Chapter Sixteen
Never before in his young life had Henry Mills felt so cold, it was as if it was attacking his bones as he shivered.
Still, he recovered quickly enough to sit up and watch his mother shimmer back into reality, her face twisted in an emotion that Henry was not equipped to decipher.
Then again, was it possible that any other mother-son duo had ever been in this exact situation?
Henry was only vaguely aware of the blanket that was being pulled over his shoulders by his other mother, it did very little for the coldness anyway.
"Kid…" Emma said cautiously, "Can you see your mom?"
Henry nodded distantly.
The experience of literally passing through her form… was so much worse than touching her face at the mausoleum. She appeared so tangible, but each shiver that ran through him was a sign that she wasn't really there.
Regina's gasp reminded Henry that he had no idea how it was that this was possible nor how long it would last, so staring surely wasn't the best use of his time right now.
"Can we…have a minute?" Henry asked, not bothering to look at Emma as she stood.
"I…Sure…I'll just…" Emma said, sharing a look with Regina as she retreated towards her bedroom and Henry shot to his feet as Regina also began moving in the same direction.
"Mom, please don't…" he begged as she came to a stop by the dining table.
"It's not that, Henry," Regina replied, her voice once again sending shocks up the boy's spine, "I…can't physically be further away from Emma than this."
"Oh…right," Henry mumbled, suddenly wondering how it was that they had sustained this arrangement considering the track record of their rocky relationship. He didn't want to discuss the saviour, however, so he just went over to the table and Regina sat beside him, raising more questions about ghosts that he would be asking later.
There was too much to talk about right now, but it was Regina who asked her pressing question first, "Who is Isaac, Henry?"
Henry scratched at the table, she sounded so concerned even now.
"He's been appearing since…since your funeral. He's been showing me stuff," he explained.
"What kind of 'stuff'?"
Henry slapped the table and replied, "That I'm an idiot! That I shouldn't have ignored you, that you're not evil!"
Regina sighed and Henry couldn't be sure whether that meant that she was convinced or not, "What did he show you?"
"Your mom…" Henry started and Regina winced, "she hit you?"
The wince promptly became angry and he had no doubt that it was because she was pissed that anyone would show him something like that. It wasn't because she was really thinking of the reality of her childhood.
"Sometimes," Regina replied.
"It didn't look like sometimes," Henry said, making to touch her arm but she moved it out of his reach. Perhaps contact was not a pleasant experience for her either?, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You're eleven, I would have never burdened you with that knowledge," Regina said softly.
"But if you told me…I could have understood sooner…maybe I could have…" Henry argued.
"My childhood does not excuse my actions. There are millions of people who had less than ideal experiences who did not curse an entire realm," Regina said, her voice taking on the edge that it had in the recording.
"What about Daniel?"
Regina froze and Henry saw a glimpse of the woman from that day, the one who had sobbed over the man that she loved. The one who had lost everything that she wanted her life to be because someone else decided that it wasn't enough for her.
"He…He showed you…" she said and it was the first time that Henry had ever heard her really stumble over a sentence so he cut her off.
"I've never seen you so devastated, I just…" Henry sniffed.
"Was that the day that Emma found you at the mansion?" Henry nodded and Regina growled, "How dare this Isaac think that he has the right?! I will…"
"Mom!" Henry shouted to stop her tirade, "It was hard to watch but I finally saw what I should have all along."
"And what would that be?"
"That you saved my life, that you're a hero," Henry choked out.
Regina sucked in a breath, "That is incredibly nice of you to say."
"Did you really think that you could leave town without people noticing?" Henry ploughed ahead before he gave her a chance to recover from his last statement.
Regina ran her hand over her face and regarded the boy for a few moments and Henry had to wonder what emotion it was that she was seeing in him. It could very well be anger, it could be sorrow or perhaps it was some painful combination of everything he had ever felt about his adoptive mother?
"I didn't intend my departure from this town to be quite as dramatic as it was so I suppose I did," Regina admitted after a few moments of consideration.
"But what about your family?!" Henry demanded.
"Henry…"
"No!" Henry shouted, standing with enough force to push his chair over, "You were going to leave me behind, forget me! You said that you wouldn't give up but you did! How could you think that I would want to be Henry Swan without even asking first?!"
Regina's eyes glimmered back at him and he had no idea whether that was because she was close to tears or because she wasn't physically there, either way, it made him feel so guilty that he deflated and pulled the chair back up.
He plopped back onto it and propped his chin up on his hand.
"I shouldn't have shouted…I'm sorry…" he mumbled.
"You said that this Isaac showed you my mother?" Regina asked unexpectedly.
Henry lifted his head, "Yeah, but what does that have to do with…"
"I was quite literally raised by a woman without a heart," Regina sighed, "She arranged every moment of my life, she even spooked the horse that would force me to meet Snow White so that Leopold would propose to me. She was so determined that I become the queen that she tore out my fiance's heart. Even through all of that, she thought that what she was doing was the best for me. My greatest fear is that I am in any way like her…"
"You're not!" Henry defended and Regina returned with a watery smile dripping with gratitude.
"But I was," she corrected, "I wanted to force you to live with me using magic, I considered a curse to make you believe that you loved me. Over those six months…I could feel myself slowly slipping and I couldn't bear the thought of disappointing you. Please believe that I don't say this to upset you, but I really did think that you would be happy if I left."
"You…you don't think that I love you?" Henry asked in a small voice.
"I could not see that I deserved for you to," Regina replied, not at all sounding like the first time that she had said it.
"And now?"
Regina wiped at her cheeks with another smile, "I can't say how happy I have been to be given the chance to be proven wrong, but every time I see that you are hurting, I wish that you didn't. It would have made things easier for you."
The statement delivered a punch to Henry's gut as he registered what exactly she was suggesting, "You still want to break the tether?" he gasped.
Regina dragged her teeth over her bottom lip and dragged her eyes over the distance between their hands on the table, before she replied, "I don't belong in this world anymore, nothing can change that."
"Is this because you want to be with Daniel?" Henry asked, anger swelling high enough that it came out as more of an accusation than he intended.
He expected a wistful smile, for her to stare off to the side and imagine again what it would be like to be with her first love, but she kept her smile on him, though it had become notably sadder.
"No," she said softly, "I love Daniel, but the girl who was going to marry him no longer exists, given the choice I would much rather stay with you and Emma."
Caught off guard, Henry asked, "And Emma?"
Regina's eyes widened and she did briefly glance over to the saviour's bedroom before she replied, unconvincingly, "She's your mother…"
"No, it's more than that isn't it? In the recording you said that you wanted to tell Emma something, what was it?" Henry prompted, anticipation raising in him, though he couldn't pinpoint what it was that he was expecting.
"Recording?" Regina deflected, "Do you mean the privileged recording of my therapy sessions? That cricket needs…"
"Mom! Please?"
Regina swallowed hard, "Henry, none of this matters anymore. I am quite literally dead."
"Of course, it matters! What did you want to tell Emma?"
Apprehensively, Regina said, "That I am in love with her."
"What?!" Henry boomed and Regina winced as he stood, probably expecting anger or disgust, but instead, he made as if to go to the bedroom, "You have to tell her now! Maybe if she knows…"
"Henry," she said, employing the tone that always stopped him in his tracks, "I told her an hour ago."
Henry's eyes widened, but he drifted eagerly back towards her, "And?"
"And…she loves me too," Regina admitted.
Henry's knees buckled and he dropped back to the table, at last allowing his tears to erupt despite thinking that he had to be dehydrated by this point of the night.
As he sobbed into his arms, he thought he would feel a hand on his shoulder and he did momentarily feel a chill pass above him before Regina said, "Henry, please don't…I have never wanted you to feel this way."
The tears persisted as he lifted his head and he said, brokenly, "We could have been a family?"
"We are a family, Henry," Regina corrected, "There is nothing that can take away the ten happiest years of my life."
Henry sniffed, involuntarily looking at the skin showing above her dress that was mercifully free of any surgical incisions and asked, "Not even a bullet?"
"This all started because Jefferson was angry with the Evil Queen, always remember that. You were in danger because of something that I did," Regina said.
Henry bounced his leg and tried to stem the tears, but there was one thing outstanding in his mind. He didn't want to say it but he knew that he would regret it if he didn't, "You said that I'm not your son, those could have been your last words."
"And that hurt more than the bullet, Henry," Regina whispered.
There it was, the perfect response to every doubt he'd ever had in the woman who raised him and he just crumbled into his desire to hold her hand, figuring that it was the only way to impart upon her how grateful he was for everything that he had given her.
He hissed and pulled it back as it shimmered before him and he choked out a gasp.
There was only one way to pass his message on apparently, so through his cries, he said, "I love you so much, mommy."
"And I love you, my little prince," Regina replied, on the verge of tears herself.
S
It took some convincing, but eventually, Henry went to bed under the promise that they wouldn't try breaking the tether, at least that they wouldn't that night.
Emma did offer to go back to interrogating Jefferson to get Regina what they needed, the name of his accomplice, but Regina insisted that she sleep first.
This was how the pair found themselves laying in Emma's bed (or on the duvet in Regina's case) staring at each other.
Emma always knew that her love confession was going to change their dynamic, but never had she thought that she would know Regina Mills felt the same way and not be able to touch her.
It almost made her reluctant to close her eyes since it would take away the evidence that the woman was there.
It was for this reason that she propped her head up on her palm and stared openly at the former queen who could well have been her girlfriend.
She was reminded of her conviction that she deserved at least one short kiss so had to pull herself out of her self-pity as she noted Regina's prominent frown.
"Are you worried about Henry?" Emma asked softly.
"I am always worried about Henry," Regina sighed and if Emma hadn't clearly heard their conversation earlier, she would have been tempted to think of he son as an idiot. How could he have thought of her as anything but his mother?
"Regina, he's a strong kid, he just needs time to come to terms with everything and I promise…I'll help him," Emma said and Regina managed a smile. That had to mean that she was somehow comforted and Emma's heart ached.
Regina Mills really believed in her!
After the emotions in the vault, Emma was sure that Regina wouldn't appreciate delving into their relationship again, but there was one thing that she'd heard that may preclude sleep.
Shifting to get more comfortable, she asked, "So…your mom hit you?"
Regina's eyes flicked down in unwarranted shame and the only thing that made Emma feel better was imagining a particularly hard punch to Cora's smug face.
"All of the time," Regina admitted, looking vulnerably back to her companion's eyes, "Apparently she believed it to be essential to her brand of 'royal training'."
"I'm sorry, Regina," Emma whispered, her fingers twitching to touch either her waist or her cheek, a stark reminder of the torment of sharing love with a spirit.
Surely it wouldn't be the last time now that she was so determined to learn how to deal with it until the tether was broken.
Regina saved her from once again receiving the sensation of frostbite by replying, "There is nothing for you to apologise for, Emma. Besides, I have already discussed it extensively with Archie, I really have made peace with it."
"That's…good," Emma sighed and dropped her head to the pillow.
"Tomorrow we will find out who Jefferson's accomplice is?" Regina asked with her first hint of uncertainty. Did Henry's sudden ability to see her alter things despite what she told the boy?
Knowing that this was wistful thinking on her part, Emma replied, "We will."
"Good," Regina said, "...Goodnight Emma."
The saviour slipped her eyes closed but as expected, it became uncomfortable not being able to detect her companion, so she promptly opened them to find Regina staring pensively at her.
Perhaps longingly was the right word?
Choosing not to comment on that, Emma said, going for joking, "I don't think that I can sleep now that I know you watch me."
Regina almost looked like she was blushing, if that were possible?
"I could go back to the corner if you prefer?" Regina suggested.
"No!" Emma replied a little too quickly and Regina's chuckle had the saviour's heart skip, how she would love to hear that for the rest of her life, "That would be so much worse, please stay right there?"
Regina laughed beautifully again and said, "Well then, seeing as we appear to have some time, there is something that you could do for me?"
"Anything," Emma replied eagerly.
"Could you tell me exactly what it is that you had planned for our first date?"