Probability

By Thalia Weaver

A/N: Yes, Sue-ish. Hopefully, funny. Yes, incredibly weird. And in need of reviews. The physics in this chapter concerns the 'quantum multidimensional theory of interaction', q- mult for short, a highly speculative and incredibly oddball theory detailed in Mark Hollsburg's excellent book 'Quantum Oddities: Quarks, Q-Nought and Infinite Dimensions of Occurrences'.  And yes, there IS a reason the chapters have such odd beginnings.

Disclaimer: All the literary concepts I own come to the value of Q0- that is to say, nothing. ;)

Chapter Three: Thick Space

Imagine an infinite number of universes all expanding infinitely, all originating in the same 'explosion', before time started- known as the big bang. Imagine that everything that happens in every universe has an impact in another. Imagine that every action has its reaction…whether it happens in 'thick space', in the realm of probability, or whether it happens in the world that we know of, that we live in…

~. ~. ~.

Thalia was left alone in the room; Elrond had left. She simply sat for a few moments, her expression somewhat akin to a stunned cow's. She did not even realize that she was stroking the soft grey velvet dress that Elrond had left for her.

Holy fecking mother of a winky-frog, she thought. I'm. In. Rivendell. She then threw down the dress and began to jump around the room.

"Elven paradise…" she began humming to herself, then suddenly started laughing. I, Thalia Weaver, have been transported to a FICTIONAL UNIVERSE. And it's TOLKIEN! AHA! AHAHAHAH! She calmed down after a while.

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," she started to mutter. "I'm not home. I'm here. I'm in Rivendell. About…sixty-five years before the council…since…Aragorn was eighty when he left…and he's fifteen now-" She gasped.

"HOLY MOTHER OF A WINKY-FROG! HE HASN'T MET ARWEN YET!"

And with that, she fainted.

***

It was some hours before she came to.

"Meeeeowurgh," she groaned, clutching her head. She had hit it on the bedpost as she fell. "Ow. Owowowow. I hurt."

Then, she noticed the large window, through which sunlight was streaming. Beautiful, restful sunlight. "Nice…" she muttered. Then, "Oh my god! Oh my god! AGH! RIVENDELL! ELF SUNLIGHT!"

A wadded ball of fabric lay under her butt, and she tugged it out. "Ah. My spiffy elf clothes."

She was changed in a matter of seconds. Don't elf women wear bras? She wondered, somewhat pointlessly. It was unlucky that she hadn't worn a bra to sleep-

"Oh, god." She blushed profusely. That elf guy. The first one. I was jumping around like a maniac…gleep. How come Mary-sues don't ever have problems like this? She rubbed her aching head ruefully. And they aren't klutzy idiots either. But then, I suppose that anyone who has no grip on either reality or English grammar WOULD expect to meld perfectly into Elven society.

My god. I'm in Rivendell.

"Thalia?"

Mother of a winky-frog- who the hell is that?

"It is Beruthien."

Beru- who?

"You must open the door now."

Fine, fine.

Thalia opened the door, then realized that Beruthien was the first elf guy. Blushing profusely, she allowed him inside.

"Look- Beruthien- I want to apologize for my behavior before. I- well, I'm still in something of a state of shock. And I did think this was all a dream."

He smiled slightly. "Forgiven. Lord Elrond wanted me to ask you if you wished for any food. It was some hours ago that he left you, I believe."

Thalia nodded. "Excellent. I always wondered what elves eat."

Beruthien blinked. "Food."

Thalia tried to restrain herself from rolling her eyes; after all, she was still a precarious guest, and could be killed at any moment. Then, a thought occurred to her.

"Um…do you have…a bathroom? I have to pee…"

Beruthien nodded. "Down three corridors, the second door to the left."

"Thanks." Thalia set off at a run, racing against time to answer nature's call. Ack! I can't pee in this spiffy elven dress. That would suck major shmucker-doodle-panty-hose. Three corridors down, second door to the- aha! Here!

Despite the Elven spiffiness of Rivendell, there was STILL no indoor plumbing. After all, Middle-Earth was a medieval society. And so Thalia made use of the facilities, which were a spiffily decorated…hole. That somehow managed to smell like perfume, despite its…err…functions. 

Much relieved, she emerged some moments later to plow into another elf- Elladan, this time.

"Thalia? I see you have made use of the clothing my father left for you," he said politely. Of course, she then noticed how very gorgeous he was- dark brown eyes, that seemed to have starlight captured within them, and a strong face- not feminine, but beautiful despite. And her heart started beating faster.

"Y-yes," she stammered. And blushed like a spectrum telescope measuring the Doppler shift of a light speeding away at 150 mph. Of course, Mary-Sues' faces don't light up like torches at the sight of...extremely…attractive males either. Damn it.

"If I may…?" He asked, gesturing towards the door. Her face lighting up even further, she let him pass and walked off towards her room again.

How the hell did I get to the bathroom in the first place? She wondered, looking around. The beauty of Rivendell was distracting, to say the least. The waterfalls…the trees…the balconies and terraces and such…she wandered, hypnotized, completely forgetting about Beruthien, who was pondering the existence of human diseases that prolonged the time span of bowel functions.

Ah…spiffy…pretty…Thalia thought, humming. Who needs to join the fellowship when you've got this place to wander around in?

She breathed in deeply. This is the same air that the Fellowship will breathe in sixty-five years. None of the Hobbits are alive yet…she frowned, trying to do the mental math. One hundred eleven minus sixty-five…is…forty-six. Forty-six years before the War of the Ring.

"Thalia?"

Who's calling me? Ack, it's elf-boy. Forgot all about him.

"Yes, Beruthien. I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long."

"You are forgiven. I came to tell you that Lord Elrond wished to let you know that the kitchens are open to you if you wish to eat."

Come to think of it, I am hungry.

"Thank you, Beruthien."

"Lord Elrohir and Lord Estel will return shortly from hunting, and I believe you have already met Lord Elladan." He grasped her hand, leading her, presumably, towards the kitchens of Rivendell. "Lord Elrond wished for me to let you know that he will keep you on as a guest for as long as you wish to stay, provided that you cause no disruptions in his household."

Thalia nodded. I wonder why Lord Elrond would take a complete stranger in? Why, this is positively Mary-Sueish. Unfortunately I don't get any of the PHYSICAL benefits.

"He wishes you to know also that the only reason he is taking you in is because you have knowledge of…Tolkien, he said? That he wishes to learn from you." Beruthien shrugged. "Lord Elrond is a great scholar. He will not stop questioning you until you have taught him everything he wishes to know."

Oh.