Two nights later, Andrew lay awake in bed, his thoughts, as always,
on his best friend. She was fighting now, he could plainly see that, though
he had seen little improvement in her condition, he could see the
determination in the dark doe-like eyes.
Closing his eyes, he could recall her as she had once been; full of life and vitality, asking incessant questions, always having a smile for everyone. The little Irish angel could light up a room when she entered, simply by the love that emulated from her being and a smile in his direction could always warm his heart.
But now the painted picture was of quite a different design. Oh, the love was still there, but it was also surrounded by pain and fear. Monica's smile, though always heartfelt, was often strained and he always wanted to cry himself when he would see her blink back tears when no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't finish the meal that had been prepared for her and fully knowing that she was continuing to lose weight.
Wearily, he closed his eyes, but just as he did, he heard the softest of knocks on his door. Sitting up and leaning back against the headboard, he called out to the visitor, Come in."
As the door opened, he saw Monica's weary face come into view as she walked slowly into his room, "Hey sweetie. Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, seeing the troubled look in her dark eyes, even in the dimly lit bedroom.
Wordlessly, the little Irish angel approached him and climbed onto the bed, as without hesitation, he opened his arms for her to slip into, enfolding her in his strong embrace. He heard a soft sigh escape her as he just held her in silence for a few moments, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"I do okay during the day when I have you and Tess to talk to," She whispered finally, "But at night, there is nothing there but my thoughts and here lately, they've been scaring me."
Rubbing her back gently, Andrew blinked back tears as he asked her softly, "What do you think about, Angel Girl?"
"Dying. Will it hurt if it happens? Will I ever see you and Tess again?" Monica replied, her voice scarcely a whisper as she rested her head against his strong chest, the sound of his heartbeat somewhat soothing.
For a brief moment, Andrew thought about how ironic it was that she would seek out an Angel of Death about her fears on dying, but then again, considering it was Monica, there was really very little odd about it, "Sweetheart, we don't even know if that will happen. if you even need to be worrying about these things." He replied softly, not really wanting to consider them himself, but as the days went by, it was becoming harder and harder not to.
"I never had to think about them before," Monica replied tiredly, "I always thought that I couldn't die, but.I've never felt so close before." She closed her eyes as a moment passed, "Andrew, I'm fighting, but.it isn't really helping."
A single tear slid down his cheek, "I know," He replied hoarsely.
"Tell me what it will feel like.will it hurt?" She whispered shakily, wanting to be as prepared as she could in the event that the unthinkable happened.
His tear filled eyes on the ceiling, he struggled to keep his voice controlled in order to answer her questions, "Well, the pain you are in now may become worse, though if this happens at all, and you go back into the hospital, they'll keep you as comfortable as possible.Angel Girl, I really."
"Please?" She whispered hopefully, hearing him sigh with resignation, "The last minutes, if they happen, what will they be like?"
"You'll grow weaker and your breathing.the time will become longer between each breath. Breathing may even become an effort for you. Hopefully, you'll become less aware of any pain." He rested his chin against the top of her head as he struggled to continue, "Tess and I.we'll tell you how much we love you and how special you have always been to us.and then, as far as I know, there will be someone there to take you Home."
She was quiet for a moment before speaking up as bravely as she could, "It doesn't sound so bad." She fell silent again for a moment and Andrew thought perhaps she had fallen asleep until the soft Irish voice spoke up once more, "Andrew?"
"Yeah?" He replied just as softly.
"With everything that could happen in the next few days or weeks, in case I forget to tell you.thank you for being my best friend. Your friendship has meant so much to me over the years and I don't ever want you to forget how much I love you." Weakly reaching up, she kissed his cheek softly.
"This is sounding like a good-bye, sweetheart," Andrew managed to say, his voice shaking.
"No. It was something I wanted you to know regardless of how things work out. I don't think I tell you or Tess often enough how much you mean to me; how much every single day that I get to spend with you both means to me."
"I love you with my whole heart, Angel Girl," He whispered in return, his voice laden with fear, "And I am praying for you every second you are on this journey."
Sensing, more than hearing his fear, she replied softly, "Fear no evil, Andrew, remember?"
Sniffing back tears, he smiled sadly, "Yeah, baby, I remember. Would you like to stay here tonight?"
"Yes, please," Monica replied sleepily, "You feel safe."
As he watched her drift off to sleep, he only wished that his arms could keep her safe, but the truth was, he had never felt more helpless.
*****
A few days later, Tess opened the front door after hearing a knock and smiled when she saw Kayla standing there, "Well, hello, baby. It's sweet of you to drop by."
The young woman smiled as she explained, "A visit to my former roomie is way past due, Tess. How is she doing?"
Tess sighed softly as she closed the front door behind Kayla, "Well, Kayla, not the best, to be honest. She's fighting now at least, but we're seeing little change. Monica's putting on a brave face for us for the most part, but I do know she had a little chat with Andrew the other night about how afraid she really was."
Kayla's eyes filled with sadness as she nodded her head in understanding, "Is it okay if I see her?"
"Of course it is, sweetheart, but she's tiring easily these days, though I know she'll be thrilled to see you. Come on in," The angel led the way into the living room where Monica was sitting with Andrew and the pair looked up in surprise to see Kayla.
Kayla tried to keep the sympathy from her eyes as she took in her friend's appearance. There was almost a grayness in her complexion, her eyes had dark circles beneath them and the weight loss was more than obvious, but the young woman put on a smile as she approached them, "Hey you. Hope you're up to a little visit."
Monica smiled, obviously pleased to see her friend and equally pleased to see her doing so well, "Of course I am," She replied cheerfully and Kayla was relieved that at least her friend's disposition had not changed.
"I'll leave you two ladies alone," Andrew offered, getting up from the couch and laying a gentle kiss on Monica's head before he followed Tess out to the kitchen.
Taking the seat Andrew had vacated, Kayla smiled warmly at her friend, "So, how are you doing?"
"I have good days and bad days," Monica admitted truthfully, "You're still feeling okay, I take it?"
"Still in remission, thankfully," Kayla replied, though she almost felt guilty at saying the words. Reaching for her friend's hand, she gave it a squeeze, "Tess says you're still fighting."
Nodding her head emphatically, the little angel smiled, "I am. I had given up for awhile, but my friends gave me a push or rather a shove in the right direction. I'm going to beat it, Kayla."
Kayla smiled, relieved to hear her friend speaking so optimistically, "I understand you finally came clean with Andrew."
The Irish angel smiled and nodded her head, "You know that shove I mentioned before? It came from him," She chuckled softly, "But I'm glad he confronted me. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I let him back in my life again."
"I'm glad to hear that, Monica. You two seemed to have worked out all your problems. I could tell that as soon as I came in the room."
Monica appeared thoughtful for a moment, "Andrew is one of my safe places," She said softly and left it at that.
"You have two wonderful friends in Andrew and Tess," Kayla stated knowingly.
"I know I do and I need to remind them of that more often. I couldn't have come this far through this without them," Monica admitted.
"That was something you never had to worry about, Monica," Kayla chuckled slightly, "They were sticking to you like glue," Her expression turning serious for a moment, Kayla reached for the angel's hand once more and looked into her dark eyes, "You continue to fight this, okay? Promise me you are going to."
Looking into the human's eyes, Monica nodded her head solemnly, "I promise, Kayla. I'm never going to give up until God says it is time."
*****
"Tess?"
At the sound of Monica's trembling voice, Tess and Andrew both raised their heads in concern as they watched their friend walk out into the living room.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Tess asked urgently, starting to rise to her feet.
"I'm not feeling so well.I mean, I know that is normal anymore, but I'm really not feeling good." She uttered weakly, her Irish brogue laced with tears.
Andrew was standing immediately and he approached her and wrapped his arm around her slight waist for support as he led her over to the couch between he and Tess. He watched as Tess laid a hand on the little angel's forehead, her dark eyes flickering with concern.
"You're burning up, baby," Tess said softly, exchanging a look with Andrew,
"You could have some kind of infection." She said almost hesitantly, but one look at Monica told her that her young charge already knew. They were quiet for a moment as Tess reached for Monica's hand and held it gently in her own, "What do you want to do, sweetheart?"
Monica lowered her head for a moment as a soft sob escaped her. She knew what this could mean. She had talked to enough cancer patients during her stay at the hospital to know that an infection could very well be the beginning of the end as she felt all of her fears rushing to the surface.
Feeling Andrew wrap his arm around her shoulders, she drew in a trembling breath and said the words she never wanted to say again, "Will you.will you take me to the hospital?"
Tess nodded her head as she blinked back tears, releasing Monica's hand to gently touch her cheek, "If that's what you want, then that's what we'll do, baby," Looking back to Andrew, she continued, "If I bring the car up closer, can you help her get out there?" Seeing him nod his head, the oldest angel rose to her feet and grabbed her jacket and keys before she headed out the door.
Grabbing the quilt from the back of the couch, Andrew wrapped it snugly around his friend's trembling shoulders, but before he could stand up to help her, she had leaned into him, giving way to frightened tears.
"Andrew." She whimpered softly, knowing she didn't need to say anything more. He knew.
"We're right beside you the whole way, sweetie," He whispered tearfully, as he held her tightly, "You're not alone, Angel Girl." Nodding her head, she just clung to him tightly for a moment, having a feeling that before too long, the safe place she found in him would no longer be within her reach.
Closing his eyes, he could recall her as she had once been; full of life and vitality, asking incessant questions, always having a smile for everyone. The little Irish angel could light up a room when she entered, simply by the love that emulated from her being and a smile in his direction could always warm his heart.
But now the painted picture was of quite a different design. Oh, the love was still there, but it was also surrounded by pain and fear. Monica's smile, though always heartfelt, was often strained and he always wanted to cry himself when he would see her blink back tears when no matter how hard she tried, she simply couldn't finish the meal that had been prepared for her and fully knowing that she was continuing to lose weight.
Wearily, he closed his eyes, but just as he did, he heard the softest of knocks on his door. Sitting up and leaning back against the headboard, he called out to the visitor, Come in."
As the door opened, he saw Monica's weary face come into view as she walked slowly into his room, "Hey sweetie. Are you okay?" He asked worriedly, seeing the troubled look in her dark eyes, even in the dimly lit bedroom.
Wordlessly, the little Irish angel approached him and climbed onto the bed, as without hesitation, he opened his arms for her to slip into, enfolding her in his strong embrace. He heard a soft sigh escape her as he just held her in silence for a few moments, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.
"I do okay during the day when I have you and Tess to talk to," She whispered finally, "But at night, there is nothing there but my thoughts and here lately, they've been scaring me."
Rubbing her back gently, Andrew blinked back tears as he asked her softly, "What do you think about, Angel Girl?"
"Dying. Will it hurt if it happens? Will I ever see you and Tess again?" Monica replied, her voice scarcely a whisper as she rested her head against his strong chest, the sound of his heartbeat somewhat soothing.
For a brief moment, Andrew thought about how ironic it was that she would seek out an Angel of Death about her fears on dying, but then again, considering it was Monica, there was really very little odd about it, "Sweetheart, we don't even know if that will happen. if you even need to be worrying about these things." He replied softly, not really wanting to consider them himself, but as the days went by, it was becoming harder and harder not to.
"I never had to think about them before," Monica replied tiredly, "I always thought that I couldn't die, but.I've never felt so close before." She closed her eyes as a moment passed, "Andrew, I'm fighting, but.it isn't really helping."
A single tear slid down his cheek, "I know," He replied hoarsely.
"Tell me what it will feel like.will it hurt?" She whispered shakily, wanting to be as prepared as she could in the event that the unthinkable happened.
His tear filled eyes on the ceiling, he struggled to keep his voice controlled in order to answer her questions, "Well, the pain you are in now may become worse, though if this happens at all, and you go back into the hospital, they'll keep you as comfortable as possible.Angel Girl, I really."
"Please?" She whispered hopefully, hearing him sigh with resignation, "The last minutes, if they happen, what will they be like?"
"You'll grow weaker and your breathing.the time will become longer between each breath. Breathing may even become an effort for you. Hopefully, you'll become less aware of any pain." He rested his chin against the top of her head as he struggled to continue, "Tess and I.we'll tell you how much we love you and how special you have always been to us.and then, as far as I know, there will be someone there to take you Home."
She was quiet for a moment before speaking up as bravely as she could, "It doesn't sound so bad." She fell silent again for a moment and Andrew thought perhaps she had fallen asleep until the soft Irish voice spoke up once more, "Andrew?"
"Yeah?" He replied just as softly.
"With everything that could happen in the next few days or weeks, in case I forget to tell you.thank you for being my best friend. Your friendship has meant so much to me over the years and I don't ever want you to forget how much I love you." Weakly reaching up, she kissed his cheek softly.
"This is sounding like a good-bye, sweetheart," Andrew managed to say, his voice shaking.
"No. It was something I wanted you to know regardless of how things work out. I don't think I tell you or Tess often enough how much you mean to me; how much every single day that I get to spend with you both means to me."
"I love you with my whole heart, Angel Girl," He whispered in return, his voice laden with fear, "And I am praying for you every second you are on this journey."
Sensing, more than hearing his fear, she replied softly, "Fear no evil, Andrew, remember?"
Sniffing back tears, he smiled sadly, "Yeah, baby, I remember. Would you like to stay here tonight?"
"Yes, please," Monica replied sleepily, "You feel safe."
As he watched her drift off to sleep, he only wished that his arms could keep her safe, but the truth was, he had never felt more helpless.
*****
A few days later, Tess opened the front door after hearing a knock and smiled when she saw Kayla standing there, "Well, hello, baby. It's sweet of you to drop by."
The young woman smiled as she explained, "A visit to my former roomie is way past due, Tess. How is she doing?"
Tess sighed softly as she closed the front door behind Kayla, "Well, Kayla, not the best, to be honest. She's fighting now at least, but we're seeing little change. Monica's putting on a brave face for us for the most part, but I do know she had a little chat with Andrew the other night about how afraid she really was."
Kayla's eyes filled with sadness as she nodded her head in understanding, "Is it okay if I see her?"
"Of course it is, sweetheart, but she's tiring easily these days, though I know she'll be thrilled to see you. Come on in," The angel led the way into the living room where Monica was sitting with Andrew and the pair looked up in surprise to see Kayla.
Kayla tried to keep the sympathy from her eyes as she took in her friend's appearance. There was almost a grayness in her complexion, her eyes had dark circles beneath them and the weight loss was more than obvious, but the young woman put on a smile as she approached them, "Hey you. Hope you're up to a little visit."
Monica smiled, obviously pleased to see her friend and equally pleased to see her doing so well, "Of course I am," She replied cheerfully and Kayla was relieved that at least her friend's disposition had not changed.
"I'll leave you two ladies alone," Andrew offered, getting up from the couch and laying a gentle kiss on Monica's head before he followed Tess out to the kitchen.
Taking the seat Andrew had vacated, Kayla smiled warmly at her friend, "So, how are you doing?"
"I have good days and bad days," Monica admitted truthfully, "You're still feeling okay, I take it?"
"Still in remission, thankfully," Kayla replied, though she almost felt guilty at saying the words. Reaching for her friend's hand, she gave it a squeeze, "Tess says you're still fighting."
Nodding her head emphatically, the little angel smiled, "I am. I had given up for awhile, but my friends gave me a push or rather a shove in the right direction. I'm going to beat it, Kayla."
Kayla smiled, relieved to hear her friend speaking so optimistically, "I understand you finally came clean with Andrew."
The Irish angel smiled and nodded her head, "You know that shove I mentioned before? It came from him," She chuckled softly, "But I'm glad he confronted me. I hadn't realized how much I missed him until I let him back in my life again."
"I'm glad to hear that, Monica. You two seemed to have worked out all your problems. I could tell that as soon as I came in the room."
Monica appeared thoughtful for a moment, "Andrew is one of my safe places," She said softly and left it at that.
"You have two wonderful friends in Andrew and Tess," Kayla stated knowingly.
"I know I do and I need to remind them of that more often. I couldn't have come this far through this without them," Monica admitted.
"That was something you never had to worry about, Monica," Kayla chuckled slightly, "They were sticking to you like glue," Her expression turning serious for a moment, Kayla reached for the angel's hand once more and looked into her dark eyes, "You continue to fight this, okay? Promise me you are going to."
Looking into the human's eyes, Monica nodded her head solemnly, "I promise, Kayla. I'm never going to give up until God says it is time."
*****
"Tess?"
At the sound of Monica's trembling voice, Tess and Andrew both raised their heads in concern as they watched their friend walk out into the living room.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Tess asked urgently, starting to rise to her feet.
"I'm not feeling so well.I mean, I know that is normal anymore, but I'm really not feeling good." She uttered weakly, her Irish brogue laced with tears.
Andrew was standing immediately and he approached her and wrapped his arm around her slight waist for support as he led her over to the couch between he and Tess. He watched as Tess laid a hand on the little angel's forehead, her dark eyes flickering with concern.
"You're burning up, baby," Tess said softly, exchanging a look with Andrew,
"You could have some kind of infection." She said almost hesitantly, but one look at Monica told her that her young charge already knew. They were quiet for a moment as Tess reached for Monica's hand and held it gently in her own, "What do you want to do, sweetheart?"
Monica lowered her head for a moment as a soft sob escaped her. She knew what this could mean. She had talked to enough cancer patients during her stay at the hospital to know that an infection could very well be the beginning of the end as she felt all of her fears rushing to the surface.
Feeling Andrew wrap his arm around her shoulders, she drew in a trembling breath and said the words she never wanted to say again, "Will you.will you take me to the hospital?"
Tess nodded her head as she blinked back tears, releasing Monica's hand to gently touch her cheek, "If that's what you want, then that's what we'll do, baby," Looking back to Andrew, she continued, "If I bring the car up closer, can you help her get out there?" Seeing him nod his head, the oldest angel rose to her feet and grabbed her jacket and keys before she headed out the door.
Grabbing the quilt from the back of the couch, Andrew wrapped it snugly around his friend's trembling shoulders, but before he could stand up to help her, she had leaned into him, giving way to frightened tears.
"Andrew." She whimpered softly, knowing she didn't need to say anything more. He knew.
"We're right beside you the whole way, sweetie," He whispered tearfully, as he held her tightly, "You're not alone, Angel Girl." Nodding her head, she just clung to him tightly for a moment, having a feeling that before too long, the safe place she found in him would no longer be within her reach.