"You can't sign it, Tess," Andrew uttered hoarsely after Dr. Malone had
departed, "You can't give up on her."
"Andrew, I'm not giving up on her," Tess replied, her voice shaking despite the conviction she tried to put into it, "But do we really want to see that little angel in there hooked up to machines to keep her alive? As full of life as she has always been throughout her existence, do we really want to see it come to that?"
"Angels can't die, Tess," He stated stubbornly, feeling as if his heart was being ripped from him at suddenly being faced with this possibility, "It's never happened before-."
"Just because it hasn't happened before, baby, doesn't mean it can't happen now," The older angel replied, despite the tears in her eyes, "But hopefully, it will not be our decision to make. If she is coherent, that baby can make it for herself."
Andrew looked away to hide tears as he starred out the window, "She won't sign it. She isn't giving up."
"No," Tess replied softly, laying a hand on her friend's shoulder, "But she might just be starting to trust the Father."
*****
Monica did her best to listen as the doctor explained to her about the DNR form and she was fairly certain she had managed to grasp the concept, despite how terrible she was feeling. But as she listened, she found herself feeling terribly frightened. Had it really come down to this? Had it really come down to making a decision as to whether or not she wanted to be kept alive if things continued to go wrong?
"I'll give you a few minutes, Monica," Dr. Malone told her softly, as he squeezed her hand reassuringly before walking away to give her a little time to take this all in.
The little angel closed her eyes for a moment, feeling a tear slide down her cheek at the fear she was feeling. She wanted Tess here to tell her what to do and Andrew here to make her feel safe, but suddenly it was just she and this piece of paper left to decide everything.
"Father, what do I do? What do you want me to do?" Her heart cried out, "I'm afraid, God.I'm just so afraid."
Closing her eyes once more, she felt a peace wash over her as seemingly out of nowhere, a verse jumped into her head that brought her more peace than she had felt in so long. It was almost surprising as it was something she had been thinking about, but only in part. It was the rest she had needed to remember.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.thou art with me."
Still breathing with the help of the oxygen mask, the weakened and sickly angel of God managed a small smile, "Yes." Monica whispered aloud, though her voice was so weak no one would have heard her anyway, "You.are.with.me.Father.."
"Always, My child," The words floated down to her heart and she embraced them with everything in her, "Always."
*****
Tess and Andrew walked slowly into Monica's room in the ICU; where she had been moved to as soon as she was stable enough to leave the ER. The Angel of Death's heart sank at the sight of her, never having seen her look more frail and vulnerable, as she seemed to struggle for air beneath the oxygen mask.
"How are you doing, baby?" Tess asked softly, as she reached down to stroke what was left of Monica's hair back from her pale face.
"I'm.still.here, Tess," The Irish angel replied wearily, though the older angel noticed a look of peace that seemed to be in her young charge's eyes that had not been present for many weeks. "I.signed the.DNR.."
Monica's words hit Andrew with a force that nearly knocked him off his feet as he leaned back against the wall and starred up at the ceiling, words completely failing him.
"Are you sure about it, baby?" Tess asked softly, her eyes never leaving those of the Irish angel.
"Yes." Monica whispered, for the first time since this all started, actually feeling sure about something; she was sure that God was still with her, despite the fact that she had been doubting that for weeks.
Tess nodded her head, feeling a tug at her heart over the fact that her baby had to even make such a decision and the supervising angel found herself fighting to remember Who was in control of this whole thing, "That must have been a hard decision for you to make, sweetheart."
"Not as.hard as I.thought it would be," Monica replied, feeling completely exhausted and only wanting to sleep. Her eyes traveled over to Andrew and her heart ached, "Andy.I'm not..giving up."
"It sure looks that way from here, Angel Girl," He replied softly, finally turning his eyes to meet with hers.
"I'm going to leave you two babies alone for a few minutes," Tess decided, seeing the slight tension between her two charges. Heading to the door, she stopped near Andrew and added softly, "Try to understand, Angel Boy, and go easy on her. She isn't really up to a battle and depending on how things go, you don't want to say anything you might regret later."
Tears stinging his eyes, he nodded his head, not trusting himself to say anymore to Tess about that possibility. He remained quiet as Tess left the room, leaving him alone with his best friend.
"Andrew." Monica began wearily, struggling to keep her eyes open, "Come here, please," Weakly, she reached out her hand to him, hoping he would accept it.
Thinking about what Tess had said, the blond angel slowly walked over to her bed and gently grasped her chilly hand in his own, "I'm sorry, Angel Girl. I just.I just don't understand this anymore."
Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, she replied in a whisper, "Neither do I.but I know the Father is with me now.Remember how you.kept telling me.to fear no evil?"
"Yes," He uttered softly, sitting down in the chair by her bed and holding onto her hand tightly.
"We.forgot the most important part.." The little angel closed her eyes in exhaustion for a moment.
"For thou art with me," He whispered, already knowing as he lowered his head in shame, "You're right, sweetie. You are absolutely right and that's what I've been trying to get you to see and then I forgot it myself."
"I think.we all forget sometimes," She managed a weak smile through the oxygen mask, before she closed her eyes once more.
Seeing her obvious exhaustion, he knew he needed to let her rest, despite the fact that he didn't want to waste a single minute with her. Reaching up, he stroked her temple with the backs of his fingers, "Sleep, sweetheart."
"Stay." She uttered, her voice no more than a breath.
"Right here, always," He whispered, watching as she drifted off to sleep.
*****
Kayla tiredly sat down on her couch, doing everything she possible could to avoid dealing with the fact that she hadn't been feeling well. Her apartment was finally clean; the dishes done and put away, floors mopped, furniture dusted and she was quickly running out of ways to avoid the issue.
The feeling had been sneaking up on her over the past few days, but she assured herself it was only a bug that was going around and nothing more, but deep in her heart, she knew better. The funny thing was that she had found herself praying off and on the last few weeks. She had never really doubted the existence of God, she just hadn't been so sure she liked Him. After all, she had cancer and that hardly seemed like something worth thanking Him for as she wasn't all that sure she could trust Him enough to put her faith in the fact that God could turn this into something good. But ever since meeting Monica and her friends, she had found herself on more than one occasion, thanking God for her being in remission and she wasn't at all happy with the fact that it was possibly being taken away from her now.
She was scheduled for a check up tomorrow and was almost thinking of canceling the appointment, thinking that maybe ignorance could be bliss for a while longer. The very thought of going through more chemotherapy or of living in a hospital bed sickened her. Kayla hated feeling small and helpless, left to the mercy of an enemy she didn't know how to fight. That was what frustrated her the most; not knowing how to fight back. After all, it was her own body turning against her and how could she defend herself from something that was happening inside of her in places she couldn't even see?
Turning her troubled eyes to the ceiling, she whispered aloud, "God, if you're up there, and Monica insists that you are, please don't let the cancer come back. The last few weeks have been so good and I feel like I'm finally getting my life back and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to give that up, not now and not ever. You're God and I know You have the capability to not let it come back, so could You maybe do that for me? Just let this be some weird bug, okay?"
Leaning her head back against the couch, Kayla sighed softly. The only problem was that she didn't believe for one minute this was some kind of bug and she did believe that after tomorrow, her life would once again, not be her own.
*****
"Is she sleeping, baby?" Tess asked softly when she returned to Monica's room in the ICU.
Andrew nodded his head, never looking up at her as he continued to hold to Monica's hand, ever as she slept. Struggling to find his voice, he replied in a whisper, his voice full of pained emotion, "I feel like I'm watching the life drain from her, Tess, little by little and I have a feeling, a terrible feeling that she isn't going to beat this thing," He finally looked up at her, tears shimmering in his green eyes, "Is she?"
Tess' eyes locked on his, as her thoughts ran a mile a minute. Being a supervisor, she knew she had to give some response, but for the moment, the older angel was rendered speechless for one of the first times in her existence.
"Andrew, I'm not giving up on her," Tess replied, her voice shaking despite the conviction she tried to put into it, "But do we really want to see that little angel in there hooked up to machines to keep her alive? As full of life as she has always been throughout her existence, do we really want to see it come to that?"
"Angels can't die, Tess," He stated stubbornly, feeling as if his heart was being ripped from him at suddenly being faced with this possibility, "It's never happened before-."
"Just because it hasn't happened before, baby, doesn't mean it can't happen now," The older angel replied, despite the tears in her eyes, "But hopefully, it will not be our decision to make. If she is coherent, that baby can make it for herself."
Andrew looked away to hide tears as he starred out the window, "She won't sign it. She isn't giving up."
"No," Tess replied softly, laying a hand on her friend's shoulder, "But she might just be starting to trust the Father."
*****
Monica did her best to listen as the doctor explained to her about the DNR form and she was fairly certain she had managed to grasp the concept, despite how terrible she was feeling. But as she listened, she found herself feeling terribly frightened. Had it really come down to this? Had it really come down to making a decision as to whether or not she wanted to be kept alive if things continued to go wrong?
"I'll give you a few minutes, Monica," Dr. Malone told her softly, as he squeezed her hand reassuringly before walking away to give her a little time to take this all in.
The little angel closed her eyes for a moment, feeling a tear slide down her cheek at the fear she was feeling. She wanted Tess here to tell her what to do and Andrew here to make her feel safe, but suddenly it was just she and this piece of paper left to decide everything.
"Father, what do I do? What do you want me to do?" Her heart cried out, "I'm afraid, God.I'm just so afraid."
Closing her eyes once more, she felt a peace wash over her as seemingly out of nowhere, a verse jumped into her head that brought her more peace than she had felt in so long. It was almost surprising as it was something she had been thinking about, but only in part. It was the rest she had needed to remember.
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me.thou art with me."
Still breathing with the help of the oxygen mask, the weakened and sickly angel of God managed a small smile, "Yes." Monica whispered aloud, though her voice was so weak no one would have heard her anyway, "You.are.with.me.Father.."
"Always, My child," The words floated down to her heart and she embraced them with everything in her, "Always."
*****
Tess and Andrew walked slowly into Monica's room in the ICU; where she had been moved to as soon as she was stable enough to leave the ER. The Angel of Death's heart sank at the sight of her, never having seen her look more frail and vulnerable, as she seemed to struggle for air beneath the oxygen mask.
"How are you doing, baby?" Tess asked softly, as she reached down to stroke what was left of Monica's hair back from her pale face.
"I'm.still.here, Tess," The Irish angel replied wearily, though the older angel noticed a look of peace that seemed to be in her young charge's eyes that had not been present for many weeks. "I.signed the.DNR.."
Monica's words hit Andrew with a force that nearly knocked him off his feet as he leaned back against the wall and starred up at the ceiling, words completely failing him.
"Are you sure about it, baby?" Tess asked softly, her eyes never leaving those of the Irish angel.
"Yes." Monica whispered, for the first time since this all started, actually feeling sure about something; she was sure that God was still with her, despite the fact that she had been doubting that for weeks.
Tess nodded her head, feeling a tug at her heart over the fact that her baby had to even make such a decision and the supervising angel found herself fighting to remember Who was in control of this whole thing, "That must have been a hard decision for you to make, sweetheart."
"Not as.hard as I.thought it would be," Monica replied, feeling completely exhausted and only wanting to sleep. Her eyes traveled over to Andrew and her heart ached, "Andy.I'm not..giving up."
"It sure looks that way from here, Angel Girl," He replied softly, finally turning his eyes to meet with hers.
"I'm going to leave you two babies alone for a few minutes," Tess decided, seeing the slight tension between her two charges. Heading to the door, she stopped near Andrew and added softly, "Try to understand, Angel Boy, and go easy on her. She isn't really up to a battle and depending on how things go, you don't want to say anything you might regret later."
Tears stinging his eyes, he nodded his head, not trusting himself to say anymore to Tess about that possibility. He remained quiet as Tess left the room, leaving him alone with his best friend.
"Andrew." Monica began wearily, struggling to keep her eyes open, "Come here, please," Weakly, she reached out her hand to him, hoping he would accept it.
Thinking about what Tess had said, the blond angel slowly walked over to her bed and gently grasped her chilly hand in his own, "I'm sorry, Angel Girl. I just.I just don't understand this anymore."
Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, she replied in a whisper, "Neither do I.but I know the Father is with me now.Remember how you.kept telling me.to fear no evil?"
"Yes," He uttered softly, sitting down in the chair by her bed and holding onto her hand tightly.
"We.forgot the most important part.." The little angel closed her eyes in exhaustion for a moment.
"For thou art with me," He whispered, already knowing as he lowered his head in shame, "You're right, sweetie. You are absolutely right and that's what I've been trying to get you to see and then I forgot it myself."
"I think.we all forget sometimes," She managed a weak smile through the oxygen mask, before she closed her eyes once more.
Seeing her obvious exhaustion, he knew he needed to let her rest, despite the fact that he didn't want to waste a single minute with her. Reaching up, he stroked her temple with the backs of his fingers, "Sleep, sweetheart."
"Stay." She uttered, her voice no more than a breath.
"Right here, always," He whispered, watching as she drifted off to sleep.
*****
Kayla tiredly sat down on her couch, doing everything she possible could to avoid dealing with the fact that she hadn't been feeling well. Her apartment was finally clean; the dishes done and put away, floors mopped, furniture dusted and she was quickly running out of ways to avoid the issue.
The feeling had been sneaking up on her over the past few days, but she assured herself it was only a bug that was going around and nothing more, but deep in her heart, she knew better. The funny thing was that she had found herself praying off and on the last few weeks. She had never really doubted the existence of God, she just hadn't been so sure she liked Him. After all, she had cancer and that hardly seemed like something worth thanking Him for as she wasn't all that sure she could trust Him enough to put her faith in the fact that God could turn this into something good. But ever since meeting Monica and her friends, she had found herself on more than one occasion, thanking God for her being in remission and she wasn't at all happy with the fact that it was possibly being taken away from her now.
She was scheduled for a check up tomorrow and was almost thinking of canceling the appointment, thinking that maybe ignorance could be bliss for a while longer. The very thought of going through more chemotherapy or of living in a hospital bed sickened her. Kayla hated feeling small and helpless, left to the mercy of an enemy she didn't know how to fight. That was what frustrated her the most; not knowing how to fight back. After all, it was her own body turning against her and how could she defend herself from something that was happening inside of her in places she couldn't even see?
Turning her troubled eyes to the ceiling, she whispered aloud, "God, if you're up there, and Monica insists that you are, please don't let the cancer come back. The last few weeks have been so good and I feel like I'm finally getting my life back and maybe it's selfish, but I don't want to give that up, not now and not ever. You're God and I know You have the capability to not let it come back, so could You maybe do that for me? Just let this be some weird bug, okay?"
Leaning her head back against the couch, Kayla sighed softly. The only problem was that she didn't believe for one minute this was some kind of bug and she did believe that after tomorrow, her life would once again, not be her own.
*****
"Is she sleeping, baby?" Tess asked softly when she returned to Monica's room in the ICU.
Andrew nodded his head, never looking up at her as he continued to hold to Monica's hand, ever as she slept. Struggling to find his voice, he replied in a whisper, his voice full of pained emotion, "I feel like I'm watching the life drain from her, Tess, little by little and I have a feeling, a terrible feeling that she isn't going to beat this thing," He finally looked up at her, tears shimmering in his green eyes, "Is she?"
Tess' eyes locked on his, as her thoughts ran a mile a minute. Being a supervisor, she knew she had to give some response, but for the moment, the older angel was rendered speechless for one of the first times in her existence.