The Legend of Gundam Wing : Part Three
By Prettysammy007
Author's Note : This is the third part of my never-ending LOGW series. If you haven't read the first or second parts, do so…. N.. wait… NOW! I must tell you that I do not own any of these characters, the Legend of Zelda, nor the Gundam Wing ones.
Character AssociationsHeero – Link
Duo – Navi
Relena – Zelda
Dorothy – Impa
Relena with a mop on her head – Sheik
Wufei – Saria
Treize – Gannondork, I Mean Gannondorf!
((There it is!)) Heero thought as he walked by the river that lead to the Earth Flea Market's water supply. He saw the 'surprise' that Katherine had put in the water and smiled. He eyed the present as it went into the Flea Market's walls, and then noticed something : There was a dark vibe around the Market for some reason, but he didn't know why. Maybe it was April 20th or something. Heero continued on towards the castle when he noticed another thing : He had stepped in some dog crap. After wiping it on a nearby rock, he arrived at the front gate of the castle.
((Why the hell is the gate closed?)) Heero tilted his head. ((It's daytime, and it only closes at night because of the hippies…)) suddenly, the gate opened slowly, and as soon as it was fully opened, a pink limousine came rushing out.
"Shut up, Relena!" Dorothy said in the driver's seat. "I get to drive!"
"But it's my limo!" Relena whined. She looked out the window and spotted Heero. "Oh! It's Heero! He came to see me! He wants to ask me out! He wants to marry me! Heero!"
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Dorothy yelled and took Relena's xylophone that was in the passenger seat and threw it at Relena's head. Relena screamed as the xylophone crashed out the back window and landed at Heero's feet. Heero looked at it with a confused face, and shoved it into his hat. Then, there was a noise of an engine, coming closer. Heero looked up and saw a white mobile suit zooming towards him. It stopped about nine feet away, and the cockpit opened to reveal…. A GUY!
"You there! Little boy!" the man said.
((I want a mobile suit!))
"Have you seen a pink limo zoom by? You must have, you can't miss it. It's a long car that looks like a cannibal flamingo puked on it."
((They went north.))
"Not talking eh?" the man asked as he eyed Heero's hat.
((I can't talk, you dumbass! You piss me off.)) Heero unsheathed the sword at his side.
"Heh… heh.. heh." The man laughed. "I like your style kid, but that's going to get you killed." The man fired a shot at Heero's shoulder, who tried not to laugh.
((That tickles!))
"Fool! Do you know who you are dealing with? I am Treize Khushrenada! And I will rule the world!" Treize got back in his suit and sped off. Heero scratched his head in confusion, and remembered the xylophone that was hidden in his hat. He took it out, and he saw a light flash before his eyes.
"Heero." A faint voice said.
((Oh, god no…))
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero." The voice said again, this time the light faded to Relena in front of an altar in The Temple of Stuff. "You have to protect the Earth."
((To hell with you. I don't have to do what you say.))
"This is the melody to open the Oven Door in the Temple of Stuff." Relena held up the xylophone mallets and started to play random notes. "Wait…that's not it…"
"Get out of here you idiot." Dorothy shoved Relena into the altar and played the song to open the Oven Door. "That's the song, she's a moron, and you're supposed to protect the Earth, blady blah. You put the three things you collected on that hunk of rock, play the song and the Oven Door shall open. Come on Relena." Dorothy then dragged Relena away by her hair and the light flashed.
((God damn light.)) Heero rubbed his eyes and held up the Trowa doll and went to the Temple of Stuff. At the entrance there was a giant green door and a rope. There was also a sign that read: Pull rope for midget.
((Pull rope for midget?)) Heero pulled the rope and a little man from a little door opened it.
"Nobody sees the oven door, no way, no how!" he declared and slammed the door on Heero. Heero then pulled out his sword and pulled the rope again.
"Nobody sees the oven door, no way, no.." the midget was cut off by Heero putting his sword to the midget's neck and smiling.
((Let me in dammit.))
"What do you want you puny kid?" the midget jeered.
((Let me in or I slash your throat, climb in your midget door and sell your carcass for sashimi.))
"Are you gonna tell me what you want or do I have to go and get my midget mud hammer?" the midget started to get mad, and so was Heero. "Nobody sees the oven door, no way, no how!" the midget then shut his door again and had a cup of coffee.
((That's it I've had it.)) Heero yanked the midget's door off the hinges and crawled in. ((This Wizard of Oz crap is getting really old.)) Heero hit the midget over the head with a stick and then walked up to the hunk of rock.
"Heero! You killed a midget!" Duo flew up behind him.
((I know, and he looks like Woofy. Where have you been?))
"At the bar." He growled. "They wouldn't give me anything to drink."
((Right, let's just get this over with.)) Heero saw a platform with three indentations on its rough surface. Taking out the light bulb, the stapler, and the miniature Trowa dolly, Heero placed them in each of the indentations. ((….. Open up, you piece of shit!))
Heero didn't realize that he had to play the song, because he always bitches, and never has time to think.
After a brief silence, Heero reached into his hat and pulled the xylophone out. After playing the song that Dorothy had taught him, the door slowly and dramatically opened. ((Okay, I'm outta here.))
"Holy shit! Look at that shiny thing!" Duo glided over to a sword that was crookedly stabbed into a platform. "It's…. shiny! I want it!"
((Maybe I can use that sword to poke stuff with, or something.)) Heero walked up to the sword, and pulled it out with all his strength, which came out after a few tries. They were suddenly surrounded by a shiny light.
"Heh, congratulations kid!" Treize suddenly appeared. "Now I can get into the temple and step on grass with signs that say 'Do not step on grass', and pay with everything in pennies, and then not be aware of dogs with signs over their dog houses that say 'Beware of Dog'! MWAHAHAHAHAH!"
((SHUT UP!)) Heero threw a rock at Treize.
Chapter I've lost track and too lazy too look back : The Strange-Bird Like Objects Temple
"Where are we?" Duo asked, rubbing his eyes. There in front of him and Heero, stood a man in his early twenties with a strange helmet on his head.
"Welcome." The man said in a raspy dubbed voice. "My name is Zechs, and this is my temple… thing. Now, I know that you are confused and all, but look at yourself." He said. Heero looked down and noticed that he was an inch taller, and had a pair of blue jeans with some ugly boot things, instead of his regular spandex with tennis shoes.
((Damn I'm beautiful!))
"Hey…" Duo complained. "He grows up, and gets new stuff. I have didily squat! Gimme something!"
"Fine." Zechs grumbled. He waved his hand, and a miniature Gundam Deathscythe Hell appeared. After squealing in happiness for ten minutes, Duo boarded his new suit and turned it on.
"Ahem." Zechs cleared his throat. "Now, let's make this short and sweet. Go to temples, wake the Registered Important People of the Earth, and all will be happy jolly skippy." Zechs said. Duo was buzzing around the heads of the other two guys within his Gundam.
"… I wonder what this button does?" Duo pressed a button labeled 'Do Not Press!'
Hey, Hey, Hey! Listen, Listen, Listen! Was said in a high pitched and very annoying voice.
"… Huh? I don't get it!" Duo said as the miniature Gundam continued to zoom around, screaming 'Hey, Hey, Hey! Listen, Listen, Listen!' Heero became really pissed off, and grabbed the Gundam as it zipped past his head.
Hey, Hey, Hey! Listen, Listen, Listen!
Heero growled and stuffed the Gundam in his back pocket. The muffled sounds continued as Heero was transported back to the Temple of Stuff.
((…Huh? The door's opened?)) Heero observed. There was a sudden explosion, and Heero rubbed his ass in pain. Duo flew out of the back pocket, burned and scarred.
"Sorry, had to self-destruct." He grinned. Heero grinned back and grabbed Duo.
((I'll teach you to self-destruct in my pants!)) Heero began shaking Duo and choking him. Suddenly, a strange figure appeared in front of them.
"I've been waiting for you…. Heero." The figure said and stepped into the light.
"It's Relena! FOR THE LOVE OF HUMANITY HEERO, PLEASE CONTINUE CHOKING ME!" Duo screamed.
"I'm not Relena." It said.
"Yes you are. Heero, lift that mop off of her head." Commanded Duo. Heero lifted the mop to reveal that it was Relena.
"Gimme that!" she snatched the mop away and placed it back on her head. "My name is Shriek, and I give you obvious hints." Shriek/Relena said. Obvious Hint #1: Wufei is in the Temple of Sexists, and needs help. Go to the graveyard, and find the item that will help you get into the temple."
((Damn, I was hoping that she would have died. I'll just kill her later.)) Heero grinned evilly.
"Okay… erm, thanks?" Duo said.
"Heero, I noticed that your little friend has blown a hole in your pants. May I see it, please?" Shriek asked.
((Hell no!)) Heero kept turning around as Shriek tried to sneak a peak of Heero's rear-end. After fixing his pants, Heero and Duo went straight away to the forest.
Continued in Part Four