Crime & Punishment
The Orcs were closing in, the snarls growing louder, the sharp swords and spears getting too close for comfort.
"Ben, quick!" Liz insisted down the comlink. There was no reply.
"You're a warrior" Dave said to the Mary-Sue suddenly. "You could fight us out of here." The Mary-Sue yawned, unconcerned.
"I could" she said slowly, inspecting her beautifully polished nails. "But I'm not going to. I'll be fine, Just need to show those Orcs some of my charm and they'll be crawling at my feet. It's you who need to worry" she laughed nastily.
"I've heard about people like you. People who try to spoil all our fun. People who try to separate us away from our beloved Legolas. Well, there will be two less Wardens to worry about in a few minutes." Liz felt like slapping the Mary-Sue, but managed to keep her temper enough to yell down the comlink instead.
"... Skip the number crunching..... Arriving anywhere is better than an Orc spear thrust up the nose... Just get us out …NOW!"
"Alright" Ben said uneasily. He made a best guess and transmitted the co-ordinates to the portal operator who pulled the red lever.
Liz closed her eyes waiting for the horrible feeling in her stomach to pass. She heard Dave's gasp of surprise and opened them again hurriedly. They were still stuck in the middle of the woods with the Mary-Sue. The Orcs had gone.
"Wha..." she started to say.
"They just dematerialised" Dave said slowly as if trying to believe it himself.
"Ben must have plugged in the wrong co-ordinates, they beamed up the Orcs, not us."
Liz turned to face him, her expression a mixture of horror and longing to laugh.
"You mean they've got Orcs roaming the corridors at base?" she asked.
She reached for her comlink
"Ben, are you there?" Silence. "Ben can you hear me?" Still nothing
"Has the comlink broken?" Dave asked concerned.
"I don't think so." Liz tried again. She could faintly hear shouts and running footsteps in the background.
"I think they're a bit busy at the moment" she commented, flinging herself onto the ground. "They'll pick us up... when they've got the time."
A couple of hours later, Both Liz and Dave thoroughly sympathised with Treebeard for stepping on that Mary-Sue. Normally they picked them up and passed them on without much contact. Spending 2 hours trapped in Middle Earth with a Mary-Sue was a punishment they wouldn't wish on anyone.
Suddenly the comlink burst into life.
"Hiya you two, are you alright?" Liz had never been so pleased to hear Sarita's voice.
She fought Dave for the comlink and the chance to reply.
"No" she insisted. "We've both got severe Mary-Sue-proximity-itis. Can you get us home now? " Sarita laughed.
"Yeah, no problem."
The Mary-Sue tossed her ebony hair behind her head with a scoff.
"Call yourselves an organisation? I've seen better organised Cave Trolls than you."
Dave gritted his teeth and snatched the comlink off Liz.
"Sarita," he called. "If you don't get us home quick, you'll be picking up two Wardens and a dead body!" The threat must have worked because the woods started to glow.
They gazed around at a scene of chaos and confusion. Twisted furniture abandoned amongst destroyed monitors. Smashed glass lay in shards across the floor, slashed bare wires hung down, an acrid stench of burnt electrics accompanied the odd spark. A couple of people were sifting slowly through the wreckage, obviously searching for important modules.
"What happened?" Dave asked.
"Orcs" replied the woman from the "Recovery" department as she took the struggling Mary-Sue.
"They got everywhere, it was a nightmare containing them. We've only just finished rounding them all up and sending them back." She looked at them thoughtfully. "I hope you're not hungry, they destroyed the canteen."
Dave let out a low groan,
"Why the canteen?" he asked. "Why not the common room?" Liz laughed
"All you ever think about is your stomach" she said hurrying over to speak to Sarita.
"Apparently Ben has been sent for re-training whilst engineers fix the portal." Sarita explained. "It looks like my shifts are going to be twice as long now" she sighed, then brightened.
"It was worth it though, seeing that Orc chase the Boss down the corridor in his pyjamas, hilarious!"
"I'm glad you thought so" the stern voice came from behind. All three cringed and turned to face the Boss. "I had a very different experience. Shouldn't you be getting on with your work Sarita?" Sarita blushed and mumbled a reply as she turned back to the computer screen.
"And as for you two..." the Boss continued. "Scram!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"Name?" Dave asked snapping the handcuffs onto the sullen Mary-Sue.
"Trixibella" she replied.
"Trixy- what?" he asked incredulous. Liz nudged him hard trying to keep her own face straight.
"Shut up" she said "She can't really help her name."
Liz called up Sarita asking for transportation. She was told to wait a while because the workmen were in the middle of clearing up Orc damage around the portal.
Aragorn turned from watching the two strangers appear from nowhere and handcuff the girl that had recently joined them. He glanced around the other puzzled faces of the Fellowship and stepped forward.
"Who are you?" he asked, "Where are you taking her?" Liz sighed. She couldn't be bothered to argue now. She stepped around the edge of the canoe and activated the memory eraser.
"Doesn't matter" she said as Aragorn started to blink.
"Wow!!" a voice came from behind her, She'd forgotten about Trixibella.
"So that thing clears their memories?" Liz turned and nearly stepped into the edge of the lake.
"Yeah" she replied. "So they don't permanently suffer what you lot put them through." Trixibella thought about this for a moment.
"So Legolas doesn't remember me anymore?" she asked sadly, "Even though he just promised to love me forever."
"Nope!" It felt good to say that. Liz picked up a couple of stones and skimmed them across the water. It the distance she could see the spray from the Falls of Rauros.
"So can that thing make people forget anything?" Trixbella asked again.
"Yep, Watch" Liz turned to the nearest Hobbit and stuck her tongue out, wiggling her fingers. The hobbit stared at her, a little disturbed until she pressed the memory-eraser and his expression cleared.
Liz picked up Frodo and swung him round before dropping him in the water. He emerged coughing, spluttering and dripping wet Immediately most of the Fellowship were coming angrily towards her. She pressed the memory-eraser several times and they all started blinking around in puzzlement.
"Wow!!" was all that Trixibella could say.
Liz looked down at the little black object in her hand. She'd never played with it like this before, she'd never even thought about it. It gave her power, more power than she'd ever had before. She could do what she liked and no-one could stop her.
"I think that's enough now." Dave's voice was disapproving.
"Why, because I'm having fun?" Liz snapped back. "Spoilsport, that's what you are. Well, you can't stop me, I could just erase your memory as well!"
"Yeah, why don't you?" called Trixibella
"Because you're my best mate and I care about you?" Dave asked coldly. "I don't really want to see you get into major trouble, like you will if anyone finds out how you're misusing that thing. Give it here." He held out a hand to take it.
Liz jumped backwards and held the memory eraser out of reach.
"You just want a go!" she cried. Dave looked hurt.
"What's up with you Liz, this isn't like you. What happened to the Liz that I normally work with?"
"Well maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." Liz screamed at him.
"Go on, tell him!" Trixibella egged her on.
"You only want the memory-eraser because you're jealous!" Liz continued.
"Well, I know how to make you more jealous!" She walked over to Legolas, threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.
Trixibella let out a wail of dismay.
"That's not fair!" she cried. "How come you get to have Legolas and I don't!"
Liz broke away, erased Legolas' memory and laughed at the hurt expression on Dave's face. She turned to Boromir who was next in line and kissed him as well.
"Elizabeth Lyon. Put that man down at once." Liz broke away and stared at the comlink in horror, recognising the Boss's voice.
"You are in big trouble young lady!" Liz's temper had disappeared like magic, she stared around her in horror, hardly able to believe what she had just done. How could she have been so stupid? She couldn't meet Dave's eyes. He took the memory-eraser from her silently and erased all the Fellowship's memories. He didn't say a word.
"Oh my, Are you in trouble now!" Trixibella reiterated unnecessarily.
As the light faded and the command centre came into focus, Liz's heart sank even further. The Boss was waiting at the foot of the platform. His face was angry and cold.
"My Office...Now!" he said simply and started off towards his study. Liz looked back at Dave, but he turned away, refusing to meet her gaze. She took a deep breath and followed him.
Dave dumped Trixibella and headed for Sarita.
"What happened?" he asked perching himself on the edge of the desk. Sarita faced him briefly, there was no expression on her face.
"I'm on duty." she said promptly. "Go away." Dave looked hurt and turned to go. As he did, he felt Sarita slip a piece of paper in his hand. He closed his fingers around it and headed for somewhere quiet to read in peace.
A few minutes later, Dave found a wide open windowsill. He clambered up and leant back against the smooth white wall, looking out across the rooftops down below. It was strange to think that all those people walked past this building everyday, and none of them realised what went on inside. The organisation was a well-protected secret, all members had to sign contracts of secrecy. They spent months living and working without ever leaving the building. The secrecy couldn't hide his thoughts though. He kept re-seeing Liz shouting at him, then kissing Legolas. He felt a clenching in his stomach. Was Liz right? Was he jealous?
He unfolded the scrap of paper and started to read Sarita's curved script.
"Dave,
Being watched. Can't talk.
Liz in big trouble. Boss was showing visitors around.
Heard whole conversation over comlink.
Visitors amused, Boss not!!
You should be OK though.
C-ya
Sarita"
Dave crumpled the piece of paper in his hand. This was going from bad to worse. Was this the end of their partnership? Was Liz about to lose her job?
The canteen was being cleared when Dave entered a few hours later. Apart from the broken doors and pile of smashed chairs in the corner, it was hard to believe the Orcs had totally demolished it earlier. Dave waited in the queue as it slowly reached the serving hatch. He was hungry, looking forward to something nice to take his mind off the morning's events.
He reached the serving girl, and was horrified when she dumped a dollop of grey sludge on his plate.
"Hey, it's me!" he said cheerfully. "We have an arrangement, remember!"
The girl glanced at him, blushed and looked away.
"I can't do it" she whispered. "She said I couldn't give you special food anymore. It was the first thing She did."
"Who?" Dave tried to work out who the terrifying 'She' was.
"Me!" said a familiar voice. Dave's mouth fell open in surprise,
"Liz?" he gasped.
Liz stood in the kitchen, her chestnut hair tucked under a white cap, red and white striped overalls covering her uniform.
"I've been demoted to the kitchen staff" she complained bitterly. "The Boss went totally mental. He said I was lucky to keep any job at all. I'm sorry about what I did. Dave, you've got to help me get my job back!" Dave picked up his tray and moved away.
"I'm just a spoilsport, remember" he called over his shoulder.
"Dave!" Liz called across the dining room. "Come back!" but he didn't turn around.
The comlink didn't go off until the next morning. Dave spent most of his time avoiding the canteen and trying not to think about Liz.
When he was finally summoned, he didn't recognise the voice on the other end. He made his way up to the command centre, wondering what had happened to Sarita.
Her chair was occupied by a stranger who didn't have time for a chat. Dave made his way towards the portal miserably. Things weren't the same without Liz and Sarita, the job wasn't as fun anymore. A thought struck him, who would replace Liz? Wardens always worked in pairs. Would he get a trainee? He groaned at the thought as he entered the locker room.
"You took your time!" Sarita called. She wasn't wearing her normal Salwar Kameez, instead she was wearing a spotless, freshly ironed Warden's uniform with the sky blue trainee belt. Her long black hair fell in a silky plait.
"You're training as a Warden?" he asked incredulously.
"Yes" Sarita looked really excited. "I've always wanted to see how you work on the other side of the comlink, now's my chance! I shouldn't be any trouble to you, I've practically memorised the book of Regulations" She held up the book that Dave remembered studying when he was training. He smiled to himself as he realised how many of those rules he regularly broke now.
At least he knew Sarita well, She would be a better replacement than a stranger. Things were looking a bit brighter.
Dave parted the long grass and they both peered through at the Fellowship down below.
"She'll be around here somewhere." Dave whispered, his experienced eyes scanning for clues.
"Don't push back the grass so hard" Sarita whispered urgently.
"Why not?" Dave asked in surprise.
"Otherwise it won't return to normal. If someone looked closely they'd be able to see that someone lay here and looked through the grass. That completely breaks Rule 26 section 4b in the Regulations."
"Fine." Dave released the grass with a shrug. "She's not down there anyway. Do you want to contact base to find out where she is?"
Sarita's eyes lit up.
"Can I?" she asked. She switched on the comlink and asked the question. The answer puzzled her however.
"What did he mean she's approaching from above at a velocity of 30 miles per hour?" she asked Dave puzzled. "I can imagine what he's seeing on the screen, but what does he mean in practise?"
"He means get down!" Dave cried pushing Sarita into the mud. A huge wingspan flapped in the space where her head had been and a Silver Eagle swooped down low, gliding towards the Fellowship, the Mary-Sue riding on its back.
Dave expected Sarita to be surprised by this Mary-Sue's entrance. He had to admit that even he hadn't seen many arrive by Silver Eagle. But Sarita was busy trying to rub the mud off her beautiful clean uniform with no success.
"The mud doesn't matter" Dave called, "We'd better get down and intercept the Mary-Sue before she does much damage."
Sarita reluctantly pulled herself to her feet, then let out a cry of horror as she glanced at the mud.
"What's wrong?" Dave was instantly concerned.
"I've left tracks!" Sarita cried pointing at the impressions in the mud. "I've just broken rule 125 section 7a !" She hastily tried to remove her marks by smearing the mud with a leaf.
"Leave it" Dave hissed, "We've got to get down to that Mary-Sue quick!"
"I can't leave it" Sarita wailed. "I can't break a rule on my first trip."
Dave remembered all the footprints he'd left in the mud on various occasions a little guiltily.
"Come on!" Dave hauled Sarita along. "No one will know that a hobbit or a deer or anything that's supposed to be in Middle Earth didn't make those marks."
Sarita kept looking back reluctantly all the way down to the path.
Back in the kitchens, Liz awoke from her daydream by clouds of acrid black smoke pouring out of the oven. She gave an exclamation of annoyance and tugged the oven door open. The tray was full of little black cinders that could have been anything. She tugged the tray out, the heat quickly passing through the thin gloves and making her drop the tray with a yell. The little black objects bounced across the floor and under the draining cupboard.
Liz kicked the table leg hard and started again from scratch. This punishment wasn't fair. Not fair on her, and not fair on the people who had to eat this food. It was a little mistake. Never happened before, would never happen again. All she needed was another chance. She had to get out of this kitchen before she went insane.
Dave strode over towards the Fellowship, Sarita dragging on his arm.
"We can't let them see us too much Dave, we're supposed to be discrete. Rule 39 forbids us from making too much contact with the Fellowship."
Dave tried to shake Sarita's grip from his sleeve.
"It's OK," he comforted. "That's what we have the memory-eraser for. They won't remember seeing us at all." Sarita still looked worried.
"But that breaks Rule 43 section 2c" she wailed. "Using the memory-eraser too much... That's how Liz got into trouble."
Dave gritted his teeth and tried to keep his patience. Sarita was still learning, she didn't realise how things worked. In time she would become less infuriating. For now... Dave looked around for a method of removing the Mary-Sue that would mean less contact with the Fellowship.
About an hour later, Dave collapsed into one of the plastic seats in the deserted canteen with a groan. He rested his head in his hands and tried to forget about the last mission.
"Everything OK?" a voice called. Dave lifted his head to see Liz mopping the floor. She rested both hands on the mop handle, leant her chin on top and regarded him steadily over the top.
"Yep." Dave refused to let his frustration show.
"That's not what I see." Liz continued washing the floor around the tables. "I've known you too long. I know when you're lying."
"I'm not lying" Dave snapped back. Liz shrugged her shoulders and kept her eyes on her job.
"Suit yourself." she said casually. "How are you enjoying the grey sludge?"
Dave looked down at the stolid bowl of stodge that he had been given.
"That was totally unfair" he burst out angrily. "Just because you're in trouble, doesn't mean I have to suffer too. You have no right to cancel my food arrangements."
Liz stopped mopping and looked at him again.
"Having trouble with Sarita?" she asked. "Much better worker behind the computer? Like I'm better out of the kitchen?"
"Go away" Dave refused to discuss the matter.
"Can't" Liz replied, still mopping the same piece of floor for the 5th time. "For some reason, this is my job now." Dave slapped his hands down on the table in anger.
"Look!" he cried. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" Liz was ready with her reply.
"I want you to help me get my job back" she said promptly.
"I can't" Dave said helplessly. Liz perched herself on the edge of the table and brought her face closer towards Dave.
"I'm really, really sorry" she said calmly and genuinely. "I really don't know what came over me. I'll never do it again, please forgive me." Dave didn't reply.
"It was a mistake..." she continued. "Look at the Fellowship, Boromir made a mistake when he tried to take the ring. He found peace and forgiveness in the end, didn't he?"
Dave looked at her stonily. He was being torn in two. Part of him longed for Liz to join him again, the rest knew that it was impossible. He had to get out of here before he agreed to something that would make him lose his job as well.
"...Boromir died" he said simply, scrapping back the chair and rising to his feet. He started to walk away across the dining hall.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it!" Liz called after him. He didn't turn.
"You won't get anything but grey sludge until you help me!" Liz yelled. There was no reaction, Dave left the room.
Liz slowly put her head in her arms and rocked back and forth on the table edge. She fingered the pendant Arwen had given her when the psycho Mary-Sue had attacked. She couldn't take much more of this. She hated resorting to this kind of blackmail, but she had no option. She had to get her job back as soon as possible.
"How are things going?" Sean slid into a nearby chair with his tray of grey sludge. Liz looked up at him.
"Awful" she admitted. She told him everything, thankful to find a friend who would listen.
"What about you?" She asked when she'd finished, remembering the notepad being thrown across the room. "How are your equations coming along?" Sean sighed.
"Awful" he echoed. "I think we'll just have to give up. No one in the Physics department can think of any way to prevent Mary-Sue's from entering Middle Earth. I think we're going to be stuck removing them one-by-one for ever." They both sat in depressed silence for a few moments.
"I wouldn't mind continuously removing Mary-Sue's" Liz said wistfully. "But I can imagine your frustration. When we saw that 12 year old arrive, it was pretty awe-inspiring." Sean sat up, full attention on Liz
"You've actually seen a Mary-Sue arrive?" he asked incredulously. "You've never mentioned it before. Tell me more!" Liz looked a bit puzzled, but described the way the air had seemed to twist open.
"A vortex, did you say?" Sean looked excited. "Why didn't I think of that before." He took a notepad from his pocket and started scribbling furiously. "Describe it, how big? how long did it last? Did it fade or vanish quickly?" Sean fired questions hurriedly. Liz answered the questions to the best of her ability, then sat back and watched as frightening equations appeared across the pages of the notepad.
"This might actually work!" he exclaimed excitedly, leaping up, knocking his chair flying, and rushing towards the labs. Liz watched him go, then returned to the kitchen, glad that someone was more cheerful.
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Just proving that no one is perfect!
If I've done my job properly, hopefully you didn't suspect Liz would sink this low until you reached this chapter. Like you say… it was probably the proximity of the Mary-Sues finally taking effect. Or perhaps the proximity to the ring… after all, she liked the power the memory eraser gave her.
But she's genuinely sorry, so... will she get her job back?