Disclaimer: Soujiro and all Rurouni Kenshin characters, plot, theme, and
whatever I forgot to cover do not belong to me. If You Give a Mouse a
Cookie does not belong to me either.
This is a parody of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, which is (in my opinion) a very interesting book. It's a good book! Go read it! (Actually read this first and review.)
If You Give Soujiro a Sword
By Meii-chan
If you give Soujiro a sword,
He'll want a philosophy to go with it.
So you tell him "The strong survive and the weak die;"
It'll remind him that he is weak.
But it won't bother him until his family tries to murder him.
So he'll take the sword you gave him,
And chop them all into little pieces.
In doing so, he'll feel sad because he just killed his entire family.
So you ask him if he's crying.
He'll answer with a "No" and a smile, even though he was,
Because he knows that smiling is his strength.
He'll want to be even stronger,
So he'll follow you around.for ten years.
Now he's your right-hand man, or rather, boy.
So you send him out to assassinate the Secretary of State.
Which he does, because you told him to.
Then he'll fight Battousai for you,
But first he'll need a sword to do it.
Once he gets it,
He'll break both it and Battousai's.
But that doesn't really matter.
After all, he did manage to gather the Juppongatana and recruit Aoshi.
Later on, he'll meet Kenshin again on the Rengoku.
He'll want to fight him, but the ship is on fire.
He needs a fire extinguisher, but can't find one.
So, being the prodigy that he is,
He'll abandon ship.
Then he and Battousai will cross paths at Mount Hiei.
When that happens,
He'll face him for the second time.
And this time, he's ready.
Because of his innocent personality,
He'll play with the Battousai-
Much like a cat toying with a mouse.
He'll use the battoujutsu,
Then three steps short of shukuchi,
Then two.
And slashes Battousai's back.
He'll wonder why he didn't kill Battousai,
And he'll shrug it off and use one step short of shukuchi.
But then his shoelaces will break.
Thus, he has to find more sandals.
As he ties his shoes,
He'll be reminded of the past.
Reminded of the him who didn't mind being inferior to others,
Of how he killed his family,
And of how he denied his tears that night.
As time passes, his control over his emotions weakens.
He'll need to fight to clear his mind,
So he'll finish tying his shoelaces.
He'll get frustrated with the Battousai, And he'll attack and scream:
"If what you say is right, then why didn't you protect me?!"
Because of this,
Battousai is able to see though his mask.
Battousai will hold a sword to his neck,
And he'll demand that Battousai kills him.
Upon Battousai's refusal,
He'll unleash his special technique,
Shun Ten Satsu-Instant Heaven Kill.
But he'll fail to beat Battousai,
Because his heart is in turmoil.
He lost, so he figures that Battousai's ideals are right.
Battousai will tell him that he has to find his own answers.
So he stars a new life as a rurouni.
And if he starts a new life,
He'll probably want a new philosophy to go with it.
~End~
If this is altogether messed up, this is because I wrote this in thirty minutes after remembering my friend, LotR-Redwall-Obssessive-Child's sister's book.
This is a parody of If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, which is (in my opinion) a very interesting book. It's a good book! Go read it! (Actually read this first and review.)
If You Give Soujiro a Sword
By Meii-chan
If you give Soujiro a sword,
He'll want a philosophy to go with it.
So you tell him "The strong survive and the weak die;"
It'll remind him that he is weak.
But it won't bother him until his family tries to murder him.
So he'll take the sword you gave him,
And chop them all into little pieces.
In doing so, he'll feel sad because he just killed his entire family.
So you ask him if he's crying.
He'll answer with a "No" and a smile, even though he was,
Because he knows that smiling is his strength.
He'll want to be even stronger,
So he'll follow you around.for ten years.
Now he's your right-hand man, or rather, boy.
So you send him out to assassinate the Secretary of State.
Which he does, because you told him to.
Then he'll fight Battousai for you,
But first he'll need a sword to do it.
Once he gets it,
He'll break both it and Battousai's.
But that doesn't really matter.
After all, he did manage to gather the Juppongatana and recruit Aoshi.
Later on, he'll meet Kenshin again on the Rengoku.
He'll want to fight him, but the ship is on fire.
He needs a fire extinguisher, but can't find one.
So, being the prodigy that he is,
He'll abandon ship.
Then he and Battousai will cross paths at Mount Hiei.
When that happens,
He'll face him for the second time.
And this time, he's ready.
Because of his innocent personality,
He'll play with the Battousai-
Much like a cat toying with a mouse.
He'll use the battoujutsu,
Then three steps short of shukuchi,
Then two.
And slashes Battousai's back.
He'll wonder why he didn't kill Battousai,
And he'll shrug it off and use one step short of shukuchi.
But then his shoelaces will break.
Thus, he has to find more sandals.
As he ties his shoes,
He'll be reminded of the past.
Reminded of the him who didn't mind being inferior to others,
Of how he killed his family,
And of how he denied his tears that night.
As time passes, his control over his emotions weakens.
He'll need to fight to clear his mind,
So he'll finish tying his shoelaces.
He'll get frustrated with the Battousai, And he'll attack and scream:
"If what you say is right, then why didn't you protect me?!"
Because of this,
Battousai is able to see though his mask.
Battousai will hold a sword to his neck,
And he'll demand that Battousai kills him.
Upon Battousai's refusal,
He'll unleash his special technique,
Shun Ten Satsu-Instant Heaven Kill.
But he'll fail to beat Battousai,
Because his heart is in turmoil.
He lost, so he figures that Battousai's ideals are right.
Battousai will tell him that he has to find his own answers.
So he stars a new life as a rurouni.
And if he starts a new life,
He'll probably want a new philosophy to go with it.
~End~
If this is altogether messed up, this is because I wrote this in thirty minutes after remembering my friend, LotR-Redwall-Obssessive-Child's sister's book.