The following morning, not much had changed with Monica's spirits as Tess watched her pick listlessly at her breakfast and the older angel tried diligently to not feel terribly frightened over the physical changes she was seeing in her angel girl. Just after one night, Monica's already thin face looked thinner and her skin seemed to have a touch of gray pallor to it. The young angel looked exhausted, and what bothered Tess the most was the dulled look in Monica's usually bright, animated brown eyes.

"You've been communing with that piece of toast for almost five minutes, baby," Tess commented gently, "Don't you think it's time you ate it?"

Monica looked up briefly before laying the toast back down on her plate, "I'm not very hungry, I guess."

"You really should eat a little more, Angel Girl," Tess advised with a soft sigh, "It may help you later tonight…"

"It won't. It never does. Nothing helps." Came the soft answer as she pushed away her tray and leaned back against her pillow, idly staring out the window.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say that something else is on your mind this morning then just the chemo later," Her friend observed, but she received no answer, "You're going to have a visitor later," She added, deciding to change her tactic, but Monica only nodded her head.

By the time the nurse came to take Monica to her chemotherapy, Tess knew her own heart was breaking as for the first time, her young charge cried before the procedure. Silent tears ran down Monica's face as she resignedly picked up her journal before sitting down in the wheelchair.

Seeing the devastated look on Tess' face, Vicky managed a smile, "I'll take good care of her, Tess."

"I know you will, baby," Tess replied, moving to stroke Monica's cheek gently, "I'll be back later, sweetheart."

"Okay," Monica whispered, not looking up at her friend, as Vicky slowly wheeled her out of the room.

Tess sighed as she lowered her head and whispered, "Father, You do know what You're doing on this one, right?"

***

All of a sudden this has all gotten so much harder. The side effects this time are worse and for the first time ever last night, I found myself not wanting to fight this anymore. I'm tired and I don't understand this assignment. I found myself wondering this morning if when Kayla went into remission, if maybe God had forgotten that I'm still here. I tell myself that is impossible, but up to a few weeks ago, I thought an angel dying of cancer was impossible too.

I miss Andrew. I think he knows that I'm hiding things from him and that is why he hasn't been by the last few days. Tess told me he was here the day they told me I had to go back on chemo, but by then I was asleep. I just don't know the right things to say or do anymore and suddenly nothing makes me feel safe from this. No matter what Tess and I talk about, the fact that I have cancer is always there and in those moments when I feel so sick, I know it's winning.

I just wish I could go Home for a few days, even back to the apartment with Tess and Andrew, just to feel a little bit normal. I don't want to be here anymore, I don't want to think about cancer, and chemo and Hickman lines and all those other things. I want to feel like me, if only for a little while. I want to sit and talk to my friends and not worry about having to hide things from them. I want to know that my Father has not forgotten about me.

***

In what Monica referred to as "the calm before the storm" when she just felt tired after chemo, but the more violent side effects had yet to begin, she looked up from where her head rested against her pillow to see Kayla walking into her room with a vase of wildflowers, "Hey you," She said softly as she weakly managed to sit up in bed, "I thought you weren't coming until the weekend?"

Kayla smiled as she set the flowers on the windowsill and then took the chair beside of her friend's bed, "I ran into Tess last night and thought maybe you could use a little cheering up."

Monica nodded her head, a bit sadly, before she replied, "The flowers are lovely. Thank you," Her voice trailed off for a moment, then continued, "I guess she told you that the chemo didn't work."

Kayla nodded her head, "Monica, I'm really sorry, but hopefully this time, it will."

"It's just so hard, Kayla," Monica sighed miserably, "The side effects are so much worse this time…I thought I was dying last night and for a moment almost wished I had, because I know in a few hours I have to go through it all over again and I hate it."

"You know, this isn't an attitude I'm accustomed to hearing from you, Monica. You are usually Miss Upbeat, Miss Cheerful and now you're talking about wanting to give up?" The human looked at her worriedly, wondering what had changed about her friend so drastically.

"It's just harder than I thought it would be," She uttered softly.

"Living is hard, Monica," Kayla insisted, reaching for the angel's hand, "Now, I know I am the last one who should be saying this, but it isn't time for you to throw in the towel on this. You've had a setback, that is all, but you need to keep fighting this thing."

Monica nodded her head half-heartedly, wishing she could tell Kayla the truth of it-that she as an angel of the highest God and she was her assignment, who was all better now, and still the angel of God was stuck in a hospital with cancer, "I'm betting it is nice for you to be home," Monica remarked, changing the subject.

"It is nice," Kayla replied, though she noticed the obvious turn in the conversation, "A little lonely as I'm not back at work yet. Though I don't miss this place, I do miss some of the nurses and you. At least there was always someone to talk to. But hey, I live right next door to Tess as I found out last night."

"Then you live next door to me too," Monica replied, though her thoughts became more confused at this admission. Was Kayla now Tess' assignment while she rotted away in this hospital?

The human grinned widely, "Then once you go into remission, and you will, we'll be neighbors! There's something to look forward to," Sensing a drowsiness coming over her friend, Kayla chattered for a few more minutes before she stood to go, "I'm going to let you get some rest, but I'll be back in a day or so to visit. You, my friend, keep your chin up. Only three more to go after today and hopefully soon after that, you'll get some good news."

"I hope you're right," Monica smiled sleepily, "Thanks for coming over."

"That's what friends are for," The human replied with a wink as she left the room.

Rolling over, Monica sighed heavily, wishing she were walking out of here with Kayla and into the warm sunshine, but it was not to be. Warding off tears, the young angel decided on sleep before the storm once again began to rage.

***

Tess came out of the bathroom late that night after cleaning out the bowl that her friend had been sick in over and over again. The older angel felt tears welling up in her eyes as she saw that Monica finally seemed to be asleep, her little body completely worn out and exhausted. Tonight had seemed even more terrifying than last night had been as though Tess would have never thought it possible, her angel girl had been even sicker and it was breaking the older angel's heart to watch her suffer as she was.

"Tess?"

Turning around, she found herself face to face with Andrew, a concerned look on his face as he saw her tears and the bowl in her hands, "Tess, are you okay?"

The older angel nodded her head as she walked over to Monica's bed and quietly laid the bowl down on her nightstand, "Just a little tired, baby, that's all."

Frowning, Andrew approached Monica's bed and softly touched her sweat dampened hair. She looked positively fatigued and as she shifted positions, she let out a soft moan of pain and discomfort, "I know she's keeping things from me, Tess." He stated after a moment.

Tess looked up at him, trying to decide how to proceed and settled on an unassuming, "Oh?"

"I was here one night during her last bout with the chemo. I saw how sick she was and heard her begging to the Father to make her feel 'just a little bit better'," He shook his head sadly, "Why won't she talk to me?"

"I've told her she needs to do that, Andrew, but she just isn't ready yet, I suppose," Tess replied, laying an understanding hand on his arm.

"She talks to you," He replied, not accusingly, though there was hurt in his voice,
"When did I suddenly become the outcast?"

"You know that is not what you are, Mr. Halo," Tess scolded gently, though she understood where his hurt feelings were coming from.

"I'm on the outside looking in, Tess," He argued softly, "And that is a hard place to be when you are accustomed to knowing what she's thinking and feeling. I know she is not 'fine', which is always the answer I get. I can look at her right now and see how afraid she is, how sick she is and I just want to help her, Tess, but she won't let me."

Tess turned him around gently to face her, "But she will, baby. She can't keep this inside forever and certainly cannot keep it from you forever. She's starting to close herself off to me a little too, but it will only last for so long before it has to come out and you know that as well as I do. Give her time, Angel Boy, she's going through a lot right now."

"I know she is," He remarked sadly, "And that's what makes this so hard. I'd rather be spending my time here with her, and I know the Father would allow me if I asked, but to keep hearing the words 'I'm fine' over and over again, when I do know better is more than I can handle right now." He sighed softly, before managing a slight smile, "Why don't you take a breather, Tess. I can sit with her for a while, as she is asleep. Go and grab yourself something to drink and take a walk. You look as if you could use a break."

"Thanks, baby. I'm going to take you up on that," Tess replied with a smile of gratitude as she and the Father had some talking to do.

After Tess departed, Andrew sat down in the chair beside of his friend's bed, his concerned eyes watching her sleeping face. She looked terrible and he had a feeling she felt twice as badly as she looked. As he heard a soft whimper escape her, he reached over and rubbed her back gently, all the while praying that she would soon confide in him with the truth.