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###Disclaimer: I do not own any of the ER cast just Ashleigh, DJ, Marianna, Colin, Jaime, Dr. Rogers, Dr. Tanner, Dr. Collins and the idea for the story.
A/N: A.L.S- Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis(Lou Gehrig's Disease)- a progressive wasting away of certain nerve cells of the brain and the spinal column. It is a debilitating disease that affects movement, swallowing, speaking, breathing, and sometimes vision. There is no cure and the prognosis is death.
This story is dedicated to the memory of one of my favorite actors who passed away from the disease. Michael Zaslow, I miss you.
Part 10
The flashback continues one and a half years ago in Dave's hospital room.
Dave: Well, let's have it, doc.
Dr. Tanner: Ladies, if you will excuse us now.
Dave: No, it's okay. I want them to hear how mistaken they were about something being wrong with me. Then they can relax.
Dr. Tanner: As you wish, Dr. Malucci.
The ladies sat back in their chairs. Ashleigh held Dave's hand as Marianna started biting her nails when they saw the look on Dr. Tanner's face.
Dr. Tanner: This isn't going to be easy. It's not good news. I've reviewed your test results over and over. I've even had several other doctors consult. They all agree.
Dave: Agree? On what?
Dr. Tanner: Dave, you have A.L.S.
The news hit Dave like a bullet. He was barely able to contain his anguish but knew he had to be strong for his family. He knew men don't cry and there was no way he was going to in front of his girl and his sister, despite the death sentence that was just handed him.
Ashleigh: What is A.L.S.?
Dave: Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis.
Marianna: I never heard of it.
Dave: Sure, you have. You probably know it better as Lou Gehrig's Disease.
Ashleigh: That's impossible. That's fata...
Ashleigh and Marianna looked at each other, then at Dave. They saw the devastating expression on his face and knew how serious this was. Both of them fought to hide back their hysteria. Marianna crossed herself and started praying in Italian.
Ashleigh: (with tears in her eyes) Dear God! Dave is too young for that, isn't he?
Dr. Tanner: True, the disease is more common in middle-aged and older adults. It is very rare to see it at this early age, but it does happen.
Ashleigh: So Dr. Tanner, what is going to happen now?
Dr. Tanner: I don't know how much you know about the disease, maybe Dave can fill you in on the details.
Dave: Please, Dr. Tanner, I rather you do it. I'm still trying to take the news in.
Dr. Tanner: Very well. The disease is a progressive wasting away of nerve cells in the brain and spinal column. It effects mobility, speech, swallowing, breathing and in some patients their vision starts failing.
Ashleigh: That would explain why you've been falling down alot lately, having blurred vision, been out of breath and stiff fingers, Dave. He kept saying it was because he was tired, but I just knew there was something else wrong with him.
Dr. Tanner: Well, in a way, it probably had alot to do with him being tired. The muscles become weak and stiffen and it takes alot of effort just to make simple movements.
Marianna: How long did Dave have this? Could we have caught it early on?
Dr. Tanner: This is probably something Dave carried around with him his entire life. Maybe we could have caught it earlier on, but there was very little that we could do. A.L.S. is a very difficult disease to detect and there is no cure.
Marianna: Why didn't we know about it sooner?
Dr. Tanner: Dave, has probably been showing some symptoms for a long time and dismissed them as just being, uncoordinated, awkward, clumsy. As the disease progressed the signs became more apparent.
Dave: So, how long do I have left?
Dr. Tanner: The disease is at an advance stage now, so best case scenario---a year.
Dave: Worst case scenario?
Dr. Tanner: Maybe 3-4 months--no longer than 6 months.
Ashleigh: I can't believe this is happening. Dave was fine yesterday and now you'll telling me he's going to die.
Dr. Tanner: I am very sorry. This is the part of my job I hate.
Marianna: What can we expect to come?
Dr. Tanner: During some of the tests, I noticed several healed over broken bones and some unhealed fractures mostly around his spine. Dave, were you susceptible to alot of injuries as a young boy?
Dave: Yes, courtesy of my dad. He had a very bad temper and when things didn't go his way he kinda got a little physical with me.
Dr. Tanner: A LITTLE physical! Anyway, this disease tends to strike weakened, damaged and vulnerable areas of the body. It's attacking your spinal cord which is why you have been having such a hard time standing and walking.
Ashleigh: What can we do about that?
Dr. Tanner: There is one option, but it's only temporary. I'm afraid that eventually Dave will wind up in a wheelchair, and that's only the beginning. His vision will get worse, breathing ,swallowing and talking will be harder.
Marianna: What is the one option?
Dave: Can't we talk about this later. I'm really tired now. I would like to get some sleep. Besides, you guys need to get home. I'm sure, Colin, Jamie and DJ are wondering what is going on. Please don't say anything about this to DJ. I want to be there when we tell him.
Ashleigh: Alright, how long will he have to be in here, doctor?
Dr. Tanner: I could probably discharge him tomorrow afternoon, barring any complications.
Ashleigh and Marianna said their goodbyes to Dave and Dr. Tanner walked them out. After they left, Dr. Tanner walked back into the room to check some of Dave's vitals before he went to sleep. Dave couldn't help but notice before the door shut Ashleigh and Marianna fall into each others' arms and start crying.
The next day when Dave and Ashleigh arrived home after Dave was discharged, they confronted DJ and explained Dave's illness to him.
DJ: Don't worry Poppy. Nana and I will help you get better.
Dave: DJ, there's no cure. I'm not going to get better. The disease is fatal.
DJ: The disease has never gone up against a Malucci before.
Ashleigh: DJ, go get washed up for lunch now.
DJ: But I wasn't done practicing on my keyboard yet.
Ashleigh: Now DJ!
DJ: Yes Nana.
Dave was deep in thought and Ashleigh was wondering what was going through his mind right now. Dave waited until DJ left the room and the sound of the bathroom door brought him out of his thoughts.
Ashleigh: Dave, are you alright?
Dave: Yeah, I'm fine. Ashleigh I need to talk to you.(pause) I'm moving out of the house.
Ashleigh: What are you talking about, Dave?
Dave: My voice hasn't gone yet. You heard me. I'm moving out.
Ashleigh:(whining) Why, Dave, why?
Dave: This disease is debilitating. I don't want either you or DJ to be around me when I get worse, especially near the end. I love you guys too much to let you see me like that. This is best.
Ashleigh: Best for who. DJ and me? Or best for you, Dave. Because your stubborn male pride can't cope with having to depend on others. It's okay to ask for help. We all have to some time. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
Dave: You don't understand. I can't subject you or DJ to having to deal with a busted down cripple. You deserve better than that. How is DJ going to feel when he sees his poppy as an invalid. I won't be able to walk, talk, see, feed myself or breathe on my own.
Ashleigh: Do you really think that stuff matters to us. You are the one that matters. If we wanted to have a guy around just because he could do all those things, we could just pick one out of the phone book. We want you. Aren't you always the one who stressed to DJ that it's more important who a person is on the inside than who they are on the outside?
Dave: Yeah, bu...(Ashleigh put her hand on Dave's mouth to silence him)
Ashleigh: Fine. If this is what you want than you are going to be the one to tell DJ and break his little heart. After all, you're his hero. He looks up to you and he loves you so much. This news will destroy him.
Dave: MRMRMRM.......(trying to speak through Ashleigh's hand)
Ashleigh: What?
Dave rolls his eyes at her. She gets the message and removes her hand before he pushes it down himself.
Ashleigh: Sorry, Dave. It's just I want you to know how dumb it is for us to break up now when you're going to need your family more than ever.
Dave: (regretfully) You win. But if I see that this is affecting DJ emotionally or you for that matter, I'm out of here.
Ashleigh: Deal.
DJ: (banging his knife and fork on the table) It's nice when some people can go on talking, while others are starving.
Dave: We better get to our boy before he starts eating through the table.
By the end of the week, Ashleigh noticed Dave was starting to drag his left foot as he walked. He was using furniture to stabilize and get himself around. His breathing became more erratic and he was starting to bump into objects. Dave insisted on going to work everyday. That Monday morning, Dave was getting on his bike to ride it to work when Ashleigh and DJ heard a crash. They ran outside and saw Dave on the ground. DJ put the bike back in the garage and Ashleigh helped Dave to his feet. Dave leaned on her as he limped towards the house.
Dave: Ashleigh, I want you to put an ad in the paper to sell my bike. I'm not going to be able to ride it anymore.
Ashleigh: Don't you want to save it for DJ?
Dave: No. It will be a long time before DJ will be able to ride it. Besides, I paid $300 for that bike. I know we won't get half that amount for it, but anything will help. We need the money right now. Whatever we get for it could buy food, pay a bill or buy DJ some new clothes.
Ashleigh didn't know it at the time, but Dave was way ahead of everyone else. They say when a person knows they're going to die, they react in several different ways. Some talk about death, some withdraw, others give away their personal possessions---but all start letting go of the physical world around them and start turning inward to the soul.
Ashleigh drove DJ to school and Dave to the clinic, but not to work as a doctor--as a patient. He needed to be treated for his fall. Dr. Rogers, who was well aware of Dave's condition, was his doctor. He ran some tests and took some x-rays. He came back into Dave's cubicle and confronted Dave and Ashleigh with the results.
Dr. Rogers: Well, there's no break. But there is extensive swelling around his spinal cord and muscle weakness in his lower half of his body. Dave, you simply can not go on like this. You need a wheelchair.
Dave: NO!!!!
Ashleigh: The doctor over at Mercy said there was one option we should look into, albeit only temporary. What is it?
Dr. Rogers: Yes, I know about that one option. I spoke to Dr. Tanner after he examined Dave the day Dave was brought in after he had his seizure. We could fit Dave with leg braces and crutches. That will help him get around a little easier but he is going to have to start facing reality and knowing his limits. That's why I'm cutting his shifts here at the clinic.
Dave: NO!!! You can't do that Dr. Rogers. I need this job. I have a kid to support.
This line sounded all too familiar to Dave.
Dr. Rogers: Dave, I'm not firing you. I just think you need to cut back. You are working way too hard now. You're stressing yourself.
Dave: I can handle it. I've failed at one job, I can't screw this one up, too.
Dr. Rogers: Tell you what, Dave. I'll make a deal with you. If you promise to use your braces and crutches then I won't cut your shift. But if I see that you can't handle your share of the workload, your hours will be cut.
Dave: Fair enough. Deal.
Ashleigh: It's hell having alternatives thrown back at you, isn't it, Dave?(Thinking about their conversation they had a week ago, when Dave wanted to break up with her.)
Dr. Rogers: I'm also arranging for you to go up to see an ophthalmologist. I've noticed you've been squinting alot and burying your face in books to read them.
Ashleigh: He's been banging into a lot of things lately and having bad headaches, too.
Dave: Ashleigh, please!
Dr. Rogers: Dave, it's part of the agreement to keep your hours.
Dave stubbornly agreed. Dr. Rogers got Dave his braces and crutches and he and Ashleigh went up to ophthalmology. The doctor placed a penlight in front of Dave's eyes and had him follow the light. Then he dilated Dave's eyes and looked inside of them. Finally he had Dave look through the viewfinder. When Dave couldn't read the easiest lines on the eye chart, the doctor was ready to make a diagnosis.
Dr. Collins: Dave, have you ever had an injury to your eyes?
Dave: About 3 years ago, I was maced at close range by a patient. Long story.
Dr. Collins: Well, the muscles in your eyes are seriously damaged and the mace probably weakened them more than it would have to healthy eye muscles.
Ashleigh: So now what? Are you saying that Dave is going blind?
Dr. Collins: Slowly. He does have some of his vision left but it is being compromised by all the straining and squinting he's been doing.
Ashleigh: What do we do now?
Dave: Hello! I'm still in the room here. You can talk to me.
Dr. Collins: Sorry, Dave. I'm going to write you a prescription for some glasses. You need to wear them all the time. That will lessen your eye strain and preserve your sight longer.
Dave: Wow! You know what I use to call guys who wore glasses. Me a four-eyed gimp. Now I know the pain of being Dr. Weaver. No way!
Dr. Collins: Before you even think to ask. Yes, I am obligated to tell Dr. Rogers about this exam. I'm sure he's going to make you follow my orders.
Ashleigh: I'll be sure he does. If I have to superglue his glasses to his face---HE WILL WEAR THEM.
Later that day, DJ arrived home. The first thing he wanted to know was if his poppy was okay. Dave came limping into the other room on his crutches wearing his glasses.
DJ: Poppy, are you okay?
Dave: Sure. It's going to take more than a fall on the ground to damage this body.
DJ: I'm glad. I was worried about you all day.
Dave was waiting for DJ to mention his new look, but DJ never said a word. Dave instigated.
Dave: DJ, don't you notice something different about me?
DJ: Yeah, your wearing glasses, braces and are on crutches. So what?
Dave: Well, don't you want to know why?
DJ: No. I figure if you want to tell me, you will. But it really doesn't matter. I'm just glad you're okay.
Dave lived up to his agreement with Dr. Rogers and as per agreement Dr. Rogers kept Dave at his regular hours. He went to work everyday, but after about six weeks Dave's leg muscles became even more rigid. They were weak and no longer supported his weight, even with his braces on. One day at work, Dave grabbed for his crutches and realized he couldn't feel or move his legs. Dave panicked. He had Dr. Rogers paged and was taken into an exam room. One of the nurses called Ashleigh. When she arrived, she and Dave were given the news they tried to avoid hearing for a long time. Tests reveal that the A.L.S. hit Dave's spinal cord hard. It's left Dave completely paralyzed from the middle of his back down.
Dave: I thought this disease just weakened the muscles, not paralyze them. I didn't know I could lose feeling in my legs.
Dr. Rogers: Normally it doesn't paralyze the patient. However, your spinal area was damaged and like any disease it attacked your vulnerable spot. I'm sorry Dave. Like it or not, now you have no choice.
Two months, after diagnosis, Dave was confined to a wheelchair. Dave still continued to work. But all his colleagues, as well as Ashleigh noticed that Dave's words weren't coming as easily as they usually did. His speech started slurring, his words were getting mixed up and sometimes he'd open his mouth to talk and nothing would come out. Dave brought all the books and videos he could on sign language and he, DJ and Ashleigh started to learn to sign.
DJ's fourth birthday was in one week and both Dave and Ashleigh knew that Dave was not going to be able to make the trip. They broke the news to DJ. Even though, he said he understood he was still disappointed. Dave hated this disease and what if was doing to him. It was not only destroying his life but DJ's and Ashleigh's as well. They did manage to throw DJ a small party and he seemed to enjoy it. Dave got DJ a tape recorder so he can record his keyboard practice. Every night for the next week, he and DJ would be in the living room recording.
Dave: DJ-playing Mozart "Minuetto Allegretto"- Take 1.
Those tape recordings that week will have to last a lifetime. That Saturday, when Dave woke up he was unable to speak a word. It was like a case of laryngitis but for Dave it was permanent. He could make sounds but no words let alone form sentences. He's grateful he had the foresight to learn sign language because it definitely came in handy now.
Dave was coming to the realization that his time was running out and he decided to bide his time doing the things he enjoyed. Since hockey was out of the question, he would play his guitar or piano. One night after supper, he was at the piano when he couldn't get his fingers to move across the keyboard. He started getting frustrated and kept banging on the keys. Ashleigh and DJ came running in, just in time to see Dave throw his metronome across the room. He couldn't hold it in anymore.
Dave signs: (crying) I'm sorry Ashleigh. I tried to be strong for you and DJ, but I can't any longer. I'm scared. I don't want to die.
Ashleigh: If anyone has a right to fall apart, it's you.
DJ: We're scared too, poppy. We want you around for a long time.
All three held each other finally for the first time able to show their real fears and feelings over this horrible disease that was taking one of them away.
Almost a year later, it was Dave's 34th birthday and he, DJ and Ashleigh were having a small family party at Marianna's house. When Marianna brought out the cake, everyone started to sing to Dave. Before he blew out the candles, he looked around at his family and thought about his wish. Once he had it, he tried to blow out the candles but he didn't have enough air in him to do it. So DJ did and everyone helped him. Dave's wish was for his family to be taken good care of after he was gone. He knew deep down he wasn't going to see another birthday. Marianna cut the cake but Dave just pushed it aside. He was having trouble swallowing and was afraid he would choke on it. He wasn't eating very much and everyone noticed his enormous weight loss. The side effects from his medication made him throw up a lot when he did eat. They tried IV's but his veins were so sclerosed that they were ready to collapse. Dave didn't even want to discuss a feeding tube. He turned a deaf ear to it everytime the subject was brought up.
Colin and Marianna gave Dave a computer with a voice module on it. Dave would just type on it and it would talk for him. They knew he would be able to use it now since Dave couldn't move his fingers to sign. They had a devise made up to put on Dave's hand with a prong so he could strike the keys without using his fingers. Dave was now wearing braces on his arms to steady them. He could still lift his arms up and grab things between his wrists.
While everyone was laughing and having a good time they weren't prepared for what happened next. Dave started gasping for air. He was turning blue when the ambulance arrived. They took him to Mercy. By the time he got there he was in respiratory arrest. He had double pneumonia and both his lungs collapsed. They put in two chest tubes. The doctor insisted he go on a ventilator. Dave up and out refused. The doctor assured Dave that this was his only way of buying time. Ashleigh reminded him that DJ's fifth birthday was coming up and DJ would be so disappointed if he weren't around for it. Dave reluctantly agreed. But a week after DJ's birthday, Dave was recovering enough and made it clear he wanted off the respirator. His doctor took him off and Dave swore he was never going back on it again.
When Dave was no longer able to hold a pen steady between his wrists to fill out his charts or write prescriptions, he knew it was time to stop working. After he lost all function of his hands and couldn't push himself around in the wheelchair, Ashleigh got him an electric one. He said that was the first step to total helplessness. A step( no pun intended) he wasn't willing to take. He only used the chair once or twice. He retreated to bed and that's where he stayed. Occasionally, his clinic co-workers and hockey buddies will stop in to see him. As he started deteriorating, he requested no visitors. He was still upset that his family had to see him in that condition.
Knowing that the end was coming quickly, Dave's doctors arranged for hospice to intervene. That's when they met Nancy. She arranged to have a hospital bed put down in the living room, have Dave's medicine delivered to the house and brought in oxygen tanks since Dave was now breathing on direct oxygen all the time.
*******End of FLASHBACK*********
Ashleigh realized what time it was and she had to get DJ home, she headed back to the ER with several of the ER staff behind her. They wanted to check on Dave before they went home for the night. When they went into the room, they saw DJ with his head down on the bed next to Dave. Both were fast asleep.
Everyone in unison: Awwww!!! How cute is that.
Luka picked DJ up and carried him to Ashleigh's car. DJ fell asleep on top of the Shakespeare book so Luka was careful not to wake him as he peeled the pages away from DJ's face. The doctors checked on Dave's vitals one last time and then left only to return again in the morning.
To be continued. Please read and review.