A/N: es, the titles for this and the last chapter have no bearing on the story, but they look cool. So sue me.
Hmm....Random stats, if you were wondering about the age of the various characters (not all of them will appear in this fic):
Pan: 40
Matt and Angela: 40
Kakaratt and Axel: 16
Vegeta: 85 (87+Room of Spirit and Time)
Bulma: 90
Trunks:52
Goten:51
Gohan: 58 (59+ROS&T)
Goku: 80 (82+ROS&T)
Chi-chi: Deceased
Bulma's parents: 110+ (both alive)
Yamcha: 90 something
Videl: 59
Hercule: 99
Ozzy Osbourne: 77
Kina: 8
It was the first day of school at Orange Star High. Kakaratt and Axel stared up at the huge building that was the number one school in the world. It was nothing like their old school. At their old school, they reigned supreme in the hierarchy. This school was not only famous for its lack of metalheads, but it was notorious for its blonde body builders and ignorant teachers.
'You lucky bastard!' Hissed Kakaratt to her brother. 'You only have to be here today, then it's back to finish the tour with mom and dad. I'm stuck here all year.' Axel just smirked smugly and slowly nodded his head.
A senior in a red hover convertible pulled up to where the two Saiya-jins were standing and hopped out. He looked at the two and scoffed, coughing 'losers' under his breath and walking off. Kakaratt groaned.
'It's gonna be so hard to convert this school to us-ism. I've only stood here a minute, and already I've seen eleven blonde guys with big muscles.' Axel looked at her and nodded in agreement.
'I don't even know if it can be converted,' stated Axel. The bell went just then, and the two walked into the front building. Everyone was blonde, save for the odd brunette. They both had raven hair, so they stood out. Everyone else wore white and other light colours, so much so that Axel and Kakaratt seemed like black and white people in a colour film. They went to the classroom they were meant to be in and took up seats in the back. Within minutes the class was full, and a teacher was at the front.
'Hello class, and welcome back. For those of you who can't remember my name, it's Mr. Dickson.' Kakaratt had to force herself from laughing at his name. He was a young man, in his second year of teaching. 'We have two new students in the back. What are your names?' he asked.
'Axel.'
'Kakaratt.'
'Hi, Axel and Kakaratt. Tell me about yourselves. What do you like? Any hobbies?' Axel and Kakaratt looked at each other bluntly before Axel spoke.
'I'm a professional drummer. My band has my parents and two of their friends in it. I enjoy books, the supernatural, and the odd beer. I have a photographic memory too, so in class I don't listen, as I've already read the text books cover to cover and I can remember every letter. That's all have to say,' he said flatly.
'I see....' said Mr. Dickson. 'And you, Kakaratt?' She stood up and did a cute smile.
'I love sports, fighting, any drug I can get my hands on, distilled Vodka, Bourbon, and a few other things. I bet I could take on anybody in this room!' Some of the Blonde Body Builders (BBBs from now on) snorted.
'Yeah, right. Let's see your muscles,' said one.
Axel coughed. 'I didn't mean in a fight,' she said slyly. This didn't cause people to hoot, as she expected. Instead, they scratched their heads in confusion.
One with muscles so big he couldn't put his arms down stalked over to her.
'So, you mean sex?' he said stupidly.
'Holy fuck,' she whispered loud enough for him to hear. 'Someone noticed! Grandpa Gohan always said that people here were naive, but I guess he was wrong,' she said sarcastically. He growled and was about to lunge at her, but the teacher barked at him to sit down. He did so, begrudgingly and took the seat below Kakaratt. The rest of the lesson was just talking among the students. Kakaratt was bored, and was swinging her pencil around. She looked down at BIF (big ignorant fucker, the guy in front of her) and almost burst out laughing when she saw that he had a builder's ass crack. She dropped her pencil down, and it lodged perfectly. He didn't notice.
The teacher called him up front, and the whole class saw the pencil sticking out. The girls started giggling, and the guys sent jeers at him.
'You've got a pencil down your crack!' Bif picked it out and looked around furiously, searching for the one who did it. He spotted Kakaratt waving to him in the back of class. He instantly broke out in a mad run for her. From her point of view it look just like that time when Brolli came to earth for the 7th time and chased her. BIF leapt at her and took her to the ground. He began to beat her. The other BBBs rushed to him and tried to pry him off her. Axel watched in a bored fascination. He knew that Kakaratt was getting off on it, and could stop him when ever she wanted.
Kakaratt leapt up and got into a fighting stance. Unlike all the other Z fighters, she was never trained in martial arts. She instead learned street fighting. She was panting lustfully. 'Hit me again,' she said. She licked the blood from her busted lip and drank it down. Bif leapt at her again and kicked her right in between the legs, sending her to the ground. She groaned and motioned for Axel to get rid of him. In a flash Axel knocked out Bif. The bell went and gradually the room emptied, the blonde class going to spread the gossip.
Axel help his sister up. 'You ok?'
'Oh yessss,' she purred. 'That was.......pleasurable. Even when I'm not using ki, it takes a strong person to hurt me.' She looked down at Bif. 'Poor guy. So easily angered. So stupid. Hey, where'd he go?' she said when she noticed that Bif was missing, suddenly not there.
'I don't know. He was there a second ago. I guess he left.'
Axel and Kakaratt were hailed by the teacher.
'Now, I know it's your first day, so we'll let you off this time, but there is a school uniform. All dark colours are forbidden.' Axel's jaw dropped. 'You must wear bright colors, and be happy!' said the teacher with a sickeningly sweet smile.
'Are you mad?' asked Axel ludicrously. 'What kind of rule is that?'
'It's a very important rule. This school is in the middle of a very formal neighbourhood, and we must seem proper and formal.'
Axel shook his head in astonishment. 'Who the fuck made that rule? Nobody has the right to make a rule as senseless and offensive as that!' Mr. Dickson grew angry at Axel's use of language.
'Listen, you! Don't take that tone with me. What would other people think if they heard you talk like that!? Go to the principal's office!' Axel huffed and walked out the door. 'And you, Kakaratt. I've seen your type before. Sick disgusting freaks. You will forget these dangerous obsessions and be like a normal person. Women shouldn't be acting the way you do. If you have sex before you're married, then god will punish you by sending you to hell.'
*Been there, done that.* thought Kakaratt boredly, recalling the time she got to visit her great great grandfather Bardock, and her grandfather King Vegeta.
'I'll send for a priest to confess you tomorrow.'
'What the hell? I'll do whatever the fuck I want! And can I have some leeway? That Bif just beat the shit outta me!' The teacher's face went red.
'I don't know who this Bif person is, but you should go to the principal's office too!!' Kakaratt left in disbelief, not planning in any way to visit the head of the school.
----
Axel stood outside the office of the principal, Mr. Johnson. He walked straight in, not even knocking. There was no one there. He walked in and sat in the comfortable chair behind the desk. He put his huge boots up on the desk, cracking a photo. Just then, he heard the faint footsteps of someone. He decided to make an impression. He picked up the phone and started yelling into it. Just then, the principal came in.
'I DON'T CARE, YOU MOTHER FUCKING TWAT! WHAT? NO! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'LL EVISCERATE YOU IN THE MOST HORRIBLE MANNER POSSIBLE AND THEN RAPE YOUR CORPSE, YOU FUCKING SLUTTY CUNT!!!' He then slammed the phone down, breaking it, and smashing the mahogany desk down the middle. He looked up at the principal and smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry. Oh, that was your mother. She said she'd call back.' The princpal just stared in shock.
----
Kakaratt was walking through the school halls, just looking around, lost amid the masses of blonde body builders, when someone ran up beside her. 'I have a question. Are you bi? I heard that you were bi. Does you being bi-sexual mean you have a penis?' Kakaratt searched his tone and face for any sign that he was messing, but found none. He genuinely didn't know. She thought him to be born an idiot, and would die one.
'Sure, why not?' she said quietly to herself. 'Yes. It means that I have both a penis and a vagina, because I'm like Bill Gates,' she said sarcastically. The little bastard squealed and ran off in an excited rush, fully believing her.
'What a loser. He's probably a twatty person who loiters around the girls' bathrooms and wears his baseball cap at a stupid angle. Anyway, I'm not bi. I'm tri. I'll try *anything*.'
Kakaratt suddenly realised that she had no idea where she was going. She saw a (gasp) brunette, and approached her.
'Excuse me, what period is this?'
'It's lunch time. School's almost over. Duh,' she replied. Kakaratt blinked.
'What do you mean? School just started an hour ago.'
'Man, are you ok?' Kakaratt smiled and answered in a dreamy voice.
'The pixies must have taken the time away.' The other girl backed away a little. 'Oh....sorry,' said Kakaratt sheepishly. 'I sometimes have lapses in sanity.' There was suddenly a loud roar, and a tall but skinny black kid with a huge afro barrelled into Kakaratt and smashed her into a locker, causing a Kakaratt-shaped dent.
'Kakaratt, man! Whatcha doin' woman?' he said in a high voice, not unlike the stoner black man in Scary Movie or Chris Tucker. Kakaratt turned around and looked at her attacker.
'Oh my god! Qbuu! (Son of Ubuu). I didn't know you went to this school! Gimme a hug!' The oh-so-appropriately named Qbuu gathered Kakaratt into a hug, crushing in power.
'Tell me my bruda,' began Kakaratt in a mock voice. 'How's life been treaten' you?' Qbuu set her down again.
'Jus' fine. Come on, I'll tell you the whatsits and stuff over a plate o' chips.' Qbuu led Kakaratt to the lunch hall. It was your stereotypical cafeteria with picnic benches and all. Qbuu sat down at a table and motioned for Kakaratt to join him. Just then, Axel approached from the crowd of BBBs and teenyboppers. When he laid eyes on Qbuu he stopped dramatically and held out his arms, waiting for a hug. Sure enough, Qbuu leapt into his arms, wrapped his legs around Axel and started to bounce up and down going 'Oh yeah' in an Eric Cartman voice. 'Fuck me harder!' A few teachers were giving them both very weird looks. Axel headbutted Qbuu in return, thus finishing greetings.
'Hey look! It's the prince of blackness!' exclaimed Axel jokingly.
'Hey look! It's Axel "I'm not gay but I only have sex with men",' retorted Qbuu. Axel punched him in the arm. 'Ok! It's Axel "I'm not a girl but I haven't a penis anywhere on my person.' All three laughed out loud and sat down.
'Anyway,' began Kakaratt. 'Qbuu, you were about to tell me something?'
'Yep,' confirmed Qbuu. 'The vast majority of people in OSH are BBBs, bimbos and faggots. There are a few people who are different though. That kid over there.' He pointed to a kid with long shaggy hair and a big beard. 'Is Jesus. Respect him! That's R.E.S.E.C.P.T' The two not-quite-3/4-but-more-than-5/8 Saiya-jin's nodded in instant understanding. Every school had a kid who thought he was Jesus.
'Over there,' he pointed to a short, fat, stupid kid who looked like he hadn't hit puberty yet. 'That's Pubert. He's the school idiot. Nobody likes him.'
'Haha!! You'll never believe what he said to me a few minutes ago!'
'What?' asked Qbuu and Axel.
'He asked me if my being bi meant I was a hermaphrodite!' The three started to laugh loudly. 'It reminds me of that time that transvestite was getting close to me at Vegetafest.'
'Man, what a fucking idiot!!' laughed Axel, wiping away a fake tear for drama effects. He looked around on the ground, and finding a stone, threw it at Pubert. Just milliseconds before it would have hit him, something caught his attention on the ground. He bent down to pick it up and the stone sailed right over his head. 'Shit! The son of a bitch ducked!' There was a moment's silence, which was broken by Qbuu resuming his speech.
'Over there,' he pointed to a brunette sitting alone. 'She's the school brain. She hasn't got any friends. It's not because she's smart or anything like that. She could be an average student, but she'd still be unpopular because she's a bitch.'
Qbuu continued to point out people of interest for the rest of lunch. They included the school slut, the editor of the school newspaper (AKA the conspiracy theory guy), the caffeine addict, the bully (Kakaratt made a mental note to bully him at a later date), the teacher's pet, the nerd and the guy who didn't stand out in any way whatsoever. He also mentioned the teachers. The maths teacher was a spy during the Cold War. The science teacher was a perverse guy, even though he had no idea that he was. The history teacher was a nut bag who dressed up in clothes of the time for each class. The PE teacher was actually a friend of Gohan's, and the Principal was a general loon. Current affairs was next.
The class, which was Axel, Qbuu and Kakaratt, along with 2 brunettes and 31 blondes, took their seats. A middle aged woman came in dragging a trolley with a TV and video on it behind her. She set it up and put in a tape.
'Today, class, we will study the man known as Vegeta. As most of you know, he is the most powerful man in the world today. In this tape, we will see his biography,' she said evenly in a piercing voice. She turned off the lights and pressed play.
The narrator started talking.
"Today, the most powerful man in the world is Vegeta. Very little is known about him, even though he has dominated world affairs for the last 10 years."
'How long ago was this made?' asked Kakaratt.
'Six years ago,' replied the teacher.
"The earliest recorded sighting of him was 49 years ago-" It showed a film of him during the Saiya-jin saga. "-when he came to earth from outer space supposedly to destroy it." There were gasps from much of the class. The three Z-fighters in the back row watched in amusement.
"
'Yajirobe: The Saiya-jins are coming to destroy earth, and Son Goku is the only hope for us all.'
This statement is the only hint at what happened. Popular believe is that Son Goku managed to beat Vegeta in combat, once again doing what the armed forces failed to do. Vegeta disappeared for a year after this. The next sighting of him was at Capsule Corporation headquarters. While there he started an affair with Bulma Briefs. With her, he had two children. One the current CC president, Trunks, and the supermodel Bra. Even though he married her, he didn't acknowledge Trunks as his son before the law until very recently.
Vegeta stayed at CC for years, fighting the monster Cell, and training. Nothing much else happened until 16 years ago. He fell in love with Son Pan, granddaughter of Son Goku and left his wife for her. He underwent a radical change in personality during his years with her.
The couple, along with some new friends, started a rock band-"
'That's heavy fuckin' metal, you wanker!' shouted Axel. The teacher hushed him.
"-and within three years had become the most popular band of all time, surpassing even the Beatles and Elvis Presley. However, despite the success of the band, people have gone against him. Here are some opinions.
Middle-aged woman: This band is destroying our youths! God would never want a sick, evil man such as Vegeta to lead! He openly practices S&M and other foul sexual acts, often on stage! He and Pan sometimes involve a third person in their hate-making! I firmly believe that these third persons aren't always alive!
Busted N*Sync Groupie: I have nightmares because of them! All their songs are about death and sex! They haven't even been married before god! How someone like that can become so powerful is horrifying!
The Pope: I condemn Vegeta and Pan. May God have mercy on their souls.
Qbuu: Huh? Hey, cool!! I'm on TV! Hey! HEY! Don't you walk away from me, bitch! It's cause I is black, isn't it!! You won't put me on tv cause I is a different colour from you!
Cameraman: No, it's not that. When was the last time you bathed?"
'That's right,' started Kakaratt, barely able to control her laughter. 'It's not cause he's a busted smelly fucker. It's cause he's black.' The class burst out laughing.
"Both Vegeta and Pan admit to be atheists, sadists, masochists. They admit to practicing or having practised sodomy, witchcraft, blood play, vampirism, frotteurism, and have even hinted necrophilia, though no proof has been found."
'I'd rather not know more than I already know about my mom and dad's sex life please,' said Axel to Kakaratt, who nodded in agreement.
"There has even been an incident in which Vegeta went on killing spree. Vegeta blames it on animal instincts which surface every 8 years due to his heritage. Vegeta has proven himself to feel no remorse over the death of others. There is a great deal of public outcry demanding that he be put on trial for what he has done. When the law confronted Vegeta with it, he issued an ultimatum.
'Vegeta: I'm sick of you people hounding me. If you do not drop the charges and fuck off, I will close my company.'
It may not seem like much, but had he gone through with it, the world as we know it would have ended.
Together, he and Pan set up their own record label. It rapidly grew to become the biggest label ever. Soon, Vegeta began to make other things. Within 5 years Vegeta Enterprises made everything from cars to computers to super nuclear weapons. Further success came when Vegeta introduced alien technology to earth, advancing the planet years ahead. His company became so powerful that the great powers of the world began to quarrel over who had control of the country it was based in. Soon, a war broke out. It lasted only a few days, but through use of Vegeta-made nuclear weapons, a third of the population was blasted from the face of the earth. Unlike previous apocalypses, the population didn't magically reappear afterwards.
Axel's face darkened at the memory. That was a clever cover story made up by Vegeta. What had really happened was that he had reached super Saiya-jin for the first time. He went mad with rage and almost destroyed the world. At the time, Vegeta, Pan and Trunks were on a business trip to another planet, leaving only his twin sister and his grandfather to defend the earth. He was eventually beaten. He had never trained again after that. That was the whole reason he was a goth. The guilt weighed heavily on his soul. The only release he had was that he couldn't remember any of it, so he couldn't recall memories of the deed.
"Vegeta himself somehow managed to single handedly stop the war. He held the world hostage after this, demanding that the world be handed over to him.
It was eventually done so, and he set up a government which ruled neither below nor above him, but around him. As a result, he is now outside the law, both local and international, and his company is not bound by laws or taxes in any way. The fact is, the world works better now. Vegeta enterprises makes up 75% of the world's economy, and employs 11 million people worldwide. Since this 'New World Order' started, everyone has greatly prospered.
The video was stopped by the teacher, as the class was just about to end.
'There you have it, class. The true story on what happened.'
'Man, that cameraman was crap! He only got my bad side!' complained Qbuu. The class was silent.
'Axel, slap him. He's black,' ordered Kakaratt. Axel slapped him.
Suddenly there was a protest from a large number of the class. Things were being thrown at them like 'Bully' and 'Racist'.
'Shut the fuck up, you stupid bunch of preps! It was a joke among friends!' Eventually, they gave it a rest, leaving Kakaratt and Axel more determined than ever to make major changes in the school.
The bell went.
Hmm....Random stats, if you were wondering about the age of the various characters (not all of them will appear in this fic):
Pan: 40
Matt and Angela: 40
Kakaratt and Axel: 16
Vegeta: 85 (87+Room of Spirit and Time)
Bulma: 90
Trunks:52
Goten:51
Gohan: 58 (59+ROS&T)
Goku: 80 (82+ROS&T)
Chi-chi: Deceased
Bulma's parents: 110+ (both alive)
Yamcha: 90 something
Videl: 59
Hercule: 99
Ozzy Osbourne: 77
Kina: 8
It was the first day of school at Orange Star High. Kakaratt and Axel stared up at the huge building that was the number one school in the world. It was nothing like their old school. At their old school, they reigned supreme in the hierarchy. This school was not only famous for its lack of metalheads, but it was notorious for its blonde body builders and ignorant teachers.
'You lucky bastard!' Hissed Kakaratt to her brother. 'You only have to be here today, then it's back to finish the tour with mom and dad. I'm stuck here all year.' Axel just smirked smugly and slowly nodded his head.
A senior in a red hover convertible pulled up to where the two Saiya-jins were standing and hopped out. He looked at the two and scoffed, coughing 'losers' under his breath and walking off. Kakaratt groaned.
'It's gonna be so hard to convert this school to us-ism. I've only stood here a minute, and already I've seen eleven blonde guys with big muscles.' Axel looked at her and nodded in agreement.
'I don't even know if it can be converted,' stated Axel. The bell went just then, and the two walked into the front building. Everyone was blonde, save for the odd brunette. They both had raven hair, so they stood out. Everyone else wore white and other light colours, so much so that Axel and Kakaratt seemed like black and white people in a colour film. They went to the classroom they were meant to be in and took up seats in the back. Within minutes the class was full, and a teacher was at the front.
'Hello class, and welcome back. For those of you who can't remember my name, it's Mr. Dickson.' Kakaratt had to force herself from laughing at his name. He was a young man, in his second year of teaching. 'We have two new students in the back. What are your names?' he asked.
'Axel.'
'Kakaratt.'
'Hi, Axel and Kakaratt. Tell me about yourselves. What do you like? Any hobbies?' Axel and Kakaratt looked at each other bluntly before Axel spoke.
'I'm a professional drummer. My band has my parents and two of their friends in it. I enjoy books, the supernatural, and the odd beer. I have a photographic memory too, so in class I don't listen, as I've already read the text books cover to cover and I can remember every letter. That's all have to say,' he said flatly.
'I see....' said Mr. Dickson. 'And you, Kakaratt?' She stood up and did a cute smile.
'I love sports, fighting, any drug I can get my hands on, distilled Vodka, Bourbon, and a few other things. I bet I could take on anybody in this room!' Some of the Blonde Body Builders (BBBs from now on) snorted.
'Yeah, right. Let's see your muscles,' said one.
Axel coughed. 'I didn't mean in a fight,' she said slyly. This didn't cause people to hoot, as she expected. Instead, they scratched their heads in confusion.
One with muscles so big he couldn't put his arms down stalked over to her.
'So, you mean sex?' he said stupidly.
'Holy fuck,' she whispered loud enough for him to hear. 'Someone noticed! Grandpa Gohan always said that people here were naive, but I guess he was wrong,' she said sarcastically. He growled and was about to lunge at her, but the teacher barked at him to sit down. He did so, begrudgingly and took the seat below Kakaratt. The rest of the lesson was just talking among the students. Kakaratt was bored, and was swinging her pencil around. She looked down at BIF (big ignorant fucker, the guy in front of her) and almost burst out laughing when she saw that he had a builder's ass crack. She dropped her pencil down, and it lodged perfectly. He didn't notice.
The teacher called him up front, and the whole class saw the pencil sticking out. The girls started giggling, and the guys sent jeers at him.
'You've got a pencil down your crack!' Bif picked it out and looked around furiously, searching for the one who did it. He spotted Kakaratt waving to him in the back of class. He instantly broke out in a mad run for her. From her point of view it look just like that time when Brolli came to earth for the 7th time and chased her. BIF leapt at her and took her to the ground. He began to beat her. The other BBBs rushed to him and tried to pry him off her. Axel watched in a bored fascination. He knew that Kakaratt was getting off on it, and could stop him when ever she wanted.
Kakaratt leapt up and got into a fighting stance. Unlike all the other Z fighters, she was never trained in martial arts. She instead learned street fighting. She was panting lustfully. 'Hit me again,' she said. She licked the blood from her busted lip and drank it down. Bif leapt at her again and kicked her right in between the legs, sending her to the ground. She groaned and motioned for Axel to get rid of him. In a flash Axel knocked out Bif. The bell went and gradually the room emptied, the blonde class going to spread the gossip.
Axel help his sister up. 'You ok?'
'Oh yessss,' she purred. 'That was.......pleasurable. Even when I'm not using ki, it takes a strong person to hurt me.' She looked down at Bif. 'Poor guy. So easily angered. So stupid. Hey, where'd he go?' she said when she noticed that Bif was missing, suddenly not there.
'I don't know. He was there a second ago. I guess he left.'
Axel and Kakaratt were hailed by the teacher.
'Now, I know it's your first day, so we'll let you off this time, but there is a school uniform. All dark colours are forbidden.' Axel's jaw dropped. 'You must wear bright colors, and be happy!' said the teacher with a sickeningly sweet smile.
'Are you mad?' asked Axel ludicrously. 'What kind of rule is that?'
'It's a very important rule. This school is in the middle of a very formal neighbourhood, and we must seem proper and formal.'
Axel shook his head in astonishment. 'Who the fuck made that rule? Nobody has the right to make a rule as senseless and offensive as that!' Mr. Dickson grew angry at Axel's use of language.
'Listen, you! Don't take that tone with me. What would other people think if they heard you talk like that!? Go to the principal's office!' Axel huffed and walked out the door. 'And you, Kakaratt. I've seen your type before. Sick disgusting freaks. You will forget these dangerous obsessions and be like a normal person. Women shouldn't be acting the way you do. If you have sex before you're married, then god will punish you by sending you to hell.'
*Been there, done that.* thought Kakaratt boredly, recalling the time she got to visit her great great grandfather Bardock, and her grandfather King Vegeta.
'I'll send for a priest to confess you tomorrow.'
'What the hell? I'll do whatever the fuck I want! And can I have some leeway? That Bif just beat the shit outta me!' The teacher's face went red.
'I don't know who this Bif person is, but you should go to the principal's office too!!' Kakaratt left in disbelief, not planning in any way to visit the head of the school.
----
Axel stood outside the office of the principal, Mr. Johnson. He walked straight in, not even knocking. There was no one there. He walked in and sat in the comfortable chair behind the desk. He put his huge boots up on the desk, cracking a photo. Just then, he heard the faint footsteps of someone. He decided to make an impression. He picked up the phone and started yelling into it. Just then, the principal came in.
'I DON'T CARE, YOU MOTHER FUCKING TWAT! WHAT? NO! WHEN I FIND YOU, I'LL EVISCERATE YOU IN THE MOST HORRIBLE MANNER POSSIBLE AND THEN RAPE YOUR CORPSE, YOU FUCKING SLUTTY CUNT!!!' He then slammed the phone down, breaking it, and smashing the mahogany desk down the middle. He looked up at the principal and smiled sheepishly. 'Sorry. Oh, that was your mother. She said she'd call back.' The princpal just stared in shock.
----
Kakaratt was walking through the school halls, just looking around, lost amid the masses of blonde body builders, when someone ran up beside her. 'I have a question. Are you bi? I heard that you were bi. Does you being bi-sexual mean you have a penis?' Kakaratt searched his tone and face for any sign that he was messing, but found none. He genuinely didn't know. She thought him to be born an idiot, and would die one.
'Sure, why not?' she said quietly to herself. 'Yes. It means that I have both a penis and a vagina, because I'm like Bill Gates,' she said sarcastically. The little bastard squealed and ran off in an excited rush, fully believing her.
'What a loser. He's probably a twatty person who loiters around the girls' bathrooms and wears his baseball cap at a stupid angle. Anyway, I'm not bi. I'm tri. I'll try *anything*.'
Kakaratt suddenly realised that she had no idea where she was going. She saw a (gasp) brunette, and approached her.
'Excuse me, what period is this?'
'It's lunch time. School's almost over. Duh,' she replied. Kakaratt blinked.
'What do you mean? School just started an hour ago.'
'Man, are you ok?' Kakaratt smiled and answered in a dreamy voice.
'The pixies must have taken the time away.' The other girl backed away a little. 'Oh....sorry,' said Kakaratt sheepishly. 'I sometimes have lapses in sanity.' There was suddenly a loud roar, and a tall but skinny black kid with a huge afro barrelled into Kakaratt and smashed her into a locker, causing a Kakaratt-shaped dent.
'Kakaratt, man! Whatcha doin' woman?' he said in a high voice, not unlike the stoner black man in Scary Movie or Chris Tucker. Kakaratt turned around and looked at her attacker.
'Oh my god! Qbuu! (Son of Ubuu). I didn't know you went to this school! Gimme a hug!' The oh-so-appropriately named Qbuu gathered Kakaratt into a hug, crushing in power.
'Tell me my bruda,' began Kakaratt in a mock voice. 'How's life been treaten' you?' Qbuu set her down again.
'Jus' fine. Come on, I'll tell you the whatsits and stuff over a plate o' chips.' Qbuu led Kakaratt to the lunch hall. It was your stereotypical cafeteria with picnic benches and all. Qbuu sat down at a table and motioned for Kakaratt to join him. Just then, Axel approached from the crowd of BBBs and teenyboppers. When he laid eyes on Qbuu he stopped dramatically and held out his arms, waiting for a hug. Sure enough, Qbuu leapt into his arms, wrapped his legs around Axel and started to bounce up and down going 'Oh yeah' in an Eric Cartman voice. 'Fuck me harder!' A few teachers were giving them both very weird looks. Axel headbutted Qbuu in return, thus finishing greetings.
'Hey look! It's the prince of blackness!' exclaimed Axel jokingly.
'Hey look! It's Axel "I'm not gay but I only have sex with men",' retorted Qbuu. Axel punched him in the arm. 'Ok! It's Axel "I'm not a girl but I haven't a penis anywhere on my person.' All three laughed out loud and sat down.
'Anyway,' began Kakaratt. 'Qbuu, you were about to tell me something?'
'Yep,' confirmed Qbuu. 'The vast majority of people in OSH are BBBs, bimbos and faggots. There are a few people who are different though. That kid over there.' He pointed to a kid with long shaggy hair and a big beard. 'Is Jesus. Respect him! That's R.E.S.E.C.P.T' The two not-quite-3/4-but-more-than-5/8 Saiya-jin's nodded in instant understanding. Every school had a kid who thought he was Jesus.
'Over there,' he pointed to a short, fat, stupid kid who looked like he hadn't hit puberty yet. 'That's Pubert. He's the school idiot. Nobody likes him.'
'Haha!! You'll never believe what he said to me a few minutes ago!'
'What?' asked Qbuu and Axel.
'He asked me if my being bi meant I was a hermaphrodite!' The three started to laugh loudly. 'It reminds me of that time that transvestite was getting close to me at Vegetafest.'
'Man, what a fucking idiot!!' laughed Axel, wiping away a fake tear for drama effects. He looked around on the ground, and finding a stone, threw it at Pubert. Just milliseconds before it would have hit him, something caught his attention on the ground. He bent down to pick it up and the stone sailed right over his head. 'Shit! The son of a bitch ducked!' There was a moment's silence, which was broken by Qbuu resuming his speech.
'Over there,' he pointed to a brunette sitting alone. 'She's the school brain. She hasn't got any friends. It's not because she's smart or anything like that. She could be an average student, but she'd still be unpopular because she's a bitch.'
Qbuu continued to point out people of interest for the rest of lunch. They included the school slut, the editor of the school newspaper (AKA the conspiracy theory guy), the caffeine addict, the bully (Kakaratt made a mental note to bully him at a later date), the teacher's pet, the nerd and the guy who didn't stand out in any way whatsoever. He also mentioned the teachers. The maths teacher was a spy during the Cold War. The science teacher was a perverse guy, even though he had no idea that he was. The history teacher was a nut bag who dressed up in clothes of the time for each class. The PE teacher was actually a friend of Gohan's, and the Principal was a general loon. Current affairs was next.
The class, which was Axel, Qbuu and Kakaratt, along with 2 brunettes and 31 blondes, took their seats. A middle aged woman came in dragging a trolley with a TV and video on it behind her. She set it up and put in a tape.
'Today, class, we will study the man known as Vegeta. As most of you know, he is the most powerful man in the world today. In this tape, we will see his biography,' she said evenly in a piercing voice. She turned off the lights and pressed play.
The narrator started talking.
"Today, the most powerful man in the world is Vegeta. Very little is known about him, even though he has dominated world affairs for the last 10 years."
'How long ago was this made?' asked Kakaratt.
'Six years ago,' replied the teacher.
"The earliest recorded sighting of him was 49 years ago-" It showed a film of him during the Saiya-jin saga. "-when he came to earth from outer space supposedly to destroy it." There were gasps from much of the class. The three Z-fighters in the back row watched in amusement.
"
'Yajirobe: The Saiya-jins are coming to destroy earth, and Son Goku is the only hope for us all.'
This statement is the only hint at what happened. Popular believe is that Son Goku managed to beat Vegeta in combat, once again doing what the armed forces failed to do. Vegeta disappeared for a year after this. The next sighting of him was at Capsule Corporation headquarters. While there he started an affair with Bulma Briefs. With her, he had two children. One the current CC president, Trunks, and the supermodel Bra. Even though he married her, he didn't acknowledge Trunks as his son before the law until very recently.
Vegeta stayed at CC for years, fighting the monster Cell, and training. Nothing much else happened until 16 years ago. He fell in love with Son Pan, granddaughter of Son Goku and left his wife for her. He underwent a radical change in personality during his years with her.
The couple, along with some new friends, started a rock band-"
'That's heavy fuckin' metal, you wanker!' shouted Axel. The teacher hushed him.
"-and within three years had become the most popular band of all time, surpassing even the Beatles and Elvis Presley. However, despite the success of the band, people have gone against him. Here are some opinions.
Middle-aged woman: This band is destroying our youths! God would never want a sick, evil man such as Vegeta to lead! He openly practices S&M and other foul sexual acts, often on stage! He and Pan sometimes involve a third person in their hate-making! I firmly believe that these third persons aren't always alive!
Busted N*Sync Groupie: I have nightmares because of them! All their songs are about death and sex! They haven't even been married before god! How someone like that can become so powerful is horrifying!
The Pope: I condemn Vegeta and Pan. May God have mercy on their souls.
Qbuu: Huh? Hey, cool!! I'm on TV! Hey! HEY! Don't you walk away from me, bitch! It's cause I is black, isn't it!! You won't put me on tv cause I is a different colour from you!
Cameraman: No, it's not that. When was the last time you bathed?"
'That's right,' started Kakaratt, barely able to control her laughter. 'It's not cause he's a busted smelly fucker. It's cause he's black.' The class burst out laughing.
"Both Vegeta and Pan admit to be atheists, sadists, masochists. They admit to practicing or having practised sodomy, witchcraft, blood play, vampirism, frotteurism, and have even hinted necrophilia, though no proof has been found."
'I'd rather not know more than I already know about my mom and dad's sex life please,' said Axel to Kakaratt, who nodded in agreement.
"There has even been an incident in which Vegeta went on killing spree. Vegeta blames it on animal instincts which surface every 8 years due to his heritage. Vegeta has proven himself to feel no remorse over the death of others. There is a great deal of public outcry demanding that he be put on trial for what he has done. When the law confronted Vegeta with it, he issued an ultimatum.
'Vegeta: I'm sick of you people hounding me. If you do not drop the charges and fuck off, I will close my company.'
It may not seem like much, but had he gone through with it, the world as we know it would have ended.
Together, he and Pan set up their own record label. It rapidly grew to become the biggest label ever. Soon, Vegeta began to make other things. Within 5 years Vegeta Enterprises made everything from cars to computers to super nuclear weapons. Further success came when Vegeta introduced alien technology to earth, advancing the planet years ahead. His company became so powerful that the great powers of the world began to quarrel over who had control of the country it was based in. Soon, a war broke out. It lasted only a few days, but through use of Vegeta-made nuclear weapons, a third of the population was blasted from the face of the earth. Unlike previous apocalypses, the population didn't magically reappear afterwards.
Axel's face darkened at the memory. That was a clever cover story made up by Vegeta. What had really happened was that he had reached super Saiya-jin for the first time. He went mad with rage and almost destroyed the world. At the time, Vegeta, Pan and Trunks were on a business trip to another planet, leaving only his twin sister and his grandfather to defend the earth. He was eventually beaten. He had never trained again after that. That was the whole reason he was a goth. The guilt weighed heavily on his soul. The only release he had was that he couldn't remember any of it, so he couldn't recall memories of the deed.
"Vegeta himself somehow managed to single handedly stop the war. He held the world hostage after this, demanding that the world be handed over to him.
It was eventually done so, and he set up a government which ruled neither below nor above him, but around him. As a result, he is now outside the law, both local and international, and his company is not bound by laws or taxes in any way. The fact is, the world works better now. Vegeta enterprises makes up 75% of the world's economy, and employs 11 million people worldwide. Since this 'New World Order' started, everyone has greatly prospered.
The video was stopped by the teacher, as the class was just about to end.
'There you have it, class. The true story on what happened.'
'Man, that cameraman was crap! He only got my bad side!' complained Qbuu. The class was silent.
'Axel, slap him. He's black,' ordered Kakaratt. Axel slapped him.
Suddenly there was a protest from a large number of the class. Things were being thrown at them like 'Bully' and 'Racist'.
'Shut the fuck up, you stupid bunch of preps! It was a joke among friends!' Eventually, they gave it a rest, leaving Kakaratt and Axel more determined than ever to make major changes in the school.
The bell went.