Tess left Monica's room, and stood for a moment in the hallway. The older angel's mind was spinning with a thousand different emotions, most prominent of those being worry. She was worried about Monica being so sick, and completely human. She worried about Andrew, and what he would say to Monica about her hiding things. She worried about Kayla, and what – if anything – Monica's condition meant for the young woman. She also worried about Monica's relationship with God. Even though Tess knew that her young charge would never doubt or forget God, that didn't mean that Monica wasn't capable of being angry with Him. Her thoughts still wandering, Tess began to walk aimlessly down the hall, and almost ran headfirst into Sam.
"Sam… do you know what's going on here?" Tess asked her angelic friend.
"Yes I do Tess. How is she doing?"
Tess's mahogany face was drawn and etched with concern, which told Sam that the assignment was taking its toll on all the angels. "She's doing alright, as well as she can be expected to do. I'm just worried about her… she's been though so much, and now she's too sick to help her assignment, and she's getting worse. I honestly don't know what to do."
Sam looked Tess in the eye and nodded, "Yes you do. You know exactly where to go when you're at the end of your rope, and somewhere in her heart, so does Monica."
"I know," Tess replied, and continued down the hall as Sam disappeared.
A few minutes later, the older angel found herself in the small hospital chapel. A few pews were set up in front of a small altar. A silver cross hung above the altar, and candles lined the walls, providing most of the light to the room. Tess lowered herself into one of the wooden pews and sat quietly for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Then, she clasped her hands and looked toward the altar, before she began to speak in a lowered, tired voice. "Father, I know that you have a plan now and have had one since the beginning of all of this. And I do trust in you, we all do. It's just that it's so hard to see her like this, and I truly don't understand what the purpose in it is if Kayla is getting better." Her rich voice shook slightly as the angel who rarely cried felt tears filling her eyes. "Please Father, just help this old angel to keep going, and help me take care of my babies. And please, help us all to help that sweet Kayla. I don't think this is over by a long shot, and I know that we're all going to need your help by the time it's over."
After finishing her prayer, Tess wiped her eyes and then got up and went over to the shelves that held the candles. She saw a sign that read "light a prayer candle for your loved ones." Picking up the box of matches that was lying on the shelf, Tess struck one and then lit three candles – One for Monica, one for Kayla, and one for Andrew, who she knew would eventually need the prayers as much as anyone. Then, gathering herself as much as she could, Tess steeled herself and left the peace of the chapel, heading back to Monica's room.
****
Andrew sat in the chair that Tess had placed next to Monica's bed. The little Irish angel was sleeping fitfully. Regardless of the fact that she had to be completely exhausted, she couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep well. He gently brushed his friend's hair back from her face and ran a cool washcloth over it, trying to do what he could to soothe his friend. Even though Monica wasn't aware that Andrew was in the room, she seemed to relax slightly under his touch as he tenderly tried to make her comfortable. It broke the blonde angel's heart to not be able to do more for his dear friend, especially when he hear her whimper softly each time she moved in the bed. After returning the cloth to the bathroom, Andrew grabbed another blanket and gently tucked it around Monica's sleeping form. He knew that she now got cold easily, after having lost so much weight. Satisfied that he had done all he could, Andrew returned to the chair and sat down, trying to make sense of his jumbled thoughts.
He had been struggling with his thoughts surrounding Monica's withholding her feelings from him, and he hated the way he felt. He couldn't remember the last time he was angry, or had been hurt by Monica, and it confused him. Logically, the angel of death knew that his friend wasn't trying to hurt him on purpose, and that she most likely had a reason for her actions, but it didn't do anything to change the way it affected him.
He glanced back to Monica, and saw that she appeared to be sleeping deeply. He began to think aloud, knowing that Monica wouldn't hear him. "I know, Father, that there is a reason for all of this, and that Monica is hiding things from me for her own reasons. But, I'm still hurt by it… and please forgive me, but I'm feeling angry too. I just don't understand why she would feel the need to shut me out. Doesn't she trust me? I thought we were friends… I love her with everything in me, but it just doesn't make sense. Lord, just please help me find the strength I need to hang in there until she does ask me for help. I want so badly to be there for her, if only she'll let me."
As Andrew closed his prayer, he heard the door handle turn and saw Tess come in. He stood and hugged his supervisor, and then said, "Why don't we go get some coffee. I think she'll be alright now."
Tess glanced past Andrew to the small figure in the bed, and then nodded, "Okay, Angel Boy… but you're buyin."
As the two angels left the room, they didn't notice the lone tear that traced its way down Monica's pale cheek. Andrew thought she was asleep, but she had actually heard every heartbreaking word. She opened her eyes, and as the tears started to fall faster, she whispered, "Oh Father, what have I done?"
****
The next few days passed slowly and painfully for Monica, but finally she reached the end of her chemotherapy. After she was officially finished with her treatment Vicky, Dr. Stanton, Dr. Vandersluis, and all the other nurses that had cared for her watched as the young angel stepped up to ring what was referred to as the 'chemo bell.' It was a brass bell that hung from a plaque. The plaque had an inscription on it that read.
I ring this bell three
times today
Because I am here to say
My chemo's done
The course is run,
And I am on my way
Tears ran down the young angel's face as she read the poem aloud before ringing the bell three times. All the doctors and nurses applauded and hugged Monica as she returned to her room to await the test results that everyone was sure would get her released from the hospital.
Tess and Andrew were in Monica's room chatting with their friend as they waited for the doctors. Monica seemed to be in better spirits today than she had in a while, which elated Andrew and concerned Tess. The older angel remembered all too well the last time that Monica was expecting to be declared in remission, and she definitely didn't want to see a repeat of that day. She was glad to see Monica smile though… it was something that neither Tess nor Andrew had seen for quite a while.
As the three talked, Dr. Stanton and Dr. Vandersluis entered the room. Dr. Vandersluis's face was unreadable, but one look into Dr. Stanton's eyes told Tess that this was not going to be good news. "Monica," Dr. Stanton began, "We've gotten your latest blood work back from the lab, and the results are not good." Monica's face fell, and Dr. Stanton could see the tears forming in her patient's eyes. As much as the motherly doctor didn't want to continue, she knew she had to. "I'm so sorry, but the second round of chemo still hasn't beaten the cancer."
Monica struggled to maintain her composure, and found it easier than she would have expected. Dry eyed, she asked, "What now?"
Dr. Vandersluis stepped up beside his colleague, "Well, we can try another round of chemo, and there are some experimental therapies available for extreme cases… but unfortunately that's all we can do at this point."
Tess and Andrew stared at the doctors dumfounded. None of them had ever expected this. Tess looked at her Angel Girl, whose eyes had taken on a look that Tess had never seen, one that was unsettling. "What do you want to do, baby?" She asked, even though some part of her already knew the answer.
Monica swallowed hard and remained silent for a moment before answering. "I can't go through chemo again. I just can't. I know in my heart that there is a reason for this to be happening, and if I haven't responded to treatment by now, then chances are I won't ever. I think…." She paused. "I think that I'm done."
Andrew felt like he had been punched in the stomach, and abruptly he stood and left the room. Tess just nodded and reached for Monica's hand. "Then that's what we'll do, baby," she said.
"If you're sure about this, Monica, we will get you discharged and let you go home." Dr. Stanton squeezed her shoulder gently and then turned to Tess. "May I have a word with you?"
Tess followed the doctors outside, where they found Andrew standing against the wall, studying the ceiling. "Is there anything at all we can do for her?" Tess asked Dr. Stanton.
Dr. Stanton slowly shook her head. Her eyes were full of sympathy and compassion, as she said the words that she had always hated to say, "As much as I don't want to have to tell you this… the only thing you can do for Monica now is to take her home and make her comfortable."
"How long?" Andrew asked, his eyes full of pain. He didn't know if angels could die, but this was closer than he had ever wanted to see.
"It's hard to tell," Dr. Vandersluis said, "but my best estimate would be between one and two months, optimistically."