movements and actions of all people were contained in the numbers. Sarita said that you could read the code and know exactly what was happening down there. What a character was doing, thinking, even what the weather was like. Her eyes had lit up in excitement as she said this. Liz couldn't see how anyone could be excited by a load of numbers. She'd much rather be down on Middle Earth itself, actually watching the people do things, rather than the numbers doing things. That was why she loved her job so much.
Liz and Dave wove their way through the command centre trying not to get into anyone's way. Sarita was sitting in front of a smaller monitor, her glossy black hair hanging straight down her back. Liz loved Sarita's hair. It was always so beautiful and never looked a mess. Self consciously she glanced at her reflection in a monitor, scowled, grabbed a band from her pocket and pulled her hair up out of the way.
Sarita was speaking into a small microphone attached to her ear piece. She turned around to read some figures off another monitor and caught sight of Liz and Dave. She beckoned them over.
Dave waited until she'd finished speaking then leaned over the back of her chair wrapping his arms around her neck.
"Miss me?" he asked. Sarita slapped his hands away.
"Get off, you idiot." she grinned. "Besides you're in disgrace. You're supposed to carry your comlink with you at all times." Liz gave a snort of laughter that she managed to turn into a cough. Dave pretended to look hurt.
"You mean that one little mistake will ruin our whole relationship?"
"What relationship?" Liz couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Come on Dave, you've never done anything but flirt like mad at the beginning of every mission. No wonder Sarita's getting sick of you!"
"Sick of me?" Dave tried even harder to look hurt, but failed miserably.
"Right, back to business" Sarita's tone became official and brisk. "Pretty routine operation this time. Typical Mary-Sue, normal intentions, lurking in wait just before Hollin." Sarita turned to the huge monitors, her eyes scanning over the data.
"Forget that, she's on the move. Having a bit of trouble with her heels in the mud, but very determined. At her current velocity, she'll meet the Fellowship in 15 minutes."
Liz stared blankly at the moving screen of numbers wishing she had enough intelligence to interpret it.
"After Legolas as usual?" she asked. Sarita nodded
"Of course, I told you this was a boring routine operation."
"Oh no" Dave grinned. "These trips are never boring!" Sarita smiled.
"One day, I'd love to actually get down there." she said wistfully. "It must be much more interesting than here." Liz bit her lip to stop herself from agreeing.
"This is just as useful." She argued diplomatically. "We wouldn't know where or when Mary Sues were going to strike if it wasn't for your equipment.... Or your ability to read it" she added as an afterthought.
Liz and Dave headed for the portal. The locker room next door was deserted. It was obviously a quiet morning. Three days ago there had been 3 Mary-Sue's attacking at once. Dave cringed slightly as he remembered the chaos. Each Mary-Sue has two Wardens attached to them in case something happens to one. That meant that there were 3 Mary-Sues, 6 Wardens including himself and Liz, all following the Fellowship. It had been a disaster. A lot of memory erasing of traumatised Fellowship members had to be completed before they could get home.
Liz carefully removed her earrings and placed them in her locker. Unnecessary jewellery was forbidden in case it got lost and someone found it. The idea was to leave absolutely no traces of 21st century life in Middle Earth.
She pulled out a grey/green uniform jacket and her equipment belt. She strapped the belt around her slim waist. It was quite heavy, hopefully containing all the equipment she would need.
Dave finished binding the laces on his mud coated boots. He waited for Liz to slam her locker shut and they both headed for the portal.
"ID?" the portal operator asked. Dave inserted his card in the slot, the green light flashed and the barrier lifted. He stepped through onto the semi-circular shaped platform, the lights slowly brightening and dimming. He waited for Liz to bury through her pockets once more.
"I know I've got it somewhere" she said cheerfully, spilling tissues onto the floor. She finally produced a battered card, scooped up the tissues and stepped up next to Dave.
"Don't say anything" she hissed through gritted teeth seeing his smile.
"It will come in useful one day!"
The lights started flickering quicker. Liz stood feet apart and pulled herself to her full height. This was the worst bit on the mission. The actual transformation to Middle Earth. Still, it had to be endured.
The Portal operator set the co-ordinates on the control panel and slowly pulled the red lever. He watched the lights grow brighter, eventually dazzling to make him shade his eyes. He watched the two young Wardens gradually fade away, then the lighting returned to normal. Liz and Dave had gone. He checked the equipment to ensure they had landed safely, then put up his feet and pulled out a thick book. It would be a long time before he had to bring them back
Dave blinked and looked around as the trees swam into focus. He turned to Liz who was still standing rigid with her eyes squeezed tightly shut.
"We're here" he said softly and watched her relax. He never teased her about her fear of transportation. That wouldn't be fair. Besides, once she'd arrived she was one of the best.
Sarita sat in front of the computer screen and watched the numbers that told her that her friends had arrived in middle earth safely. She adjusted the controls on her headpiece and started giving directions through the comlink.
The hill was very steep. Dave plodded slowly, panting heavily. Liz had the advantage of being smaller and lighter, she was several steps ahead, not as exhausted as he was.
"Look" Liz had reached the summit and was pointing down the other side. Dave hauled himself level and bent over trying to catch his breath.
"You're so unfit!" Liz laughed trying to disguise the sound of her own panting.
Dave looked up slowly and saw what Liz was pointing at. The Fellowship, slowly making their way along the track in the valley below.
"Right," he said as soon as he could speak. "So, where's the Mary-Sue?" They both scanned the area carefully looking for a flash of Barbie-pink synthetic material.
"What's that?" Dave asked pointing at a pink object in the mud. Liz squinted carefully.
"An abandoned high-heeled shoe" She concluded. "She's given up on the heels then. She must be close."
They scanned the area again. Suddenly, there was a commotion coming from the Fellowship. Liz and Dave turned quickly in time to see a girl step from the bushes at the side of the road. Her hair shone unnaturally golden in the sunlight, her face almost dazzling perfect. Dave groaned slightly.
"Sarita must have given us the wrong directions. We're too late, she's got to them."
They watched horrified as she sauntered straight up to Legolas who glanced behind him uneasily. She smiled a perfect smile and reached out a perfectly manicured hand to touch Legolas on the arm. He looked from the hand up to her face and froze. He was struck, nothing he could do.
"Come on" Liz scrambled forward. "We've got to rescue him before it's too late."
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
#####################################################################
Sorry if you found this a bit tedious. I wanted to introduce the characters and the organisation before actually capturing any Mary-Sue's. The rest of the chapters have more action!
I have honestly never heard of the "Protectors of the Plot Continuum" before you told me. It's quite freaky how many similarities there are! Oh well, hopefully the style is different enough to be vaguely interesting!