Japanese Pie

Warning: I was crazy when I was writing this. A little lime-ish (?) by the way. Yukixpie/piexYuki (?!)

Sorry for not mentioning this earlier (for those who read the fic before I updated) but this fic really was based on a certain scene from the movie "American Pie". XD Hehe, anyone can guess that, right? *leers*

Standard disclaimers apply.

Yuki was greeted with darkness, dead silence and a delicious scent of a pie when he came home. Wait, he thought. A pie...?

It wasn't the only unusual thing he noticed. No heavy, anxious body of a baka had glomped him the minute he stepped into the apartment. Sure enough, the silence was a dead giveaway. The loud-mouthed vocalist was nowhere in sight.

He shrugged off any suspicions forming in his mind and hung his coat on its usual place in one, swift movement. After removing his shoes, he got into his slippers and headed for the bedroom to change.

He was nearing the bedroom when something caught his attention. He narrowed his eyes in curiosity and silently strode towards his kitchen. There, sitting innocently on his table was some sort of food. As he approached, it he recognized what it was. A pie.

That explains the scent I caught earlier, he reasoned in his mind. He snorted at his paranoia and lifted a hand to touch the said pastry. He was surprised that it was still hot, as if it was freshly baked. But who could have baked it?

Surely not that baka, he thought. The idiot wouldn't even know how to make a simple sunny-side up even if his life depended on it. And I would be seeing not this scrumptious-looking pie but a burned, black disk of 'something' instead if it was him who baked it.

Yuki grimaced at the memory. He couldn't help but recall almost every dish Shuuichi had made for him before. He could almost taste the last one Shuuichi 'whipped up' for him. What was it called again? Roast turkey on pumpernickel with sprouts*, or was it lamb? He couldn't remember the gory details. The finished product hardly looked 'edible' even. For Yuki, it was like eating coal or burned wood.

He shove all those 'painful' thoughts aside and decided to give it a taste test. If it was as palatable as it looked, or better, then it proved his assumptions. He walked towards the drawer of utensils and pulled out a knife and fork and settled them on top of the table. He cut a small piece and welcomed the warm, crusty goodness in his mouth.

He 'hmm-ed' and arched an eyebrow in surprise as he continued nibbling the pastry. It was an apple pie, he noted. A disgustingly good apple pie...

He savored every bit of it, down to the crumbs and finally swallowed whatever was left in his mouth. It took him a few minutes before an idea formed in his mind.

Him. Pie. Alone. Pie. Horny. Pie.

Yuki felt his hormones activate instantly at his 'thoughts'. He didn't know how he came up with those series of, 'ideas' but it was having a damning effect on him. He knew this would go on, until he decided to do 'something' about it.

Shuuichi had been too busy lately, what with his recording, tours and many other stuff their psycho manager had put them through that he had little time for his and the novelist's 'needs' anymore.

A weary sigh escaped from the novelist's lips as he stared back at the scrumptious-looking pastry. Well, he had tasted it already, hadn't he? Hell, it was tasty alright, too 'tasty' for its own good, Yuki noted. He was never really the 'kinky' type, but the said pastry was giving him a hell lot of ideas. He wondered how else the pie could be of use to him...

Then it struck him. What if...?

Yuki bit back a smirk at his idea. Well, if the idiot was too busy for pleasure, then he might as well 'busy' himself too. Nothing like a warm, thick apple pie for a substitute.

He figured he didn't need to worry much about Shuuichi anyway. He could tell the idiot he was so damn hungry that he ate all of the pie (he would never admit how good it tasted though), and then blame the BL vocalist for not being at home when he arrived. It was a good way to seal the whole issue, Yuki thought, since he wouldn't want to entertain any questions from Shuuichi about the pie's 'whereabouts' anyway.

Finally deciding to go through with his 'idea', he got up from the chair and took the warm pie to their bathroom. He wouldn't be caught dead doing it in their bedroom, or worse, in his office where the idiot would surely look first the minute he arrived. Well, that and the fact that it would take him several minutes to get cleaned up. And he'd rather die than leave any 'signs' of relieving himself using the said pastry. Yuki smirked at the thought. It was going to be one, sticky experience.

Seeing that their bathroom was clean enough for his 'experiment', Yuki decided to use the floor. It was wide enough to accommodate two to three people after all, and currently it's being occupied by only two-one being a horny novelist and the other an innocent pastry. Oh, it would be one, sticky experience indeed. Sticky and stimulating, Yuki thought mischievously as he began undressing himself.

He knew he had to hurry up before Shuuichi comes and of course, before the pie loses its 'desirable' warmth. A few more minutes and it would be like making love to a corpse. The thought made Yuki wince. It was sickening.

Finally removing the last of his clothing, he hunched down and positioned himself on the floor, or rather, on the 'pastry'. He lowered himself slowly, giving a small gasp when his skin made contact with its warmth. After one last sigh, he began thrusting into the warm pie.

Yuki felt like losing himself then and there. The unbelievable warmth the pastry offered him was overwhelming. And not doing 'that' for weeks added even more to the pleasure. His breathing came in pants as he continued his thrusts, each getting quicker and harder every second. He couldn't describe what he was feeling right then. Hell, he couldn't even think! All he knew was that the pie was awesome, and that Shuuichi should get his skinny butt ready the minute he gets home. He was going to make it an unforgettable night for the two of them.

After one or two more mind-blowing thrusts, Yuki finally climaxed . He slumped down on the floor, his 'thing' still inside the pastry (which was currently drowning in a pool of white fluid) and his eyes almost ready to shut themselves to sleep when a loud voice suddenly filled the whole apartment.

"Yu~kiii~! Tadaima!"

Oh shit! He cursed inwardly, eyes wide in shock. Two minutes, no, one. He needed at least a minute to clean up before the loud-mouthed idiot finds him in that state. He kept cursing under his breath as he got up, disentangling himself from the 'violated' pastry and throwing all its contents on the trash bin. He would be taking the can out later, he noted. Right now he has more important stuff to deal with.

He could hear the vocalist's steps getting closer and he knew he had to get out soon. Wiping off any leftover 'evidences' on the tiles, he quickly made his way out of the bathroom. He was about to open the door when realized he was still naked and not to mention, dripping in sweat and 'something else'.

The gods must be laughing at me, he thought, as he made his way inside the bathroom again. He needed to think of something fast before Shuuichi finally realizes he's in there.

Luckily, his towel was hanging near the sink and it quickly gave him an idea. Surely, nothing could be more 'normal' than a tired novelist who just came home and decided to take a nice, hot bath, right? Smirking at his ingenuity, he stepped into the bath tub and began filling it with hot water. He made sure it was all bubbly so as to hide the crumbs that was floating so evidently on the water.

Fortunately for him, the idiot was yet to realize he was in the bathroom and 'seemingly' taking a nice, warm bath. He could still hear the countless screams of his name and the loud 'thudding' sounds emanating from behind the bathroom door. The occupants beneath them must be hearing-impaired by now, what with the idiot running around like some wild animal.

Finally after three more screams, Shuuichi found the love of his life sitting calmly on the tub with his eyes closed.

"Yu~ki~! Hideee na! I was looking for you for like, ten minutes now! Why didn't you even answer me?!" Shuuichi dropped on the floor and pouted. The small crumbs currently sticking on his knees were left unnoticed by him as he continued his whining.

Yuki finally opened his eyes and stared back at him. Good thing the idiot wasn't suspecting anything, he thought. "It's not my fault you're being such an idiot." He said flatly as he shifted his gaze to the bathroom ceiling.

"Mou, Yuki, don't be so mean!" The BL vocalist pouted even more. "I was just out for thirty minutes! Just had to buy something see, and-"

"-Urusai." Yuki glared at the screaming vocalist. "I was hungry when I came home and I expected dinner to be served already. And you were out buying those goddamn pockys again."

Shuuichi stood up and shook his head violently. "NO NO! I didn't buy pockys Yuki! Besides, I still have like, five more boxes of that in our pantry. I was buying some strawberry syrup. It's for the apple pie I baked, see, and they said it would bring out the flavor if-*"

Yuki was slightly surprised by what he just heard, though he didn't show it. So the baka did bake it, he thought. How Shuuichi learned to bake such a good pie was beyond him. But that hardly mattered as of the moment.

"-ne ne, Yuki tte ba! I said do you know where the pie is?! I didn't see it when I looked for you in the kitchen! Oh crap! I hope it didn't get eaten by a cat or whatever animal.. 'm gonna check the kitchen window-"

"I ate it."

"-hope it's not Droopey our neighbor's- what?" Shuuichi stopped his babbling and looked at his lover quizzically.

Yuki sighed inwardly. I hope this works...

"I was hungry. *Very*." He stopped to look at the boy's reaction. Yuki bit back a smirk when he saw the expression on Shuuichi's face. No hint of suspicion whatsoever. He could be convincing when he put his mind to it.

He decided he had enough 'bath' and stood up. Stepping out from the tub and walking past the boy, he went to get his towel and continued.

"...So, I decided to take an early dessert."

Shuuichi gaped at his lover. The novelist could feel those bluish-purple eyes burning his back but ignored them as he dried himself. After covering his lower part with a towel, Yuki sauntered towards the door and spoke. "Oi. Are you gonna stay there all night?"

Finally recovering from his shock, Shuuichi trailed behind the novelist. "I don't believe it I can't believe it!"

What is this idiot so frustrated about? It's just a pie... Yuki thought irritably. Clad in only a towel, he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "What? I won't apologize for eating your pie. It's your fault anyway."

"No! I mean, I can't believe you actually ate something I made!"

"Baka," He said in between drags and continued, "I ate it because I didn't know you made it." Three, two, one...

"Mou Yu~ki~! You're so mean! After all the trouble I had gone through just to make you that *perfect* pie this is what you repay me!" Shuuichi pouted, trying to look wounded and cute. Not that he isn't anyway... Yuki smirked at the thought. I guess it wouldn't be bad if I show him my gratitude just this once...

Disposing the almost burnt-out stick, he spoke. "If you're gonna complain all evening, you're not gonna get some."

Shuuichi blinked in confusion. "Eh?"

Yuki shook his head as he rubbed his temples. "Baka. Are you coming to bed or not?"

"Yuki... you don't mean..."

"Is that a no?"

Bluish-purple eyes widened in delight as he advanced towards his lover. Thoughts of pies or whatever pastry disappeared in his mind as he saw the novelist slowly removing the towel. Hell, all coherent thoughts left his mind as he saw the novelist slowly closing in the space between them...

With one click of a switch the entire apartment went silent, save for a few muffled sounds emanating from the bedroom door. The two lovers moved in rhythm in the darkness, not aware of anything else, not even the 'remains' of the discarded pastry in a certain bin inside the bathroom.

Yup. Nothing like a homemade 'Japanese' pie for dinner.

Baka = Idiot

Tadaima = I'm home

Urusai = Shut up

Hideee/Hidoi = Mean

Ne = Hey

Tte ba = I said

Mou = Geez

*Roast turkey on pumpernickel with sprouts - this I got from Pol Martins's Supreme Cuisine ^_^ The recipe name was so long it's funny (well at least for me).

*About the part where strawberry syrup brings out the pie flavor blah blah - I made that up ^^;; Ehe, I don't even know if those two match...

Nyaaah! I can't believe I actually wrote this! I hope you guys won't take this *very* seriously. I'm telling yeh, I was sugar-high when I wrote this little piece. The idea just popped out of nowhere. Maybe I shouldn't watch too much yaoi.. *side-glances at her copy of Boku no Sexual Harassment*

Review please! And yeah, sorry for being such a pervert ^_^ *is not really sorry* Kidding. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this at least. I certainly did ^_^;; I haven't been writing for a while (soweee) and it's just now I've posted again. Yay! ^_^