Fatal Decision
Acceptance:
Life goes on, but I'm hindering behind. As to people wonder why? I can't really tell. School is the place I escape to when I can't handle the things I'm expected to do. My friends, or are they really, helps me to pass through tough time. It's simply because they don't and won't understand what I'm going through. They think I'm always in control, strong and untouchable, but i'm really dying inside. Slowly fading, slowly sinking, crumbling into pieces.
~***~
My bright smile, the flick of laughter in my eyes. The teasing of my actions. All of it is only there to cover up the need I have. The hole in my heart of longing. Longing for something I don't even know what it is. All the things I do, it's only simple routine. Others might long for what I have, what seems to be a big loving family. To the eyes of the others the only thing they think I have is not there...my family. Maybe it is there, but that's not enough for me. I long for more. More than just what I have. The magic within. True Love. They think I'm weak and helpless, hiding in the shadows of the others. Maybe I am, but what's within me is the will to do what my heart desires. The only thing is, what does my heart desire?
~***~
The big elegant house. Furnished and carpeted. So lonesome and still. Faint, misty in a dreamy soft kind of way. Warm, but at the same time cold within. Richly decorated. An eye candy. Different wings of the house. It's so big, I am the owner of this house, and even I got lost a few times. In the cold of the night, the wind howled outside. How I wish there could be another person here with me. Sharing secrets. But for me it's different. I'm different from everyone else. No one understands or ever will. I gave up on sharing my secrets when I figured out no one cares. That was when I was five. I use to believe in faith, true love, fairy tales and hope. Now I think of thing as the way it is. Nothing to hope for, nothing to dream about. The destination was put in my life since I was born. I can not choose. I use to resist but now there is no point. I gave everything up. It's simply the way it is, now and forever more...
To be continued...