One First, Two First, Bad First, Worst First

by ShelleyBarnard

After seven years, Buffy and Giles finally see the faces of their true enemies.

Title: One First, Two First, Bad First, Worst First

Author: Opus, Bloom Co. Picayune ace reporter, also known as Shelley

Contact: shelchrisbarnard@earthlink.net

Summary: After seven years of battling evil, Buffy and Giles finally see the faces of their true enemies...

Rating: PG for cartoon violence

Flames: Bring em on, baby.

Praise: Um, with all due respect, you've GOT to develop better taste in literature...

Disclaimer: ME owns it all. No one at ME bears any resemblance to any of the villains in this story. wink, wink You can trust me on this. nudge, nudge Really. know wot I mean, guv?

NOTE: This is based upon a challenge issued by Gail at Together_BG, on behalf of herself and Dword. It reads as follows: "create an original character who is quite obviously a metaphor or representation of the evil of ME g and make her/him/it the bad guy trying to keep Buffy and Giles apart as well as end the world or whatever, and find a way to legitimately, colorfully and creatively kill them off...preferably with Giles or Buffy or both...doing the killing off. I think creating a fictional character upon which to vent frustration is way more respectful than expressing what I really think of ME, Marti Noxon or even JW at this point."

Thanks to Maxie, Donna, and Mac for giving me advice and encouragement in the Tweedy Chat Room.

"I think that's the last of them," Giles said tiredly. He looked around, wishing that he felt better about their victory. They had killed every last Bringer, but the cost was heartbreakingly high. Buffy's home was demolished, and over one-third of the potential Slayers had perished along with the Bringers. Faith and Robin Wood had also sacrificed their lives to defeat the First, though both had first fallen victims to despair. Giles was glad that the dark-haired Slayer had found some sort of peace before her death, and he wished that Wood had found the same. Whatever Spike had said during Wood's abortive assassination had broken the young principal's spirit, and he had obviously been looking for death in this last battle. How could a man that young be so devoid of life? He had been so young... Lord, they were all so young ... far too young to die battling evil.

Kennedy, with her typical bluster, refused to acknowledge their losses. "We won! I knew we would win! The First is toast, without the Bringers to do its evil bidding." Giles wondered once again what Willow saw in the girl.

Buffy looked grim. "I don't think it's over yet. We defeated the First's army, but we haven't seen the real Big Bad yet. " She slowly spun around the room, and then addressed the ceiling. "Come on; show your face! I want to see you. I've been a Slayer for almost eight years now, and you've played with me the entire time. Now it's time to show me what you actually look like."

Suddenly, a purple fog settled over the house. A red furry demon with a large wooden beam around its neck slowly appeared. Beside him was a gelatinous blue blob in a yellow box. The furry demon, which resembled a small canine, boomed out "I am the WAY."

Buffy and her army gaped at the two demons. Giles rallied first, and demanded, "The way to what?"

"I am the WAY it is to be DONE."

This made sense to no one but Giles, who was nodding sagely. "Of course! I should have seen it years ago." He turned to the blob and said, "And you, of course, must be Teenox."

The blob glared (if such a thing is possible for a eyeless gelatinous creature) and snapped condescendingly, "They call me MAR Teenox." Spike noticeably startled at this statement. Since everyone was ignoring him, he felt free to openly adore the hideous creature.

"I do apologize, honorable Mar. This is a very informal group; I can count on my fingers the number of times I have been called Mr. Giles by anyone in this group."

"Ah," said the blob, clearly appeased. "If it is the custom here to forgo honorifics, then so be it. Teenox is acceptable."

"So let me get this straight," muttered Xander. "The big brewing evil is actually a fox in stocks and Nox in box?"

"That is too informal for my taste," hissed the blob. "Perhaps you should call me Mar Teenox, son."

"Once again, Xander, you have managed to trivialize a dire situation," Giles said testily. "Let's get back to the subject at hand. The WAY is a most unusual demon. It has the ability to take away the free will of any creature with a soul, and make that creature act against its nature. Although he once had a certain amount of sympathy for the beings he manipulated, he fell into darkness and stopped using his power for good. He decided that it would be more entertaining to twist people around to fit his own vision of the WAY things should be DONE, regardless of what might make them happy."

Buffy looked furious. "So this WAY guy has been a puppet-master, pulling all of our strings?"

"Not everyone's, Buffy. He is only interested in those who work for the Powers That Be, particularly Slayers. I'm sure that you and your friends, not to mention Angel and his co-workers, have kept him very amused over the years. Every time you found yourself doing something that was out of character, it was probably due to the influence of the WAY." He glowered at the blob. "Or perhaps I should say the indirect influence of the WAY."

"What do you mean," demanded Buffy. "And what's the deal with X-Box over there?"

Giles frowned at the demon pair. "Four millennia ago, at the end of the third sea--, erm, Third Age, the WAY became bored with his omniscient power. He decided to grant the power of creative con--, um, free-will manipulation to this creature. Teenox wanted to ensure that he could never take his powers back, so she locked him up with the block you see around his neck."

"So he's a prisoner," Willow asked sympathetically. "How sad! We should rescue him!"

"He's not exactly a victim here, Willow. The WAY knew exactly what he was doing when he handed his power over to Teenox. She never made any secret of the fact that she prefers the creatures of darkness to the champions of the light. In fact, Teenox is one of the patron saints of vampires." As Giles was talking, his voice gradually slowed down, as if it was a digital recording that was being altered. Teenox was staring at him, and he could feel his intelligence, effectiveness, and drive melting away by the moment. He hoped that he had let Buffy know everything about the First that she needed to know, because he wasn't sure that he could put together another coherent sentence in the blob's presence. This wasn't the first time that he had felt diminished in the past few years, but he had never before felt it this strongly.

No one witnessed Giles' struggle to maintain his sense of self, however, for all eyes were turned towards Spike. The vampire was still staring at Teenox, transfixed. "Never thought I'd ever get a chance to meet her. She's bleeding beautiful, she is," he sniffled sentimentally.

Buffy was wracked with jealousy. Spike liked the blobby thing better than her?!? Well, she'd put an end to that! She lifted up her sword, and ran at the WAY. With an amazing display of Slayer strength, she slashed through the beam around his neck, slicing the stocks in two. The purple fog in the room whirled up again, and then settled around the fox-like demon.

The WAY shook itself, and then looked around in confusion. "Buffy? Buffy Summers? What are you doing here? I left you rotting in your grave. You're supposed to be decomposing now." The room had gone deathly quiet, but the WAY didn't seem to notice. He just kept babbling on, saying horrible things with his pleasant tenor voice. "In any case, it's obvious that you have had WAY too much fun over the past few years; you are past due for some good old-fashioned misery." Everyone stared at the WAY in amazement; just what planet was he from, anyway? Buffy needed more misery in her life?!? And still, the red furry demon kept talking. "And where's Angel? I went to a lot of work to turn you two into soul mates; do you have any idea how difficult it is to make a vampire fall in love with a Slayer? Vampires and Slayers are natural enemies, and Angel isn't the easiest guy in the world to manipulate. And don't even get me started on Buffy! Turning a girl who battles the forces of darkness every night of her life into a shallow, vapid airhead who tosses aside everyone she cares about every time she sees a pretty face ... that trick has added years to my life! So off you go, Buffy. You need to go to LA and start mooning over Angel again. I want to see you two making each other miserable and alienating anybody that cares about either of you before the day is out. Come on, chop chop!"

As the WAY talked, Buffy felt her entire reality shifting. She wasn't in love with Spike or Riley or anybody else; she never had been. She was in love with Angel... Angel... it was all about Angel. In fact, there wasn't another person in the universe who mattered to her in the slightest. Why did she think it was important to fight evil when Angel was out there, content in her absence, but alone? Or maybe he wasn't alone... Cordelia was with him, and she had always wanted to steal Angel from her. By god, Cordy wasn't going to get away with this! Without a word to her friends, Buffy started running as fast as she could towards the bus station.

"No," whispered Spike. "No, I don't think so." Suddenly, Spike was screaming with rage. "The Slayer is mine. I stalked her, I beat her, I let her beat me, and I damaged my self-respect trying to rape her. And what did I get for all my efforts? A soddin' soul! Well, I'll tell you one thing: I didn't go to all that work and adjust to this bleeding soul just so she could wind up with Peaches. The Poofter may love her, but Buffy. is. MINE!"

With a primal howl, Spike snatched Kennedy's sword from her hand and charged the WAY. He hacked at the WAY, again and again, cutting the red demon into small pieces. The WAY turned to Teenox in distress. "Help me, Mar. Help me!"

"Oh, I'll help," said Teenox with a cruel smile. (No, I don't know how a gelatinous blob managed a cruel smile; just go with me here.) "I'll help ... myself!" As the blob said this last word, she created a jagged tentacle from her amorphous body and plunged it into the WAY's brain. The WAY it is to be DONE gave one last howl of agony, and then collapsed. As the Scoobies watched in horror, the corpse of the fox-like demon dissolved into viscous purple goo. This goo slowly inched its way into Teenox's box and merged with the blue blob. As Teenox slowly changed color, she began to laugh. A horrible, evil chuckle that promised pain and misery to the Slayer and everyone around her. Teenox extended her jagged tentacle towards the ceiling and called out, "The power! The power is mine now and mine alone! Now the world will form itself to MY liking!"

Suddenly, there was a flash of lightning inside the Summer's house, and Buffy reappeared in the middle of her living room, wearing a studded collar and a black leather teddy. Before she could say anything, Teenox threw a bolt of lightning straight at Buffy. Reality shifted, and Buffy was suddenly on her knees, pawing Spike's legs, and sporting a choke chain that was held by a grinning Spike.

Teenox threw another lightning bolt, this time at Spike, and reality jolted again. Suddenly the bleach-blond vampire was wearing painfully tight leather pants and no shirt. Teenox grinned lasciviously. (Okay, I'm really sorry that I didn't give her a face. Can we just pretend that she has the ability to form facial expressions for the rest of the fic? I only made her a blob so that she could be a container, thus permitting me to make a throw-away joke about fox in stocks and Nox in box ... and my husband told me that joke fell flat anyway. Sigh... Maybe if I use it again somebody might give me a courtesy laugh!) "The WAY always insisted that you wear a shirt at least fifty percent of the time," she giggled, "but I shall see that you are left half naked all the time, for the rest of your un-life! Now, what else can I do with my power?"

Teenox smirked at Willow, who tried to duck out of view. It was no use. Teenox threw a lightning bolt at the red-haired witch, and the room shook. When the smoke cleared, sweet Willow was gone, replaced by black-haired, black-eyed, veiny Willow. Anya quickly surveyed the crowd, just to make sure that everyone still had their skins firmly attached to their bodies; Andrew ducked into the kitchen.

With a negligent wave of her tentacle, Teenox transformed all of the remaining potentials into squalling three-year-olds. Kennedy toddled over to Rona and grabbed the child's oversized sword. The enraged youngster squealed, "that's mine," and pushed Kennedy to the ground. Willow growled at this treatment of her lover, and everyone in Slayer Central cowered before her in abject terror. Molly started to cry, and soon most of the other toddlers had joined her in hysterical tears.

Amidst all this tumult, Teenox was temporarily forgotten. This gave the gelatinous creature time to gather her strength. She had one more transformation to make, and it would take all of her will. Finally, she was ready. She gave Giles a particularly nasty sneer and drilled a lightning bolt straight through his chest. This time, when reality shifted, it was so severe that everyone felt a little queasy. As the fog cleared, Anya gasped at Giles in shock. He had on plaid pants that fell down in back, clearly revealing the Depends underwear (TM) that he was wearing underneath. He had tennis balls covering the back legs of his walker, and a Bill Cosby type old-guy cap adorned the top of his head. He moved beyond pathetic and into stereotype when he croaked out, "Has anyone seen my glasses? I'm moving to Florida, and I'll need them to vote." No one bothered to point out that his glasses were hanging on a long string around his neck. Teenox was beside herself with glee. (Literally. She split herself in two so she could have double the fun. That sort of thing is easier when one is a gelatinous blob.)

Dawn, Xander, and Anya huddled together, each wondering what private hell was awaiting him or her. Finally, the waiting got to Anya. "So, has she forgotten about us?"

"I doubt it," Dawn mused. "I mean, she even drug Andrew out of the kitchen just so she could dress him up as a particularly skanky transvestite. We're right here, so why isn't she doing anything to us?"

"She hasn't forgotten us," Xander said harshly. "She just doesn't think we matter. She thinks that if she degrades Buffy, turns Willow evil, makes Giles obsolete, and exalts Spike that she has won. She is absolutely certain that we are good for nothing but comic relief." Dawn and Anya stared at Xander with hurt, frightened eyes. "She's wrong. Nox in box is about to learn that evil can never win as long as there is at least one Scooby willing and able to fight it." Xander grinned at Dawn, releasing some of the melodramatic tension. "So, can I count on my fellow zeppos?" The three forgotten Scoobies put their heads together, and soon developed a plan.

Meanwhile, pandemonium reigned supreme at Slayer Central. The slayers in training were charging around like mad things, breaking everything that hadn't already been broken in the final battle; Andrew was running through every Barbara Streisand song he could remember (and doing it badly, I might add. I mean, have you noticed what an annoying voice he has? The thought of him singing gives me the wiggins...); Willow was having a spirited chat with the goddess Hecate; Buffy was rubbing against Spike's leg like a cat while he pulled her hair and told her what a bad girl she was; and Giles kept saying, "Help, I've fallen and can't get up." Teenox was delighted with how things had turned out, and started sloshing back and forth in her box. (One presumes that she was a performing an amorphous version of the wave, or perhaps a gelatinous rendition of the Snoopy dance; in any case, it was clearly a joyous expression of some kind.) No one was prepared for Dawn to calmly walk up to Spike and stake him.

Teenox abruptly stilled, as did everyone else. The only thing to disturb the quiet was the thump of Buffy falling to the floor when the leg she was leaning against fell into dust. Teenox broke the silence with a thunderous, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

"We took away your pet," Xander taunted.

"But he was so hot," Andrew whined. He looked startled when everyone looked at him. "What? Someone had to say it."

"Yes, he was hot," snarled Teenox. "He was also the only one of you that I liked. Do you have any idea how awful it has been watching you Scoobies over the years? I hate you all! The only way I could tolerate any of you was by manipulating you into making Spike the central figure in your lives. Spike made it all worthwhile; Spike was my reason for existing. AND NOW YOU HAVE TAKEN HIM AWAY FROM ME! You will pay for what you have done. Oh, how you will pay!" Three thunderbolts later, Dawn was picking the pockets of all the SITs (not an easy trick, considering the fact that she was now significantly taller than them); Anya was in a corner weeping pathetically over Xander's betrayal; and Xander was on a singles site on the internet, promising life-long commitments to seven different women.

It was Teenox's greatest triumph, but it was also the start of her downfall. As Xander had postulated earlier in the zeppo huddle, Teenox was over-extended. She was too new to her power to maintain all of these changes for an indefinite period of time ... even if it could be done. Yes, what she was doing was ultimately impossible. The WAY had never told Teenox that there was a limit to how far the view--, erm, the Powers That Be would permit her to manipulate their champions. It was possible to alter one personality completely, or to subtly alter the entire gang, but she had gone too far too fast, and the distortions could not hold.

Buffy was the first to begin shaking off Teenox's manipulations. She helped her Watcher up off the floor (yes, I left him on the floor for half-a-dozen paragraphs. I'm nearly as evil as Mar Teenox!), and demanded, "What do I do, Giles?"

"Ah, Buffy. Do you suppose we might have Jell-O for dinner tonight?"

Buffy growled in frustration. "Come on, Giles, snap out of it! I need you, and this ... isn't you! You're not old and never have been. I realize now that I was under the control of the First (or perhaps the second First) when I told you that you were. Now that we know what they've been doing these last seven years we can fight it!"

Giles' eyes were still unfocused, but it was clear that he was doing his best to battle the First's influence. It was difficult, for Teenox had been particularly vicious in her attacks against him and had been targeting him for longer than anyone else. But Giles fought because his Slayer asked him to, and because he would do anything for her.

"She seemed to gain in strength when she inherited the purple fog from the WAY. If you were to pour liquid into her box, to, to, dilute her essence, somehow, it might—" Giles faltered as Teenox directed the full force of her will upon him. When he resumed speaking, he sounded ancient and frail again. "Did I ever tell you about the time—"

As Giles started a long, pointless story, Buffy's heart broke for him. But he had been there when she needed him, and she knew what she needed to do now. She ran into the kitchen to fill a bucket with water.

"—must have been 1986, or was it '87? I know Maggie Thatch—" Buffy blocked out the sound of Giles' ramblings as she dumped a bucket of water and a full gallon of milk into Teenox's container.

The Teenox pretended to be unimpressed. "Ooh, I'm melting, I'm melting; what a world, what a world! Wait, I'm already melted, you stupid girl." Despite the First's bravado, however, it was clear that her power was waning. Willow's hair was turning back to red (though her eyes remained black) and Andrew stopped singing.

"Come on guys," Buffy cried. "Help me! Transport any liquids you can find, in any container you can find."

Willow and Andrew joined Buffy in the kitchen, and they ran back out with whatever liquids they could carry. The two women dumped their loads into Teenox's box, while Andrew spilled his on Anya's white blouse. (He later insisted that that had been an accident.) The effect was even more dramatic this time, with the three zeppos abruptly coming back to themselves and the potential Slayers all gaining ten years in age. (Though considering how awful thirteen-year-old girls are, the merits of that particular change might be considered debatable.) Sadly, there was no change in Giles' condition as Teenox continued to keep the greater part of her strength directed at him. "—now that was music, let me tell you—"

Soon, everyone but Giles was shuttling liquids into Teenox's container. In no time at all, they had filled her box to the very top, and she was starting to slosh onto the floor. With every drop of extraneous liquid, the SITs became older and Giles became less senile. When Giles' pants finally sat correctly on him, neither falling down to his crack nor pulled up to his nipples, Buffy guessed that he was finally able to answer her questions again. "We've weakened this bitch, Giles, but she isn't dead. So, how do I Slay her?"

Giles paused for a long moment before answering, and Buffy worried that the effects of the First's evil spell might be permanent, but it appeared that the Watcher was simply putting his thoughts in order. "If we were to dilute her essence sufficiently, I suspect that her consciousness would be too dispersed to retain awareness."

"In English, Giles."

"We need to sp- spread her even thinner. I'm guessing that if we do so, she will slip into um, a permanent dream. I suggest that we, erm, transport her to the bathroom and fl- flush her down the lavatory."

(Gail called for someone to "find a way to legitimately, colorfully and creatively kill them off." Yes, I know that flushing the villain down the loo qualifies as none of those things and is, in fact, just juvenile and stupid. I do apologize. I will try and do something legitimately creative the next time I decide to kill off a manifestation of Mutan-, erm, the First Evil.)

Buffy glared at the Englishman. "You want to take that hunking thing--all of that hunking thing—and flush it down the potty?!? Giles, you know my pipes are old, and that I have had plumbing problems before. If I was to flush all of that down my toilet—my only toilet, I might add—the plumber would freak."

"Buffy," Giles said with some asperity, "you have had almost forty people living here for months. If the plumbing has survived that kind of massive plotho--, er, abuse for an extended period of time, it should be able to withstand this."

Buffy grumbled, but had to admit that her Watcher was correct. She soon gathered her forces together, and they began transporting Teenox to the toilet, one pitcher at a time. It took hours to Slay something in this manner and it gave everyone plenty of time to think about how the First had manipulated them and altered their personalities over the past seven years. As Buffy and her army worked, all of them vocalized crucial moments of self-realization.

~.~.~

"I almost let the Mayor eat all of Sunnydale just so I could save a dead man? And he returned the favor by almost killing me?!?"

"In seven years, I have never had a cover job' that was in any way worthy of my talents."

"I am capable of a lot more than witchcraft."

"I alienated all of my friends for the sake of a government agency that never told me the truth about anything."

"I miss making money. The insurance money from the Magic Box isn't going to last forever."

"I am multi-lingual, and am an expert in tactics and the occult. I am, in fact, quite intelligent, and not a complete moron."

"I am not a jerk. I have always been loyal, if nothing else, and I can't believe I left Anya at the altar."

"Mom taught me better than to steal."

"Riley was willing to accept the fact that I was physically stronger than him, but only if I was a weak girly-girl emotionally. He resented the hell out of me for holding it together during my mother's illness."

"Since Faith's powers didn't pass to me, I will probably never be the Slayer. If I'm not a potential anymore, then I'm probably not actually all that special."

"I am an expert swordsman and a vicious street fighter. There has never been any real reason for me to get knocked unconscious within the first five minutes of every bloody fight in which I participate."

"Riley blamed me for his nasty vampire-whore habit, and I actually wanted him back?!?"

"There were plenty of signs that I was becoming addicted to magic, and I am intelligent enough to have recognized them."

"I hate staying at Buffy's house taking care of immature girls. I should find another job in retail."

"I had the right to be angry with my friends. Despite what Spike said, that did not make me a bad person."

"I am not actually a eunuch or a prude. In fact, I probably have more sexual experience than every other person in this room combined."

"Oz and Tara were both sweet, kind, and thoughtful. Kennedy is sort of a female Riley."

"I NEVER LOVED SPIKE."

"I used to organize the best orgies in London. David Bowie and Keith Woods both told me so, in fact."

"The only thing I see in Kennedy is the opportunity to get smoochies. I can do a lot better."

"I have always loved Giles. He is kind, thoughtful, and funny."

"I never wanted to leave Anya; I love her. I gotta say, I'm loving this flushing the First thing."

"Sixteen year olds don't have to be whiny and annoying. My sister was a hero at my age; the least I can do is stop irritating people."

"Furthermore, Giles is actually kind of handsome. Hey! I can have that thought without wigging now!"

"And I never invited either of them to one of my Eyghon orgies. Now those were parties..."

"Or perhaps I should get a loan and start my own business. I'm certain that I can make a lot of money that way."

"Actually, Giles is sexy as hell."

"I shouldn't be so desperate for sex that I will sleep with any woman that offers. I should look around for someone more like Tara."

"Maybe I should join the Marines. They have that don't ask, don't tell' policy and I could continue killing things if I was in the military."

"God, I want to jump Giles' bones. I think part of me has always wanted to have my wicked way with him."

"I am tired of being pathetic. There is more to me than being Xander's cast-off, Spike's sex partner, or D'Hoffryn's prey."

"I can do a lot more for Buffy than simply repairing her windows. Unlike the Slayer, I actually have led an army before."

"What the hell was I doing wasting my time with dead guys and jerks when I had Giles around? Teenox and the WAY really were evil! I can't believe they were able to brainwash me so completely. I wish I could Slay them again."

"Eight years ago, women used to beg me to have sex with them, and now I'm a sodding monk?!? That is utterly absurd."

"To hell with Slaying. I want to get busy seducing Giles."

~.~.~

It was nearly dawn before the last of the First had been disposed of. Everyone was soaked and exhausted, but oddly at peace. It was comforting to know that they now owned their own thoughts, and that both Teenox and the WAY were gone forever. Rather than seeking out their beds, however, they broke into small groups to discuss the revelations that each had had over the past several hours.

Willow and Kennedy found a quiet corner. Both of them hemmed and hawed, each gesturing for the other to go first. After several false starts, the two lesbians spoke at the exact same moment: "I want to break up with you." Willow beamed at Kennedy and told her that she could finish the rest of that thought. Kennedy smiled sweetly and suggested that they could still be friends.

In another corner, Xander was holding hands with his ex-girlfriend. "Anya, I love you and I truly do want to marry you."

"Like I haven't heard that before, Harris." Despite the grumpy words, Anya had a loving and sentimental expression in her eyes.

"It was true then, and it's true now. The difference is that I now have enough free will to go through with it. Let's leave for Las Vegas right now; we can be husband and wife before midnight."

Anya's expression softened further, but she wasn't ready to cave in completely. "I changed a lot of things about myself for you, Xander, and I'm not going to do that anymore. Now that the First isn't able to control me, you can't count on me to be your doormat." Xander nodded encouragingly, so Anya continued. "I won't permit your friends to insult me any longer, and I intend to spend a lot more hours working and making money."

Xander smiled tenderly. "I can live with that, An. I just can't live without you."

"I can live without you, Xander," Anya responded moistly. "I just don't want to." With that, the ex-demon leaned over to kiss the dark-haired carpenter. They hadn't worked out all their problems, but both of them knew that they would. Now that they weren't being manipulated against their nature, true love actually could conquer all.

(Okay, who else is going into insulin shock here? Sorry about that, but I needed to tie up the loose ends, and what else would one expect from a self-acknowledged badfic anyway?)

Meanwhile, Buffy had cornered her Watcher in the kitchen. "For seven years, I thought that badness just happened to me. I realize now that I caused much of that badness myself, with choices that I didn't really want to make."

Giles stared at her intensely, but his still face gave away nothing of his own thoughts. "What do you mean, Buffy?"

"I mean that I have done a lot of stupid things over a lot of stupid guys. The fact that I had to spend so much time convincing myself that I loved them should have clued me into the fact that I didn't. I have only loved one man in my whole entire life, and I was never able to see it before. I think that the WAY didn't want me to see it before."

Giles' emerald eyes (If you've ever read any of my other fics, I'm sure that you knew that was coming sometime. The phrase "emerald eyes" is just so much fun to say...) glowed passionately. "Tell me about this man you love, Buffy. Why would the WAY want to keep you apart?"

Buffy glided in closer to the Englishman, invading his personal space and overwhelming his senses. "I think the WAY felt that I needed to be miserable (which I certainly have been for the last seven years!) and Teenox wanted to keep me weak. They didn't want me to find anyone who could help me be happy and strong. This man that I love is my joy and my rock, my partner and my equal. We are a perfect match for each other; he's strong where I am weak, and vice-versa. He admires my strength, and I'm not intimidated by his intelligence." Buffy moved closer still, until she was whispering in Giles' ear. "He is also unbelievably sexy, and I'm totally desperate for him to put his hands all over me."

"You think it's that easy," Giles demanded hoarsely. "We have a lot of history between us. We've each hurt the other more than once."

"Yes, but that wasn't the true us; that was a Buffy and a Giles that were under the WAY's control. Now we are talking about you and me, the pure, unadorned articles, completely free of the First's influence. And yes, I do think it's that easy. When soul mates find each other, it is always easy." When Giles didn't respond to that, she licked his ear and whispered again, "I'm willing to beg, if that's what it takes."

"You'd better not," Giles warned her. "The day that you make yourself less than you are for my sake is the day that I will walk out of your life, never to return."

"Gotcha. I'm not allowed to beg. How about I make you beg," she asked mischievously.

"You could try," Giles responded smugly.

"Oh yeah," Buffy demanded hotly. "How about if I were to—" Buffy began whispering furiously in Giles' ear, causing his grin to become broader and broader by the moment. She stepped back triumphantly, certain that Giles would take her right there on the kitchen counter. Instead, he leaned down and began whispering in her ear. The Slayer became flushed, and soon let out a startled "eek." Giles whispered some more, and Buffy let out an awed "jeepers." When Giles leaned down to whisper some more, Buffy held out for all of five seconds before she said, "that's it," and grabbed Giles in a fireman's hold. Using her Slayer strength, she carried her Watcher upstairs over her shoulder and proceeded to ravish him.

And the nicest part? No one was surprised at her actions. Now that all the Scoobies were freed of the First, none of them questioned the idea that Watcher and Slayer belonged together. Nor did anyone laugh at the idea that Giles was highly desirable; indeed, a few potential Slayers were kicking themselves that they didn't grab him first.

The only person who did not get a happy ending was whichever potential inherited Faith's powers (and no, I don't care enough to find out who that was). She was a little bitter about the fact that Buffy and Giles often stayed in bed for days at a time, leaving her with all of the patrolling. But since this potential, whoever she is, had been annoying the view-, er, the Powers that Be for months, I don't think anyone really cares about her dilemma.

THE END