A/N Those more observant of you out there (or more obsessed depending on your point of view) may recognize some of the dialogue in what follows (Excluding the obvious ones from the episode the time-line is in at the time - this one is no place like home). No you haven't read this before, I've just blatantly ripped off, I mean borrowed some lines from actual episodes. I like to think of it as a game for you, see if you can spot them all.
A/N 2 My theory is to keep the changes to the cannon small at the beginning, and then, obviously make them larger the further the story develops. If it seems to you that things are being missed out, just accept that events off fic have happened the same as cannon, and so to save you reading transcripts I have left them out. Apologies to all those out there without encyclopedic knowledge of every season five episode who may get confused, no wait, I`m not sorry, you should have one!
Chapter 1 : Role Reversal (part one - denial)
I always wanted to kill a Slayer growled the vampire that Buffy had internally dubbed truck driver with fangs.
Yeah well, I always wanted piano lessons, but you don't always get what you want Buffy replied with a smile as she pulled herself off the chain link fence she had been thrown against.
A series of punches later the vampire was face first against the same fence with his arm twisted behind his back and an energetic slayer pressing into his back. She was about to continue mocking her pray when an innocuous thought came to her.
So, I was wondering, when a vampire likes another vampire in like a, dating kind of way, what do they do? Her voice was openly curious and the vampire stopped its struggling in surprise as he came to terms with what he had heard. Obviously I only want to know in a professional, slayer capacity, you know,the whole know your enemy thing, she cringed as it came out too fast, like she was trying to cover something up, which she didn't, that was completely the reason why she had asked the question, intelligence gathering, so Giles would be proud of her, yeah. Seeing the vampire still mired in confusion the slayer continued, I mean, your average vamp, would you say that he would prefer the whole I have a thing maybe you have a thing approach, or is subtle and coy the way to go looking questioningly a the back of his head. The vampire came out of his daze and slammed his head back, knocking the curious expression from her face, and giving him the opportunity to brake out of the hold and spin to face her.
What on earth are you talking about slayer? Not noticing the cautious confusion in the vampires voice she went on.
Come on you must have some idea. Well, which would you prefer?
Are we going to fight or are going to pretend to be on a radio love-help phone in?
Oh sorry, we can fight if you want to. I was just giving you a few extra minutes alive, but if you don't want them she shrugged and kicked out hitting in the stomach causing him to double over before following up with an upper cut. The vampire span onto his back and was pinned down with a high heeled boot to the neck. Looking up he could see she was ready stake in hand, but her head was tilted with a questioning lilt. So, do you know Spike?
A pause Buffys nose wrinkled in annoyance
It doesn't matter A wide helpful smile spread across her face but hey I've got some one else who you can meet Quip done she pounced down and imbedded the ten inches of wood into his heart with slayer precision. As the vampire scattered into dust a self-satisfied smirk spread across the blondes face, until she replayed the end of the conversation in her head, and a disgusted grimace replaced it.
Why did I ask that, why on Earth would I want to know about that peroxide jerk? Why am I even thinking about him. There is no need to be thinking about stupid neutered vamps and their stupid piercing blue eyes... Her eyes widened comically as she stood still, appalled with herself. One well manicured hand came up and slapped the side of her head. Aaaagh, no eyes, and they are most defiantly not piercing. That was one stupid, evil dream that didn't mean a thing. You do not love him, you do not even like him. He's stupid and, and evil and He's tried to kill you, yes he even tried to kill you yesterday, and almost let Riley die. That's right, Riley, your boyfriend, ya forget about him. He's the one who got you so worked up last night not some fantasy vampire, and it was defiantly thinking about him that got you off after you woke up! She found her thoughts drifting back to the same ones that had helped her climax, but violently shook her head before high cheek bones could come into focus. No! No thinking about, HIM. she berated herself. Oh god, please help me, distract me, any thing! Her desperately roving eyes caught sight of something on the ground. They widened in suprise before tilting skywards, Thank you. So what have we here? She picked up the glowing spherical object and examined it. Woo shiny. The slayers face lit up with a delighted smile at her new toy I think you and I my round amigo are going to pay a visit to Giles. But tomorrow She pouted Because tonight is final stock taking so he is not be disturbed for anything less than total and biblical catastrophe. Well, as she started home You'll want to meet Mr. Gordo anyway
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Buffy glanced upwards at the small bell that rang as she entered the newly opened Magic Box. After a cursory look round, her gaze fell upon her watcher, garbed in a magicians robe and pointy hat. Her eyes drifted upward past the helpful smile on his face and locked with his own. A staring contest ensued until he relented and removed the offending items. The silence was then broken by, Dawn bursting through the door.
I told you you couldn't lose me
Mores the pity Buffy thought to herself as she looked at the sibling she had dragged with her so as to give their mother some piece in which to recuperate.
Dawn remember..
Yeah, you brake it you bought it, I did hear it the first sixty times Buffy responded to her sisters sarcasm with a roll of her eyes.
So how's it going Giles The slayer inquired pleasantly, moving to sit at one of the stools in front of the counter.
Well its been open for an hour, and while I am thankfully not yet dead, that may be more due to the fact you're the first ones to come in than a change of fortunes for the owners of this property. Giles concluded with a wan smile.
Don't worry Giles, with all the hellmouthy activity around here I'm sure you'll be making money hand over fist. She frowned, made a fist with one hand and waved the other over it. Which I guess is a good thing. She unclenched her fist and drifted into thought.
She had, had another dream the night before, but it had involved far less talking and far more nakedness than the first. While much more satisfactory than the first that stain is never going to come off those sheets the slayer was getting concerned with the single track her sub-conscience was on at the moment. I am never getting involved with another vampire and I am certainly not getting involved with Spike. I am however involved with Riley. Good dependable, completely unambiguous, lovable Riley. Hear that sub-conscious RILEY, I could not and do not love a soulless vampire.
Giles had noticed his charges silence and unhappy expression and so voiced his concern. Buffy are you all right? You seem preoccupied with something.
Buffys startled eyes shot up to his face. Oh god, he saw. There is no way I am telling him about this, what do I do? Make something up. What can I be thinking about? She blurted out Mom. Something's wrong with her, and I'm worried, as I would be, because I love her and Riley, but not Spike She looked in to her watchers eyes hoping that he hadn't noticed her babbling, but thankfully all she could see was understanding.
Of course, has anything further come to light about that yet
Now that she was in the clear Buffy calmed down and thought of her other concern. I know that they've got a large and experienced team working hard around the clock to tell me diddly She pouted because disbite her many slayer abilities, none of them involved sick relatives, or the patience to deal with all they entailed.
She will be all right Buffy. All the time I've known Joyce, I've found her to be both strong willed and resilient, and have no doubt that this is only a momentary set back in her health
Thank you, Giles. I just wish I could be so sure about that she finished with a small smile that never reached her eyes. Realizing that there was nothing farther that he could say to the girl he retreated behind the counter to fiddle with the cash register, leaving her to her thoughts. Something she realized grimly that she didn't want to be alone with. But try as she might visions of a shirtless vampire beckoning her to his bed rose up in her mind. Another jangle of the bell over the door allowed her to shake off her fantasy just as her blouse was being removed. Spinning round in her seat she saw her red-headed best friend excitedly bouncing into the shop, quickly followed by the much taller figure of Riley.
Buffys eyes opened wide as she saw him. Riley, her boyfriend. He was the one who would get Spike out of her head. Yes she thought affirmatively A few hours with my man will rid me of Spike thoughts, and I will be happy and vamp free Mind made up she bounded across the room with as much speed as her slayer legs could give her, and unexpectedly sprang into his arms, knocking him back a pace or two. Latching onto his lips she kissed him, with what an outside observer might call desperation. As it was the occupants of the room that saw what was happening politely turned their heads at the sight. It took Riley a few seconds to catch up with the rapidly unfolding events but then gladly returned her ardor. Eventually a gagging noise from the corner of the room where the littlest Summers had noticed the display brought the two up for air.
Gasping Slightly for air Riley smiled uncertainly. While he wasn't complaining, the slayer had never shown such open affection for him in public before. What did I do to deserve that. His uncertainty grew when he spotted a brief moment of panic in her eyes that was quickly covered.
She babbled No, I mean your my boyfriend and I should kiss you, because that's what I should do, as your girlfriend, I mean There was a very short pause where she seemed to be deeply thinking. before she suddenly brightened, as if having found an answer You're all right. From the operation. Which was only a couple of days ago. And I'm glad your all right. Because you're my boyfriend. And er.. Running out of steam, her face darted forward again to resume the kissing, in the hope that it would distract him from his question.
After a few seconds he gently pulled back. He could tell that she was hiding something, but decided not to push her in front of the other three people in the room, there would be plenty of time for that sometime later. Her gave her a small grin before dropping her legs, causing her to dangle from his neck for a second before falling the short distance to the floor. Buffy turned back to face her embarrassed audience. A quick grin to both Giles and Willow before she unilaterally decided that the matter was closed.
I`m glad that your both here, as I wanted as many people to see this as possible. I have what could be a Scooby type problem Giles was instantly alert.
A problem?
Is it some kind of new demon? Added Riley, with an clear desire to be helpful.
No, no demon Buffy was quick to reassure, At least I don't think so. She reached into her pocket and revealed the glowing sphere she had found the night before. Looking at Giles but directing the question to them all So any idea what it is?
Giles reached out his hand in askance and she handed it to him, and he examined it closer. Well I've never seen anything like this before, but it is clearly supernatural in origin
Really how cam you tell? Asked Willow who was leaning in for a closer look herself.
Well look how shiny it is He answered completely seriously, intrigued by this new mystery that he could research, and moved off to the back of the store where his book collection could be found.
Where did you find it? Asked an inquisitive Riley.
Outside one of the abandoned warehouses downtown. I took out a vamp and then found it near the fence.
Well then we should Patrol round there tonight, see if there are any more where that came from
You can't patrol Dawn entered the conversation, and all eyes turned to her.
Buffy voiced the common question.
Remember, you said that after the operation Riley shouldn't patrol anymore. How you didn't want to have to worry about looking out for him, now that he's weak and kitteny Stunned science met the youngest Summers` statement. Don`t worry about it, she wont let me patrol either a small gesture welcome to the club.
Somewhat guiltily Buffy looked at her lover, as his eyes widened and she swore that she could she a light bulb turn on above his head. In the nano-seconds she had before she would have to defend herself the Slayer was unable to work out what Rileys epiphany was about. She was saved from any apologizing however by the object of her guilt.
You still got the danger room set up? Riley asked Giles through gritted teeth.
Er, yes, yes. Its all there.
Good, I've suddenly got this urge to hit something and with that he stalked off towards the training room in the back of the shop. All eyes followed the commando but inevitably turned towards Dawn. Noting she was the center of attention she reared back defensively.
She questioned with all the teenage outrage that she could muster.
Dawn we're leaving Buffys eyes promised later retribution, as she stiffly marched towards the door. She swag it open and held it for her sister to leave the shop. While not understanding what she had done wrong Dawn had seen the Slayers face and so quickly jogged into the street. Buffy moved to follow before remembering herself, and span back round to face her Watcher.
Research my glowy ball thingy will you Giles
Don't worry Buffy. As soon as the crowds die down it will be my top priority. They shared a grin before Buffy moved out into the morning sunshine.
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Buffy wandered listlessly through Sunnydale, supposedly on patrol that night. She had meant to follow up on Rileys advise to check round the abandoned industrial district she had patrolled the night before, to see what other secrets might be uncovered, but did not want to deal with anything out of the ordinary. So the four cemeteries she had ambled through had produced one newly risen vampire, one vampire on its way to meet and greet said newly risen vampire, and a pair of 15 year olds necking on top on a grave stone.
Her mind kept running over her problems in an endless cycle. She came to a halt with a loud sigh. Now not only was her mother in an unknown, possibly fatal medical condition, some new clearly mystical thing had descended upon the hellmouth and now her boyfriend was in a pissy mood because she wanted to keep him safe.
Braking from her reverie she found that her feet had carried her, in what the powers that be probably thought was a hilarious joke to the source of her greatest problem. The one that made all other lesser problems bow down before it.
Spikes crypt stood mockingly infront of her.
The way all of her thoughts, fantasies and even dreams over the previous two days had been running Buffy couldn't accept that it had been mearly coincidence that she had stopped here.
Stupid sub-conscience. I do not want to see him. All snarky and sarcastic and sexy, all he ever does is annoy me and mess up my life. He is an evil vampire, get, over it. She paused. Something about that wasn't right. Face scrunched up in a frown she replayed it ove ragain, then shook it off. Stop being so paranoid, my personal monologue hasn't turned against me yet. Satisfied she walked to the nearest tombstone and sat on it, maintaining eye contact with the morsoleum. What am I going to do about that damn vampire. I can't let him keep controlling my thoughts. My life would just be so much easier if he were dust.
Buffys eyes widened, and then her entire body brightened. She broke out into a wide relieved grin. Of course. She let out a small chuckle Kill him, and problem solved. And its not like there's any reason to keep him alive, he's evil and tried to kill me and my friends so many times, and he almost got your boyfriend killed not 48 hours ago in another effort to kill you. So wait until he comes out, stake him, make the world a better place and best of all get him out of your head. A plan, a perfect plan with no down side.
A tingling anticipation swept threw her, and she could see the event itself in her minds eye. She would be sitting on the tombstone and out he would come from the crypt door, Spike uniform in place and crude cockney slang falling from his lips. She would jump up, insult ready, something memorable for such an important event, and stalk across to him stake raised. He wouldn't back away of course just settle into a more defendable position, standing cocky to the end. She would send the stake crashing down, but before it would hit its mark Spike would knock it from her with one hand and grasp her by the waist with the other. He would pull her against his hard body, and they would look into each others eyes for just a moment before their months fused together with fiery passion. She would tug his T-shirt from his jeans before attacking his belt, while at the same time his hand would be running up her thigh, before reaching her already moist panties and slipping inside...
With a jump she dragged herself out of the fantasy, as she realised what was happening, before taking stock of herself and quickly pulling her hand from under her skirt. GOD, what the hell is wrong with me! That is it. He is going down. No hesitation, and no distraction. I just ... wont look at him. Yeah, I`ll hide, and stake him in the back A giggle Even those abs wont protect him from the back. Resolute Buffy scanned the area before deciding on a large head stone just to the right of the crypt. She could sit behind it, and if anyone caught her she could claim she was staking out the path over there for groups of vamps taking a shortcut.
Settling down in her position and giving a sight shiver as the light breeze blow in her face, Buffy began to kill the unknown waiting time by idly twisting her stake in her hand, while mental cataloguing the different possible things Spike must have done in order to make her go crazy like this. She had reached number 97, putting a sleep hypnosis tape under her pillow, when the door to the crypt slammed towards, the noise echoing around the quiet graveyard.
Buffys spider sense told her that a vampire was moving behind her, Spike was on the prowl. She closed her eyes and then took a deep breath to steel herself OK this is it when he's past throw the stake she shifted her grip so she cold throw the weapon then its dusty Spike and I get my sanity back, no fuss, no muss. Carefully shifting around so she was facing the headstone, Buffy crouched, listening to the heavy crunch of boots on dry leaves that marked Spikes progress, which suddenly stopped. There were some quiet rustling noises, the source of which Buffy couldn't place. She decided to risk a glance around the grave marker to see what the vampire was up to. Even when he doesn't know I'm here he manages to mess up my plans Leaning on her hand she lent to the left to just peep her eyes around the side. I am so glad I'm killing him. He is just, so, so , her quarry was finally revealed to her, and she let out a small sigh beautiful . The rustling was revealed to be a search for cigarettes, one of which he lit, much to the dreamy eyed awe of his hidden audience.
That was just so cool The slayers keen eyes were locked on the vampires lips as one nail polished hand removed the tube and a slow stream of white smoke issued forth, causing the memories of two days worth of fantasy and wet dreams to come crashing down on her. As an aroused gasp left glossed lips all thoughts of destroying what her lust addled mind was labeling pure male perfection fled her, and all she could do was stare at the object of her affection.
The moments stretched on, the only movement from either bottle blonde was the occasional removal and then replacement of Spikes cigarette. The wind that had been blowing all night picked up slightly, pushing Buffys jacket tight against her back. Spikes nostrils flared, which caused him to give the air several more curious sniffs.
Buffys own curiosity of what he could have caught the scent of turned to panic as he turned to face straight at her. The slayer pulled back, but her prayers that she had gone undetected went unanswered because she heard a muttered what the bloody hell' and then footsteps coming towards her. A panicky plan formed in her head, as he came ever closer.
Just as he was about to reach her hiding place Buffy popped up, stake bared.
She tried to put as much disappointment in her voice as she could manage, and lowered the stake. Its just you Insult, insult, you should have insulted him by now I, er, was expecting a real vampire, you know one that can, bite she finished lamely. Throughout her rambling Spike had maintained his incredulous, yet somehow bored expression.
Oh the pain, the pain he drawled sarcastically Your words cut me like knives, and I fear I can no longer go on hand clutched to his chest I honestly don't know whets more pathetic, your insults, or the fact that you have to use them The panic that flared up in her that he had, in some inconceivable way, divined her purpose, must have show on her face, as he took what ever he saw as confirmation. My god, I thought it but I never he through his hands up and paced several steps back You are, aren't you. You're purposely trying to drive me round the bloody bend. Its all a game to you isn't it, think up ways to piss me off when you get bored. Buffys only response was to stare in stunned silence. You know what? I am not half pissed enough to deal with you, so why don't you just bugger off and leave me alone.
Buffy was completely lost. Not only were her original plans dead and buried, but she had no idea where she wanted this conversation to actually go. First things first however, she needed to prove that she wasn't here spying on him. You have to have the biggest ego in the world, you see a person uwwooooo they must be spying on you, get over yourself. He gave her a condescending scowl.
So pay tell, what were you doing? As she took a deep breath to deliver her pre-made excuse Spike cut her off with a raised hand. Five words or less. Indignant, she raised her hand to count the words.
Out, doing, my, job Realising she still had a thumb to go she added an
Outside my crypt, just when I'm coming out
As your crypt is in the cemetery, which the major vamp hangout, yeah, and I would do it when you wont come out in the day but then there aren't too many vampires out and about at noon, I find that they don't like the sun too much. I think they just don't have the skin for a tan, every time I see one try it, they just burn up.
Very funny. Look, at this level of sobriety I don't care if your lying or not, so why don't I just keep going and leave you to your a sneer .
So you are just going to walk away and let me kill your kind, some big bad' you are. You, you, your not even a mini bad, and , er you fight like a girl and I think your coat looks stupid quickly spinning before she made an even bigger fool of herself she flounced away from him.
Spike could only stand there, amazed at her outburst. He unconsciously began to finger his duster to reassure himself that it did infact make him look as cool as he thought it did, before realising what he was doing and who had made him do it. He was now confident that she was actually trying to drive him insane and so would not let himself be drawn into her games. With a growl and a shake of the head he moved to leave before his nose flared again, discovering a new smell emanating from behind Buffys hiding place. Stepping closer and taking a deep breath, his resolute expression turning to one of confusion as his powerful olfactory senses picked him the unmistakable scent of female arousal.
What the hell, was she bloody frigging herself out here or something? As the image of the tiny beauty pleasuring herself came to him the vampire grinned. Captain Perfect must really be letting the team down, if she has to diddle herself on patrol He had to violently shake his head to stop himself from getting too carried away with his fantasy. Doesn't she know your supposed to do that in your own bed, why she has to bring her sexual frustration to my door Spikes muttering carried away into the night as he strode away to perform his nightly quota of bad evil things'.