Author's Note: Bonjour, mon yodelers! That's right, yodel is an untranslatable word! WHEE! I'VE GOT ½ A TABLESPOON OF SALT IN ME! Maybe I'll do a PRINCESS DIARIES one of these… y'know, I think I will. I get the y-book camera tomorrow for the WHOLE DAY to INTERVIEW PEOPLE! WHEE! AND I MADE WAFFLE SALAD!

*calms down*

Queens (I'm assuming you're all female) of Reviewers: Lord of the Rings luver (I DID put you in last time), Silver dragon, spiffycat, Qui-ti, Darken Celestial (nice name!), Silva Sun, Queen of Fluff, Eve Eastborne, Gochinchillas!!!!, Amethyst Eyes, LadyKnight, Crazy 5000 X and faithstar!

Disclaimer: Who am I? Not Tamora Pierce. She owns Tortall, lucky her.

Who am I? Not Lesl. She owns herself, lucky her.

Who am I? Not Hika. She owns TPS, lucky her.

Spiff-a-rific! Lessgo!

Voice: LIVE from a shower-curtain tent, it's THE TAMMY SHOW!

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I have a stand! Stand! Stand!

His name is Tim! Tim! Tim!

He likes to bite! Bite! Bite!

And fall off the rim! Rim! Rim!

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Lia: EXILE'S HONOR! EXILE'S HONOR! WHEE!

Les: *restrains Lia* Um, not in THIS fandom. *to audience* New book.

Lia: Today our guest

Les: Knight-y,

Lia: (glare)

Les: Healer-y,

Lia: (whisper) Shut UP!

Les: MAGE-Y DUDE

Lia: I give up. It's…

Both: SIR NEALAN OF QUEENSCOVE!

Lia: I for one…

Les: …am abnormal…

Lia: am not a fangirl.

Les: It's a bloody MIRACLE!

Lia: Don't swear. However, this guest is rather endowed in that area.

Les: *giggles*

Lia: Do you KNOW how creepy it is to see a BLACK BELT giggle?

Les: Yes. *giggles*

Lia: Goddess, give me strength. R.L.B.M., drag him on.

Random Large Burly Men (RLBM) drag Neal on.

Neal: Once an Austrian when yodeling…

Lia: *sarcastic* Whee. Guess where you are.

Neal:…a mountain so high?

Les: No! It's THE TAMMY SHOW, where we kidnap random Tamora Pierce characters…

Both: AND FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS!

Neal: Ah.

Lia: Our first question is from Crazy 5000 X.

Les: Add to the psychiatrist register! Do either Lia or I need a shrink?

Lia: Did you love Kel as a page?

Neal: No. Only yodeling and magical paper clips. ::makes paper clip out of magic::

Les: Are you just dating Yuki to piss Kel off?

Neal: No. ::balancing paper clip on his nose::

Lia: Why do you make out with pillows?

Neal: :: paper clip in mouth:: Bi bon't. :: spits it out:: I don't.

Les: Why did you start so old as a page?

Neal: Mavis, Grapefruit, and Nontle were all killed in the war. Queenscove needs a knight.

Lia: Poor them. Do you like tacky gum?

Neal: I have no idea what it is.

Les: Amethyst Eyes is apparently trés K/N. Why do you want to marry Yuki the Pukie?

Neal: How juvenile. Only single woman I know who's not related to me, stupid, or ugly. She IS philosophical. I AM married to her.

Lia: Sorry, girls. Amethyst Eyes asks if you'll marry her if Yuki dies.

Neal: Since she is probably related to me, no. If she's got amethyst eyes, got to be connected with Alanna, and she's SCARY. VERY scary.

Both: Just like me.

Les: Finally, Amethyst Eyes asks for your horse.

Neal: No. She can have a pretzel, though!

Lia: Yum! Eve Eastborne asks if you have a split personality.

Les: She does. Claudette Merle…

Lia: JUST because every weekday at two in the afternoon I refuse to speak English and call myself Claudette Merle, you say I have split personality disorder?

Neal: No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No…

Les: Queen of Fluff

Neal: (hides behind Les, unsuccessfully due to Les being much shorter and thinner than he) HER? NOT "ASK ALANNA"! Painful, I tell you, painful!

Lia: I thought it was funny!

Neal: You weren't IN it!

Les: Point. She asks, "Do you know you have the SEXIEST green eyes?"

Neal: Why, yes. Yes, I do.

Lia: "Do you know Kel had a MAJOR crush on you when you were both pages? 6"

Neal: Really? Grapefruit would be so proud…

Les: Finally, she asks if you can send her up Jon, Numair, or both.

Neal: No, the Illegal Hot Tortallans Network cannot send up its major operators. I can (consults mental list) send you Marek Swiftknife.

Lia: Silva Sun asks if you ever suspected Kel had a crush on you.

Neal: Ah, Grapefruit…

Les:…and if you're cute…

Neal: No, I am on FIRE! Flick paper clips on me and YODEL!

Lia:…and why you left the university…

Neal: I said this already. MAVIS, GRAPEFRUIT, AND NONTLE!

Les: …Finally, she shouts *WHY* DID YOU HAVE TO MARRY YUKI?!? YOU COMPLETELY RUINED ANY CHANCE OF ROMANCE FOR KEL!!!! YOU RUINED LADY KNIGHT!

Neal: Kel reminds me of Alanna, who SCARES me. I already said why I married Yuki. What's Lady Knight? I know what a lady knight is, in fact, I know two…

Lia: A book. An extremely excellent book made no less excellent by its lack of romance.

Les: I like Y/N.

Lia: And so do I. We are in a minority, though.

Les: True.

Lia: A----and we have the ending Gaggle of Questions™ from Qui-ti. Les, she is also mistaken for a guy.

Neal: You're not a guy?

Les: :: glare at him::

Lia: 1. Why don't you like Joren?

Neal: He ate my Super-ball™.

Les: :: raised eyebrows:: How do you control your emotions?

Neal: :: laughing:: I ::crying:: don't, ::smirking:: that's ::sneering:: Kel ::smiling: and ::snoring:: the ::looking afraid:: Yamanis.

Lia: 3. Were you a virgin when you came to Corus?

Neal: Yes. :: realizes what that said:: I was eleven! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! :: runs around shower-curtain tent screaming::

Les: CALM DOWN! 4. Who do you like better: Daine, Jonathan, Qui-ti, or the Goddess?

Neal: :: strangely calm:: The Goddess, for she is the emblem of perfect womanhood.

Lia: 5. How old is your dad?

Neal: About 70. WHOA! MY DAD IS 70 AND I'M 24! I'LL GO ASK HIM! :: sprints out of shower-curtain tent to ask Baird::

Les: Lia, don't you dare.

Lia: Okay! This is the song that never ends…

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This is turning in to a pattern… Next guest is JOREN! That's right, JOREN OF STONE MOUNTAIN! That's right, the blond. Could be Les's twin, really. SEND in those questions!

--Lia