The Dating Game: Hogwart's Style
Announcer: [winking at a couple veelas in the front row] Hello and welcome to the Hogwarts Dating Game! Today our bachelor is the star of Teen Witch Weekly-Draco Malfoy! [women in the audience begin to scream, and one is spotted holding a "MARRY ME, DRACO" sign. The sign is also accompanied by a wedding dress, which she has sloppily draped over her normal clothes.] Where's our Mr. Malfoy? [Draco is pushed onto the stage] Ah, there he is! [claps Draco on the back] Now, shall we introduce our bachelorettes?
Audience: [cued by the director] Yes!
Announcer: Bachelorette number one is a perky gal who enjoys long walks on the beach and wants world peace! She hopes that someday her and her prince will live happily ever after in a castle near Camelot. Let's hear it for Cindy Ella!
[The audience is silent, despite the director's cues. Some are seen yawning, and a couple of brave youngsters yell obscene comments to Cindy. The director, now infuriated that the audience isn't clapping, storms onto the middle of the stage, pushing the announcer out of the way. Draco casually stretches out a leg, tripping the director. He whips around, mumbles something inaudible to Draco, and turns on the audience.]
Director: [shaking his fist] Listen, you $#@%* lot! This is my $#@%* show, and you're gonna $#@%* do whatever I $#@%* tell you to! When I hold up some $#@%* sign, you $#@%* do what's on the $#@%* sign! GOT IT?! If I hold up some $#@%* sign that says to $#@%* kill eachother, then you $#@%* KILL EACHOTHER. Now clap before I $#@%* come down their and $#@%* stab you myself!
[The audience is silent for a moment, then starts wildly clapping for Cindy. Cindy, apparently not fazed by the director's rant, blushes.]
Draco: [whispering to himself] What the hell did I get myself into.
Announcer: [maintaining his fake smile] Right, let's meet bachelorette number two! Number two is a fiery young lady who enjoys messing around with time turners! Don't let that turn you off, though! Once she finds the man of her dreams she's sure to stay in the present. Let's here it for Ginny Weasley!
[Draco's eyes widen as he leans forward in his seat, trying to see around the wall that separates him from the bachelorettes. Ginny sinks down in her seat, obviously embarrassed. The audience claps politely, but suddenly Ron dashes from upstage and grabs Ginny by the arm.]
Ron: Ginny, what are you thinking!? He's a Malfoy! C'mon, we're going home. [tries to Drag Ginny off stage]
Ginny: Ron, gerroff! I'm sixteen-I can take care of myself.
Ron: You're on some game to win the love of a stupid prat. That doesn't tell me that you can take care of yourself. Hey, what are- [two large men in black jumpsuits grab Ron by the arms and drag him off stage. Ginny triumphantly settles back in her seat, fixing her hair.]
Announcer: [continuing on] Bachelor number three is a rather unique girl who loves adventures and blonde-haired boys. She enjoys quidditch, but loathes potions class. Let's hear it for Carrie Dotter!
[The camera focuses on an odd-looking girl with blonde curls and cheap glasses. The audience hushes at first, wondering how this girl got onto the show. Then applause is heard, encouraged by the director's silent threats.]
Announcer: [motioning to Drac.] Now let's let our contestant take it away!
Draco: [tidying his hair] Erm, all right. [looks down at the note cards he was given.] Bachelorette number 1, what would you say is the most interesting thing about you? [suddenly slams his foot down on the stage, crushing an ant that had been crawling around.]
Bachelorette 1: Hm, I would say my hair. See how it flows? [doesn't seem to notice that there is a wall between Draco and her.] I brush it twenty-five times a day, and I'm growing it out so I can be just like Repunzel.
Draco: Er, okay. Skipping to bachelorette number three..
Bachelorette 3: [in a squeaky voice] Probably the scar on my forehead-
Draco: [jumping up off his stool] HARRY?!
[Draco dashes around the wall and rips the blonde wig off "Carrie." Harry sits in the seat, gazing up at Draco. Draco cusses and kicks Harry's seat]
Draco: Harry, I already TOLD you!
Harry: I know, but I couldn't stand to see you pick one of these girls! [he motions to the other bachelorettes.]
Ginny: [now standing with fire in her eyes] Harry Potter you will not talk about me like I am not here! I didn't come on this show to compete against a guy! This is wrong! All wrong!
Draco: Harry, please leave.
Harry: Well, fine, Draco, if you really want that.[exits leftstage]
Announcer: [steering Draco back to his stool] Well, folks, it seems as though we have a dilemma. Now that bachelorette-er, bachelor number three is gone, we need someone to take her-er, his place!
[The young girl in the wedding dress starts jumping up and down waving her sign. The director can be seen off to the left screaming at the crew. Suddenly Hermione's voice comes from the crowd.]
Hermione: [ticked] HONESTLY. Now will you all stop acting like a bunch of wild animals?!
Announcer: Why don't you come up here as bachelorette number three! [he points to Hermione]
Hermione: [surprised] M-me? Well, I don't suppose it would hurt. [she climbs up onstage and seats herself next to Ginny, who is still furious for being ignored.]
Director: [running onstage] I don't $#@%* GET IT! [turns on announcer] What the $#@%* is your $#@%* problem! You can't just take some $#@%* girl out of the $#@%* audience who wont even $#@%* clap when I $#@%* tell them to! Damn you all! Damn you! [throws his script at a whispering audience member and storms off]
Announcer: [sweating] Ah yes, I think we'd all appreciate a nice commercial break now.we'll be right back after these messages! [does mouth exercises to get rid of the fake smile]
Announcer: [winking at a couple veelas in the front row] Hello and welcome to the Hogwarts Dating Game! Today our bachelor is the star of Teen Witch Weekly-Draco Malfoy! [women in the audience begin to scream, and one is spotted holding a "MARRY ME, DRACO" sign. The sign is also accompanied by a wedding dress, which she has sloppily draped over her normal clothes.] Where's our Mr. Malfoy? [Draco is pushed onto the stage] Ah, there he is! [claps Draco on the back] Now, shall we introduce our bachelorettes?
Audience: [cued by the director] Yes!
Announcer: Bachelorette number one is a perky gal who enjoys long walks on the beach and wants world peace! She hopes that someday her and her prince will live happily ever after in a castle near Camelot. Let's hear it for Cindy Ella!
[The audience is silent, despite the director's cues. Some are seen yawning, and a couple of brave youngsters yell obscene comments to Cindy. The director, now infuriated that the audience isn't clapping, storms onto the middle of the stage, pushing the announcer out of the way. Draco casually stretches out a leg, tripping the director. He whips around, mumbles something inaudible to Draco, and turns on the audience.]
Director: [shaking his fist] Listen, you $#@%* lot! This is my $#@%* show, and you're gonna $#@%* do whatever I $#@%* tell you to! When I hold up some $#@%* sign, you $#@%* do what's on the $#@%* sign! GOT IT?! If I hold up some $#@%* sign that says to $#@%* kill eachother, then you $#@%* KILL EACHOTHER. Now clap before I $#@%* come down their and $#@%* stab you myself!
[The audience is silent for a moment, then starts wildly clapping for Cindy. Cindy, apparently not fazed by the director's rant, blushes.]
Draco: [whispering to himself] What the hell did I get myself into.
Announcer: [maintaining his fake smile] Right, let's meet bachelorette number two! Number two is a fiery young lady who enjoys messing around with time turners! Don't let that turn you off, though! Once she finds the man of her dreams she's sure to stay in the present. Let's here it for Ginny Weasley!
[Draco's eyes widen as he leans forward in his seat, trying to see around the wall that separates him from the bachelorettes. Ginny sinks down in her seat, obviously embarrassed. The audience claps politely, but suddenly Ron dashes from upstage and grabs Ginny by the arm.]
Ron: Ginny, what are you thinking!? He's a Malfoy! C'mon, we're going home. [tries to Drag Ginny off stage]
Ginny: Ron, gerroff! I'm sixteen-I can take care of myself.
Ron: You're on some game to win the love of a stupid prat. That doesn't tell me that you can take care of yourself. Hey, what are- [two large men in black jumpsuits grab Ron by the arms and drag him off stage. Ginny triumphantly settles back in her seat, fixing her hair.]
Announcer: [continuing on] Bachelor number three is a rather unique girl who loves adventures and blonde-haired boys. She enjoys quidditch, but loathes potions class. Let's hear it for Carrie Dotter!
[The camera focuses on an odd-looking girl with blonde curls and cheap glasses. The audience hushes at first, wondering how this girl got onto the show. Then applause is heard, encouraged by the director's silent threats.]
Announcer: [motioning to Drac.] Now let's let our contestant take it away!
Draco: [tidying his hair] Erm, all right. [looks down at the note cards he was given.] Bachelorette number 1, what would you say is the most interesting thing about you? [suddenly slams his foot down on the stage, crushing an ant that had been crawling around.]
Bachelorette 1: Hm, I would say my hair. See how it flows? [doesn't seem to notice that there is a wall between Draco and her.] I brush it twenty-five times a day, and I'm growing it out so I can be just like Repunzel.
Draco: Er, okay. Skipping to bachelorette number three..
Bachelorette 3: [in a squeaky voice] Probably the scar on my forehead-
Draco: [jumping up off his stool] HARRY?!
[Draco dashes around the wall and rips the blonde wig off "Carrie." Harry sits in the seat, gazing up at Draco. Draco cusses and kicks Harry's seat]
Draco: Harry, I already TOLD you!
Harry: I know, but I couldn't stand to see you pick one of these girls! [he motions to the other bachelorettes.]
Ginny: [now standing with fire in her eyes] Harry Potter you will not talk about me like I am not here! I didn't come on this show to compete against a guy! This is wrong! All wrong!
Draco: Harry, please leave.
Harry: Well, fine, Draco, if you really want that.[exits leftstage]
Announcer: [steering Draco back to his stool] Well, folks, it seems as though we have a dilemma. Now that bachelorette-er, bachelor number three is gone, we need someone to take her-er, his place!
[The young girl in the wedding dress starts jumping up and down waving her sign. The director can be seen off to the left screaming at the crew. Suddenly Hermione's voice comes from the crowd.]
Hermione: [ticked] HONESTLY. Now will you all stop acting like a bunch of wild animals?!
Announcer: Why don't you come up here as bachelorette number three! [he points to Hermione]
Hermione: [surprised] M-me? Well, I don't suppose it would hurt. [she climbs up onstage and seats herself next to Ginny, who is still furious for being ignored.]
Director: [running onstage] I don't $#@%* GET IT! [turns on announcer] What the $#@%* is your $#@%* problem! You can't just take some $#@%* girl out of the $#@%* audience who wont even $#@%* clap when I $#@%* tell them to! Damn you all! Damn you! [throws his script at a whispering audience member and storms off]
Announcer: [sweating] Ah yes, I think we'd all appreciate a nice commercial break now.we'll be right back after these messages! [does mouth exercises to get rid of the fake smile]