"Hatori…" groaned Ayame. "If the kids go outside, then we do too, right?"
"That's how it's supposed to work." Sighed Hatori.
"But is that how it has to work THIS time?" asked Shigure. "I mean, chances are, nothing will happen!"
"What are you talking about, Shigure?" asked Hatori. "Chances are, something WILL happen."
"Whatever!" Shigure laughed. "This is the last day, let them run loose!"
Usually Hatori is pretty good at avoided peer pressure but today, he was feeling easily convinced and let Shigure talk him into not going outside! OH THE HUMANITY OF IT ALL!
(Insert Momiji playing with Wheelchair Olympic Barbie here.)
AKA MEANWHILE!!!
"Aw man…" whined Kyo. "Why did Akito have to come out to play too?"
Everyone stared at Akito who lied face down on the ground surrounded by many flowers.
"The more, the merrier!" Tohru exclaimed.
"Well, what can we do with him?" asked Kagura.
"I've got an idea!" said Momiji as he ran into the garage for a moment. Everyone waited for him to return while talking about the sky, the New England Patriots and the chucking behaviors of woodchucks.
Momiji came out a little later pushing a baby carriage. Why the Soumas had a baby carriage at this random Souma cottage is beyond me but I guess all Souma parents needed to put their small Souma babies SOMEWHERE.
"We'll put him in this!" Momiji sang. (He's good at singing. He even made up his own song!)
Everyone agreed to Momiji's little idea (because they hadn't even thought about the fact that someone needed to push him) and worked together to lift him into the carriage. Well, Kagura didn't because she can't exactly lift someone of the opposite gender who is not one of the eleven other Jyuunishi members or Kyo.
Akito leaned back and smugly stared at everyone as if DARING them to NOT push him.
"Um…someone push him to wherever we end up wanting to go…" said Yuki as he nervously stared at Akito who smiled creepily and licked his lips.
"I'M not doing it." Said Kyo as he turned around and crossed his arms.
"I'LL do it!" Tohru said happily.
"You can't do it!" Kyo said as if he were offended. "You're too WEAK to push Akito!"
"It's okay, Kyo!" Tohru said as she got behind the carriage and grabbed onto both handles. The carriage was taller that she was.
"See!" Kyo yelled. "You CAN'T!"
"I haven't even tried yet!" Tohru laughed.
"FINE!!" Kyo yelled as he got behind the carriage as well and took hold of one of the handles. "I'll do it! But only because it annoys me to see you try so hard for no reason!"
"I'll help you!" Tohru said pushing on the other handle. Kyo sighed.
"Fine…" he said.
"I'LL HELP TOO!!" Kagura said as she dove on top of Kyo and practically took his handle away. "I couldn't be the mother of your children in the future if I couldn't push a baby carriage!"
"How nice!" Tohru said happily as the two girls started pushing the carriage together leaving Kyo to eventually let go.
"I want to ride in the carriage." Said Haru as he looked enviously at Akito.
"We can't push BOTH of you!" Kagura admitted.
"Sure we can!" said Tohru.
"Where are we going anyway?" asked Yuki.
"Let's go to the pond and catch frogs!" Momiji shrieked out of nowhere. "They're calling to me!"
"I didn't know there was a pond anywhere." Said Yuki.
"It's through the bushes!" Momiji said excitedly and he ran into a pack of bushes. "I found it when we were playing hide-and-go-seek!"
"We can't push the carriage through there!" Kagura cried.
"My mother always says that we can do ANYTHING if we just be ourselves!" Tohru said proudly. "Although, I could have been mixing two things up just then…"
Tohru and Kagura watched as everyone entered the bushes and then they tried with all their might but they couldn't get Akito through the bushes. So they just left him there and told him not to go anywhere.
MEANWHILE!!
"It's awfully quiet…" Ayame said suspiciously. "Am I the only responsible one that cares about the well-being of the children? My poor baby brother could be being eaten alive by a snake!" Then he paused. "Not that I'D eat him alive but a REAL snake would."
"I swear Ayame, I wasn't even thinking that." Said Shigure.
"Oh Gure-san, I love you!" Said Ayame.
"AYA!!" Shigure yelled dramatically. "You know I could never think poorly of you!!"
"TE AMO!!" Ayame said with his arm outstretched.
"Y TU TAMBIEN!" Shigure copied. The two of them met in the middle, smiled deviously and then straightened up and gave each other thumbs up.
"YOSH!!" they said together.
"Why, oh why do I hang out with these two?" Hatori asked himself.
MEANWHILE!!
"YAY!!" Momiji cheered as he emerged from the bushes to see the pond he had been searching for. Almost immediately, he jumped into it as if it weren't a disgusting, algae-infected pond that had no distinguishable color and a strong odor. "Where are you, frogs?"
"I'll help you find some!" Tohru said as she took her shoes off and walked into the water/mud to where Momiji was.
"Me too!" Kagura announced as she joined them without even taking off her shoes.
"Do I, or do I not want to go in the mud?" Yuki asked himself. He thought for about a minute before deciding that he DID want to go in the mud so he took his shoes off and joined the group in the mud.
"I am SO wearing all white." Said Haru as he looked down at his clothes. Then he shrugged and jumped right in.
Kyo decided that there was no way in heck he would be going in the mud. (Its 'heck' instead of 'hell' because Kyo is a small child and his mind is not yet corrupted by these sort of swears.) I mean, have YOU ever seen a cat willingly go in a pond let alone a MUDDY pond?! WILLINGLY?! WILLINGLY?!?!
"I FOUND ONE!!" Kagura announced. "HEY!! IT'S A TURTLE!!"
She skillfully grabbed the turtle and lifted it up.
"AHHHHHH!!!" she screamed as she tossed the turtle onto the shore near where Kyo was just sitting. "IT'S GOT TWO HEADS!!"
Kyo, being the curious little devil he is, (Curiosity killed the cat!! GET IT?! HAW HAW HAW!! Aw man, I love puns) went over to the turtle and leaned over it for a good look.
"IT DOES!!" he yelled. "IT'S A TWO-HEADED TURTLE!!"
Every single child wading around in the pond quickly ran to the edge where the turtle.
"EWWW!!" Tohru shrieked as she backed away from the turtle.
"Whoa!" Yuki said as he tried too hard to be a boy even though every other aspect of his being told him that he was a girl when he was actually a boy but he was a boy who really should have just been a girl.
"EWWW!!" Momiji cried because he is another one of those boys that really should have been a girl but Momiji would have LIKED it that way.
"Okay…" said Haru. "So what?"
"I found it!" Kagura announced proudly.
"Let's bring it back!" Kyo said as he poked it with a stick. "I'm not carrying it though."
"I wanted to carry it anyway!" said Kagura as she grabbed it and it squirmed around like a crazy turtle who wanted to get free from the grasp of a small child.
"Let's go show it to Hatori, Shigure and Ayame!" said Momiji.
"YEAH!!!" cheered everyone else as they got out of the mud (with the exception of Kyo who wasn't in the mud in the first place) on their way back. Of course, since Kagura was one of the designated Akito pushers, she had to let Haru push it since he claimed that he had asked to. They pushed open the door and walked in, tracking mud all over the house until they finally came to the bottom of the ladder that led to the loft.
"WE FOUND A TWO HEADED TURTLE!!!" Kyo yelled up the stairs.
"I FOUND IT!!!" Kagura corrected him but still yelling up the stairs.
"Hey, what are you guys doing up there?!" demanded Yuki.
"Playing cards." Ayame answered, poking his head out so they could see him.
"Well come down and see our turtle!!" Momiji commanded.
"Oh my!" said Ayame, slapping his cheeks. "Just look at the horrid mess you children have made!" At the sound of this statement, Hatori poked his head out as well to see what was going on. He took one look at all the mud that was on the floor and shook his head in disappointment.
"I didn't make a mess!" said Kyo. "I'm still clean!"
So all the older people came down the stairs. "All right, you all have to take a bath." Said Shigure, feeling all mature.
"Did you forget?" Hatori asked. "Our shower was stolen."
"Yeah but what about the BATH?" Shigure said.
"Don't be stupid." Hatori said.
"Look at our turtle!" said Kagura.
"It's very nice." Said Ayame.
"It has two heads!" Kagura added.
"Wow!" said Ayame. "That's almost as freakish as Yuki!"
"HEY!!!" yelled Yuki.
"Oh my!" said Tohru suddenly. "Is that turtle one of the Jyuunishi?!"
Everyone slowly turned their heads and stared at Tohru as if she was the stupidest person in the entire world. Actually, she was being rather stupid since there is no turtle in the Zodiac let alone a two headed one which just got me thinking…if you were a Siamese twin and only ONE of you was the Jyuunishi animal…what would happen?!?! WHAT WOULD THE DANCE LOOK LIKE?!?!
"No Tohru, this is not one of the Jyuunishi." Said Shigure, patting her on the head.
"I think there should be a turtle!" said Tohru. "From now on, instead of being a dog OR a cat, I'm going to be the turtle!"
Everyone shook their heads but didn't make fun of Tohru because they love her.
"I wanna be a turtle too." Said Haru. "Instead of a stupid rat."
"Haru, you're a cow." Hatori said.
"And rats aren't stupid!!" yelled Yuki.
"No, I'm a rat." Haru insisted.
"Okay Haru, you're a rat." Hatori said, rolling his eyes.
"I was born in 1984…that's the year of the rat." Haru explained.
Everyone was about to yell at Haru and tell him that he was a dirty rotten stinking liar but then they stopped and actually considered what he had just said. 1984…IS the year of the rat!! AWK!!!
"But…you're the cow." Ayame said.
"But I'm a rat too." Haru replied.
"Wow, Haru actually made sense just now." Shigure said. "In a strange twisted, weird sort of way."
"Yeah but from now on, just be a cow." Said Ayame since he was still confused.
"I'm a turtle from now on though." Haru decided.
"BUT THERE IS NO YEAR OF THE TURTLE!!!" yelled Kyo. "If there's no year of the cat then there's no year of the turtle!!"
"You don't have to get all passionate about it." Said Shigure.
"I refuse to accept this turtle!" Kyo yelled, stomping his foot.
"It doesn't matter, you're not one of the Jyuunishi." Said Ayame.
"Neither is this turtle!" Kyo argued.
"We never said it was!" yelled everyone.
"HARU AND TOHRU DID!!!!" Kyo yelled back.
"AND YOU LISTENED TO THEM?!?!" yelled everyone except for Haru, Tohru and Kyo.
"YES!!!!!" Kyo HOLL-ered.
"There's still the problem that you're all still covered in mud." Said Hatori literally out of nowhere.
"I'M not." Said Kyo.
"Let's just take baths in the lake!" said Momiji as he grabbed Wheelchair Swimming Olympic Barbie and was wearing a matching bathing suit with hers.
"WE GET TO GO SWIMMING AGAIN!!!" cheered all the small children. "HURRAY!!!" And then they ran outside and jumped in the water. HURRAY!!!
"I'm not going outside." Said Kyo.
"Hey, talking to the narrator is MY job." Said Shigure.
"I thought we banished that." Hatori said, looking annoyed.
"No." said Shigure. "No we really didn't."
"I recall banishing it." Hatori continued.
"Since when are you the king of the world?" Shigure asked.
"I'm the most mature one here." Hatori said flatly.
"What?!" Shigure said, looking offended. "How can you say something like that?!"
"Shigure…are you serious? Kyo is more mature than you."
"All right! I'm mature!" cheered Kyo.
"No, the point is that you're NOT." Said Ayame.
"Don't even talk Ayame, you're worse than Shigure." Hatori added.
"That is SO the opposite of the truth." Said Ayame. "Talk to the hand, Hatori, cause the face don't care."
"Whatever." Said Hatori since he didn't really care either.
"Kyo, go outside before I slaughter you!!" yelled Shigure randomly.
"NEVER!!!" yelled Kyo.
"Then go outside before Hatori puts you in a fishbowl." Shigure said.
"He'll never get me alive!!" Kyo declared.
Then they stood there for a minute.
"That was your cue to run off in fear." Said Shigure.
"No." said Kyo. "I'm one of you guys now since I'm the SECOND most mature one here!"
"Then you can help us clean up the mud." Hatori said, trying to use reverse psychology on him.
"WHAT?!" yelled Ayame. "I don't wanna!!!"
"I don't feel like it either." Said Shigure.
"I'LL help!!" Kyo said, seizing his opportunity to prove how mature he was.
Hatori knew that Kyo would probably be counterproductive but he wasn't about to turn down making a fool out of Shigure and Ayame. So Kyo and Hatori started cleaning up the mud and Ayame was reading his beloved Vogue magazine and Shigure was watching them out of the corner of his eye, trying not to watch.
"FINE!!!" yelled Shigure. "I'll help!!!" And he got up sighing all in an exasperated tone as if Hatori and Kyo had been BEGGING him to help them clean up the mud and they just wouldn't have been able to do it without him.
"Um…Ayame, go outside and watch the kids." Said Hatori who had just realized that there were a bunch of small children outside playing in the water.
"I'm READING." Said Ayame.
"You've read that a thousand times." Hatori pointed out.
"I'll watch them!" Kyo said, looking excited.
"That's all right." Sighed Hatori. "I'LL just go out and do it."
"I'll help!" Kyo volunteered.
"Why are you being so cooperative?" Hatori asked.
"Because I'm mature." Kyo answered.
"Fine." Said Hatori. "It's better than you NOT being mature." So Hatori and Kyo went outside where all the children were playing civilly.
"I'll watch everyone who's playing over here." Kyo said.
"You do that." Hatori said.
Meanwhile, in the water, everyone was playing with George and Hathroom, the two-headed turtles. George was the head on the left and Hathroom was the head on the right but they kept switching so it doesn't even matter.
"I like George better than Hathroom." Said Momiji.
"Hathroom rules." Said Yuki.
"What does Hathroom mean?" asked Haru.
"It…it…IT RHYMES WITH BATHROOM!!!" yelled Kagura as all the children burst into a fit of hysterical laughter.
"That is SO immature." Said Kyo as he stood in front of all the kids on a giant rock with his arms crossed.
"Oh and YOU'RE mature?" asked Yuki.
"As a matter of fact, I am." Said Kyo proudly. Then he scoffed at Yuki. "You've got dirt on your face."
"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT!!" Yuki yelled. (Whoa…another role reversal going on here!)
"So childish…" said Kyo with a fake yawn.
"WHAT?!" Yuki HOLL-ered. The he picked up a big clod of mud from the bottom of the lake. "Well…YOU'VE got dirt all over you!"
And with that, Yuki smeared mud all over Kyo's face, neck and chest. A dark essence floated around Kyo as his eyes glowed and resembled the angry fiery pits of heck! (What is this story rated, PG? I have to STICK with that rating! I can't go around saying 'hell' can I? What? I just did? NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!)
"I TRY to be mature!" he yelled. "I try to be nice and this is what you do?! DIE RAT!!"
Then he jumped down from his perch atop the rock and toward Yuki who leisurely stepped to the side. Kyo fell right into the lake with a KER-SPLOOSH!! He stood up a minute later sopping wet and HOPPING MAD!!
But…his head hurt too because he had just done something similar to diving in knee-deep water. Actually, he DID do just that! HAW HAW HAW!! But he survived because he is a fictional character and it's not like this story is all that realistic anyway.
So Kyo burst out crying like DUB Baby Kyo. Actually, I don't know what dub Baby Kyo sounds like so we'll just have him cry like regular Baby Kyo. Of course, since he's Kyo and not Momiji, he didn't just SIT there and wait for some adult to come and scold the one who made him cry. He ran off somewhere but even I, the narrator, don't know where!
Hatori was going to the bathroom during this time even though he should know better than to leave all the children by themselves. Then again, Kyo was watching them…
Then again…KYO was watched them!!
Hatori finished his business quickly, flushed the toilet, sufficiently washed his hands, turned the bathroom light off and ran outside where he took a quick head count of the kids to find that ONE WAS MISSING!! Well, he didn't really need to count; he could have just glanced among the kids looking for Kyo. It's not like he's hard to find because he has vivid orange hair.
Hatori let out a very frustrated sigh. He saw Yuki walking around triumphantly so he didn't even have to ask what happened.
Suddenly, Ayame walked out.
"How's it going?" Ayame asked almost as if he KNEW that something bad had happened and he wanted Hatori to admit his fault.
"Ayame, why don't you and Shigure go and look for Kyo?" Said Hatori as he didn't even look at Ayame.
"You know, Hatori…" said Ayame with a look of disgust on his face. "The next time we do something like this, I'm going to have to tell everyone's parents how irresponsible you are so that maybe they'll think twice before trusting the care of their children in your hands."
If Hatori had been an unstable man, he would have turned around and erased Ayame's memory JUST so that Ayame could be sent hurtling backwards only to potentially break his spine.
"It's starting to get dark." Said Hatori after a few hoot breaths but still through clenched teeth. (Poor Hatori. It's come to this.) "Get Shigure and the two of you can go and find Kyo."
"Why is it that when you mess up, you have me to bail you out?" Ayame asked.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer." Said Hatori as he opened the door and walked inside.
Shigure was sitting at a table trying to get the purple 'Pretty Pretty Princess' earring on his left ear. Upon seeing Hatori enter followed closely by Ayame, he ripped it off and started pretending as though we was writing in his diary which he SO obviously was not doing.
"Shigure, you and Ayame are needed to go find Kyo." Said Hatori.
"I am NOT a bloodhound!" Shigure declared. Hatori stared at him for a minute.
"Nobody said you were." He said finally. Shigure was about to defend his foolish outburst but Hatori looked really scary and he didn't want to be subject to Hatori's wrath. No one had ever seen the wrath of Hatori because it's very rare that it should be called forth but many assume that it is the most horrible wrath in the world.
Word of advice: Never anger a seahorse. They rarely get mad but when they do they are malicious.
So Shigure ran out the door with his tail between his legs. (Or that's what he WOULD have done if he had a tail or what a dog at the moment.) Ayame simply frolicked after him.
At that moment, all of the children that were playing the lake walked back in. They were no longer muddy but they were definitely wet.
"Take off your wet clothes before you come in." Hatori commanded them.
"EWWW!!" Tohru shrieked. Everyone else figured that they had been seen naked plenty of times before, what's one more time? So they stripped down right then and there. That only made Tohru shriek louder.
"I wish Kyo were here right now!" pined Kagura.
"You're too young to be thinking such thoughts." Said Hatori as he tossed the ground a pile of folded towels.
MEANWHILE!!
"What's this?" asked Shigure out loud as he and Ayame approached a baby carriage that was halfway in a bush. He easily wedged the carriage from the bush and looked into it. "IT'S AKITO!!"
"DEAR GOD!!" Ayame gasped. "What's he doing all the way out here just being abandoned?!"
"Let's take him back to house" Said Shigure as he picked Akito up. Ayame nodded as the two of them jogged back to the house.
"Look who we found!!" Ayame announced as he entered the house.
"That didn't take long." Said Hatori as he turned around only to see that they hadn't found Kyo. "Akito was missing too?"
"For shame!" Ayame scolded. "You didn't notice?"
"Did you?" started Hatori.
"Who is more important, Hatori?" asked Ayame. "The cat? Or the god? You need to sort out your priorities."
"Ayame, just shut up." Said Hatori.
"I'll go find Kyo!" Tohru offered.
"Good luck!" said Shigure.
"No." said Hatori. "You guys go back out there and find him."
Hatori wanted nothing more than to yell at both of them but he couldn't because that would be out of his character and he didn't want to go an entire story without using an explanation point and then suddenly, toward the end, just USE one.
"He's probably just on the roof or something." Said Shigure.
Suddenly, there was a loud pounding coming from the ceiling. Almost as if something had fell on the cabin.
"Well what do you know?" Shigure said with a chuckle. "He IS on the roof."
"Throwing a temper tantrum I might add." Said Ayame.
The three elders stood in a circle for a minute.
"We found him, Hatori." Said Ayame. "Now YOU have to go and get him."
Even though Hatori is somewhat of the boss of this trip and he's very stoic and not easily pushed around, he's somewhat of a pushover, don't you think?
Hatori walked outside and looked on the roof to see Kyo on the roof curled up into a ball while whining pathetically.
"Kyo, come down." He called. (As loud as he could muster while still having his pride.)
"Why?" asked Kyo. "So you can put me in a fishbowl?!"
"Whatever reason you're up there has nothing to do with me so don't pretend as though it does." Said Hatori calmly.
"I lost to Yuki!" Kyo yelled.
Hatori wanted to say, 'So what else is new?' but he refrained.
"That's okay." Said Hatori. "You can beat him next time. When you get back home. But not today."
"I need to beat him NOW!" Kyo declared.
"You can't always get what you want." Said Hatori. "Now come down."
"Not until I beat that stupid rat!"
"You'll never beat him if you stay up there."
"Then I'll never come down!!"
Hatori sighed and went to the garage to fetch the ladder so that he could climb up onto the roof and get Kyo.
MEANWHILE!!
"When Yuki and Kyo fight, I don't know WHO to cheer for!" said Ayame randomly as if he had been pondering that all day. "Because Kyo is the cat so he just shouldn't win and Yuki well…Yuki is stupid!"
"HEY!!" Yuki yelled. "Why are you so mean to me?!"
"Because you're so easy to pick on." Said Ayame. Shigure chuckled cruelly and secretly pushed responsibility to the back of his mind.
Just then, Kyo and Hatori walked in and Kyo ran upstairs and dove under one of the beds in the loft.
"How'd you get him down?" asked Shigure.
"I told him the weather man said that we were expecting some rain." Hatori replied.
"What weather man?" asked Ayame.
"What should we make for dinner?" Hatori said, changing the subject since he had entirely made up the weatherman story. ARGH!! HATORI…LYING?!?!?!