Now that I've apologized, I can answer reviews from people who've probably given up on this fic...
megumi
fluff? what fluff? I see no fluff...I see angst, lots of angst, but no fluff. poor dai...and poor poor ken...what will happen to them...i sincerely hope you give them a happy fluff ending you've put them through so much...~.^ja ne mata meg
Heh, heh... I did say fluff, didn't I?... Well, I guess I should reword my summary to, "Lots of angst with a smidgen of fluff...until Chapter 9-ish..." But, yes, don't worry. They will have their fluff... ^_^
Chisama
Never, never, NEVER expected the Kaiser to come back.....damn you're good. Like how this story is turning out. ::brandishes bar of soap threateningly:: Come 'ere, Ken....you potty mouth you....
Really? You didn't expect him at all??... Wow... I guess I was better at hiding that than I thought... ^_^;; And I guess your soap worked cause Ken doesn't curse that much in this chapter...actually, not at all, though he does say some pretty cruel things... >: )
Lady Pluto
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! *grins widely* Y'know I was getting kinda bored with this fic as a certain point and then right when I am about give up on it... here comes a little shadow on my dearest Ken-chan! *dances around* YAY! I really like this. The note that you put in, I actually know most of them but they are still nice there! Get more out quickly! *dances her way out with the Kaizer*
Heh...you too? I was actually beginning to bore myself too... -_-;; But I guess this is good. I've found a way to move onto the next part of my fic at last, and this part should be a bit more interesting, at least I hope it will be... I'm glad you like the notes, even if you know most of it. It never hurts to review, right? ^_~
allekto
oooh... plot thickens! very nicely done. it's good to know that they won't simply plow through their problems with unrealistic sugary goodness (which i've definitely written in the past -_~). and, personally, i'm not offended by the wording in ken's outburst. as you stated in your notes, they're slipping further away from their crests, so it's only fitting that ken should cuss a lot- the kind side of ken would never do that. beautiful!
Sugary goodness is the one of the things I can't seem to write! *fumes about inability to write anything other than angst* I'm relieved that you weren't offended. I've never actually gotten a flame yet, and I was afraid someone would misunderstand my intentions and flame me over characterization...
syenite kai
aaah! ken-chan is kai-chan! nu~! oh well, they're both still sexy. what happen next?! berry interesting story!
Hee, hee ^_^ Guess you'll have to read to find out what happens next, ne?
Angel Ran (Intermission I)
Hi ^_^ Well, I kept telling myself I was going to hold off from reviewing until i'd read all the chapters you've written so far, but I didn't last long. *^^* I just had to say how much I love this story, and how much I admire your writing style. It's amazing! I've never read a fic that's been written in this style before (the double columns and the monologue for 2) and I discovered that I really like it ^______^ At first, I was kinda sceptical of the double column thing, but I really loved how you wrote both stories, and all your little notes about the subtleties you added, and sources and quotes and things like that.....it's fantastic!! *excellent!* And, I especially like the quote about labels being for cans. -_- But I'll try to contain the rest of my rambling for after i've read the next few chapters....so you'll be hearing from me soon ^_~ So for the length of this review, I had to stop all this from bouncing around my head as I read the rest so I would remember it all! gah!! x_X; But, it's a pleasure to read!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angel Ran (Chapter 5)
Nyaaaaa~aah!!! x_X Everything just went wrong in that last chapter....*sniffsniff* I guess Ken can only take so much, despite his initial understanding....I guess he still had all those doubts and stuff....(Daisuke, too) Sorry if i ramble on again for too long......^_^; *erm...* But, i really like the quily idea ^_~ It's kinda neat, and i like picturing stuff, so the description was well done! =) And, once again, i love your notes! They really give a lot of insight into what you've written! ^___^; It's just so realistic! (and, when i said in my last review that 'it's a pleasure to read', I was referring to your story, not my stupid review.....(geez, i should just stick with lurking about.....-_-;) But, I can't wait to see what happens! It's quite a situation those two have gotten themselves into!
I'm glad you liked my story enough to review me twice!! ^_^ That definitely made my day! And your review is a pleasure to read for me! *glows from the ego-boosting* Yeah, Ken's only human after all, so he begins to lose it. We'll see just how far he goes in a little bit...
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. I do not own Digimon. I do not own Digimon. *continues chanting*
To recap (since even I didn't remember all the stuff that happened last chapter...): Daisuke chickened out from telling the rest of the Digidestined about his relationship with Ken at the picnic and was severely chewed out by a very mad Ken. Ken, meanwhile, realized that he's beginning to lose control and that the Kaiser is still very much alive within his psyche.
Understanding, Part II
Chapter 6: Anger Rising
Ken stormed in his front door, throwing it wide open. He didn't care that his parents were home, sitting in the kitchen, or that he might have damaged his apartment in some way. At this moment, everything was something that was hindering him, and the door was just another annoying object in his path, obstructing his trek towards the goal of the moment. The only problem was that at this particular moment, he didn't know what he was going to do after his goal had been accomplished.
When he finally reached his room, he took a look around and tried to decide what it was he was going to do. Minomon peeked out from under the covers and was glad that Ken made it home, but at the same time, he knew that something wasn't quite the same. He could tell that Ken had changed somehow in the last three hours since they, including Chibimon, had come back from the Digital World. Ken's lips were drawn in a harsh frown, almost as though he was scowling, and he had his hands balled up in fists. But the starkest difference was in his eyes. They were a hard, piercing purple that glinted like raw amethyst embedded in its earthly ore. He had seen that look before.
"Ken-chan?..."
"What?" Ken growled. As Ken turned his head to face the baby digimon, Minomon was struck full-force by the anger and sorrow in his partner's heart. He hadn't seen this side of Ken in five years, and he hoped that it was just a temporary situation.
"...What's wrong, Ken-chan? Are you and Daisuke ok?..."
"..."
Ken approached his computer and held out the dark digivice.
"Digiport open."
Minomon quickly leapt off the bed and was just in time to sneak into the portal, following after his Ken-chan.
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Daisuke, too, had stormed into his house, but unlike his partner, Daisuke lacked the complete anger and he was quick to notice that no one was home. After removing his shoes, he sulked into his room and closed the door behind him before sliding down the back of it into a pile of spiky hair and tears. Chibimon immediately ran to Daisuke's side and gave him a hug.
"What have I done?... I've lost Ken... probably for good... Why?? Why can't I be courageous when it counts?..."
And he spent a greater part of the evening there, crying tears of pain and regret.
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|
I don't know what to do. I lost Ken today and it's all my fault. I didn't tell him that I was too afraid and today, it just blew up. I don't think he's never gonna speak to me again, but I've gotta try one last time. It's scary, but I think when we had that argument, he became the Kaiser again. I mean, I don't think he's going to go out and capture digimon again, but he was really cold and the way he kept on cursing, it was like he was a totally different person. I wish I was smarter at these sorts of things sometimes.
Daisuke June 1, 20xx
That idiot really screwed everything up now. I've tried to be patient, but what do I get in return? I get someone who's completely lost all semblance of courage and is utterly beyond any help. I was so mad that I entered the Digital World in anger for the first time in five years. Five years. I remember when we first met on the battlefield how he was so willing to fight me to prove that he was strong. Granted that was more for show to sway Hikari's interest, but it doesn't matter. What happened to that Daisuke, the one I fell in love with? I wish I had never fallen for such a little brat who turns tail and runs from his problems. If he can't stand up for what he believes in then what is the point? I will not stand to be like all the other gay men in Japan and be a third wheel when Daisuke gets married to some woman. Either he changes or we really are finished. One month is plenty of time. Ken June 1, 20xx |
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Over the next week, Daisuke worked up enough nerve to try and face Ken, even if all he got to say was that he was sorry and that Ken was right. That's why on this particular Friday evening after school and dinner, he was over at his boyfriend's apartment. Daisuke pressed the doorbell and let out the breath he had been holding.
/Oh, please, let no one be home... please, let that light be one they left on by accident./
But of course that was not to be. Mrs. Ichijouji opened the door with a tired smile as she welcomed Daisuke in.
"Oh, Daisuke! Thank goodness you're here... Now, I know you're here to see Ken, but do you mind if we talked with you for a little bit?..." More of a statement than a question, and without waiting for an answer, Mrs. Ichijouji ushered Daisuke into the living room where Mr. Ichijouji was turning off the tv. Ken was nowhere to be seen.
"Good evening, Daisuke. I take it your family is well?" Mr. Ichijouji asked.
"Yes, sir, they're fine. I just came to talk to Ken for a little bit. Is that ok?..."
"... um. Well, that's what we wanted to ask you about," Ken's father started to say. "You see, since about a week ago, Ken just stopped telling us things at dinner and started to clam up. Also, he's been going to the Digital World every night after dinner. And then, tonight, we asked how you were doing and he wouldn't say anything beyond, "Don't ever mention Daisuke to me again." Then he left the table..."
"Oh, it's ok sweetie if you two are having problems, I mean, we all have problems in our relationships," Mrs. Ichijouji cut in. "But if you don't mind, please tell us what's bothering you two. We'd really like to help..."
Daisuke looked down at the floor and started to count the thin slabs of wood tiling that made the floor whole.
/So Ken hasn't told his parents anything... And it sounds like he's becoming more like the Kaiser, even to his own parents. This is all my fault... and I should fix this mess by myself.../
"That's really nice of you, Mr. and Mrs. Ichijouji, but I... I think I should talk to him alone. He might get more mad if you two got involved."
"Tell us at least what's wrong..."
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Ichijouji, but..." Daisuke gave a sigh. He thought it over again, and decided that it couldn't hurt to tell them a little bit. "Basically, we're having a big argument, and, well, we're just having a lot of problems... and it's all my fault." Daisuke was very close to breaking down, and rather than chance telling them more, he politely excused himself and went to Ken's room.
The soft glow of a computer monitor filtered through from under the doorframe and Daisuke knew that Ken was awake, even if no other lights seemed to be on. He knocked twice slowly as he slowly turned the knob to Ken's room and let himself in.
"Lock the door."
Daisuke obeyed as he turned around to seal his exit and let his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room.
"I heard what you told them, Daisuke." Ken sneered from his chair in front of the computer. Minomon was hiding under the covers in Ken's bed. He knew from the minute Daisuke walked into his Ken-chan's house that there would be trouble. But he also knew this was something he had to let the two humans sort out on their own. He had spent the past week being Ken's support and venting block, but he could only do so much. Now it was up to the two of them alone.
"I didn't tell them anything, Ken. I know you wouldn't want me to..."
"But you've already told them too much!!" Ken interrupted. He lowered his voice to a gruff, forced whisper. "Do you realize that now they're going to do nothing but pester me about this? Well, do you?! They're going to try to talk to their sweet little Kenny-boy and find out how they can meddle in my affairs some more. I don't need their help. You're the only one that can determine how we live our lives from now on. I hope you're here to tell me what you've decided, cause if you're here for anything else..." Ken's lips curled into a twisted smile and Daisuke could swear that he saw the Kaiser again.
"... I, uh..." Daisuke looked down at the floor and tried to gather his courage. "...I just came to... apologize --"
"Apologize?!?!" Ken roared as he nearly lunged out of his chair, "Apologize?! Are you stupid, Daisuke? Didn't I tell you that I didn't want to be in your selfish aura until you had an answer?!" Ken drew back a little, suddenly aware that he might have yelled that a little louder than he wanted to as he heard his parents coming towards his room.
"Ken, honey, are you two alright in there?" Mrs. Ichijouji asked, her voice muffled by the door.
Ken tried to use his most calming voice as his face contorted into a snarl. "Yes, mother, we're alright... We're just trying to solve our little disagreement, right Daisuke?"
"Uh, yeah. Don't worry about us, Mrs. Ichijouji. We're fine...yeah..."
There was a brief pause before a motherly voice said, "Alright, dear. Just let your father and I know if you would like our help. We're more than willing, you know?"
Ken was beginning to wish he could make everyone disappear. Why couldn't they leave him alone? He loudly stated, "Yes, mother, I know. Thank you for your concern." He heard a slight "um..." and then the soft sound of retreating footsteps down the hallway. "Now, where were we..." Ken leaned back into his chair and his face resumed his favorite smug look as he watched Daisuke, wondering just what the auburn haired goggle-head would say next.
"... um, I wanted to say that...I'm sorry, Ken. I should've said something a lot earlier...and, uh... Please, Ken, don't treat me like this... I know you want an answer, but I don't have one yet --"
Two seconds later, Daisuke's head hit the carpeted ground, hard. He looked up and saw his boyfriend straddling his torso while pinning his arms with his legs. Ken lowered his head towards Daisuke's in a scowl. Ken grabbed the front of Daisuke's shirt and pulled him up until they were only inches apart.
"You're a little on the slow side today, Daisuke," Ken quietly growled from the back of his throat. "Let me repeat what I said earlier. I don't want you anywhere near me unless you have an answer to my question. I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses and apologies. It's too late for those words now."
"I know, Ken... I'm sorry..."
Ken let go of Daisuke's shirt and lashed out at the boy beneath him. "Stop saying you're sorry!" Ken slapped Daisuke across the face. "Stop it, Daisuke. You should not have come tonight."
Daisuke couldn't stop the tears from coming as he started to cry in front of his boyfriend. With each passing tear, Ken hit him harder and harder. "This is all your fault, Daisuke. You're the one who got us into this situation. You knew I gave you full control of everything, but you squandered my patience. I should never have let you take control. Some leader you are. You can't even be true to your crest! How can you live with yourself?..."
Daisuke stopped hearing the onslaught of words as he heard his own voice telling him the same things over and over.
/This really is all my fault. I deserve this... Ken's right... I can't face the things that really count with courage... How can I expect him to respect me now?... What am I going to do?.../
Minomon watched the scene unfold in terror, and he had the strongest feeling of deja vu. He knew that if he let Ken continue fighting with Daisuke, nothing good would come of it. He jumped off the bed and tried to grab one of Ken's arms.
"Ken-chan, stop it! Please...stop hurting Daisuke!"
The little green digimon tried his best to digivolve, but couldn't do it as he was flung across the room by a possessed Ken. All he could do now was watch in horror.
"Daisuke! Why can't I digivolve?! What's going on?..."
"...Kaiser..." Daisuke managed to moan out in his weakened state as he willingly received the crazed boy's onslaught. "...Kaiser..."
"No! Ken-chan! Stop!" Minomon was terrified. Denial wasn't a new thing to him, and he wished that he could continue to deny what he already knew, but the fear told him otherwise. "Please... not this all over again! KEN-CHAN!!!"
Frantic screams echoed throughout the apartment until they engulfed all other sounds that might have existed before them, and Ken's parents rushed from the living room to their son's door. The locked door stopped them for mere seconds as Mr. Ichijouji threw his shoulder against the bedroom door and flung it wide open and a look of utter shock passed across their faces as they watched their son sit across Daisuke's chest as he threw fist after fist into his best friend's face.
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"What has gotten into you, Ken? This is outrageous! Even if you are in pain, this isn't the way to solve it. What do you have to say for yourself?" Ken's father was trying to lecture his son without enraging him further, but it seemed that Ken had his own ideas. Daisuke was lying on his floor, being tended to by his protective mother and that was bringing on some rather large amounts of frustration and irritation which he didn't intend on letting go, especially since, on top of all this other anger, his father was lecturing him.
"Nothing," Ken stated coldly. "Just simply that he should stay away until he can give me a real answer. If he knows what's good for him, and I know he understands what I'm talking about, he will stay away. It would cause us less problems if he were to --"
"That's enough!" Ken's mother scolded. The ice in her son's voice was more than she could bear. Something wasn't right with her son. She could see that whatever feelings he had hid from her in the past week has finally surfaced and she didn't like what she was seeing. Mrs. Ichijouji knew that she had seen this side to Ken for a few years and she was determined that this time around, they'd stop it before they lost their Ken for good.
"Ken, sweetie. We only want to help. If you don't want our help, that's fine, but please don't talk to your father that way. You know we only want you to be happy, and we'll do anything that will help..."
"You can help by leaving this room and not taking care of him in front of me." Ken said with revulsion in his voice. He had about had it with this day, and was very tempted to do something, though he wasn't sure what.
"...How can you say that...after what you just did?... Daisuke's lucky to still have most of his face intact!" Mr. Ichijouji was beginning to become furious himself, despite his resolve to not loose control.
Ken took one look at Daisuke before turning away towards the glowing monitor. Daisuke seemed to have suffered nothing worse than some rather large bruises and some swelling. Somewhere in the pit of the Ken's heart he regretted what he had done, but for now, he was still annoyed at the presence of three rather unwelcome intruders.
"Ken..." his mother began.
/Obviously, they're not going to leave me alone. Fine. They leave me with no choice./
Ken took his digivice out of his pocket and coldly said, "Digiport open."
Daisuke struggled to get up. He lifted his head and stretched out his hand towards Ken. "Ken...wait...please..." But it was too late. The portal opened and whisked the chosen one and his partner into itself and promptly closed. Daisuke's head and hand fell back onto the ground as he closed his eyes and dozed off, exhausted from the physical and mental beating he had just received.
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Ken stormed around the Digital World in silence for the fifth evening this week. Tonight, he was wandering around the Server Continent. When he was the Kaiser, he had full control of this continent too, but for some reason, he didn't recognize the area he was in now. It was a light forest with moderate tree coverage, but not enough to block the moonlight from lighting his path. Wormmon bounced along after his partner as he attempted to keep up. Soon, they were at the edge of a small lake. Thinking that he was a bit thirsty, Ken walked to the edge of the water and reached for a drink. As he did, he looked at his reflection, only it wasn't his own face that was staring back at him; it was Daisuke's.
"What the...?"
Wormmon took a peek over the edge and saw Ken in place of his own reflection. "I think this is the Lake of Truth, Ken-chan. It's supposed to show you your strongest feeling and who it's for..."
Ken remembered hearing about this from Koushirou once. It certainly made sense that Daisuke would be in his reflection now, but he knew that it wasn't because he was mad at him. Deep in his heart, he knew that as much as he seemed to hate his best friend right now, he really still loved him just as much as before. That thought stung at his heart and tears threatened to burn transparent paths down his face. Ken walked over to the nearest tree and sat down as he drew his knees up to himself. Wormmon skittered over and climbed up the front of Ken's legs until he could peak over his partner's knees.
"Ken-chan..."
At the sound of his partner's voice, Ken remembered his other act of cruelty tonight. He unfolded himself a little to pick up his digimon and enfold him in a hug.
"I'm sorry, Wormmon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you... Can you forgive me?..."
"Of course, Ken-chan..."
Soothing songs of nocturnal bugs filled the quiet space and Wormmon thought Ken had fallen asleep when he suddenly felt a warm droplet hit his head.
"Why... Why, Wormmon? Why couldn't I stop myself?..." Ken sobbed as he held his partner, tears pattering on the little digimon's head. "Why couldn't I stop hurting him...? I was trying to pull my punches, but I just couldn't stop... Why can't I stop myself...? Why?..."
Wormmon could do nothing but hug his partner back. Slowly, the tears stopped as Ken fell asleep, still asking himself the same question: why?...
Notes:
- Why did I include those two journal entries? I have no idea. I guess I was trying to show how they're feeling immediately after the catastrophe, and the only way that I could come up with was their diary entries. Sadly, I'm not sure I can work them in any more chapters cause they tend to make my chapters very long...
- Some of the dialogue seems a little repetitive, but I think that Ken would really do this. After all the stuff they've gone through, Ken knows that the harshest way to hurt Daisuke is to treat him like he's stupid, thus the comments and the repetitions.
- Ken's rant about how can Daisuke live with himself is more like a self lecture, since his inner self is still conflicting with the Kaiser, who is obviously more in control. I sort of didn't want this scene to come out the way it did, since it sounds an awful lot like domestic abuse, but that's just how it is sometimes. *sigh* I also didn't mean for Daisuke to be so willing to take all the abuse, but I think sometimes, people take more than they would if it involves their loved ones...
- Minomon couldn't digivolve once Ken was taken over by the Kaiser. The darkness of Ken's heart is what stopped Wormmon from digivolving in the past, so its reappearance would stop him again.
- Daisuke escaped with relatively little damage because Ken was still in control of a little part of himself. As he says later, "I was trying to pull my punches..." This little bit came from the original Japanese version. In the episode where the Kaiser and Takeru have their big fight, Ken whips Takeru in the face, but Takeru takes time to comment that Ken didn't draw blood, even though he could have easily done so. That leads me to believe that the kind side of Ken has control over himself, even when he's the Kaiser. He may be cruel when he's the Kaiser, but I don't believe he's psychotic and out of his own control.
- I don't think they ever said where the kids ended up when they went back to the Digital World to defeat the Dark Masters in Season 1, but I'm pretty certain it's the Server Continent (the area they went to after File Island). I think that because Pixiemon and the rest of the characters from the Entemon arc show up first. Of course, I could be completely wrong... The Lake of Truth is the lake that Cherrymon makes Yamato look into when he tricks him into fighting Tai. The true meaning of the lake is that it simply shows you who you have the strongest feelings for... Hmmm... wonder what that really means about Yamato and Tai...? >: )
Thanks for reading! ^_^ Until next time... (which will hopefully be next month...)