Trigun Attacks.. Akazukin (Red Riding Hood) an anime-parody by AngelDragon
Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Trigun! (what a shocker) But I DO own this freaky little parody series. (Poor Nicky-chan will need a restraining order against our bad boy bishonen by the time I get through with this one ^_^)
Notes/Warnings: Umm, no spoilers, just sleep-deprived insanity, yay! Of course, caffeine consumption and an overactive imagination helped. I decided not to wait for five reviews (so sue me, I love reviewers who want more Dragon-brand weirdness!) R & R, I beg you!
Weird Quote of the Day: "Is that a gun in your spandex shorts, or are you just happy to see me?" - Duo Maxwell to Heero Yuy in a fic I read, "Spandex Mysteries" by Hana - chan. (Go check it out, if you like funny 1 x 2) Current Songs in my Head: "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age,"Pretty Girl" by Sugarcult & "Pretty Fly For a White Guy". (I forget who does it ^_^).
Trigun Atacks.. Akazukin (Red Riding Hood)
Wolfwood & Vash walk onto the 'White Screen of Pain TM'
Wolf: Alright, what the hell are we parodying now, Tongari?
Vash: (takes out script) Um, 'Little Red Riding Hood'. Oh, cute!
Wolf: You've gotta be kidding me! Why are we doing a fairy tale?
Vash: Well,'cause the author is bored and she used to like this one as a kid.
Wolf: Oh crap, her again! What IS she smoking, anyway?!
Vash: You're just sore because she chewed you out before. (becomes starry- eyed) But she's not pissed at ME! She LO-O-OVES me!
Wolf: (grumbles) Lapdog! She always gives you the best parts! I am NOT wearing a dress in this one!
Vash: Calm down Nick! Lemme see. (flips through script) Oh, okay. I get to be Akazukin, cool!
Wolf: (snickering) YOU gotta wear the dress this time!
Vash: Nope, says here I DO get to keep my cool red coat.
Wolf: Damn.Then what am I?
Vash: Hmm.Heh heh. You're the Big Bad Wolfwood! (cracks up as Wolf grabs the script from him)
Wolf: The hell?! No way, onna!
Author: Would you rather be a GIRL, Nicky-chan?
Wolf: (recalling the horror that was the last parody) Ack! N-no ma'am!
Author: Alright then. Be a good bishonen and get into your costume.
Wolf: (slinks off to dress up, muttering 'Why me?')
The Insurance Girls show up, looking confused again.
Meryl: Oh no, not this again!?
Milly: (finishing a pudding cup) Yay, we get to dress up again, Vash-san!
Vash: Yeah, isn't it fun? (starts giggling as Wolf comes back in a little wolf costume)
Wolf: Can it Tongari!
Meryl: What're you supposed to be, anyway?
Milly: I know, I know! (waves a hand in the air, like in school as Meryl groans)You're a plushie, right Bokushi-san?
Vash: (holding Wolf back by his costume's tail) No, no, Milly! He's a wolf. We're doing 'Akazukin' this time.
Milly: Great! I love fairy tales! My parents used to read them to all ten of us every night.
Wolf: Didn't that take a while?
Milly: Yep, but they didn't mind. Who do I get to be, Vash-san?
Vash: Says here, um.. Hah! You're my okaasan!
Milly: Cute! I'll be right back! (runs to change, comes back in a dress & apron combo w/her hair in a ponytail)
Meryl: So who am I? Not that I enjoy or even care about this insanity, or anything.
Wolf: (snatches script) This I've gotta see! (starts snickering) You're grandma!
Meryl: N-nanio?! (goes to change, comes back in a bonnet & flannel nightgown)Why do I have to be the old maid?!
Wolf: (still smirking & chuckling) Do you REALLY want me to answer that?
Meryl: You'd better not, unless you'd care for me to rid you of what's left of your dignity, Wolf-boy! Hey, who plays the guy who's supposed to save Little Red Riding Moron from being eaten by you?
Wolf: Watch it Grandma, or I'll eat YOU!
Meryl: Why don't you just eat -
Vash: (stepping between the po'd pair & slipping the script from Wolf's clenched paw) Chotto matte! Don't fight now, Love and Peace, remember? We're supposed to be doing a cute story, not a daytime talk show.
Milly: Yes Sempai! Don't spoil the story. You make a nice Gram, really!
Meryl: (with a throbbing vein on her head) Thank you, Milly! (Sarcastically said, of course) Can we get on with this? I need aspirin. Lots and lots of aspirin.
Vash: (clears his throat) Um, there's just the one part left, the kindly hunter guy. (looks at script w/eyes widening) Oh dear. This CAN'T be good!
Wolf: (looks over Vash's shoulder) Who is it Tongari? (pales) Oh Kami, it's Knives!? Now *I* need an aspirin! And a flak jacket!
Meryl: Is it too late for a part change?!
(Maniacal laughter from off-screen is heard)
Knives: Yes! Yes it is! Run in fear spiders, Knives is here! What are we doing now, Vashu? (glares at the girls & Wolf, who look rather uncomfortable as he comes onscreen )
Vash: Um,'Akazukin'. You're the nice hunter who saves me from the Big Bad Wolfwood, er wolf. (corrects himself after seeing Wolf's twitchy brow)
Knives: Cool! Do I get to shoot him? (polishes his black gun)
Vash: No, no! (hastily puts himself between Knives & Wolf, who looks like he's gonna pass out)We're just pretending, remember? Playing!
Knives: (grinning) That works. I like this kind of playing!
Vash: Just remember, no shooting Knivesu! Onegai?
Knives: Oh all right, dammit! I won't.. This time. (everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief)
Milly: Um, Vash-san? Can we start now? Bokushi-san is trying to leave.
Vash: (grabs Wolf by the tail again) Yes, lets. Before we don't have a cast!
Wolf: Can't I at least one more smoke before I die?!
Author: You're not gonna die Nicky-chan, so chill out and go with the flow.
Meryl & Knives: (giggling at Wolf) Drama queen!
Wolf: (bearing ookami fangs) I heard that! Let's get this show on the road. I need a smoke and a shower, this costume reeks!
Vash: Okay.Um, scenery onegai, Angel-san?
(appropriate fairy tale cottage & field-forest appears. Vash & Milly enter & the others take their places elsewhere)
Milly: ..
Vash: (whispers to her) Milly, that's your line!
Milly: Oh yes, gomenasai! (clears throat, holds up basket)Akazukin, your Gran isn't feeling well. (cuts to scene of Meryl, grannied -up,arms folded in bed & looking pissed)I want you to take this basket of bento boxes to her to cheer her up!
Vash: (grinning like an idiot) Sure thing 'kaasan! (cuts to Meryl who says 'Oh brother!')
Milly: But remember Akazukin, stay on the path and don't talk to strange people! (cuts to Wolf who says w/a raised brow 'And THIS is normal?')
Vash: Gotcha! Could I have a donut before I go 'kaasan? (gives her puppy eyes)
Milly: Of course dear! (pops one in Vash's gaping maw, who practically swallows it whole)
Vash: Bye maman! (1) (trots off out the door & into the 'woods')
Wolf: (walks up to Vash) Hey kid. Whadda ya got in the basket? Like I don't know.
Vash: (frowning at Wolf's less than enthused delivery) Bento for my Gran.I'm gonna take 'em to her now, Wolf-san.
Wolf: (twitchy browed again) Okay! What say we go together, hmm?
Vash: (whispers to him) Nick! That's not in the script! You're supposed to go eat Grandma! (cuts to Meryl, still pissed in Grandma's bed saying 'Bite me,broom head!')
Wolf: Now it is! (hands script to Vash, who reads)
Vash: 'Big Bad Wolf- (catches himself before Wolf can deck him), follows Little Red Riding Fool to Grandma's' - Hey chotto matte! That's NOT my chara's name!
Wolf: (stands there all cocky and flipping a little bottle in the air with a pen behind the ear of his costume) Heh. Me, my Bic and Mr.Whiteout say otherwise Tongari! Let's move before your unbalanced sib finds me.
(Doesn't notice Knives hiding & grinning in the bushes)
Now at 'Grandma's' house Vash knocks at the door while Wolf looks around nervously.
Vash: Domo Grandma! It's me, Akazukin! I brought bento from maman for you!
Meryl: (through the door) Nani?! You're early, moron. Where's the plushie?
Wolf: Cram it Granny! Let us in before the 'nice hunter' gets here!
Meryl: Get stuffed toy-boy! Hope you don't mind being 'holy' for real! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Vash: Please grandma? The bento are getting cold and the woods are creeping me out.
(Door opens, Meryl's irked)
Meryl: Fine, but only because you've got food and I haven't had lunch yet!
(Just as they move to go inside a 'click' is heard behind them)
Knives: I'll save you Akazukin and Granny! Lemme put down the rabid doggie for you! (Wolf pales & pleads w/Vash & Meryl 'Help me, help me!')
Vask: Ack! Knivesu, er nice hunter, wait! The wolf doesn't want to eat me! He's gonna um, um -
Meryl: (opening the door wider & yanking the panicky Vash aside) Have lunch with us! (holds up basket) Why don't you join us and not shoot Akazukin's lap dog, hm?
Knives: (ponders a bit while Wolf is sweating bullets) Okay, why not? I haven't had lunch yet either. (puts his gun away & comes in, brushing past Wolf)
Wolf: (sagging against Vash) Thank Kami-sama!
They sit down at 'Grandma's' table and unpack the bento boxes, passing them around. Milly joins them saying 'Oh pudding, too? Yay!'
Meryl: (holds up a little bottle from the basket) What the hell is this?
Wolf: (eyes widening) Sake! Yes! I need a drink right now!
Milly: Oh, oh! Me too, me too!
Vash: (sighs) Better pour for all Nick.I think we'll need it!
Milly: (after slamming back a couple) Oh Sempai! It's so hot in here! (starts to undress)
Meryl: No Milly! It's indecent!
Knives: (while chowing down, shrugs & smirks) So what? Dinner and a show 'Granny'!
Meryl: (grows & lunges at Knives who giggles as Vash & Wolf catch her)
Vash: (struggling as he helps Wolf hold onto the po'd Insurance Girl) Well I guess that's it for this story, right Angel-san?
Author: Pretty much.'Til I get bored or get more requests in anyway. You like this, Vash-chan?
Vash: For the most part. When I'm not breaking up fights.
Wolf: For the love of God PLEASE don't put me in a dress next time!
Author: We'll see Nicky-chan, we'll see..
Wolf: I need a vacation, c'mon Tongari! And a smoke. And another drink. Many drinks, actually.
(And as the cast decides to get smashed or try to avoid each other, the author plots with Legato-sama and Kuroneko this time..)
*OWARI*
(1): Anyone remember when Vash was running for his life from the townspeople and started whining in French? (In the Japanese subbed version, anyway) That's what 'maman' is from. (I believe it's the ep. with the first of the Nebraska family. You know, with the giant guy & his dad, the obnoxious old guy?)
Well, how was this byproduct of insomnia? I'm working on an Inu Yasha one next. (Arigato Ale-Bloody-Roses for the great idea!) Keep suggesting and I keep writing up custom-made insanity, it's that simple. ^_^ Ja minna!
Disclaimer: Guess what? I don't own Trigun! (what a shocker) But I DO own this freaky little parody series. (Poor Nicky-chan will need a restraining order against our bad boy bishonen by the time I get through with this one ^_^)
Notes/Warnings: Umm, no spoilers, just sleep-deprived insanity, yay! Of course, caffeine consumption and an overactive imagination helped. I decided not to wait for five reviews (so sue me, I love reviewers who want more Dragon-brand weirdness!) R & R, I beg you!
Weird Quote of the Day: "Is that a gun in your spandex shorts, or are you just happy to see me?" - Duo Maxwell to Heero Yuy in a fic I read, "Spandex Mysteries" by Hana - chan. (Go check it out, if you like funny 1 x 2) Current Songs in my Head: "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age,"Pretty Girl" by Sugarcult & "Pretty Fly For a White Guy". (I forget who does it ^_^).
Trigun Atacks.. Akazukin (Red Riding Hood)
Wolfwood & Vash walk onto the 'White Screen of Pain TM'
Wolf: Alright, what the hell are we parodying now, Tongari?
Vash: (takes out script) Um, 'Little Red Riding Hood'. Oh, cute!
Wolf: You've gotta be kidding me! Why are we doing a fairy tale?
Vash: Well,'cause the author is bored and she used to like this one as a kid.
Wolf: Oh crap, her again! What IS she smoking, anyway?!
Vash: You're just sore because she chewed you out before. (becomes starry- eyed) But she's not pissed at ME! She LO-O-OVES me!
Wolf: (grumbles) Lapdog! She always gives you the best parts! I am NOT wearing a dress in this one!
Vash: Calm down Nick! Lemme see. (flips through script) Oh, okay. I get to be Akazukin, cool!
Wolf: (snickering) YOU gotta wear the dress this time!
Vash: Nope, says here I DO get to keep my cool red coat.
Wolf: Damn.Then what am I?
Vash: Hmm.Heh heh. You're the Big Bad Wolfwood! (cracks up as Wolf grabs the script from him)
Wolf: The hell?! No way, onna!
Author: Would you rather be a GIRL, Nicky-chan?
Wolf: (recalling the horror that was the last parody) Ack! N-no ma'am!
Author: Alright then. Be a good bishonen and get into your costume.
Wolf: (slinks off to dress up, muttering 'Why me?')
The Insurance Girls show up, looking confused again.
Meryl: Oh no, not this again!?
Milly: (finishing a pudding cup) Yay, we get to dress up again, Vash-san!
Vash: Yeah, isn't it fun? (starts giggling as Wolf comes back in a little wolf costume)
Wolf: Can it Tongari!
Meryl: What're you supposed to be, anyway?
Milly: I know, I know! (waves a hand in the air, like in school as Meryl groans)You're a plushie, right Bokushi-san?
Vash: (holding Wolf back by his costume's tail) No, no, Milly! He's a wolf. We're doing 'Akazukin' this time.
Milly: Great! I love fairy tales! My parents used to read them to all ten of us every night.
Wolf: Didn't that take a while?
Milly: Yep, but they didn't mind. Who do I get to be, Vash-san?
Vash: Says here, um.. Hah! You're my okaasan!
Milly: Cute! I'll be right back! (runs to change, comes back in a dress & apron combo w/her hair in a ponytail)
Meryl: So who am I? Not that I enjoy or even care about this insanity, or anything.
Wolf: (snatches script) This I've gotta see! (starts snickering) You're grandma!
Meryl: N-nanio?! (goes to change, comes back in a bonnet & flannel nightgown)Why do I have to be the old maid?!
Wolf: (still smirking & chuckling) Do you REALLY want me to answer that?
Meryl: You'd better not, unless you'd care for me to rid you of what's left of your dignity, Wolf-boy! Hey, who plays the guy who's supposed to save Little Red Riding Moron from being eaten by you?
Wolf: Watch it Grandma, or I'll eat YOU!
Meryl: Why don't you just eat -
Vash: (stepping between the po'd pair & slipping the script from Wolf's clenched paw) Chotto matte! Don't fight now, Love and Peace, remember? We're supposed to be doing a cute story, not a daytime talk show.
Milly: Yes Sempai! Don't spoil the story. You make a nice Gram, really!
Meryl: (with a throbbing vein on her head) Thank you, Milly! (Sarcastically said, of course) Can we get on with this? I need aspirin. Lots and lots of aspirin.
Vash: (clears his throat) Um, there's just the one part left, the kindly hunter guy. (looks at script w/eyes widening) Oh dear. This CAN'T be good!
Wolf: (looks over Vash's shoulder) Who is it Tongari? (pales) Oh Kami, it's Knives!? Now *I* need an aspirin! And a flak jacket!
Meryl: Is it too late for a part change?!
(Maniacal laughter from off-screen is heard)
Knives: Yes! Yes it is! Run in fear spiders, Knives is here! What are we doing now, Vashu? (glares at the girls & Wolf, who look rather uncomfortable as he comes onscreen )
Vash: Um,'Akazukin'. You're the nice hunter who saves me from the Big Bad Wolfwood, er wolf. (corrects himself after seeing Wolf's twitchy brow)
Knives: Cool! Do I get to shoot him? (polishes his black gun)
Vash: No, no! (hastily puts himself between Knives & Wolf, who looks like he's gonna pass out)We're just pretending, remember? Playing!
Knives: (grinning) That works. I like this kind of playing!
Vash: Just remember, no shooting Knivesu! Onegai?
Knives: Oh all right, dammit! I won't.. This time. (everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief)
Milly: Um, Vash-san? Can we start now? Bokushi-san is trying to leave.
Vash: (grabs Wolf by the tail again) Yes, lets. Before we don't have a cast!
Wolf: Can't I at least one more smoke before I die?!
Author: You're not gonna die Nicky-chan, so chill out and go with the flow.
Meryl & Knives: (giggling at Wolf) Drama queen!
Wolf: (bearing ookami fangs) I heard that! Let's get this show on the road. I need a smoke and a shower, this costume reeks!
Vash: Okay.Um, scenery onegai, Angel-san?
(appropriate fairy tale cottage & field-forest appears. Vash & Milly enter & the others take their places elsewhere)
Milly: ..
Vash: (whispers to her) Milly, that's your line!
Milly: Oh yes, gomenasai! (clears throat, holds up basket)Akazukin, your Gran isn't feeling well. (cuts to scene of Meryl, grannied -up,arms folded in bed & looking pissed)I want you to take this basket of bento boxes to her to cheer her up!
Vash: (grinning like an idiot) Sure thing 'kaasan! (cuts to Meryl who says 'Oh brother!')
Milly: But remember Akazukin, stay on the path and don't talk to strange people! (cuts to Wolf who says w/a raised brow 'And THIS is normal?')
Vash: Gotcha! Could I have a donut before I go 'kaasan? (gives her puppy eyes)
Milly: Of course dear! (pops one in Vash's gaping maw, who practically swallows it whole)
Vash: Bye maman! (1) (trots off out the door & into the 'woods')
Wolf: (walks up to Vash) Hey kid. Whadda ya got in the basket? Like I don't know.
Vash: (frowning at Wolf's less than enthused delivery) Bento for my Gran.I'm gonna take 'em to her now, Wolf-san.
Wolf: (twitchy browed again) Okay! What say we go together, hmm?
Vash: (whispers to him) Nick! That's not in the script! You're supposed to go eat Grandma! (cuts to Meryl, still pissed in Grandma's bed saying 'Bite me,broom head!')
Wolf: Now it is! (hands script to Vash, who reads)
Vash: 'Big Bad Wolf- (catches himself before Wolf can deck him), follows Little Red Riding Fool to Grandma's' - Hey chotto matte! That's NOT my chara's name!
Wolf: (stands there all cocky and flipping a little bottle in the air with a pen behind the ear of his costume) Heh. Me, my Bic and Mr.Whiteout say otherwise Tongari! Let's move before your unbalanced sib finds me.
(Doesn't notice Knives hiding & grinning in the bushes)
Now at 'Grandma's' house Vash knocks at the door while Wolf looks around nervously.
Vash: Domo Grandma! It's me, Akazukin! I brought bento from maman for you!
Meryl: (through the door) Nani?! You're early, moron. Where's the plushie?
Wolf: Cram it Granny! Let us in before the 'nice hunter' gets here!
Meryl: Get stuffed toy-boy! Hope you don't mind being 'holy' for real! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Vash: Please grandma? The bento are getting cold and the woods are creeping me out.
(Door opens, Meryl's irked)
Meryl: Fine, but only because you've got food and I haven't had lunch yet!
(Just as they move to go inside a 'click' is heard behind them)
Knives: I'll save you Akazukin and Granny! Lemme put down the rabid doggie for you! (Wolf pales & pleads w/Vash & Meryl 'Help me, help me!')
Vask: Ack! Knivesu, er nice hunter, wait! The wolf doesn't want to eat me! He's gonna um, um -
Meryl: (opening the door wider & yanking the panicky Vash aside) Have lunch with us! (holds up basket) Why don't you join us and not shoot Akazukin's lap dog, hm?
Knives: (ponders a bit while Wolf is sweating bullets) Okay, why not? I haven't had lunch yet either. (puts his gun away & comes in, brushing past Wolf)
Wolf: (sagging against Vash) Thank Kami-sama!
They sit down at 'Grandma's' table and unpack the bento boxes, passing them around. Milly joins them saying 'Oh pudding, too? Yay!'
Meryl: (holds up a little bottle from the basket) What the hell is this?
Wolf: (eyes widening) Sake! Yes! I need a drink right now!
Milly: Oh, oh! Me too, me too!
Vash: (sighs) Better pour for all Nick.I think we'll need it!
Milly: (after slamming back a couple) Oh Sempai! It's so hot in here! (starts to undress)
Meryl: No Milly! It's indecent!
Knives: (while chowing down, shrugs & smirks) So what? Dinner and a show 'Granny'!
Meryl: (grows & lunges at Knives who giggles as Vash & Wolf catch her)
Vash: (struggling as he helps Wolf hold onto the po'd Insurance Girl) Well I guess that's it for this story, right Angel-san?
Author: Pretty much.'Til I get bored or get more requests in anyway. You like this, Vash-chan?
Vash: For the most part. When I'm not breaking up fights.
Wolf: For the love of God PLEASE don't put me in a dress next time!
Author: We'll see Nicky-chan, we'll see..
Wolf: I need a vacation, c'mon Tongari! And a smoke. And another drink. Many drinks, actually.
(And as the cast decides to get smashed or try to avoid each other, the author plots with Legato-sama and Kuroneko this time..)
*OWARI*
(1): Anyone remember when Vash was running for his life from the townspeople and started whining in French? (In the Japanese subbed version, anyway) That's what 'maman' is from. (I believe it's the ep. with the first of the Nebraska family. You know, with the giant guy & his dad, the obnoxious old guy?)
Well, how was this byproduct of insomnia? I'm working on an Inu Yasha one next. (Arigato Ale-Bloody-Roses for the great idea!) Keep suggesting and I keep writing up custom-made insanity, it's that simple. ^_^ Ja minna!