A/N: I'm currently searching for someone to host a small shrine to my favorite Furuba character, Shigure. Will any of you be kind enough to lend a small space in his/her domain to me for free? I know it's embarrassing to ask such favor, but I really need a space for this dream site of mine, but the ads of geocities, not to mention the bandwith problems, is giving me one hell of a headache.

Anyway, on with the story!

What is fantasized in the infinite darkness of the room…

What is pondered on the flickering shadows of the candles…

Even we don't know.

"Perhaps it's stupid to ask this, Aya-san," began Tohru nervously as she sat on his bed one lazy afternoon. She just got home from school.

"Don't worry, dear. All of us in our lifetime say something stupid once in a while," teased the Sohma.

"Aya-san, please tell me something about Yuki-kun…I mean…" She licked her lips nervously. "I talked to him last night, and yet, I think he's still feeling ill at ease to tell me those things."

"Those things? You mean about our mother…?"

"T-That, and the things he wants and needs. About what makes him happy, and what makes him sad. I told you these last night, yet I still can't stop thinking of him." She sweatdropped when she saw the teasing curve on his mouth. "It just disturbs me to see his emotions so bottled up like that!" she said defensively.

"Ah! That motherly instinct! Such lovely warm feeling! Ooh-la-la!" Ayame's hair twirled.

"Aya-san!" she groaned. "Answer my questions, please!"

"Well, don't get impatient with him. It will take some time before he opens up to you, you know." He tipped his finger on his chin thoughtfully. "From what I've gathered from Gure, Yuki was left in Akito's house back when he was very young. He suffered a traumatic series of psychological torments from our clan head, and he blamed our mother for these, because she left him there."

"However, Shigure rescued him from there and took him under his wing. Yuki slowly learned to act normal again, but he was never the one who can be open enough with his feelings." Aya's eyes saddened. "When he needed me most, I wasn't able to be there for him."

"E-Eh?"

"That shaking hand…I cannot forget that look of his…when he was asking for help from me. But I…but I…" Aya suddenly pressed his hands over his face. "…shook it off."

Tohru was stunned.

"So you must understand why Yuki never liked me. The pain of the past…it stuck to his mind. It stuck to mine too. But guess what? I was only able to realize that pain when I was already an adult! I often cry to the Lord that I am such a worthless brother to him! That he should have been born to another family, where he could have been cared for more by another much better big brother…one who will never shake off his hand. One who can be really there for him when he needs him. Things that I failed to become."

She remained still, listening to his sudden outburst.

"And even though no matter how many times I try to reconcile with him, I know I can never take back those happenings," he said remorsefully. "So, Tohru-kun…do you hate me now? Because of what I told you?"

She shook her head. "No, Aya-san. I love you now even more. Because you trusted me enough to tell me these things." She smiled gratefully. "I know that you won't discuss these things so easily and yet…"

He nodded. "So that is why I'm asking you to love Yuki for me. It's totally rotten for me to meddle with your love life, but my brother…it's easy to learn how to love him, right?" asked Aya hopefully.

She couldn't help but giggle. "He's too good for me. He's like a prince!"

"And you're a princess! A match made in heaven!"

"Why don't you have your own love life first, Aya-san?" she teased.

He smiled good-naturedly. "Because you and Mine are enough to make me as happy as any lover could be."

"But what if Ms. Mine marries and I start my own family too? Who will keep you company?" she asked.

"Are you going to leave me?"

"No! Just a hypothetical question."

He smiled. "I'm not worried. I won't grow that old to think about that." There was a hint of something in his voice.

Tohru was stumped.

Fear…Aya's words…they sound so ominous…

Aya suddenly laughed. "Don't take me so seriously!" He hugged her, and he instantly poofed into a snake.

"Aya-san!!!" she cried, laughing heartily.

"Don't worry about Yuki. He'll mellow down one of these days."

As Ayame watched his princess slumber peacefully, Mine tapped his shoulder.

"My lord, why don't you tell her about it?" she asked, for once, not smiling cheerfully.

"And make her worry?" He shook his head. "No, I cannot afford to see her worried…"

"She ought to know."

"No," repeated Aya firmly. "And you must promise me that you'll keep it as a secret."

Her eyes were shaking.

"Please?" begged the Sohma.

"Y-Yes." She looked down. "I care for Mistress Tohru so much too…and it will devastate her if she learns-"

Aya placed his finger on her lips. "Ssh. That is exactly my thought. Even if Tohru hates me for keeping this as a secret, I will endure it." He suddenly collapsed on the floor, coughing hoarsely.

"My lord!" she cried, pulling him. "I'll go get the medicines!"

Aya was near to tears. He then looked back at the bedroom where his Tohru was sleeping.

It's so unfair! Just when I thought I was happy, why did this have to happen to me?

I love you, sweetie. My source of joy, my daughter, my little sister, my best friend, my princess…all of them rolled into one. I love you just as much as I love my brother.

"Your medicines!" The assistant quickly administered the capsules to him.

"In my room," he instructed weakly. "We might wake her up."

"Right!"

"Aya-san, I got an A in my Economics assignment today! Look!"

Tohru was stunned when she realized that no one was at home. She looked at the shop, then at the dining room where Mine and Aya usually hang out. No one present.

"Are they playing some kind of joke on me?" She went up Aya's bedroom. "Hello? Aya-san! Mine-san! Don't play hide and seek now! You're making me nervous!" She opened the door and gasped.

Aya was lying on his bed lifelessly, his palm holding a handkerchief drenched in blood.

"Aya-san!!!"

"Honda-san!"

Tohru's eyes flapped open. The first thing she saw was the golden stream of sunlight from her window and the familiar color of her bedroom ceiling.

"Honda-san?" the voice repeated.

She turned to her left and found Yuki looking down at her concernedly. "Aya-san…"

"He's downstairs," replied the Sohma after a moment of hesitation.

"I-I thought…"

"Whatever it was, it was all a dream. A very bad dream," he assured her.

She flinched when she felt his hand run on her hair soothingly.

"You…don't like my touch?" he asked.

"No! I mean-" Her face was flushed. "W-What kind of question is that?"

He shrugged. "A simple question."

"It's just that…what are you doing in my room anyway?"

"We're late," he said simply. "You overslept."

She couldn't find a reply. She was feeling her insides melt with his hand massaging her hair and caressing her skin.

"Ano…"She stopped when she felt his hand pause at her lips.

Unknown emotion flickered on his face. "You…are lovely," he said slowly.

Her face turned red. "Ah!"

He smiled at her reaction. "Get dressed, then we'll play hooky. I'm taking you out on a date."

"Ah!"

"Hurry, or I might dress you up myself." He bowed and kissed her messy hair. "See you down stairs in 10 minutes, Sweetheart."

I promised myself over and over that these were all an act. However, it is my own actions which betrays me. Damn it.

tsuzuku